THE INSPIRATION OF ALL CREATIVE MUSIC – MY IDOL, JON SCHAFFER

Friday, August 28th, 2009 at 10:00am by

Many of you here know that I hate just about all of your crappy music. But I obviously have my roots. Here, I wish to go into great detail about my intense infatuation with the greatest guitarist ever. Some of you started with Iron Maiden, Metallica, or Black Sabbath. I started with the best metal band ever—Iced Earth. Iced Earth formed as Purgatory in the late 80s, and in the early 90s, changed their name and released their self-titled debut. As a lonely 12 year old with no hope in this cruel world, Jon Schaffer and his amazing band were my glimmer of light. Their debut album is at the very least an intense experience of both the mind and soul, and as a young, self-conscious lad, this album spoke to me in an infinite amount of ways. The masterful and creative guitarwork by Schaffer here set the foundation for all creative and progressive music that would ever be made. Each riff is impeccably and meticulously written, yet never overstays it’s welcome, soon transitioning into yet another riff of equal beauty.

I soon got the rest of Iced Earth’s discography, and to my joy, each and every song on each and every album was flowing with the same creative ingenuity. Simply put, Schaffer has absolutely mastered the art of writing amazing and technical riffs, and after all of these years, he still sounds like he’s been putting 100% effort into each and every song, never half-assing it or just letting a song plod on endlessly with the same idea he may have possibly used once or twice before. The man has standards, dammit! Because of his greatness and creativity, Iced Earth’s other albums are all unique, diverse, creative, and most importantly, refreshing in an otherwise stale metal scene. Some generic bands such as Gorguts, Demilich, and Atheist were fine with the plodding death metal that they had regurgitated so many times over, but Iced Earth is simply above all other bands in the creative aspect. Each album completely redefined what it meant to be metal, and as a result, they’ve been a beacon of hope in an otherwise stagnant genre of music. Schaffer’s vast array of different riffs and playing styles has simply left me beyond infatuated with the band. While most metal is shallow and pedantic, Iced Earth’s music is some of the deepest art in this world to be perfectly honest. Many of the world’s best metal bands (all from many different sub-genres) have been deeply inspired by Jon Schaffer and his creativity, such as Dragonforce, Cannibal Corpse, Sunn O))), Trivium, and Born of Osiris. Every day, I ask myself, “Where would the world be without Iced Earth?” Each time, I realize that the answer is simply, “nowhere.” Iced Earth’s contribution to the world of fine art should never be underestimated. Simply put, if you’re a pregnant mother, don’t put shitty classical music on for your yet-to-be-born child to hear. That’ll just dumb it down. Instead, be smart and put on Iced Earth. Expose it to true artistic genius. Jon Schaffer, you are the most creative man alive. I salute you.

For all of you out there, listen to this brilliant Iced Earth tribute that I found on youtube. The words that pop up on the video during the last minute or two are exactly how I feel about Iced Earth.

-Ziltoid

  • Jimmy

    So far so good.

    I enjoy some Iced Earth from time to time, but it’s not my type of metal, really. But that doesn’t stop me from respecting them.

    • Jimmy

      Oh, I see. Sarcasm.

      You are very subtle with it, Zilty. Serves me right for not bothering to watch the video.

  • Facebook User

    Without a doubt, Iced Earth is one of my all time favorite bands. I definitely think Schaffer and Iced Earth deserve so much more credit than get. STORMRIDER!

    • Ziltoid

      I know exactly what you mean. Iced Earth is just the essence of amazingness. Did you watch the last minute of the video?

      • Facebook User

        Yeah…I don’t have working speakers, but I can just assume whats going on, those last words are true as hell…haha…but being that Iced Earth was one of the first bands I got hooked to, I still think they’re awesome.

        • Ziltoid

          The last song is one of the shitty 3 minute ones from the new album (The Revealing???), and Schaffer literally repeats the same riffs for the entire time with no development whatsoever. But the text is all you need to see.

          • Facebook User

            Haha, that song!…everything’s in perspective now…yeah, I’m definitely a little disappointed about the last two albums…especially after the albums’ concept, based upon the destruction of the human, ends completely the opposite way.

          • Ziltoid

            If he just released the song “raming Armageddon,” I wouldn’t have minded. Frankly, it’s the best song Schaffer has ever written, and Owens just rips it up. But everything else was awful.

          • Ziltoid

            If he just released the song “Framing Armageddon,” I wouldn’t have minded. Frankly, it’s the best song Schaffer has ever written, and Owens just rips it up. But everything else was awful.

          • Nate

            Did you make a shot at cannibal corpse there? o.O

  • CARLTRON3000

    not funny.

  • Jason

    Oh, you little scamp, Ziltoid!

    • Gecko

      What a rascal!

  • Passenger

    But Ziltoid, I thought you didn’t like Iced Earth?

    • Ziltoid

      Watch the last minute of the video…

      Whoever made it has good taste.

  • http://dancontogiannis.wordpress.com Dan Contogiannis

    Hahahaha I love the comments on that YouTube video – a lot of people think it’s a real tribute. I wonder if the same thing will happen here.

    (For the record, I actually like Iced Earth… even with their unoriginality.)

  • Piero

    Huu ? Not really funny, and I don’t like Iced Earth either. Hope you’ll do better

  • WookieBastage

    I was going to read all of it, then I ran into a wall of text.

    • Double D

      Yeah, good call. If I wanted to work out, I would’ve went to the gym.

  • Tommy Lindbergsen

    Although I have enjoyed some Iced Earth down through the years, they never have been completely on my radar.
    Demons And Wizards was also a band worth mentioning.
    The question that comes to mind is if Ripper Owens added something to the band or was he completely out of place?

  • pariah

    i really dislike iced earth, but enjoyed reading this writeup on them. always refreshing to hear something more than just “band X rules!”. mr. ‘toid, i’m excited to see what’s coming up!

  • http://jordanmunson.wordpress.com Jordan

    I can’t say I agree with your statement that Atheist is generic Death Metal.

    Regardless, I agree with your appreciation on Schaffer and Iced Earth, though their last effort was a slight let down for me (I have high expectations for them).

    • Ziltoid

      <_<

      • groverXIII

        AT FIRST I WAS LIKE

        σ___σ

        BUT THEN I WAS LIKE

        O___O

        AND THEN I WAS LIKE

        ^___^

    • Piero

      This article is pure irony from the beginning to the end…

      • Piero

        Lol @ your smiley

      • groverXIII

        Satire/sarcasm, not irony. There’s a subtle difference.

    • Canvas Of Flesh

      Wow. Lost! Have you heard Demilich or Atheist? That right there would obviously ring a bell that the article is satire!

      Anyways, I like some Iced Earth. But, I prefer Demons and Wizards a bit more. The same riff does get a little old though.

      • groverXIII

        Demons And Wizards are pretty awesome… something about Hansi’s voice with Jon’s riffing makes a good combination.

        • Deaner

          Meh… the only good song was the one about trains

  • Ziltoid

    Really, now, I expect better of the MS crowd. Watch the damn video! For the last minute+, there’s the conclusion to my article that I found on youtube.

    • Watty

      Watching the video isn’t going to change the content of the article…

  • Tim

    Iced Earth is good… but I’m going to disagree, Gorguts and Atheist are anything but “generic”. Those two bands made/make a much, much, much greater impact on me than Iced.

    • Piero

      Will this ever stop ?

    • Tim

      haha I didn’t watch the video. I was so enraged by the “generic” comment. oops!

  • http://www.metalsucks.net Vince Neilstein

    I see where this is going. Ziltoid likes hair-farmer metal!

    • Ziltoid

      Oh noes! My secret is out!

  • schwoop

    Schaffer is such a riff-machine.

    Rofl.

  • Maudlin

    Brilliant. Funniest thing on this site in a while.

  • http://www.welovemetal.com We Love Metal

    I’m surprised much better then expected, no bring on the surreal shit that Metal Sucks is known for.

    • http://www.metalsucks.net Vince Neilstein

      Ziltoid’s Anubis Gate-loving mind is not capable of this.

  • brian roach

    ha ha. very good, very ironic. Jon Schaffer wants to be Steve Harris SO bad, and it’s just not gonna happen.

  • skib

    I mean, Ziltoid, you could make the same argument about plenty of metal bands. But thank you for this article; though, it may not have been sarcastic enough for the majority of its readers to get it.

  • Phro

    So this was the sarcasm piece then? Or did you accidentally link to the wrong video, wherein Schaffer is called out for being repetitive and boring?

    • Ziltoid

      Yep, this was it.

    • Phro

      (When I wrote that, there weren’t any other posts…sorry for being stupid.)

  • yep.

    why would i want to watch a 6 minute video just so I can get the point of your post?

    I mean seriously, who fails at sarcasm this hard?

    I could kind of tell where you had gone off the deep end with your comments about Gorguts and Atheist, but then it just made me feel as if you were a moron; not that you were being sarcastic. I honestly hope I don’t have to deal with reading this bullshit for the rest of the day.

    • Phro

      Oh, good. for a second there I was confused. Mostly because I’ve never listened to Iced Earth or Gorguts, so I couldn’t fathom the connection.

      But really…it wasn’t that bad. It takes time to develop, but it’s in the same tradition of Milton, I suppose. It just doesn’t have the same impact as suggesting that we should eat children.

      • Phro

        Did I write MILTON!?! Jesus, I meant Swift. What the fuck is wrong with me?

  • groverXIII

    I’m saddened by the number of people who aren’t picking up on the sarcasm here… but Zilty, maybe leading off with your satirical piece wasn’t the best way to begin things.

    Decent article, for those who realize that it’s satire. Personally, I can enjoy some Iced Earth, particularly the first Something Wicked album. Most of the Matt Barlow albums are good (I dig Barlow’s voice). Of course, you completely fail to mention how most of his albums tend to go in the same basic order: metal song, ballad, metal song, ballad, metal song, ballad…

    And maybe it’s me, but I can enjoy the Jon Schaffer riff. I know he’s been reusing it his whole career, but there’s much worse stuff out there.

    • Ziltoid

      Damn, I missed the song order. That would’ve been a good point for me to hit on. Oh well.

      And for the record, my favorite Iced Earth album is Framing Armageddon only because of Owens. Great vocal performance on his part (especially the title track). The rest of the band is lame as usual.

      • groverXIII

        Really? I greatly prefer Barlow to Owens (although Framing Armageddon had the better songs than the second album… I forgot the name). Barlow’s voice has a deeper tone, and just more character. The few songs that they released on one of the singles with Barlow’s vocals replacing Owens’ were great.

        • Canvas Of Flesh

          I think Barlow and Owens are equally as good. They’re both great vocalists.

          It does surprise me that a lot of people aren’t getting the humor of the article. I suppose there aren’t a lot of Monty Python fans here, eh?

          • groverXIII

            Apparently not. ‘Tis sad, really.

          • Deaner

            Greely owns both of them….

            But yea, even with all the comments pointing out the sarcasm…. it’s not surfacing for some

  • Chimp-0-Neg

    Not really a massive Iced Earth fan, but that riff is fucking huge, I’ll give you that.

    • Chimp-0-Neg

      I need my sarcasm detector calibrated. Anyway – I didn’t see the screen. And fuck it, I stand by what I said, I like that riff even if it is repetitive.

      • groverXIII

        Yeah, same here.

        • slave_screams

          Me too – Derivative, but catchy nonetheless

  • http://fantasyh.wordpress.com fantasyh

    So you criticize Vince and Axl for prasing bands their like on MS, and your first post is a love letter to Iced Earth? OK. Go on. Well see how you fare the rest of the day

    • groverXIII

      You might want to have your sarcasm detector calbrated… it seems to be on the fritz.

      • Piero

        Isn’t sarcasm ironical ?

        • groverXIII

          Sarcastically ironic?

      • http://fantasyh.wordpress.com fantasyh

        Actually I threw the fucker out last week. Was itching. Shouldn’t have done so it seems

        • groverXIII

          No sarcasm detector? You must like to live dangerously.

  • Johnny

    Did you really just fucking consider STUDIOFORCE to be one of the best metal bands on Earth?????

    • groverXIII

      Another one who didn’t read the comments before replying…

    • Johnny

      nevermind, I just took a sip of my coffee and realized the trueness of this post. Nicely done hahaha

  • Tommy Lindbergsen

    If this thread is any indication, then this whole day is not going to be a debate over the topics that are written.
    It’s all going to be a critique on the author.

    Swell….over and out.

    • groverXIII

      Would you expect anything less? I mean, it’s Ziltoid we’re talking about…

  • tim

    Seems like I’m one of the only ones who caught the sarcasm. Oh well. I laughed pretty hard, I’ll give ya that, Ziltoid.

  • The Great Danton

    Haha I was about to rage when you called Atheist generic, then I realized it was satire. I do like Iced Earth quite a bit though. Nice job so far!

  • Captain Wookie

    Must agree Iced Earth is quite excellent, wasn’t too satisfied with some of their latest work but some of it did stand out. In the time they were around, I’d have to disagree about Atheist being generic. If anything now its a bit generic due to constant ripping off of that sound. but in the end i guess this answers the question of your opinion on Iced Earth

    • Captain Wookie

      But definitely love the sarcasm laced within it though

  • http://buttor.blogspot.com Buttor

    Ok… Not funny… even if i couldn’t give a rat’s ass about Iced Earth, let alone the biggest troll of this site bashing it… Plus, Ziktoid ilkes Disturbed, everyone knows that…

  • Sean

    Awfully long vid to watch all for a couple lines at an attempted criticism.

    • Ziltoid

      Blame the guy who made it, but I think the video is perfect. The entire thing is a mash-up of similar sounding Iced Earth riffs, which further emphasizes my point.

    • http://www.myspace.com/thequarrymusic RJMrgn

      Awful long article to read for weak attempt at conveying sarcasm in written form.

  • Necrokvlt

    Great article. Loved it ;)

  • http://buttor.blogspot.com Buttor

    I meant “likes”, ilkes is the name of a band that is awesome just because you never heard of it (and will suck as soon as you have)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mark-Gavin/1396340262 Mark Gavin

    Iced Earth suck. They always have. Demons and Wizards were actually pretty cool, though

    • Necrokvlt

      I’m sure your mother is proud of your reading comprehension skills.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mark-Gavin/1396340262 Mark Gavin

        I understood the irony in the article, I just felt the need to state my opinion.

  • FacelessOne

    Intelligent writing, my good man. Nonetheless, despite knowing it was all in jest, I still feel compelled to make a point on the line about so-called generic death metal; in respect to the obvious sarcastic contrast Ziltoid is working with, all those who understand his criticism of Iced Earth for their bland redundancy should find the time to seek out those bands, if you do not yet know of their work, to see every degree of quality Jon Schaffers band lacks

  • ceth carter

    This actually makes me laugh just for the sheer number of people that have responded way down into the comment section and still dont get it. “Hey yeah Ziltoid,I’m with ya i love Iced Earth to.One of my favorites as well” lol Ok, i admit it, this has turned out kinda funny. It’s only the first try of the day and there is still plenty of time for him to fail and look like the ass that he is,but this was kinda funny.

  • Marc

    Well even though i’m a huge IE fan i’ll have to admit that they have gotten really stale over the last two albums. Good job on the extremely subtle sarcasm ziltoid, through about half of that I thought you we’re being serious. HA!!

  • The Goat

    Gorguts and Demilich generic death metal eh? Perhaps not enough hydration at the gathering of the juggalos 2009?

    • Ziltoid

      >_>

  • dicknballs

    Yes…shallow and pedantic

  • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

    No apostrophe in the possessive “its” you moron!!

  • IWRESTLEDYOURMOMONCE

    Iced Earth = Relevant to my interests.

    Good job, Zilty. Your first try is a good one. I am one of those old farts who started my metal journey in the 70s and I didn’t “discover” Iced Earth until the late 90s, but they have been a fave ever since. I finally had the pleasure of seeing them live last year at ProgPower USA, and they were awesome. (Even though Jon’s rig crapped out in the middle of Iced Earth). I think Matt Barlowe has one of the best metal voices ever. So emotive and expressive. I do think the last few albums have left something to be desired, but everything up to Framing Armageddon has been awesome. I look forward to the rest of your posts!

    • IWRESTLEDYOURMOMONCE

      And, BTW, I do indeed appreciate and echo your sense of sarcasm…

  • tallica_fan86

    he doesn’t use the same riff he uses the same style of playing. but it is his own unique style and it works. besides, iced earth songs aren’t just about the riffs they are made up of multiple layers including or should i say especially the vocals. the lyrics are great and the songs are well constructed. all that video does is cuts snippets of songs of course they are gona sound similar its his signature style! man you wana start nitpicking and you’re gona have to attack iron maidens chord structures, AC/DC’s riffs and slayer’s love of chromatic scales it just doesn’t work like that. if he was ripping someone off fine, but its a style of his own. he likes to use triplets and of course black sabbath style tritones which is the epitome of metal anyway. all you’ve done here is use this site as an outlet for your distaste in a band you just clearly never got into and trying to gather passengers. something wicked this way comes is a groundbreaking metal album and let me say, with no sarcasm whatsoever, that iced earth’s first album was fucken brilliant.

    • Canvas Of Flesh

      WALL OF TEXT!!! RUN!!!

      • groverXIII

        I think I used to have one of those in my Magic: The Gathering collection when I was younger.

    • Corpse Pus

      I agree with your sentiment. The statement “[He] literally repeats the same riffs for the entire time with no development whatsoever” really captures Ziltoid’s underlying musical philosophy in a nutshell. In general he doesn’t appreciate that style of songwriting. Millions of fans of AC/DC, for example, would disagree. That can apply to Sunn O))) as well – same ‘problem’. Overall Ziltoid seems more like a prog lover. And that’s cool.

      An opinion is all it is.

  • Canvas Of Flesh

    There are really this many people that can’t latch onto something as simple as sarcasm? Granted, it’s not in-your-face like most of us Americans are used to, but it’s still blatantly obvious.

    • groverXIII

      Yeah, it’s a bit disheartening. I’m guessing it’s the ons who are skimming the article and are unaware that Ziltoid has posted this video many times before?

  • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

    The Ziltoid approval poll is up and running on Upon Wings Of Black! Cast your vote and use the discussion space to share your thoughts on the administration.

    You can vote here:
    http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/
    Or by clicking on my username

    Results will be shared tomorrow!

    == Upon Wings Of Black ==
    The place for MetalSucks politics

    • tallica_fan86

      lame.

  • Crusty Hippo

    Iced Earth.. Who could compare? No one.

    Off to a great start, Zilty. I actually laughed pretty hard.

  • (required)

    Clever…ish.

  • jason

    And you were making fun of Sgt. D’s attempt at absurdist humor? Oh, the irony….

  • Permafrost

    I like this Ziltoid kid. He’s got moxie!

  • seveword

    Ohohoho. How clever. He thinks he has good writing skills AND good taste in music!

  • Dave

    Having never bothered with iced earth, I raised my eyebrow quite a bit at the gorguts and atheist mention. I knew something was up there. Good article, haha.

    • Dave

      Holy shit, I hadn’t even watched the video yet cause I was on my phone. This was shit from 20 seconds in. Now I know why I never bothered with Iced Earth.

  • steverazor

    Iced Earth is second-rate Iron Maiden. Ziltoid why do you try and force-feed your ridiculous taste in metal down everyone’s throat. Worst episode ever.

    • groverXIII

      Seriously, people are still not getting the sarcasm here? Did you not read any of the comments?

  • steverazor

    Master of sarcasm – giggle

  • http://www.last.fm/user/M60Patton Patton

    Well done took me a while to figure out it was sarcasm, only realised something was wrong when you said Atheist are shait and Trivium are great.

  • Matty O’Shea

    The riffs in “Dante’s Inferno” that lead into the “Damned! The wrathful and the vain! Suffer the fifth plain!” – section, probably 4 minutes or so into the song, are some of the best heavy metal riffs ever.

  • lolwut

    ive enjoyed your video very much Schaffer’s guitar skills still kick ass even with all the sarcasam installed in your article

  • Jonathan

    Actually, I didn’t realize this article was being satirical (yeah, people, this is satire, not sarcasm, go back to English class), until I read the comments. Oddly enough, I’d been wondering what you thought of Iced Earth. And now I see.

    I do agree that Schaffer doesn’t seem to do much else than triplets. But how can you disrespect songs like
    The Hunter
    The Coming Curse
    Dante’s Inferno
    Diary
    A Question of Heaven (Hell, the entire Dark Saga album was based on the Spawn comics series. I have to say, that’s pretty beast.)
    Phantom Opera Ghost
    Damien
    Framing Armageddon
    Divide and Devour
    When the Eagle Cries
    And there are a couple of others. Still– even if you find the guitar work reptitive (which at some points it is– but with the Something Wicked Saga, that serves a purpose from the original song trilogy to the two full albums) you didn’t once mention anything about the drumming, the actually creative and for once AUDIBLE bass lines.

    But most importantly, you left out the fucking vocals. How the fuck can you NOT discuss Matt Barlow when you talk about Iced Earth? That man has one of the best fucking voices of all time. Ripper Owens is a DISGRACE compared to him. Listen to the vocals on A Question of Heaven. Then listen to him on Dracula. If anyone in that band will be diverse enough for you, it will be Matt-fucking-Barlow.

    Besides. Even Iron Maiden starts to repeat themselves after a while. As does Metallica. Oh, I know what’ll really piss a lot of people off. But I find it true. Even fucking SLAYER starts to repeat themselves! One man only has so many creative juices. One man can only create so many original masterpieces. Even when you put five men (and in some cases, a couple of women) you won’t get constant masterpieces for much longer than a few years, maybe a little over a decade. I’d like to see YOU invent 10 albums, so at least 80 songs where you NEVER repeat yourself ONCE, and never have a boring song.

    You make that possible, and I’ll back down and admit Iced Earth sucks. But until then, I don’t see you being anymore than a spoiled critic. There ARE only 8 notes, and only so many octaves to play them in.

    • http://www.gravatar.com/avatar/4a63ab2b2caeed468a4b5a1a3f6f878a?s=80 lolwut

      this dude just riped your satire to shit ziltoid :/

      • http://4a63ab2b2caeed468a4b5a1a3f6f878a lolwut

        trying to get my damn avatar to work >.>

    • tallica_fan86

      dude you pretty much wrote the same thing as me…higgggh five lol

  • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

    What the fuck is wrong with this site not letting me comment?

  • Kill All

    all of a sudden, I understand why Zilty and I will NEVER agree on music, because he loves Iced Earth…and I HATE Iced Earth.

    Outside of HevyDevy, there’s a 90% chance we will never agree on good bands.

    • Kill All

      ahhh, there it is, this is a satire…should’ve read the comments before posting. Void the previous statement made. I almost shit myself when he made reference to the genius of Jon Schaffer.

      Zilty and I might have more in common

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Matt-Dasher/30826541 Matt Dasher

    No, fuck Iced Earth. They fucking suck. I’ve never been into them and they’re both too thrashy for power metal’s epic feel and the vocals aren’t harsh enough for thrash. I’ve given them PLENTY of chances and I’ve hated them every time.

  • lolwut

    let see if this works and fuck you iced earth hater

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anthony-P-Stine/1314021455 Anthony P Stine

    I love IE. The guitar riffs are very repetitive, but then again many bands are guilty of recording the same album repeatedly. Slayer’s post-Undisputed Attitude albums sound like that.

  • http://zunetracks.net loganarchy

    I THINK I can pick up some sarcasm here and there, but I had no idea that this was a satire until I read the comments. FAIL.

    • Ziltoid

      Really now, the satirical content is not hard to pick up. Maybe it was you who failed.

  • MrPiklez

    The first time I heard Iced Earth I’m pretty sure I shit my pants. Quite possibly the greatest sound that’s ever graced my ear.

  • dick johnson

    >>Some generic bands such as Gorguts, Demilich, and Atheist were fine with the plodding death metal that they had regurgitated so many times over<<<

    GOOD ONE DUDE

    • Ziltoid

      I thought I had made the satire obvious at that point, but many people didn’t get it. Shameful tbqh…

  • Beowulf

    Okay, they’re not the most creative band on earth. No reason to shit on them though, I enjoy their music, hell of a lot better than other crap everyone else enjoys.