FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH: WAY TOO POPULAR
Thursday, September 24th, 2009 at 2:30pm by Axl Rosenberg
Luckily for Five Finger Death Punch, being total assholes who completely lack any musical talent isn’t hurting their record sales: their new album, War is the Answer, is apparently going to sell to somewhere between 35,000 – 40,000 copies in its first week of release… and that’s just here in the U.S. That probably sounds like a lot of units moved, and you’re right. It is a lot of fucking units moved. To put it in perspective with the sales of some awesome albums that came out this week…
- Megadeth’s Endgame, which everyone seems to universally agree is the band’s best offering in well over a decade, sold 44,696 copies in its fist week. FFDP will nearly match that.
- Porcupine Tree’s The Incident sold 17,574 in its first week, less than half of what FFDP will do.
- FFDP will sell three times or more albums than Shadows Fall, The Black Dahlia Murder or Every Time I Die did with their respective new releases.
- War is the Answer will sell approximately FOURTEEN TIMES AS MANY RECORDS in their first week as Living Colour did with The Chair in the Doorway or Dying Fetus did with Descend into Depravity.
Now, even if you hate every band I just mentioned, there’s really no denying that they all have one thing in common:
THEY’RE ALL BETTER THAN FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH.
I know taste is subjective, but I won’t debate this with anyone. If I told you that I was going to lock you in a room for the rest of your life with only one CD to listen to, and your choices were only the albums that have been referenced in this article, and you told me, in all seriousness, that War is the Answer was your choice, well, I would judge you. Harshly. We probably couldn’t even be friends anymore (assuming we were friends in the first place). Because I’d rather listen to Korn, Atreyu, or even Waking the fucking Cadaver than these dipshits. I’d rather make out with Dino Cazares. I don’t know if I’d rather listen to Attack Attack!… I guess it would be a coin toss. Or, in an ideal world, there’d be a gun nearby so I could just eat lead.
Obviously FFDP’s “music” is more commercial than some of these other bands (Dying Fetus, BDM, etc.), so there’s that. Still, this band has to be one of the worst things to happen to metal since Limp Bizkit. Besides The Devil Wears Prada, I’m hard pressed to think of another modern metal outfit who are so overtly ridiculous and completely lacking in any kind of vision that have still managed to become so popular. This band’s isn’t just a shitstain on the ass of the universe; they’re a shitstain on whatever exists beyond that universe that we can’t even comprehend.
In fact, this is the last time I’m going to write about these wastes of sperm, egg, oxygen, food and water. I might make an exception if, say, the bass player rapes the drummer some day or whatever, and of course I can’t tell Vince what to do, but I’m done. I’m out. I don’t want to be even peripherally responsible for ever making anyone aware of this band again. If ever there was proof that the human race deserves whatever species-ending catastrophe we have coming, the popularity of this record is it. 2012 can’t come soon enough.
Fuck my ears for ever having heard this garbage. I wish I’d been born deaf.
-AR
So, I guess you do not like this band?
I ran across this article doing my research (I was looking for soundscan numbers) for my column. Not a regular here, so maybe this is the dominant tone of this site, but still……… WHAT THE FUCK was that?
Dude, whoever you are behind the safety of the Axl Rosenberg alias, you need to grow up.
well when you write generic, watered-down shit aimed at the lowest common denominator, it’s gonna catch on. look at nickelback, theory of a deadman, hinder, saving abel and all that other bullshit. it’s safe “metal” for assholes. and this country has alot of assholes.
Agreed.
“Porcupine Tree’s The Incident sold 17,574 in its first week, less than half of what FFDP will do.”
For fucks sake…
That’s a downright tragedy. I get the idea of a 55 minute song cycle might be daunting to some, but The Incident is a fucking masterpiece. Can’t wait to see them play it in it’s entirety tomorrow night.
Agreed. Outstanding from start to finish (not that that’s a surprise, but still…).
I’m actually surprised that Porcupine Tree album was advertised in the Best Buy insert for the week! And I’m surprised it sold that many copies too…. for I thought PT was still relatively unknown.
Best Article Yet.
If hating shit bands like 5ffdp makes me an elitist then so be it.
I can’t stand this shit, and the fact that they outsell other bands that actually make decent music makes me really pissed off.
doesn’t mean you’re an elitist. just means you have taste and aren’t a mindless douche.
I haven’t seen this type of MS writing in awhile. I miss the humor pieces like this. Also:
I’d rather make out with Dino Cazares.
WORST. IMAGE. EVER.
Yet I lol’d. Heartily.
I think the last article like this one was about Phil Fasciana…Pure gold
just for the record…….. i hapeen to discover The Devil Wears Prada, say three weeks ago, and listened Plagues and Dear Love: A beautiful Discord, and guess what….. I liked both a lot !!…
So there you go…..
However, I kinda agree with you with all your rant about 5FDP… kinda….
i love the devil wears prada… i also love behemoth. but he’s right fuck FFDP in the ear.
Ya know Axl I wasn’t planning on buying this album until your little rant, but now I feel compelled.
I agree. Of corse I was getting it anyways because I love FFDP. I knew Axl couldnt resist giving this bands new CD more promtion. Man, I thought the Zoltan thing was a publicity stunt I think this site and posting more and more articles about Five Finger is where its’ at. The Porcupine Tree is nothing short of amazing as well. So is that band Revocation that was being shown a couple days ago. But I love all kinds of Music in its many forms.
HAHA, thanks, Axl. This article made my day!
someone at metalsucks obviously has an unhealthy obsession with this band.
seriously, its pretty cute how much they show love for the bands they “hate.”
In what world do you guys live where shit-talking is a form of promotion? Or where relentlessly hating on something means you actually love it? I’d have to side with these guys. When I don’t like something, I rag on it relentlessly every day and make fun of it non-stop. That doesn’t mean I actually love it. It means I’m quite passionate about how much it sucks.
Hey, I listen to The Black Dahlia Murder, Bloodbath, Gojira, Mastodon, Skeletonwitch, Goatwhore, Machine Head’s newer stuff, etc., but I still enjoy many ffdp songs. I don’t know why really. I liked KoRn as a kid but now I hate their music. I can’t listen to Disturbed or anything anymore either, but for some reason I still like some ffdp songs. They are certainly filled with unimaginative lyrics and pop metal songwriting, but… sometimes listening to a band that sings about stupid shit and has cromagnon-like guitar and drums is good when you don’t want to think. Now I’ll agree that their super pop songs like that Hard to See shit is a bunch of dog vomit. But sometimes listening to their stupid angry songs is enjoyable.
…also, and maybe this is just me, but aren’t you writing about them a lot? And isn’t your screen name the name of the worst lead singer ever who was a part of one of the worst bands ever?
I’d rather listen to Axl Rose fart the tunes off of Chinese Democracy over and over again than ever be exposed to FFDP ever again. The “old” GNR band were one of the best bands of the past 30 years and Appetite for Destruction is probably one of the greatest “rock n roll” records ever recorded. It’s gotta be top 10.
“I liked KoRn as a kid but now I hate their music. I can’t listen to Disturbed or anything anymore either, but for some reason I still like some ffdp songs.”
Congratulations, you’re a trend whore.
Congratulations, you’re obviously better than him and you had to prove it!
/sarcasm
Shit, I don’t like nor listen to either band, but would rather listen to Korn and Disturbed than FFDP.
Oh, and if you don’t like ffdp STOP POSTING STUFF ABOUT SHADOWS FALL. Not only are they on tour with ffdp right now, they are also clearly on the same level. I know they were advertising their album on this site but seriously, you can’t hate ffdp that much and like Shadows Fall.
Actually you can. They’re very different bands in every sense of “different.” And I don’t even really like Shadow’s Fall.
Hey now, while it is a damn tragedy that Shadows Fall is touring with FFDP they’re not on the same level at all.
I loves me some Shadows Fall (new album is pretty damn good), but I’d rather take a Five Finger Death Punch to the nuts then listen to that shitty band.
yeah, that whole tour is a slap in the face for shadows fall. i’d hate to have to “open” for OTEP and FFDP. both of which shouldn’t have careers in a post-nu-metal world.
I thought Otep was before Shadows Fall??
hahaha. five finger death punch tot he balls! dude u made my day
At the end of the year, as well as doing a best of list of 2009, you guys should each have to mention your own opinion on who was the Biggest shitstain on the ass of the universe of 2009.
Love this idea!
that is some serious hate…
I know someone above didn’t just compare FFDP to Shadows Fall?? On the same level? Wow. That’s the most clueless thing i’ve heard all day. Don’t know why the Shads are on tour with these losers, but musically you have to be kidding me to compare the bands. Wow. I’m like, speechless?
Here’s a thought.
5fdp sold 35.000-40,000 copies of their new album. Which means 5 to 6 years down the road. 50 – 60 percent of those copies will be in the used bins for $3.00 on amazon, ebay, or any record store that still exits in america.
It is really sad to see these kinds of numbers from this band. Especially with this being their second CD.
Shadows Fall really deserve better than what they got, even after Threads of Life and so do Megadeth.
The key is, radio airplay. Five Finger Death Punch is all over it, all the time. They’re going to produce many singles from this album most likely. The album is even mixed for radio airplay, with the vocals being so high up in the mix its ridiculous. Simple lyrics, a lot of chorus.
And because of that, FFDP will end up selling more albums than all of the bands mentioned above. Even Megadeth. In fact, The Way Of The Fist has sold more copies in the US than Megadeth’s last 4 albums. And that’s just fucking sad.
The Way of the Fist sold less than 4,000 copies in its first week. Say what you will about the band and their music, but gotta give it to them for touring their asses off and getting that number as high as it is.
Throwing salt packages from Wendy’s onto a linoleum floor and recording it sounds better than this fucking band,
Keep talking about them, you perpetuate their existence.
I’m betting this won’t be your final article on them.
Axl just proved right the theorem that all publicity is good publicity. I would never have looked up the myspace page of a band named Five Finger Death Punch, but his incessant nagging peeked my curiosity. If I was indeed a slobbering fool I´d now be fan. Then again, barring this sites undying love for the mediocrity that is God Forbid and Killswitch Engage, I wouldn´t be reading his rants if I was.
Having people who read this article checking out their myspace page and youtube videos does absolutely nothing for them. All this shit-talking isn’t making them any new fans who will buy merch or go to their shows, it’s just making some people listen to one or two of their songs for free and have a laugh. It’s a sad state of affairs when a number of plays on myspace is actually considered a good measure of success. So no, we’re not helping them out at all. Bad publicity is bad publicity.
If anyone is surprised that lots of dumb people buy music by shitty generic bands like this, don’t ask your parents about the truth about Santa Claus.
This made me start to cry, realizing that this is all true
This is that kind of band where I found a used copy of their first CD at a local record store for $6 and capitulated and bought it. I won’t say it’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard (I have bands like The Almost for that), but it’s a far cry from worth my time. At this point, it’s mostly something that’s just on my iPod for trips to the gym or comes up on random on my media player when I’m playing video games or something. It’s basically music I can ignore at this point. The sad truth of it is that Megadeth’s, BDM’s, and Shadows Fall’s new albums are sick, and sales of those will pale in comparison compared to FFDP. Just the sad state that music is in these days…
Axl (and Vinnie), I would have WAY more respect for you if you had had the balls to loudly exclaim this while doing the Noisecreep roundtable. You guys mostly sat on your hands.
And guys, you know I love you and usually defend you. Just disappointed in the lack of sack.
FFDP should be guests on the show when Axl is there…suddenly it won’t be so easy to be polite.
Militarycore is always going to sell.
P.S. I wasn’t aware of this band! I’m so glad to have another thing to hate on in this world!!!
I’ll admit, I liked FFDP’s first album The way of the fist a bit. Then Ivan seems to write almost the same lyrics for his songs and just pulls out a thesaurus for them. Sort of like Jamey Jasta, except Jamey sticks with the whole “Believe in yourself and self empowerment” shtick while Ivan goes for the “No one understands me” school of though.
i dont understand y ur so surprised. they aimed for their audience and theyre going to nail it. thats y kvlt was, is, and always will be kvlt, they dont go 4 the popular vote, they play what they wanna and whoever listens listens. but when u model ur music to cater to the popular, talentless commercial crowd who dont know what real music is (and also make up the majority of music/metal fans), then of course ur going to outsell bands like BDM and DF, and maybe even megadeath. if u shoot into a flock of 100 geese, ur gna hit more often than if u take potshots at one goose.
It’s just too bad that “100 geese” think FFDP is good music. The general standard, even for mainstream music, could be much higher. Music CAN be commercial, even poppy, and still great. It just hasn’t been for at least a decade. Shit, there was a time when Van Halen consistently had #1 hits. As great as underground music is, the problem isn’t that underground music isn’t popular, it’s that good music isn’t popular.
I listened to “The Way of the Fist” a while back, and it was practically worthless. I have absolutely no intention to listen to their new album, it’s probably the same stuff as before.
In all honesty, “The Way of the Fist” was no more an offense to metal than Slipknot’s debut or KSE’s “The End of Heartache.” Both are similar to FFDP’s debut and get plenty of respect around here.
Can’t speak for the new album, though.
Not even close dude.
wrong.
If I were one of 5FDPers I’d visit this site only to gloat over such hopeless, powerless hate. Seriously, just stop writing about them and move on. Or at least concentrate on crabcore, it has some strong comedy value after all.
I saw 5fdp support Lamb of God, Dimmu Borgir and Unearth (fucked up line up, right?…) and I didnt think they where that bad, sort of remided me of Slipknot. Plus, …my girlfriend liked them…yeah your right….FUCK this band!!!
Well according to many of the people on here and apparently Axl, I’m a tasteless douche with no musical knowledge. But if liking Five Finger Death Punch makes me that, then I’m happy to be that. I want to thank you Axl for saying you’ll stop writing articles about 5FDP because your articles on them are a waste of time. Although I like checking out this site every once and a while, I’m thinking if I have to put up with your douche self. I just won’t read anything on here anymore
While I despise 5FDP for creating watered-down, glamourized metal, I do agree with some of the prior posts: any publicity is good publicity. The best thing we can do is not talk about them.
In the words of P.T. Barnum, the proclaimed father of publicity, “I don’t care what they say about me, as long as they spell my name right.”
Wow. Where do I even begin?
a) “being total assholes who completely lack any musical talent isn’t hurting their record sales”
5FDP have quite a bit of musical talent. They at least have more talent than 90% of the non-metal crap that’s out there today. You have to give them that. Also, if you’re going to knock on a band being worse than Megadeth, ETID, and Shadows Fall, you need to back it up. I’ll give you the last two, sure. But worse than Megadeth? Really? Mustaine’s been writing the same bullshit for the last twenty years and is still grumpy that he got kicked out of Metallica before I was born. Move the fuck on already and retire. 5FDP aren’t trying to be something they’re not. They’re not gods of metal, by any means. But “total assholes who completely lack any musical talent”? Wow. Come up with some original insults for once.
b) “If I told you that I was going to lock you in a room for the rest of your life with only one CD to listen to, and your choices were only the albums that have been referenced in this article, and you told me, in all seriousness, that War is the Answer was your choice, well, I would judge you.”
Then judge me. Come on. I actually want to see one of you MetalSucks bastards back up your argument beyond the 2 minutes worth of effort you put into writing it. I seriously want to see Axl tell us – or at least me – WHY 5FDP is so much worse than all these bands. And you can’t use the words “talentless”, “assholes”, or “shitstain”.
To be perfectly honest with you, compared to all the choices you’ve mentioned, I would rather listen to 5FDP any day. I hate Megadeth. Shadows Fall has written the same album for the past decade. And Living Colour? Really? 5FDP are just trying to do their own thing. I can respect that enough to give them a chance. I’m even going to their show next Wednesday just to check them out live. (I also got a free ticket, but that’s not the point).
c) You go on to call this band “one of the worst things to happen to metal since Limp Bizkit” and say that The Devil Wears Prada lacks vision, along with 5FDP. While they’re no Lamb of God or Tool (the first 2 original metal bands I can think of), 5FDP certainly aren’t the worst things to happen to metal in the last decade and a half. I’ll easily put Staind, Mushroomhead, or even your precious God Forbid below 5FDP – and I’m a fan of all three. 5FDP know what they’re doing and they’re doing it well. If it’s not your cup of tea, quit writing about it. Oh wait…
d) You finish by saying you’ll never write about these guys again. Really? I want to see how long that lasts. If the sales of this record are any kind of sign, these guys will be around for a while. I challenge you to find something else to write about. I wouldn’t be surprised if you suddenly change your opinion with their next album.
e) I guess I do have one last thing. “I wish I had been born deaf.” Fuck you. Don’t even fucking joke about that. The fact you can hear is a gift. Be thankful for it.
“They at least have more talent than 90% of the non-metal crap that’s out there today”
I’d love to see the math behind this brilliant conclusion you fucking idiot.
OK. I love math. If you don’t understand how percentages work, allow me to help.
http://www.billboard.com/charts/hot-100#/charts/hot-100
This page is the top 10 songs of the week. Black Eyed Peas, Jay-Z (twice), Jay Sean, Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus, Lady Gaga, Drake, Kings of Leon, and Jason DeRulo. I’d give 5FDP more musical talent than anyone on that list except Kings of Leon, who are a great band. 9 out of 10 is 90%.
If you need any more lessons in elementary math, just let me know. I’d be happy to help. You also apparently need some grammar help (there should be a comma between “conclusion” and “you fucking idiot”). Like with the above lesson in math, I don’t charge for the first one, but the rest will cost you.
You make it sound as if Five Finger Death Punch is more talented than 90% of all non-metal bands. No question they are more talented than every artist you named, but your original statement seems easily misconstrued. Were you referring to 90% of ALL non-metal bands, or just 90% of the list you included? If the former, do you consider your list representative of all things non-metal? I guarantee more than 10% of non-metal bands are more talented than Five Finger Death Punch; the numbers are probably closer to the opposite.
OK, I’ll give you that. Five Finger Death Punch are not better than 90% of all non-metal bands. To say that, I’d have to include all genres of music since the dawn of time. I’ll give you that much. However, that’s not what I said.
What I said was that they were better than the CRAP that’s out there today. I do consider that list representative of the piles upon piles of CRAP infesting music today. Rap, more rap, MORE rap, the latest strong independent female trying to make a name for herself, and more rap.
Maybe I should have said that 5FDP is better than the popular stuff plaguing the airwaves these days.
Either way, I like them. If that doesn’t make me “metal” anymore, then maybe I don’t understand metal anymore.
“Maybe I should have said that 5FDP is better than the popular stuff plaguing the airwaves these days.”
That’s all I was looking for, and I can tentatively agree with it.
Awesome point indeed! At least you are able to back yourself up with this statement. Unlike the dude who writes all this stuff. I too will be checking them (FFDP) out in Omaha next week. I am stoked for it. Very well put sir. I totally agree with the whole Shadows Fall statment as well, I do like some of their songs though. But I cannot make it through a whole album. Maybe you should give some of these people a proper lesson in grammer with how poorly their arguments are on why FFDP sucks so much. As stated below.
Bad news, Vince. It looks like they’re going to sell even more albums than originally predicted: 40-45k, which would be pretty much the same as Megadeth did: http://www.hitsdailydouble.com/news/rumormill.cgi
Here is a interview done with Zoltan a couple of days ago that give his personal opinion on bloggers such as Axl himself, enjoy…
Question: “Any time a metal band has some success on the radio or anywhere that might be considered mainstream, some fans start to cry “sell-out.” What can you say to assure the fans that Five Finger Death Punch isn’t doing that on the new album and won’t do so in the future?”
Answer: “You know, when we made that first record, without a label to support us, without a management, we recorded it because we loved and believed in what we were doing. Just the five of us financing it from our own pockets doing everything ourselves—we had no idea that it’s going to sell 400,000 copies. It sounded the way WE wanted it, and generally you’re not thinking about what would sell when you don’t even have a deal.
The way it all happened is as far from selling out as it gets, especially if you consider that we got picked up by a small indie label! There’s no multimillion dollar corporation behind us. You don’t see advertising in all the magazines—not that money can buy you fans anyway, because people like you or they just don’t. This all happened because our music connected to lot of people, we were doing something they wanted to hear and they stepped behind it. We stayed on the road for more than two years, worked our asses off for everything we got. Our fans are hardcore, and it’s an insult to them just as it is an insult to us. You would think 400,000 people know what they like to hear. I don’t think any of the subgenre-whore elitist bloggers could possibly control their opinions. [laughs] Step into the moshpit with our fans, they WILL give you their opinions all right.
But what is the definition of selling out anyway? Success? That’s ridiculous. Imagine if successful bands would take a left turn and write some abstract shit just to make sure less people like them, so some troll wouldn’t call them a sellout. What a fucking retarded idea. We do what we do, we play the music WE LOVE, and as long as we have the fans, as long as they come and see us, we will be around. That is the rule. The power is in the fans’ hands.
So fuck all the ignorant trolls talking shit on the ’net. Tell them to get the fuck up from their couches and do something with their fucking lives. Talk is cheap. Go and do something noteworthy, motherfucker. WAR IS THE ANSWER.”
…Thats what I have to say to Metalsucks.net!!!! SUCK OUR DICKS BITCH!!!
That’s all well and good, except he’s a liar. They did have a label and they did have management. Look it up. He’s actually telling everyone a bald-faced lie. They didn’t pay for shit out of their own pockets.
And your word is based on ….. ?
I do remember hearing The Bleeding and a few other songs on their myspace. Then I went to see them in LA and I even talked to Ivan. They DID NOT have a deal, but they had the CD done, I HEARD IT with my own ears ! You can’t fool people who remember you lying asshole. You LOOK IT UP! Look up interviews from 2007 dingbat. They were telling the same story, why would they do that? No, don’t answer it’s a rhetorical question.
I remember reading that they didnt have a deal as well. The Firm picked them up sometime after they recorded. That is one reason the album got delayed a couple times because they didnt have a label or distrubution behind them yet.
Oh here, I looked it up…
The band recorded their debut album The Way of the Fist in 2006 with Stevo “Shotgun” Bruno (Mötley Crüe, Prong) and Mike Sarkisyan (Spineshank). The record was mixed and mastered by former Machine Head/Soulfly guitarist Logan Mader.[5] Soon thereafter, the band signed a deal with Firm Music, a branch of “The Firm”.
There ya go.
Album sales =/= talent, every band that released an album on September 15 >>> FFDP, etc, etc.
Album sales =/= no talent, as well.
Josh, “Facts” don’t matter to MS. Banner impressions do. That’s why it’s funny when they go on a rampage and call bands sellouts. Axl is the biggest sell out of them all. Simple recepie: Bash a popular band, watch the debate and the $$$ rolling in for advertising. Integrity, truth, facts are not as important as paying the rent. I get it.
I get it. That is how it seems to run here.
5FDP- Crap
Shadows Fall- Garbage
Slipknot- haha
KSE-shit
5fdp are good
This article is hmmm…. transparent. Something must have happened between the writer and 5FDP.
Especially the ” total assholes who completely lack any musical talent” line has a wrathful ring to it. If they were what you say they are, they wouldn’t have so many fans, and they wouldn’t sell so many CDs. Even if I didn’t like this band, I would question an article like this. Basically you are implying that hundreds of thousands if not millions of people who happen to like them are all tonedef morons. You know, I really doubt that.
Erica
I like ffdp. (just saw them last night)
But lots of people likeing them doesn’t mean they’re good,everyone thought the world was flat because our mind makes up the illuision of the horizion which is really an imaginery line,and all those people were wrong. There honestly are alot of morons in the world.