JUMPING DARKNESS PARADE: EYAL VS. CUSTOMS OFFICIALS
Wednesday, August 26th, 2009 at 5:00pm by Eyal Levi
Wanna know what’s worse than cops that have decided to ruin your day? Customs officials that have decided to make an example out of you.
I’m going to tell you a story of a local band that was trying to do things that local bands don’t usually do, and how we fell flat on our fucking faces! Back when DAATH was an unsigned band, we used to do everything possible to get attention from labels and industry people, so that we could get a deal and get on with it. We used to hand out thousands and thousands of free CDs. I’m talking like 25,000 CD samplers. We would jump on DIY tours with whoever would let us. (Thank you Arsis. Thank you Misery Index.) We tried whatever we could.
Well, in the summer of 2004, we got the idea to do a UK tour. Our friend’s band had done it and it worked out well for them. We just had to come up with the cost of the flights out of our pockets. We wouldn’t make any money out there, but there would be enough money for transportation, food, and lodging. Hey man, that shit sounded GREAT to us! Unsigned band from Atlanta gets to tour the UK? FUCK YEAH!
So we went ahead working with the British “promoter,” who was really just a college student, and got twelve dates booked. We bought our tickets out of pocket, which was painful but ultimately worth it. Everything seemed set to go. I asked the “promoter” about work permits. He said, “Don’t worry about work permits. Just say you’re going there on vacation.” I asked him if he was sure about that. He said “Yes, I’ve done it before. Just say you’re there on vacation visiting friends.”
Okay. Well. When we landed at the Birmingham airport there were two lines. One line for foreigners and one for nationals. Somehow, there were only fifteen people in the foreigners’ line. That meant that we couldn’t spread out. So we came in looking like a band. The first two guys got through because they had short hair. The third couldn’t get his story straight, causing the customs officials to swarm on him like a pack of lions. “Where are you staying? Why do you have all this equipment? Why do you look like a band? What is the name of your band?” Etc., etc., etc.
They put us in a waiting area and there we sat. I remember that waiting area being FUCKING COLD. We were so pissed and let down. We had worked soooo fucking hard and invested so much money into this, and we were watching it get flushed down the toilet. What a horrible feeling, man. It was one of those “Is this actually happening?” moments where you know you’re awake and it’s not a dream, but you just can’t believe that this is happening to you.
I decided to go up to the counter and try to find out what was going on. I have a dual citizenship and am an EU member, so I technically could have passed through. But there’s no way I’d leave the group behind. So I went to the counter and tried talking to them. Right as I did that, some lady came out with our tour poster and told us how these are REPUTABLE clubs and that we will be making serious money. They then told us how they kicked out 50 Cent one week before for improper work papers. I’m sorry, but how is 100 British Pounds a night taking from your economy? If anything, we would have ended up spending money. But that’s neither here nor there.
We started getting the speech about how our government would deal with it if they tried to come over without proper papers, and at that point I knew it was over. They were going to send us home. FUCKING BUMMER. The only cool part was that they let us out of the airport for two days because they couldn’t get us all on a flight any sooner. So we actually played the first show of the tour, which was a lot of fun. Then we went and watched DevilDriver and Lamb of God the next night. We partied with them and they were very sympathetic to our shit-ass situation. Good times were made out of a shitty situation.
Back at the airport, I convinced the authorities to send us to Amsterdam instead of straight back home. Shit, if we weren’t going to tour, we were at least going to have some fun, right? So us and the other band went to Amsterdam for a week. One long lost week… What happened there is the topic of a stoned conversation maybe we can have one day.
Moral of the story? Don’t fuck up. Go with your gut.
-EL
If you don’t visit Daath on MySpace, Eyal will have you deported.
heard it from randy blythe on 4q radio ages ago. pretty funny
I wouldn’t say you guys fucked up, You’re bound to hit a few bumps in the road on the way up, especially being that aggressive. You guys were eager and had more drive to make it big than most up and coming bands these days (25,000 CDs? Wow!). That’s probably why you are where you are today. Kudos.
That’s the best story I’ve read all week!
It actually sounds like it kind of worked in your favor….Amsterdam is basically what I consider Heaven to be.
Yeah man ’cause in heaven there is all this weed and heroin and hookers and it’s all fuckin’ legal man.
From the things you mention, heroin is NOT legal in Holland
Umm… Amsterdam is not in Holland. It’s in Netherlands. Well, there might be an Amsterdam in Holland, but it’s not the same one that everybody talks ’bout.
Whatever dude, all English speaking people I ever met are saying Holland, meaning the Netherlands. I don’t know where ‘your holland’ is, so stop bitching about it cuz your argument doesn’t contribute to my earlier post
North Holland and South Holland are two discrete provinces in the Netherlands, and Amsterdam is located in North Holland.
So!, what have we learned?
Holland does mean the Netherlands, and Amsterdam does mean Holland; but the Netherlands does not necessarily mean Holland or Amsterdam.
It happens. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. Opeth’s first gig in the US was the Milwaukee Metalfest and they had to borrow another band’s gear in order to slip through customs as “tourists”. Brian Setzer was able to pull that stunt with the Stray Cats back in the day, though it was probably easier to do that in the 80s.
This guy Eyal is a real whiner. When he isn’t kicking a dog or punching someones’ grandma.Bastard.
Grandmas better stay away man
So this dirty grandma puncher finally admits to it. About time. All these fuckin’n metal guys are the same. Punching grandmas and shit. Damn if it don’t make ya wanna cry.
Who’s the whiner now?
And now that we know your trip ended in Shangri-la (excuse me, I mean Amsterdam), I want to know what happened to the kid moonlighting as a promoter. He screwed two bands in one shot with his shenanigans. Wonder if he got the chance to screw anyone else over after the word got out about how badly he balls’ed your situation.
He didn’t mean to. He was just an inexperienced college kid and is a great person. Even if it really sucked we forgave him and have been friends ever since.
That’s a better outcome than I would have dared to hope for.
When things fall to shit due to inexperience and there’s really no malice or intent to screw over plus the person is just a fantastic human being what can you do but try to make the best of it and have a great time?
Eyal,
Thank you for all of the great stories… I can honestly say you’ve found a perfect way to entertain and educate us knuckleheads. You have an awesome attitude where others would just be total diva assholes.
As a good friend would tell me- “You’re a good shit!”
I got Kicked out of a County when i was 15 for being Incoregible..judge took me away from me mum and said fuk you in your arse lil one your outta here !!
Maybe I missed something, but what is a “Jumping Darkness Parade” anyway?
I will say again that this guy has been one huge win for the site. His stories and advice to bands have not been anything less than entertaining with every single entry. Keep on keeping on with the music and the writing,good stuff on both ends.
This blog and the contests are pretty much the only reason I visit this site anymore, Vince and Axl haven’t done anything worthwhile in a long time that doesn’t involve giving something away. Gary Suarez does a pretty good job too. And even the contests have gone downhill, but I’ll take whatever I can get.
We love you, too.
I’ve been to various parts of Europe in the last couple of years, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s this: get a male customs officer. For whatever reason, it’s always been a woman that’s given me problems when it comes to customs. I was grilled for bringing some damn oranges with me for crying out loud.
Fucking shit: I never thought that the UK would do such a thing to a band so unique and epic in it’s own way. Especially a band that has busted their asses off so much and have worked so hard just to be able to tour the UK or even Europe in the matter. Unfortunately it is true that “shit happens”, especially when it comes to learning about “customs”. At least now you all know what really has to be done the next time you plan on going back to the UK. It’s a shitty experience but at least from now on you will all benefit from it in the long run.
Next Daath show I’m at, I’m bringing the sticky icky and we’re having that conversation! haha
Hey Eyal,
Does you’re dick hurt from all of these dudes sucking it all of the time? I think they call it “chapped dick”, right?
No need for envy, dear: Start a bad-ass band; bust serious chops for years for recognition; write a relevant blog with good grammar, procumbent syntax, and germane content; build a deserved reputation for affability, fair-play, and keen professionalism; and YOUR junk, too, might gain in the popular regard as such an exotic and desirable destination as Eyal’s.
Don’t disappoint me like this. Work on it, and don’t hate. \m/
When they have braces things can kinda get a little scratched.
I wasn’t “hating” as the kids call it these days. I was merely pointing out that Eyal’s cock must hurt from all of the blow-jobbery that goes on in the postings under his blogs. *mumblemumble* You kids on the sidewalks with your damn skateboards *mumblemumble*
Also, MOST chicks that are into metal… ewwww
*wryly* I appreciate your emphatic use of a qualifier in that last statement.
I guess I have a “phonetic” question for Eyal…how do you pronounce your name?
Thanks and hope to see you touring in Spain soon!
Dude, I can’t even pronounce it
So, when are you guys coming to england again ? Would be cool if you did a gig in Birmingham. No joke, that’s where I live.
London – October 12 – Electric Ballroom – With Chimaira, Unearth, and Throwdown
dude, your blog is the best thing on ms at the moment!
It’s just interesting for me, as I’m also playing in a young band and we all have so little stage/touring experience, but we got good songs ;)
Keep it up.
Airports + Officials = a good fight or a bad lose (either way an interesting time)
Oh man, I can totally relate to this. My old job shipped me out to Canada for 6 weeks. However, I missed my connecting flight and ended up having to kill 7 hours in the Minneapolis airport, which, if you’ve ever been there, is nothing but bars. As you can imagine, by the time my flight to Winnipeg arrived, I was HAMMERED.
After arriving in Winnipeg, my drunk ass was greeted with a very warm welcome of Canadian customs ASSHOLES. While the old saying that Canadians are extremely nice people is very true, the same does not apply to their customs officers in any way shape or form. They took one look at my tanked face and immediately started drilling me left and right. Before I knew it, i was sitting in the immigration office for 4 hours. This was one of those times where my body skipped the sleep phase and I went from being drunk straight into the hangover. Brutal.
Suddenly I was approached by an officer about a “narcotics charge” in the US. Which was total bullshit, because i’ve never gotten anything over a speeding ticket. Great, another 4 hours of nursing the worst hangover ever and sitting in a frigid waiting room.
I ended up having to pay $260 to to have my picture snapped and some kind of gay pass stapled to my passport in order for me to go through. Only to find that the rest of the people in my company had left me there and already drove an hour out of Winnipeg.
So there I am, holding all my luggage, stranded at a Canadian airport in Winnipeg, so hungover and hungry that I can barely move. So what do I do? Found the closest bar and got wasted all over again. lol
Ha! That sucks, but it was a great story. Hopefully you can look back on it and laugh. And at least you aren’t working with those dicks anymore.