N.A.M.B.L.A…….Fail.

Things an A & R rep for Roadrunner can’t afford: vacation in the Bahamas, gym membership, and a photographer who doesn’t work at a kiosk.

“The Four Faces of Nu-Metal – Young, Gay, Psycho, and Retarded”

The Johnson Family would like to invite you to this years gun show.. er.. family reunion

Our Family’s Retard Strong!

Breaking news: The world’s top scientists have just found the anti-aging formula. Sadly, the anti-redneck formula is yet to be discovered.

FACT: My Dad totally couldn’t beat up your Dad.

It’s going…black.

It’s going….white.

It’s going….tan.

Annnnnnnnnd it’s outta here!!! The awkward family scores their third home run of the evening in tonight’s “Douchebaggery Derby!”

A regular competition in the South; Inbred families seeing who has the biggest wanking arm.

Murdertrain a comin’

It’s like a reverse douchebag evolution chart!

this photo proves that tanlines don’t matter; the trash is still white.

thankfully, karma decided that they all deserved to be fisted by elephants after talking this picture :)

“Stewart Johnson’s Tractor Supply Co. and Family would like to invite you to their annual Tractor Pull ‘N’ Feed. No tickets needed for this gun show! Donations greatly appreciated.”

The Family Business.
Generation after generation our motto never dies.
We promise the best reach-a-rounds in town!

Come on girl show us where you piss from

From right to left – Evolution from normal kid to queer adult including angry but confused 20 year old!

Proof that the theory of natural selection doesn’t always doesn’t always hold true

…In the Army Now!

Scientists have done it.
They’ve successfully crossbred zebras with rednecks.

The Incestons, from left to right (youngest to oldest).

Apparently over-compensation is genetic.

It’s like a backwards time lapse of douche.

This is the family BROto going on the Christmas card.

Fuck. A total piece of art – “Evolution of a Farmer’s Tan” and “Time Lapse Growth of a Tremendous Male Douche” all wrapped into one!

Really – give THAT picture to Keith Buckley. That’s like an album’s worth of lyrics right there.

O’Doyle Rules!!!

A prime example of things that should NOT be handed down through generations.

Though each one of the Jarrett boys was from a different generation, their farmer’s tans remained the same.

“the metalsucks unreadable band logo contest has taken some very weird turns the last few years”

Four pipes. And not a one of them straight.

(from left to right, in thought):
“I’ve beaten two of three of my wives.”
“I beat my first wife.”
“I beat his first wife.”
“I can’t wait to fuck his new wife.”

Uncle Ron’s idea of a home movie quickly turned sour.

2pac, Suge Knight, Dre, and Snoop sure have changed over the years!!

“We work out…Who’s masterbating arm do you think is bigger mom?”

“We work out….Who’s masterbating arm do you think is bigger?”

Taken moments before the fisting train left the station.

dear extended family, me and the boys have decided to take a different approach to the cristmas photo this year. since mom died (r.i.p), things have been rough. lil duke (3rd to right) has been getting into trouble at school. i figured body building was a good way to calm his surging teenage hormones, so i injected him with 3 months worth of steroids and prayed for the best and BEHOLD! he is now the most beautiful specimen of rad muscle you have ever laid eyes on. not to put all of the attention on duke…… young rhett has also been working out in the gym. his brother has been served up a lethal dose of steroids, but rhett has decided to take the natural path and has started grinding up neighborhood cats into a fine powder and snorting them up his asshole. sonce doing this, he has had the agility of a cheetah on fire on its way to a soothing lake. you should see him jump the hurdles at his high school. he screams “HYAH!” as he does it he squirts blood out of his tear ducts straight into his opponents eyes causing them to fall flat on thier pathtic faces while he runs on to victory. he is quite the physical specimen. finally i bring you to buster (end to the right.) hes fucking gay. fuck that twat sandwich. hes just like his mother…… cant take a punch. anyway….. im doing good. ive also een working out and leading by example for my two young boys and thier cunty “brother”. i hope your christmas is a merry one and may the new year bring you a stronger core and defined lats and traps. from my family (and a little puss-bag) to yours….. merry holidays or something.

The devolution of Benjamin Button’s gay brother.

“What if we re-made Cool Runnings, only with an Eastern European weighlifting team?”

White or Die

And thus, a new generation of Meat Train conductors is born.

Lets flex our muscles so we don’t look gay

Family Business: masturbation wins, looks our right arm muscles.

“We’re MEN! We’re men in TIGHTS!”

For the win, Bob:

Here’s proof that years of “Pullin’ Pud” doesn’t make your right arm anymore muscular than your left.

the new officail U.S. olympic fisting squad…..the gold is ours without a doubt

“four butt holes”

Every time i die before they started drinking

Failed submission to the Broadway production “Danzig Presents: Samhain!” Back Up Dancer casting call

Dad, just because you did this in your Senior yearbook photo doesn’t mean it makes a good family picture. We all look like douches.