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Contests

FUNNY PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN A SIGNED CD AND T-SHIRT FROM BIGELF!

 Thursday, August 27th, 2009 at 5:00pm by

juggaloCongrats to __ and ___ for winning last week’s funny photo caption contest. Both winners get a copy of Heart of Darkness, the ass-rippingly good new album by Burnt by the Sun, for coming up with the following captions to the photo at right:

Let’s continue our Gathering of the Juggalos 2009 photo series with this week’s contest! This week we’re giving one lucky winner a signed copy of progressive rock masters Bigelf’s Cheat the Gallows, as well as a tour t-shirt (choice of sizes M-XL). Bigelf are currently finishing up opening for Dream Theater on the Progressive Nation Tour in the U.S., and they’ll be on the European Prog Nation tour (w/ Opeth on the bill!) starting at the end of September. Just come up with a snicker-inducing caption to the below photo (from Brooklyn Ski Club), and you win.juggalos

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  • slice two

    In his time of need, the juggalo realized that not even the dog can be counted on to help him up.

  • brookh

    i don’t see no winning captions

    • DustintheWind

      Yeah! What were the winning captions from last week!??!

      • Ryd1ZZ

        Same problem here too.

    • MetalRod

      I guess you don’t really need a caption for that picture to be hilarious hahah

    • http://www.kingdomofnoise.blogspot.com MetalMatt

      uh, where be the winners?

  • groverXIII

    Sparky realized that, even though he occasionally ate his own poop, he was still smarter than the people that surrounded him.

    • cougar party

      1

    • MetalRod

      win!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Devon-Czekaj/550092101 Devon Czekaj

    And just when that dog thought he escaped from Michael Vick…

  • I’m not racist, but I hate Oceano

    The dog scanned his horizons for the quickest escape route, only to be foiled once again by the curling grasp of sweat and cheeto dust. This hell won’t end soon enough for him, he may just plunge into one of those disgusting vats of STDs and say goodbye to this cruel earth all together. On second though, nothing in life could be bad enough to force someone to touch an ICP fan sexually.

  • http://www.myspace.com/uglydirge aaron m.

    *clever joke about dog rape*

  • EarthIsGay

    I bet those kids wish that grass was emo so it would cut itself. (seriously though that grass needs to be mowed)

  • Nate

    Juggalos, being white trash, have naturally already killed their mothers, and now they’re moving onto the dog-raping step… Ironically they don’t know they’re following commands from death metal gods.

    • http://www.myspace.com/uglydirge aaron m.

      you’re not as funny as me. sorry.

  • dlux

    Upon seeing his dog lick his own nuts, Jeff said “man if I could do that, I’d never leave the house!” So Alan said, “lemme try!” and reached for the dog….

  • groverXIII

    Jeff was worried that they wouldn’t let him bring his girlfriend to the Gathering because she was black.

    • metalguy

      best caption ever

    • cougar party

      +1 AGAIN!

      • Seth

        win

    • jason

      Grover, you are on a roll my friend. Ever considered making a career out of this. You could probably get something better out of it than some Big Elf merch.

  • BruisedMetal

    Frank the dog and Bozo help get flea’s off of each other

  • groverXIII

    Jeff and Franklin took the ‘bitches and hos’ thing a bit too literally.

    • groverXIII

      Fuck, I’m on a roll. Tip your bartender! Try the veal! I’ll be here all week!

      • Double D

        Yours were funny until that one, then you started patting yourself on the back…

        • groverXIII

          I was trying to be sarcastic, actually… it’s kind of hard to convey that via text.

  • http://john@metalsucks.gov John

    Killswitch Engage on tour, you figure who’s got the vagina’s in the band.

    Note: This isn’t an entry to the contest. I don’t even know who Bigelf is.

    • http://john@metalsucks.gov John

      Correction: vaginas.

    • groverXIII

      If you win, check them out. They’re definitely different. Not so much metal… much more psychedelic/stoner rock with a circus-y atmposphere.

      • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

        I fucking love Bigelf

      • Brian \m/(-_-)\m/

        i think the best way to describe them is if Pink Floyd and Black Sabbath had a child and then you gave the child massive doses of hallucinogenic drugs. Sound about right? I saw them on prog nation, they fucking rip

        • http://bsisserson@gmail.com nairbs

          don’t disgrace pink floyd like that.. if they listened to pink floyd they would be a little more right in the head.

    • 2kvlt4u

      Bigelf is the name KSE gave to their collective vag.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andrea-Voulgaris/663407462 Andrea Voulgaris

    someone didn’t shut the backdoor of that gray car all the way. (i’m not entering the contest, i’m just making a pointless observation.)

    • I’m not racist, but I hate Oceano

      Give this woman the prize.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andrea-Voulgaris/663407462 Andrea Voulgaris

        i should get the prize just for being so observant. seriously though, i don’t think i want anything by…. bigelf……….. whoever they are. are they actually any good?

        • groverXIII

          Yep, if you like psychedelic/stoner rock.

          • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andrea-Voulgaris/663407462 Andrea Voulgaris

            i could take it or leave it.

        • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

          I love the Jon Lord-esque organs, very Purple-y

          • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andrea-Voulgaris/663407462 Andrea Voulgaris

            what do you mean it’s “purple-y”? is purple some kind of artist or something or are you just referring to the colour? i feel really stupid right now. am i about to get internet bullied for not knowing who purple are/is?

          • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

            As in Deep Purple, genius. You don’t know who Jon Lord is?

          • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

            That was my attempt at internet bullying xD

  • http://www.last.fm/user/wrath_of_vishnu Dillon

    You know that there is no God when the dogs have more dignity than their owners.

  • (required)

    Epic Failgating.

  • http://www.last.fm/user/BootScraperSean Passenger

    F’ing Juggalo cunt.

  • twisted_freak

    Don’t be checking out my dawg ya’ll… that’s my dawg to fuck. Back up fool.

  • Shadrock

    The helpless Juggalo became weak and collapsed due to the lack of faygo cola in his blood stream. As a side effect he began to coax the dog into urinating in his mouth as a substitution, as they are similar in taste.

    • steveo

      lmao

  • charlie g

    the chick with the red bull says” Sucks being the 5th wheel”

  • lostinsolitude

    “They could braid hair and paint their faces, but all were to stupid to close the fucking car door.”

    • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ ipc4me

      YO MAN FUCK OFF OK YOU EVER TRIED TO BRADE HAIR THAT NOT FUCKIN BEEN WASH CLEANED IN LIKE TWO MOTNHS T TAKES A HOLE FUCIKN LOTTA OUT OF U FUCKER I WUZ FUCKIN TIRED N SHIT N SUMTIMS I CANT BOTHER TO SHUT DA FUCKIN SHIT DOOR ITS 2 FUCKIN HARD N SHIT N MA BITCH GOT ALL UP N MA GRILL N WUZ LIKE U LAZY FUCK U GUNNA LET FLIES IN DA FUCKIN HOUSE N DAS Y I CAN NEVER HAVE COMPENY OVA CUZ ITS ALWAYZ LIKE A FUCKIN PIG STY IN HEER SO I WUZNT TOO FUCKIN STPUID TO CLOSE IT I WAS JUS FUCKIN IXAUSTED FROM BRADEING HAIR ALL DAY FUCKER

      N FACE PAINTIN IS SUM HARD SHIT TOO FUCKER

      • Nick

        Win?

        • Annie

          Ha!

      • myke

        how many fucks are in that post????…..lol

  • Gecko

    It’s not fair! That dick used up all the facepaint and now the rest of us don’t get to look like Spiderman! I’m gonna press his head into the dog’s ass for revenge! Muah ha ha!

  • (required)

    Juggaloverflow parking.

  • Peter

    An everday scene at the annual Juggalostock Festival

  • http://hookinmouth.net Hook In Mouth

    Just an observation and not an entry, but aren’t they supposed to be drinking Faygo and not Redbull? Damn Juggalo posers. They’re the worst of the bunch.

  • Zilch

    DEAR GOD, these cars have Juggalos in them!!!!

  • Sin and Death

    “Aww, shit y’all! We had ta steal my muvva’s whip and rob some third-grada fo his lunch money, but it was werf it, son! We is here at Wiggerfest gettin’ TORE UP on Red Bull and near-beer! We is so hard, we drove here without wearin’ seatbelts or usin’ turn-signals. Dat shit is GANGSTA, boy.”

  • Blackcore

    Wait! Who’s the dog and who’s the Juggalo?

  • bearwizard

    I think I see Paul Baloff in the background with a sniper rifle.

    • SourDeez

      win

  • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

    “Hot damn honey I can close the trunk with just a push of this button on them keys right der! Let’s try er out!”

  • Permafrost

    His wheelchair stolen, Rapey The Clown would now have to be dragged around by his dog, Faygo.

  • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

    Newlyweds Shay and Wendy juggeloped and married at the Backwoods Juggalo Hitchin’ Ceremony. With that youthful enthusiasm only a couple lost in love could exude, they moved into their own place: the next step down from the trailer park.

    • groverXIII

      “Juggeloped”… genius.

      • tim

        lmao

  • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

    Juggalos sitting around the house

  • PompousMagnavox

    Who wants to see me shotgun Faygo out of this dog’s anus? What, nobody? I THOUGHT THIS WAS THE GATHERING OF THE JUGGALOS!!!!

  • simplyhorrible

    the canine’s mortal enemy: the infamous bearded clown snake.

  • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

    Having used up all the midgets in the “Munchkin’ Chuckin’” contest, officials start using Juggalo families as fodder for the ICP “Shoot To Thrill” People Cannon.

  • groverXIII

    How many Juggalos can you fit in the trunk of an ’06 Grand Prix?

    2… more if you cut them up properly.

  • whyowhy

    The sad thing is, I would do the chick sitting on the car if not for the fear of getting (all at once, mind you) HIV, herpes, crabs, gonorrhea, siphilis, etc etc

    • http://bsisserson@gmail.com nairbs

      i’d get some head.. haha

  • simplyhorrible

    “My Uncle was a Nazi!”

    (note: this statement is true for all parties pictured)

  • Smallelf

    Juggalo house-warming party

  • Pyroninja42

    …And on the 6th of November, depressed that his plan failed, Guy Fawkes became a juggalo.

  • Juggalol

    That dog is actually their mother.

    • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

      It’s not a dog, just a really tacky coffee table

  • Histomen

    “The last four Insane Clown Posse fans get ready for a concert. They brought the dog because we all know the band hasn’t gotten laid for decades.”

  • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

    The handicapped section of the Heavy Metal Parking Lot

  • http://twitter.com/SchenkelTown Daisy May Tinklepants

    petting the hottest bitch at the gathering

  • d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n.

    Someone forgot to tell Wes Borland what “screw the pooch” really means.

  • canea

    Stranded in the Parking Lot of Evolution…

  • http://www.electricminnowmusic.com A. Samford

    Goddamn dirty clown hippies.

  • Soup

    Tripp Eisen promised he is a juggalo.

  • 20 eyes

    Confused and scared… the juggalos finally worked out that they were at a pig destroyer show. They then wallowed back to the car, so they could “feel the bass of shaggy 2 dopes masterpieces”. Just like babies to the teet.

  • tallica_fan86

    King Diamond sports a rare smile at a family picnic.

  • http://www.welovemetal.com We Love Metal

    “So all I have to do it eat the ass out of this dog like my buddy then I get to fuck the drunk chick in the trunk?”

  • Facebook User

    “ICP is Death fucking Metal.”

  • Wren

    Totally photoshopped…

  • the actually

    “Check it out! My dog magically pooped this make-up on me!”

    Desperate to appear classy in her new crowd, Melanie threw up her hands signifying that she loves the cock.

  • The Greys

    In the past, Tommy had managed erections with Ugly Stacy by thinking about Rover’s long body and sleek black fur. But on that day, Tommy decided it was time to dump that Red Bully gargling hag and finally experience the love he’d been longing for.

  • http://www.kingdomofnoise.blogspot.com MetalMatt

    Juggalos do it doggy style.

  • jason

    Parched and weak from moshing, Juggalo Jon reaches for the cask of Faygo strapped around the neck of his trusty St. Bernard Lotus.

  • EJ666

    Burzum´s Varg Vikernes third failed attempt at escaping prison, this time by tripping in the parking lot.

  • Exemplars One

    Tina, Jeff, and Nancy pose for the photos, trying to crack a smile despite another one of dad and mom’s fights ruining the picture.

  • Sacajawea

    After realizing that they were all too drunk to drive elsewhere, the Juggalos decided to just stay and “chill” at the Westminister Dog Show. The dog won 6th place. The ladies fared better however, winning 1st and 2nd for being the most pure-bred. Nothing more pure than inbreeding.

    • Blashyrkh

      sounds like a win to me!

  • David Attenboroughsen

    Here we have a very rare photo of a species that some zoologists refer to as the Jugglonian tribe (whitrashimus juggolonia).
    Apparently the small group have settled at what often is referred to as “The Gathering”, an annual migration of the kind, for the purpose of breeding and spreading their genes. Sadly, as many scientists have concluded, the breeding for a large part depraves the species.

    In this photo we can clearly see that the tribe elder has donned his warrior mask, (so as to scare off potential competitors), and gone hunting for food, while the rest of the flock, mainly the females and weaker males, eagerly await the catching.
    There are very few photos taken of an actual catch, but here we see the hunter,- camouflaged by his hair in the tall grass of the savanna, closing in on its prey – a quite large pigdog, and preparing to bag it. Seconds later, however, the hunter had to return to its habitat, disappointed, with nothing to show other than a rather severe bitewound on his hand.

  • Ilona

    When we all yelled “Juggalos are the shit, we kick ass!” He apparently thought we were yelling at him to “Chug-a-load of shit, from that dogs ass!”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kyle-Kovich/80400829 Kyle Kovich

    “Nah, my mom wouldn’t let me name it Shaggy 2 Dope.”

  • Nick

    The new reason NOT to drink Red Bull.

  • http://www.last.fm/user/M60Patton Patton

    After quitting black metal Ghaal decided its time to make new friendships.

  • louis

    The biggest issue with having a having an ICP concert near a mental institution is you can’t tell if the man in makeup crawling after your dog is committed or not.

  • anttichrist

    The aftermath of: disappeared carkeys, neighbor’s dog and laxatives.

  • samthebrutal

    He who lays with juggolos rises up with herpes.

  • Timmay!

    Juggalos: Invading backyards, molesting family pets, and corrupting our youth since 1994.

  • TUBCAT

    The dog would gladly feast upon a turd, but he at least respects himself enough to begin walking away from an ICP gathering.

  • SourDeez

    “Holy shit, it’s Violent J himself! It has to be him, he’s trying to lick that dog’s asshole! Take a picture!”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Colin-OConnor/1491245262 Colin O’Connor

    Man I thought regular white trash was bad. Juggalos are about the worst people on the planet period.

  • larry ayala

    “Babe, where you going? They’re trying to take our picture!”

    Caption for the juggalo picture from last week. “Does this hair cut make me look fat?”

  • WowWee!

    Rover come back its time to throw you on the grill juggalo style.

    yes juggalos eat dogs

  • Uglymicrowave

    I love living in this pontiac!

  • RobotScythe

    Dog: “…and I’M the one who’s neutered.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jake-Lentz/20725060 Jake Lentz

    Hearing his favorite ICP love song “I’mma Skin Yo Face, Cunt,” Lester reached for his girlfriend. This Juggalo wanted to get Jugga-laid.

  • Vlad

    Max, our quadruped pal, takes the expression “hangin’ with ma bitch” to a whole new level…
    (“no pets allowed” it’s for pussies & for bipeds!)