SHITSTAIN ON THE ASS OF THE UNIVERSE (PART 11)
Friday, September 11th, 2009 at 12:00pm by Vince NeilsteinThere are so many things wrong with this band that I don’t even know where to start. How about the music? We’re now approaching ridiculous levels of copy of a copy of a copy syndrome here when it comes to Swedish guitar-influenced metalcore riffing. Is there any that chance that the boys of Black Veil Brides have ever listened to At the Gates? Definitely not. In Flames and Soilwork? Possible, but highly unlikely. Shit, it’s possible these guys don’t even own any records by Killswitch Engage or Shadows Fall and that their style is based wholely upon emo-metal bands like Underoath. So that makes this… a 5th generation rip-off? No wonder it’s so fucking terrible.
When I first saw this video I refrained from making them a “Shitstain” candidate because they’re so young and I felt bad. But fuck it.
Sleeve-tats-as-uniform on the 17 year old singer (bought with daddy’s money)… swoopy haircuts… the sunglasses on the (14 year old??) drummer… the Joker makeup… I could go on. This is like shooting fish in a barrel. Dear Black Veil Brides: when your 15 minutes are up because your 14 year old fans have matured, don’t be surprised.
-VN
for christ sake. I dont know if i can handle any more of the shitstain bands.
you just fucked my friday
My friday has also been fucked.
not really metal but it still suckss.
Back to some good ol grind!
I understand that at the gates and in flames and all should be on every metalheads playlist, but come on, these are kids. Their style doesn’t even sound metal. It sounds more post-hardcore, with some screaming. And since when is underoath emo-metal? I don’t recall any of their members wearing eyeliner and cutting themselves. This stuff is just what the kids like nowadays, whether we like it or not.
there is not a single thing about this video that strikes me as “post hardcore”
Underoath used to rip off cradle of filth and pantera real, real hard.
Honestly I have heard worse shitstains. This is Awful, but shitstain standards? I don’t know about that. They are just cookie cutter kid stuff. What are ya gonna do? I mean, you guys could easily post 24 videos of Static X, Staind, Skunk Anasie, IWABO etc. All of which are just as deserving.
Careful…you’re going to make Axl cry.
awww, their cute! Did Disney put this band together?
I thought it was the Jonas Brothers with make up on…well…more make up on….
I knew a guy in the Army who looks like the lost Jonas brother. Totally irrelevant to this post but fuck it.
HI MIKE!
Normally I agree with the whole Shitstain, but I actually don’t mind this.
And I’ve gotta hand it to them for not following the whole “Let’s dress as colorfully as possible and use obnoxious keyboards” thing that all the 14 year old girls are actually into.
These guys just seem like a more metalcore influenced Aiden.
I’d say a Hot topic Bullet for A Valentine
thats a little repetative isnt it?
My thoughts exactly.
Atreyu meets Bullet for my Valentine, but even less genuine than either of those bands.
They’re going to be HUGE. Just wait.
I agree, though, that they don’t really deserve to be “Shitstain…”
I’m ashamed to say this, but this is actually tolerable.. but it’s not very metal
There’s definitely worse out there. At least the riffs sound good, albeit shipped in a nice shiny package from Gothenburg.
It’s sad when the chick drummer looks the most masculine.
THATS A GIRL!?!?! I seriously can’t even tell the difference anymore. I’m getting old I think..
say whaaaat!
a haahahaha!
“when your 15 minutes are up because your 14 year old fans have matured, don’t be surprised.”
MS quote of the decade!
Some random points in bullet point form:
- It’s really weird to watch a band without a bass player. Something feels missing from the mix.
- It’s really funny the kid in the video just happens to be a fatty.Want some cinnamon rolls while you cut yourself chunk-o?
- I found myself going “Hey at least the guitar player is trying.”
- Distortion effects on your voice is no substitute for actually screaming. Pussy.
-thinks its funny that people are still making fun of fat people.
I mean, really? if you consider that kid fat, and that somehow alters your views about this band in a negative light. (which should already be there because this band sucks) Then I guess they’re a lot of bands you don’t enjoy because they have “fatties” in them.
Great Logic!
You sound like a fatty.
Feeling a little down porkums? Want a tostino’s pizza roll or 7?
Whil I don’t like how Lorenzo is handling himself, I can’t help but laugh
Oh yeah, im 4′5 and 786 pounds. I can’t even get outta bed, 7 pizza rolls? I eat at least 900 in one meal. My mom has to wash under my folds, and i love it when i find food in there!!!
Haha, I love it you cannot come up with a good enough response so you resort to calling me fat. HAHAHAHAHAH!
And I love how obvious you make it that he hit the nail on the head
and struck a nerve. Uh uh don’t go hiding that half-eaten stick of butter.
I allready saw it.
Really a fatty in a metal or hard rock band will allways be funny and here is why. There are very few
angles that a performer can choose and the fatty is tough because while their
appearance allows them to excell at comedy, because they are allready funny looking
to begin with it, they lose this advantage when it comes to peforming aggressive
fast music. When we think about that sort of thing there needs to be some element of either
ass kicking, sex appeal or both. Thinking of fat people either having sex or fighting is
funny and that kind of detracts from what they are trying. Another angle you can play
is the self-loathing fat-rocker like Coby Dick of Papa Roach but to me that’s kind of
pathetic.
There is still hope though. Weezer played their strongest trait, nerdiness, to extreme
over-the-top nerdiness( mostly because they would have been more laughable had they
tried the opposite) I guess just like Weezer you could make a band of all fat people and give
it a super fatboy theme. Drum set that looks like donuts, Hamburgers, Cymbols that
have pizza decals. It worked for the Fatboys in Hip-Hop.
If there are a group overweight rockers out there. The more I write the more I
realize that if the music was really good I would totally dig a band like this. I’m thinking death
metal. Your dad had Morbid Angel, now we have Morbid Obesity. They would satirize
our consumer culture, or the USA’s insatiable HUNGER… They would show just
how BRUTAL being fat could be.
This post started out as a joke, but honestly it seems like just the kinda wierd idea that
might work. Now we just need some really fat rockers with lots of talent.
I mean, at first I thought we were all sorta fucking around..But jesus, we have a full on discussion about fat people in metal…..
What I was trying to get at was you could say 1000 bad things about this band, and this guy chooses something so trivial. Fuck, I dont even give a shit…
However I do think making fun of someone who is fat is sorta childish…..Perhaps I’m wrong?
Does this make me a fatty? I also think that making fun of people who have down syndrome is wrong. Does this make me have down syndrome? (I’m sure with your logic it does).
Am I a fatty? 6′3 240 pounds….is that fat?
shut up fat boy !
After realizing the absence of a bass player, I too was curious…so I went and checked their myspace. They are actually a five-piece; both the drummer and bassist are girls (I haven’t a clue whether the guys are going for the girls’ look or visa-versa…maybe they just want to be fucking androgynous…)
Has to be done…taken directly from their site…
“The Black Veil Brides are a breath of fresh air in the today’s stale, and often safe, music scene. Led by front man and lead vocalist Andy 6, the Los Angeles based band are bringing back the live show spectacle made famous by, among others, The New York Dolls, Alice Cooper and The Misfits. Nothing about this band is subtle, including Mr. 6’s over the top rock star persona, the garish Zombie like makeup the band prefers and their ghoulish stage props. With 6’s haunting vocals setting the tone, BVB’s sound in their earliest recordings such as “Sex & Hollywood”, “Hello My Hate“ and “A Devil For Me” shows an influence by such legendary bands as Generation X, The Damned and Lords of the New Church while more recent recordings such as “We Stitch These Wounds,” “The Gunsling”, “Knives and Pens” and even the ballad “Mortician’s Daughter” clearly demonstrates the band’s growth, both musically and lyrically, and how they measure up to their contemporaries. What makes Black Veil Brides even more unique is how they also pay homage in their hooks and melodies to the anthemic rock popularized by bands such as Poison and KISS. Black Veil Brides energy is infectious and with an army of devoted fans and their debut album set to be released this year, BVB are ready to take their place among the most popular young rock bands in the world today. ”
I can’t even begin to point out all the bullshit comparisons and lofty rhetoric from this…
Wow….i got nothin
Wow… they have an extraordinarily high opinion of themselves. Breath of fresh air, my ass.
This is why people called “publicists” have jobs.
Oh hell no, I wrote a song called Mortician’s Daughter a few years ago…
I see the resemblance to Poison! The lead singer of both bands are tools!
Never, I mean never, mention the Damned and this load of tripe in the same breath again. The Damned were pioneers of their genre, this crap is recycled pablum with, what the mainstream considers, some edginess.
The guitarist is clearly a Maiden fan, and while not without talent, is sadly without creativity.
Like others, I, too, could not tell the drummer was a girl.
Lastly, if they are a 5 piece, where were the other two?
they’re bad but not a shitstain level bad. like someone said at least the guitarist is trying and maybe in five years when these guys realise their music sucks they might do something worthwhile/
I don’t understand why we are giving these guys so much publicity if they suck so bad. I’m sure some good bands would want this much reaction.
its pretty much like votefortheworst.com around here.
I just love it when they go into screaming mode and everything gets all br00tal and bl00dy lol
the mannequins in the background…sexy
Notice how the drummer isn’t even hitting the right cymbal most of the time lol
lol yes, I noticed that… A RIDE CYMBAL IS NOT A HI-HAT
they’re just adorable!!
Sounds better than Behemoth.
Bite your tongue!
Or seeing as you typed that; Bite your fingers!
lol @ youtube usernames… “EmoxXxVampirexXxGirl”… “xXUltimateEmoStyleXx”
they are a bit generic, but i have certainly heard much worse. they are kids and if their career continues, i am willing wager that they will mature musically and move on to bigger things, whether i care for them or not.
without a bass player does appear odd, but hey… pig destroyer does it
they look even gayer in black, but hey their bringing back the power trio!!…..of suck
raged at 0:56
Haha, i find it funny how i actually know a 15 year old girl who loves this band. Funny, and a little sad. >_>
50 second mark is how you fucking do it correctly.
Just like that Attack Attack song, the intro riff is not bad…even, dare I say, pretty good. AND THEN THEY SHIT ALL OVER IT!
The opening riif is Unholy Confessions by Avenged Sevenfold.. haha
I think these guys and Emmure should have a dance off.
it wasn’t that bad until the singing/singer came in…
i’m still laughing off that Sleeper Cell vid
-B
wow, terrible. a lot of you are saying it’s not that bad on the shitstain scale, but…it is. it really is. it feels like these bands couldn’t have happened naturally. seems like some sort of weird machine must have assembled this from spare band parts from the last 10 years and then injected a bunch of teenagers with a liked-minded virus. or whatever. heh.
That opening quote is from trial footage in the first Paradise Lost documentary, if I remember correctly. So hats off to these douche tacos for trying to profit from the West Memphis Three. That’s real classy…
STRAIGHT UP Avenged Sevenfold cover band.
id say a terrible terrible cover band of Bullet For My Valentine
either way they suck nigro anus.. hahaha
I refused to waste 4:24 of my time on these obvious homos. As soon as I saw the haircut on the singer, I was out. Image isn’t everything but, come on!
Musically speaking, this was tolerable, although completely generic. Visually speaking, this was utterly ridiculous, and completely generic.
They like to stand out from the crowd, just like everyone else.
not nearly as bad as most of the other bands(no crappy synth parts/noticeably auto-tuned vox)
but still fail
Good job Vince not even giving me credit for this oh so amazing band. They dont even havefourteen year old fans though. And they are like fucking nineteen and twenty. Kids these days , with all the insecureities, make up, and fancy hair. For those who dont know this band or met its members ( I unfortunetly I have) The lead singer calls himself Andy Sixx. Hes a total dousche bag and when I did Meet them I threatened to beat thier asses.
Im starting shit right now just like I did with attila.
1.this isnt shitstain worthy but it is bad
2.at first i thought this was one of those remixed jonas brothers go death metal vids.
3.hahaha it said emo on the kid’s locker
Not bad, actually. It’s not my demographic, but it wasn’t close to shitstain status. Obviously you have to get past the probability that the drummer didn’t actually record what you hear on the video and live it will all be pretty canned.
Nothing great about it, but it wasn’t really bad enough for the label of “shitstain”. I’ve heard much worse.
“Stick Stickley” for instance.
But, those damn sunglasses on the drummer, and the hair…just ugh…unbearably stupid.
Not terrible. I have heard alot worse lately.
Stop hating younger bands.
They are trying to play music that they can relate to.
Sounds like As I Lay Dying meets Aiden, meets Bullet For My Valentine.
And its not terrible.
Every generation has bands that sound alike. Thats inevitable.
These guys aren’t terrible.
How many bands that you like sound completely original or not inspired but what they grew up around?
Zero?
Now they’re a shitstain? You seemed to like the singer just fine when you were taking all those pictures of him in the bathroom for the caption contests.
jesus! that’s some of the worst guitar tone i’ve ever heard. wtf.
This is not shitstain worthy but still not that great but I did like the intro riff.
Again, not really worthy of shitstain status. This one isn’t even just breakdowns, it’s actually metalcore, which is more than you can say for any of the others.
Awesome. I care about this. This matters.
I wonder if all the Gothenburg bands are ready to kill them selves yet. All these trendy Hot-Topic emo bitches have taken all there riffs and added all this “fail”-out-boy wimp music to it, therefore ruining it.
Not shitstain status? you guys are fucking stupid.
It would be much cooler if the chick singing hung herself with her rosery at the 3 second mark of the video!
Chick drummer? It has nothing to do with making babies or shopping so she’s obviously terrible at it.
Fuck you.
I’d say that gay emo vocals are hardly the Gothenburg way. Even though I wouldn’t be caught dead listening to these guys, they’re not THAT bad.
Ten things that bother me about the video
10.The way the gay ass singers keeps singing at the camera with that gay ass look on his face. what are you so happy about?
9.The gay ass makeup
8.The gay ass clothes
7.The gay ass guitarist doing that gay ass dance.
6.the v neck t shirt, gimme a break
5. again, the gay ass stare at the camera
4. the poor thing behind the drumkit. It’s either a not so good looking chick or it’s a chubby boy with some man tits on him. Either way I feel for it, whatever it is.
3. I didn’t get the video. so this little emo kid gets his notebook stolen by the other rich kid in a car who turns out to be his brother or something and then he gives the notebook back to him? I’m sure there’s more going on out there than being picked on by rich kids.
2.The way the whole thing sounds plastic as shit. the drums and the rhythm guitars sound awful. that could have been easily avoided.
1. The horrible guitar tone at the beginning of each chorus. It sounds like a squirrel is being stepped on very slowlyinside the guy’s amp. Seriously, did they have their hair stuck between their ears when they recorded this???
You guys are terrible Muriel (thats Australian slang). May i just say that I despise this music with every fiber of my being and would gladly flog the living shit out of the band members, in front of their grandparents, and walk away smiling. This having been said, You metal sucks are a bit naughty, if these guys were from deepest darkest Europe and had the beards of a mighty warrior the response wouldn’t be nearly as scathing.
I am not defending their honor, no, far from it. I am merely pointing out the amazing power of Norse heritage and facial pubes.
Get a beard.
No I’m pretty sure that the music still sucks regardless of the band members appearance.
those are the pale-ist bunch of girls i’ve ever seen
Everything about this is bad. I have one word to describe the whole mess: tepid.
I hate to say it…. but…. I don’t hate it…. if I didn’t see the video I would just kind of kick them to the side as another band with a semi catchy song but no real merit. I don’t want to put that much merit on the video, but something just seems wrong for it to influence my opinion of it that much. Does the video suck that much, or am I just trying to be to positive today?
I took a couple beatings in Jr. High….they made a man out of me. High school bully, please administer these on a daily basis for three years. These fucks could do with a night in jail. Two years in the military. Being dropped off in Comption and being forced to wear White Pride T-shirts. Then go make a video….it might be a little different.
A night in jail or two years in the miliarty i get buy “Being dropped off in Comption and being forced to wear White Pride T-shirts.” is just stupid. I realise that was your attempt at humor but you blow at it.
Where the fuck is “Comption”?
haha. i literally guessed this was going to be the next shitstain. i like this song actually. it’s not at the gates but it’s not trying to be either.
Thank you good sir for voicing what fills my head everytime I walk past a tv with MTV on, or a radio, or any other fucking medium now days.
I used to find comfort into slamming on a Sabbath LP and blocking it out. But It’s bombarding me from every fucking direction now days, for the love of god make it stop. I just wanna grab people like this by their shemagh wearing necks (Why you need to wear a desert face wrap when you spend 80% of your time in the food court and hot topic is beyond me) and choke the life out of them
What’s really sad is I’m actually starting to miss the endless wave of pantera clones
This is isn’t even horrible. It’s bland, especially the mixing. But to be called shitstain, ehh I don’t think so.
HOLY FUCK. that was beyond bad. 20 some seconds in i quit…why sing about being a pussy when there are real fucking problems in the world. grow up, get some confidence, worry about something that matters and maybe you won’t be such a whiney bitch.
They can keep their damn ‘Knives and Pens’, I’ll take my .45 over them any day.
Probably the most decent shitstain you guys have shown so far though that probably isn’t saying much. I actually like the guitar tone they have going on there.
I will say this though: they could benefit from, oh I dunno, maturity?