«
»
Rampant Rumors

FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH: SHAPING UP TO BE THE STRANGEST STORY OF THE WEEK…

 Monday, September 21st, 2009 at 11:30am by

notsamroon

Are we even on Five Finger Death Punch’s press release list anymore? I haven’t seen anything from them in a long time. I guess they don’t come from the “there’s no such thing as bad publicity” school of thought.

So I just read this statement from the band on Blabbermouth:

“We have not been able to locate Zoltan [Bathory, guitar] from FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH since Friday night’s [September 18] show in Las Vegas. He has not responded to calls, text messages, or emails, and he was last seen around 2:00 a.m. Friday night at Wasted Space in the Hard Rock Casino, taking tequila shots at the bar with a group of guys from a bachelor party who came to the show.

“If anybody has any information as to the whereabouts of Zoltan, please email ffdp AT prospectpk DOT com immediately. This is not like him and the band needs to prepare for the upcoming tour. We have already notified the appropriate authorities, but any help Vegas fans might be able to provide is very much appreciated.”

Now… that would be sad news, not worthy of being made fun of, even by someone who hates this band as much as I do (and there are few currently active metal bands I loathe more than FFDP). But Blabbermouth did some good snoopin’ and included this note with the statement:

“Someone logged in to Zoltan‘s personal MySpace profile earlier today (Sunday, September 20), which makes the entire story a little suspect.”

So what does that mean? One of three things, as far as I can tell:

  1. Zoltan really is missing and someone other than him has the log-in info for his MySpace page. This isn’t entirely out of the question, as sometimes those pages are actually run by publicists, managers, etc.
  2. Zoltan isn’t missing, he’s just not returning his band mates’ phone calls for whatever dumb reason.
  3. The whole thing is a publicity stunt.

If it’s number two, than I imagine Zoltan is either quitting the band, or is about to get fired for being so irresponsible. If he’s quitting, he needs to nut up and call his band. If he’s just irresponsible, well, that’s what you get for hiring a dude who sounds like he was named after a Flash Gordon villain.

If it’s number three, than I imagine that FFDP are about to be proven right – there is such a thing as bad publicity. Because, based on record sales and concert attendance, it seems that this band really does have a fan base regardless of how shitty they are, and I don’t think those fans will take kindly to be jerked around with regards to a situation that is potentially quite serious.

Then again, they’re FFDP fans, so maybe they’re too dumb to care.

And if the dude really is missing, well, I hope he’s okay. I may hate his music, but I don’t wish him bodily harm.

-AR

Tags: , ,
  • SP420

    After reading this all I can think about is Dude, Where’s My Car? and Kutcher and Scott are at that meeting with Zoltan speaking and they do the ZOLTAN!!!!! salute completely out of turn.

    • Boob

      ha… i giggled… :D

  • ryan

    Maybe he’s kidnapped by a die-hard FFDP fan… if there is one.
    FFDP sucks.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jason-Crispen/100000169530540 Jason Crispen

    what a tragedy that’d be if this band had to break up…. note sarcasm.

  • cougar party

    I bet it’s actually pretty serious if the band released a statement about it. The myspace thing doesn’t really prove anything. Lots of people could have access to that myspace and most likely someone logged in to see if they could find any clues to where/who he could be with.

    If it truly is a publicity stunt, this would be the worst publicity stunt of all time.

  • Cavorka

    Probably just kidnapped by one of their 12yearold fans, or maybe someone wants to somehow stop them from touring therefore prevent further damage done by this awful, shitty band…..now that’d be awesome!!

    • Nate

      Lol win.

  • bearbomb

    Vegas bachelor party > Hangin’ with FFDP.

    The man realized the error of his ways, end of story.

  • http://www.last.fm/user/groverXIII groverXIII

    Zoltan is a pretty awesome name.

    • Gospel of Madness

      I’m pretty sure ZOLTAN was the name of the cultist leader in Dude Where’s my Car.

      • hotel

        ZOLTAN!!! *salute*

  • Shane Gillis

    Scott Ian just told me that Zoltan is just under the weather and NOTHING WEIRD is going on.

    • http://www.last.fm/user/groverXIII groverXIII

      That Scott Ian… he’s a veritable fout of useful information!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/David-Hulsey/653830783 David Hulsey

    Isn’t this the one who used to be in WASP?

    • bubba T

      No, he is the one that was in U.P.O…anyone remember that waste of soundwaves?

  • Johnny Ringo

    zoltan, i hope they find you and all, and i’ma let you finish…but kurt cobain had the best rock star death of all time!

    • Corporate Shill

      Fuckin epic win!!!

      • metalguy

        first time ive ever actually ROFL at something. thank you for making my monday

    • razzle

      Comment of the day. Hands down.

  • timmah

    I had the misfortune of hearing some of FFDP’s music on the weekend while in my friends car.

    It kind of occurred to me though about the type of people that make up fans of this style of “metal”;

    The friends of mine in question are by no means “music-lovers” and so they don’t really discriminate between good metal and bad metal. They’re just as happy to listen to Seether or Three Days Grace, not anything extreme or including any type of musical “substance”, but still gravitating on the harder end of the spectrum. They hear a bit of a melody and some hooks, a powerful chorus that is catchy and that’s good enough for them. Musicianship isn’t something they focus on, and probably just want to sing along. I thought of going on a rant about how much FFDP sucks or how they’re musically bland and boring, but all those arguments are lost on them, since that’s not why they listen anyways. Instead I shut my mouth, tried to give the music a fair and objective listen, and silently was thankful, knowing it could be a LOT worse. AT least they’re not listening to Lady Gaga/Katy Perry/Attack Attack! or any of that other garbage.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jason-Crispen/100000169530540 Jason Crispen

      three days grace, seether, ffdp, it’s all the same… shit.

    • Shinaain

      This is a huge part of why I spend so much time on this site: I don’t know anyone else who listens to the kind of music I do and you guys are the only ones I can talk to about the music I love.

      Well, maybe not ALL of the music I love, but you’re all still better than nothing. :)~

      • Gospel of Madness

        agreed

  • DidgeryDoo

    Don’t mess with the Zoltan

    • cosk!

      shit, i was gonna say that……. but you did already. whatever

  • d00shc00gr

    MTV told me that Five FInger Death Punch are “THE next big american metal band” and their debut album was “the most blistering tjrash since Cowboys from Hell”
    Because of this information, I have never listened to a single FFDP song because I now know that EVERY song must sound like Nickleback doing Pantera covers.

    • William Grimmkvlt

      If MTV or Rolling Stone praises something I tend to avoid it because it’s usually bullshit. When Shinedown first came out Rolling Stone called the singer “Soulful”. The guy just yells the chorus of his songs real loud, like he went to the Micheal Bolton school for singing. I guess that’s considered “Soulful” these days.

  • Factor

    The Hangover 2

  • Fufkin

    Didn’t he turn a boy into Tom Hanks in that film Big?

  • Sammy

    What?! No comments about him wearing not only a shirt with his band’s name, but pants too?

  • http://reaper-x.deviantart.com/ Reaper-X

    He was kidnapped by the 90s.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jason-Crispen/100000169530540 Jason Crispen

      hahaha

    • cosk!

      1

  • http://www.solidsterecords.com NoCowNoFood

    Dude took a plane to the Caribbean to start a Reggae Project called Zoltan Vibesssssssssssssssssss, so dont wait fo him

  • vecima

    oh no! Ziltoid is missing?

    oh wait… Zoltan? who gives a shit.

  • Johnny Ringo

    i think honestly he’s probably just hiding out right now to avoid having to go on tour with otep and have to listen to horrible poetry and feminist propaganda every night

  • Capt.Bastrd

    Five… Five Finger… Five Finger Death Puuuunch.

    • Corporate Shill

      Slightly less epic but still a win!

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Paul-Quinn/1197379400 Paul Quinn

      Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha Oh shit. That made my day.

  • Awful Offal Carnage

    The Hangover instantly came to my mind for this one. Did one of the dudes mistakenly slip him roofies?

    And FFDP isn’t that bad, I mean, I like maybe 2 of their songs. They could be worse.

    Also why are they wearing their own merch in that pic…?

  • Corporate Shill

    The guy probably did a couple shooters and came to the stark realization “Holy shit I’m in what band? What happened to me being in Bathory? I gotta get the fuck outta here!!!”… “Taxiiiiiii!” “To the farthest flung corner of the known universe and step on it!”

    • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

      He was never in Bathory…

      • Kye

        Oh my….

      • Corporate Shill

        Yeah I thought not must of been his last name. Zoltan Bathory does have a charming roll off the tongue quality to it. No?

  • http://www.myspace.com/i_be_groovin THRASHETTE

    lol, lighten up. FFDP doesn’t try to be more than they are.

    • Corporate Shill

      Oh I’m light as lightness can be. They really don’t try to be more than they are, they just happen to rule at sucking!

  • http://www.concatenationrecords.com Kodiak

    This is metal? It’s Hinderback with some shoutiness. Meh.

    • Corporate Shill

      Meh indeed, and furthermore I love when bands wear their own merch off stage. Epically love it when they do so on stage.

  • enyggm

    So is that guy in the picture trying to play guitar or is he trying not to shit himself? Look at the dude’s face and tell me that isn’t a “i’ve got to shit right now” look.

  • Gospel of Madness

    Now if we could just get the rest of the band members to disappear, this will be a great month for metal in general.

  • http://www.myspace.com/jay234t BrutalJay

    No comments about Zoltan… Really? REALLY? Dude, Where’s My Car????

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1ouDcs-JZk&feature=related

    I wish MY name was Zoltan.

  • Myopinionisbetterthenyours

    Hangover much?

  • http://www.last.fm/user/groverXIII groverXIII

    I admittedly kind of enjoyed the first 5FDP album (although the ridiculous tough-guy lyrics made it difficult), but the new one has not made the same impression on me.

  • SourDeez

    I bet he just shaved off those ridiculous dreads when he was drunk. He’s probably been hanging out with them the whole time, they just haven’t noticed it’s him. Maybe he even learned how to play the guitar, leaving his bandmates even more oblivious to the fact that it’s actually him.

    • Kierston

      His dreads are amazing…! Not standing up for the guy. I just have a crazy thing for dreads. And guys that have some form of talent. Let me ask you, can you play guitar? I honestly can’t, but I am good judge of music. I kinda take it you can’t either, because if you could or any respect for music or the music industry you wouldnt bash another musicans work.

      • SourDeez

        In fact, I can play the guitar. I’m not that great, but I’m sure I could learn every FFDP song in about an hour. Have you ever heard that shit? it’s nothing but downtuned barre chords, the first thing any 13 year old rock guitarist learns to play. I’m not bashing simplicity, per se, but in order for simple shit to be considered “talented”, it actually has to contain some form of originality or innovation. And as for your comment about “respect”, real musicians don’t have to respect everything they hear. People with discerning ears recognize talent when they hear it, and also know how to identify crap. This guy is a dime a dozen. He lacks the talent necessary to stand out, and any true musician would recognize that. Any asshole can play guitar like him, he’s not special. And in my eyes, you should be VERY fucking special if you’re lucky enough to make money playing music. I have very little respect for the music industry, because they force feed people shit like FFDP, and allow bozos like this guy to make a living playing dumbed down ass music. So fuck this guy, there are a trillion people more talented and visionary than this asshole who live on the street. If you feel like you have to respect someone just because you like their hair and they’re successful you’re a fool.

        • Kierston

          Not at all. It is clear that you see and take from things what you want. My fiance can play guitar very well. He has been asked by many signed bands to play for them as well as many unsigned. He is currently in a band right now that is unsigned but they are working on getting in touch with the correct people. He feels the same way you do about things, you dont need to like everything you hear but you also are not asked to tell the whole fucking world. Be respectful. That is simple. That is all I ask. hopefully when I have children that is the one thing I can install in their upbringing. Because it has become apparent human are very lacking of this nowadays.

          • SourDeez

            Talking trash about a band you don’t like whose members are all alive and well, especially when they get up to stupid shenanigans, is not disrespectful in my book. Not in the slightest. If the guy had died I would have shut the fuck up, because then it would be disrespectful.

      • jim

        i do play guitar… not that well and this was an extremly valid point. besides metal is my life and FFDP kicks ass

  • Dave

    I’m sure he’ll remember who he is after the tequila wears off….and hate himself ;-)

  • Kierston

    I have this crazy Idea… how about the writer for this shitty article “nut up” and go start a band or something along those lines that envolves more than sitting your fat ass behind a computer screen writing ignorant views of bands because in all honesty he isupset that he will never amount to half of what this man has amounted to. Face it dude. You write for a website I have never even heard of (probably because it SUCKS). I came across this piece of shit form of literacy while looking for updates on the topic. Another thing… I find it disgusting how low you people can be. To sit and blog how “shitty” the band is when in fact not one of you assholes have ever summoned up the balls to even atempt to do something so meaningful with your lives. And if you have… I am sorry. I truly am sorry your shit stank so bad I have never even heard of it. Wheather you like the band or not the fact of the matter still stands at: A guy is missing, and no one has any idea of where he is. I just find it horrible how low people can acctually be. If this is just for publicty than the band sank as low as all of you, and that will be the shittiest part of all of this.

    • SourDeez

      In case you haven’t heard, they found him. He got too fucked up to locate his bandmates. This douchebag makes enough money to live off of getting hammered and playing repetitive barre chords, and that’s why we talk shit about him. You seem to be saying that success is always something to be respected, or that success=talent, which is simply false. Unfortunately, we live in a time where quite a lot of music is mass marketed to a “target audience”, which has very little, if anything, to do with actual musical talent. Plenty of people who post on this website are in bands, and I’m sure a lot of them are way more creative and talented than this douche. Plenty of us have meaningful lives, that don’t allow us the time to drink too much tequila and disappear. But apparently, in your world, anyone who has a record contract and some fans is a respectable person.

      • Kierston

        Not at all. There are way too many bands who have contracts and suck! But I am not going to post shit all about them. That is ridiculous. The fact that he got too fucked up to locate his band memebers is that too. Cummon people drink responsibly (if there is such a thing). My fiances band is very talented and so is he. Some people may not think so but that is on them. I am not going to judge people or their music. I just dont think that in a case like this is was right for people to sit and make such ignorant comments. Go to another site devoted to their music and blog about what you think of that. The fact was this guy was missing, that was the topic and instead of focusing on that people took it as a chance to poke fun, or make stupid comments. I think it honestly shows the morality of the human race these days. We as a race focus more on the hateful things than the important things. That is what I was getting at. So, apparently, you think I am some low life who likes what the music scene tells me to like and that is a bogus discription of who I am. I listen to everything. BTW: It just so happens I met my fiance at a 5FDP show 2 years ago when his band was asked to open up for them. My going had nothing to do with the band, I simply had free tickets. Would I buy tickets to see them again??? Yeah, probably, depending on the sound of this album. So… Idk what more to say I feel I have stated my case and my personal feelings on this.

        • SourDeez

          All I’m gonna say is: Life is no fun if you never have a laugh at someone else’s expense. Especially when that someone else is the guitarist for a lame band, who has done absolutely nothing to merit my respect. It’s all in the name of humor.

    • Gospel of Madness

      1- This band is shitty.

      2-Just because I never wanted to be in a band doesn’t mean I can’t bitch about how much this band sucks.

      3- Stay in School.

      Thank you

  • Mark

    He’s on the roof.

    • Jimmy

      Such a good movie.

    • Gospel of Madness

      He threw his matress off the roof but no one paid any attention.

  • Seth

    They found him.

  • alex
  • The Goat

    5 finger penis pull

    • Sam

      5 finger dick punch

    • Sam

      5 finger dildo powerhouse

    • Sam

      5 member dick-loving pansies.

    • Sam

      Alright, that’s enough.

  • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

    “Actually uh, truth be told, no one knows where he is right now. A lot of people are…concerned.”
    [laughter]
    “I don’t know why that’s funny.”
    [applause]

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Niccol-Carli/1356993987 Niccolò Carli

    I interviewed the logorroic Zoltan some ten days ago! :)

  • Gunter

    I play guitar. I went to GIT. Believe me I CAN play.

    If you think this guy can’t play you are a troll and I’m certain that you are lying about being a guitarist yourself. You can bash his dreads, bitch about his drinking whatever you want man, but this guy fucking shreds. You can TAB it out troll; it’s far from “simple barred chords”. I would really like to see you play their shit. Fire up that youtube, and let it rip man. But I already know the answer, because if you COULD play his shit, you would be on tour with a band making a living instead of trolling on Metalsucks.

    G

    • ty

      amen, bro. i agree with you all the way

  • Sam

    I hope he’s dead. Sorry but I hate this band.

  • john

    hey DUDE fuck u for the oh r five finger death punch fans to dumb to understand u will get stomped man thgey do not have shitty music there at in a band and have cds out so u have no room to talk

  • ty

    ppl who diss 5FDP i guess dont know fucking wicked music when they hear it. so let me guess, half of you sit there and listen to your fucking mtv rap bullshit and conjure up insults to good fucking bands. a band that ain’t afraid to tell it like it is. all because it doesnt sound like fuckin’ trendy-ass britney spears or blink 182. lame.

  • http://itscomplicatedonlinemovie.vox.com/ LinZi

    Keep up the good work! Look forward to reading more from you in the future. I think it will be also nice if you add “send to email” tool so people can forward the articles to their friends easily.