FUNNY PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN A COPY OF REVOCATION’S EXISTENCE IS FUTILE

Thursday, September 24th, 2009 at 5:00pm by Vince Neilstein

Last week we offered up a killer Metal Blade combo pack featuring the new releases from Goatwhore, Behemoth and Valkyrja. The winning caption to the photo at right is….

Manfred Nuggets:
“Dude, after this wedding, I wanna show the bride my Whitesnake.”
“Dude! That’ll totally Slay ‘er!”

Onto bigger and better things: this week we’re giving away 2 copies of Revocation’s face-rippingly awesome Relapse Records debut Existence is Futile (stream the whole thing here for a limited time). Just come up with a funny caption to the below photo. And, if ya got ‘em, send in your own funny photos to vince [at] metalsucks [dot] net so I can be lazy in the coming weeks.

Tags: Revocation,

wiffle bat

pardon me while i pass the brains of my bass player

Kuranes

Ha!
Ziltoid

XD
Brian \m/(-_-)\m/

wasnt dead vox, not bass? props either way. after this one and the two following, im not even going to try

http://fantasyh.wordpress.com fantasyh

I posted mine, but this sir is epic fucking win. Good luck
wiffle bat

yeah, i think he was, i was going more for a general “everyone in black metal eats one another” vibe than a specific mayhem reference though

The Greys

damnit! that was my first thought! kudos for beating the rest of us to the punch.

http://www.myspace.com/marylandisburning JonnyMalec

“After a long day of blasphemy, I like to go into the woods and defecate whilst taking the Lord’s name in vain.”
WowWee!

before you continue reading the rest look at mine it like #500 because I suck at posting on time.
Dean

well theres a ton of good ones on here but heres my take on it :) enjoy

“Stop laughing at me guys, just cause they did it in a display toilet on Jackass doesn’t mean I have to! “
Michael Hinkle

OH MAN! Did you catch that Behemoth Concert, I got hit so hard, I just had to take a shit…
Michael Hinkle

OH MAN! Did you catch that Behemoth Concert, I got hit so hard, I just had to take a shit…

soup

…one more push for the new Craddle of Filth album.

msv81

this is great!
http://www.gravatar.com/avatar/62449cbe5ea8d22bcc2e76890fceaa37.png Lord Bling

This is full of win.
Ziltoid

wow, two great answers in a row? WIN.
Procrastinate

WINNER.
Anselmowitz

Gold
ofekk

epic win

kelfro

I hope this is where Gaahl told me to meet him.

I’m not racist, but I hate Oceano

hahaha
Cisco

+1 to infinity!!!!

Ronnie

This actually made me laugh out loud haha. Props!

The Greys

Another great comment. You guys are on fire today.

cougar party

Out of the darkest depths of Black Metal a new genre was born: Brown Metal!
TXHellbilly

This dude is so metal he shits bats….literally…..and they hurt
Carnage

(black) Metal Up Your Ass!
http://www.facebook.com/people/Tom-Campagna/40702766 Tom Campagna

After Eurynomos has finished eating what was left of Dead the diarrhea that ensued was so bad that a bathroom was out of the question. So after Dead was passed he killed 2 birds with 1 stone and mailed the fecal matter to those he deemed worthy enough to receive him now but not as a part of the first wave of brains.
slicetwo

true metalheads aren’t born, they’re shat.
Astral Zombie

this was the original shot for the pooping scene in Severed Ways.
http://www.last.fm/user/groverXIII groverXIII

POOPS IST KRIEG

Procrastinate

This is great, man.

Psyco

Trve Norwegian black metalists are too kvlt for a bathroom
Timothy

… and here we have an amateur photo of the so called “Dookie-Bomb Bandit”. If you stumble upon one of his dookie-bombs or have any information as to his whereabouts you are strongly urged to contact your local authorities.
Brian

OK, I am ready to go burn down that church…..as soon as I get my boyfriends metal spiked cock ring out
metalguy

Gaahls black metal glory hole: through the bushes in the land of northern darkness
columbo

For lasting grimness, rub your ass on poison ivy just before the show
http://www.twitter.com/stabitha Stabitha C.

Hard at work producing the next super popular mainstream metal record.
Nate

No, he didn’t forget the toilet paper. The truly kvlt wipe with their hands.

Nate

Or you have Gaahl lick the chunks of furry woodland creatures out of your crack for you.

LEGIONS: IRON AND STEEL

Defiling God’s creation one shit at a time.
Nate

He’s making a statement… about how every black metal album’s production should sound to remain kvlt.
http://www.last.fm/user/groverXIII groverXIII

Perhaps the most fitting metaphor for the production values on most balck metal albums ever.
poopsmcgee

i bet its a prickly poo.
http://metallattorney.blogspot.com Shadoeking

Pure Fucking Constipation.
Nate

…And slipknot was born!
http://www.myspace.com/jay234t BrutalJay

This is just how Nergal and Doda get down.
Wyzt

Today we have for you a a rare look into the recording process of a nsbm bands album. Here they are recording the first track of the album. Fascinating.
chris

Nardrash didnt believe his friends,but its trv chicken blood will give you the brootal shits.
Nate

We can see the blood coming out of one hole, so we can only assume it’s spraying out the other one.
aud10ph1le44

“You’re serious?! Metallica, Slayer, Megadeth and Anthrax on the same tour?! TOGETHER?!?”

“Hey, does a Norwegian black metal musician shit in the woods?”
Uncle Jesse

Black metal hemroids are no joke
Josh

Does a bear shit in the woods?
Fuck if I know. Ever heard of black metal?
klinger

woah there’s some stiff competition on this pic

the lead singer of black metal group “DEFFICATOR” recently bit off his tongue durring a run in with gaahl and is now in critical condition on account of both orifices being broodaly mangled
http://www.flamingtusk.com Zosimus

Why, you ask, did I devote my life to the service of The Dark? In one word: glamour.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Mathew-James-Saunders/1153389571 Mathew James Saunders

I guess you get the runs after you eat out your fat corpse-paint wearing girlfriend on her period…black metal sure is brutal sometimes.
bearwizard

I SHIT IN DEFIANCE OF JESUS!
Shiggy Shack

The question is:

Where’s the microphone?
orbital

Brings the saying “something crawled up you and died” to a whole new level
John

The producer of the next burzum album hard at work
http://www.facebook.com/people/Jeff-Hemphill/58011778 Thrashbuster

Brown Metal.

poopsmcgee

that made me smile

Manfred Nuggets

Ohhhh, Fauuuuust…
Kevin

Somebody took the lyrics of Havohej song, “Eat the virgins entrails and poop on the sons mouth,” a little too seriously…
Wait what?! That’s not a Havohej song???
Manfred Nuggets

Side note, how do I claim my prize?

Manfred Nuggets

Cause I haven’t received an email yet from Vince and Axl for last week’s win, so yeah…

Manfred Nuggets

Wait! Never mind. Got it!

http://eddiebanchs@mac.com Eddie

Oh! So that is where Attack Attack is from.

ofekk

lol nice

The Charlatan

Producing next weeks Unreadable logo…..

http://www.myspace.com/northwestroyale Blake

NICE!!

fernando

thats some bleak shit
Sven

Dropping off the sons of southern darkness at summer camp
Sven

How grim my newborn son! I shall call him TUHHRD

canea

hahaha, good one.

MetalAC13

Tr00 KVLT don’t need toilet paper….or toilets.
Sacajawea

The real reason the abbreviation for Black Metal is BM.
fightingmike

Dimmu Borgir’s future now that they kicked out the two people that made that band interesting!
Raglegumm

Wolves Without A Throne Room!

http://www.myspace.com/northwestroyale Blake

This one’s great, too!
d00shc00gr

+1 but my vote is still on the cradle of filth comment

EJ666

This one should win.

fightingmike

Shagrath’s Birth
http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

It’s sights like these that make the Brawny Man question if his transfer to Norway was worth the raise in pay.
joshkid

Shagrath’s mother during childbirth
http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

Black Metal gets a much-needed kick in the ass when Willie’s House O’ Hot Wings opens their first Scandinavian location
Ilona

Smokey the Bear’s new campaign slogan: “Only you, can prevent your stupid fucking friends from shitting all over my forest.”

MetalJesus

Win.

The Badseed

Finally! Varg Vikernes shows the public what is political views really mean!
canea

The birth of Miley Cyrus was far less photogenic than many supposed.
Ilona

Black-Sludge metal.
Deven

Damn, Behemeth makes some good Chili!
Polska

On a scale of one to ten, that shit is a Putrid Pile.
Inept Kid

Stools of Southern Darkness.

Inept Kid

Whoops– I inadvertently plagarized an earlier post– please disregard.

xrockstrongox

“MUST FERTILIZE FOR SATAN!”
SourDeez

After running into the Pope and a bear, both of which bug him out, Ghoulekk finally found a private place to drop a deuce.

metalguy

that was good. both freak him out was the kicker

Chris

Next Behemoth Album title – SHitting Black Metal Chunks
http://josh josh

Shagrath, Silenoz, and Galder said Vortex was full of shit….guess they were right
orbital

After failing to take over the throne of God, he settled for a quit shrub,

orbital

quit=quiet, FML

Goatboy

Axl completes his review of the new album from Attack! Attack!
Sin and Death

“Aargh!… Huhhhhgg!!! … AHHHH!!!!!!! …

FINALLY!!! …

MAN, that was THE BIGGEST SHIT I’ve EVER taken! I swear to Satan I’ll NEVER eat an entire sacrificial offering AGAIN! Now, could someone please hand me a bible to wipe my ass with?…”
eikoon

Frostshitten Black Metal!!
Nate

Shit. Black Metal. And an outdoorsy folk setting… This must be Sodomized by Satan’s album cover.
Shiggy Shack

Just one more action linking black metal elitists to hippies
chris

Charlie is still unsure why his bandmates nicknamed him Eruptus.
tom cash

if a black metaller shits in the woods and no one is there to record it and put it out on a record label no ones ever heard of, does it make a sound?
RobotScythe

Vegan metallers Cattle Decapitation’s cover for the new album “Raped By A Tree.”
aboutround

Is that his ‘push’ face or just his makeup?
Denial

“Dude – Black Metal is about so much more than Satan, its about being one with nature”
BTK 666

Gavin Rossdale and bush really are on the comeback trail, first raping black metal before setting course for the virgin assholes of metal-core.
You Don’t Know Me

This guy thinks outside the box when it comes to defiling virgins.
Insomnivore

Open your hole………let your bowels lose control………..Brown Metall!
Jimmy

Louis startled the witch!
http://www.facebook.com/people/Kyle-Kovich/80400829 Kyle Kovich

“Remind me never to mix goulash and wine again….”
http://myspace.com/shepherdsgatemusic,myspace.com/burymeinsmokemusic Michael “The Armenian Demon” Fenton

After he defecated he then stabbed the poop in the head and use the remains as fuel to burn down a church!
http://myspace.com/shepherdsgatemusic,myspace.com/burymeinsmokemusic Michael “The Armenian Demon” Fenton

He’s producing the newest five finger death punch album.
therealmetalmatt

Shitting in the name of Satan
http://www.last.fm/user/Demigod1 Tyler

Pure fucking armageddon is unleashed upon Chainsaw Abortion’s stomach after eating an expired cow stomach.
Chris Berseth

Excuse all the poop.

SourDeez

Subtle but excellent. I hope you win.
orbital

oMG yes!!

Alastrann

Shitting, In the Woods…
http://www.last.fm/user/Demigod1 Tyler

I shit the black wizards.
T

“Leave me alone, I’m taking a danzig…”
Facebook User

This is what they call “production” in Norway.
Malacoda

A promo shot for the new Immortal video.
Tobias Fünke

Necros: “Xul, are you Taake-ing a Behemoth dump in these Forgotten Woods?”
Xul: “No, Necros… I’m getting rid of my Dying Fetus through my Anal Cunt… What does it look like? Of course I’m pooping!”
Ryan

Art imitating life: shitty black metal.
Cash

“Quick, grab a microphone! I think I have the bass tracks for the new album!”

ofekk

made me laugh out loud

http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

Photographic proof that last week’s winner, Manfred Nuggets, didn’t drop out of the sky to claim the prize

Manfred Nuggets

Hey man. There was no need for that.

http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

It was the “nuggets” part…I had to

Immortal

Fuck! I knew i shouldn’t have eaten those virgin’s hearts.
http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

UnHOLY CRAP!!
http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

Hey, you with the cigar!!
Brian

i could of swore he said inserted cross, i don’t see how this could help my image
therealmetalmatt

Burning churches is so 90′s. Causing global warming by methane gas from shit is the new black metal fad.
burrito supreme

Note to self, remember to aim penis straight down when wearing water tight leather pants…HAIL SATAN
Viking-Shredder

Poop.
undead82

Ahhh…uhhh…..man that crabcore didn’t sit well with me. Amazing it sounds much better on the way out.
hideous6

“I’d trade all the corpse paint in the world for just one sheet of toilet paper!”
http://kzscsledge.blogspot.com GoatRidersHorde

What tanline?
poopsmcgee

why is everyone assuming he’s taking a dump?
Deven

We never do it looking at each other anymore, then you cum blood all over my face!!!
http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

How those leaves stay green is beyond me
Deeves

“I imagine if someone saw a picture of this, they would post a funny caption about it.”
Harahune

Bob does his best Gaahl impression.
http://www.last.fm/user/wrath_of_vishnu Dillon

1994: Metal band Xibalba gets inspiration for the title of their full-length after Marco Ek Balam drinks the water.
littlenicky

I tell ya man, the flesh of virgins just goes right through me…
Viking-Shredder

Took me a minute to realize his face was painted. That’s how pale this dude is.
d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n.

The upcoming film “New Moon” premieres exclusively at the Forest Of Posers.
X.Y.Z

KVLT TVRD
SolracYatog

Just when you thought black metal couldn’t get any shittier…
Ryan

meet the producer of the new five finger death punch album, it’s ready to drop any second now
twistedfreak

Yo Guys! I’m gonna let you finish… But MY DUMP was the most Behemoth of ALL TIME!
jgsaathoff

After several unsuccessful recruitment attempts searching for a new vocalist, Gathnar decides on a more in-house solution.
aaron

Well, shit…all out of Black Toilet Paper.
[ http://www.metalsucks.net/2009/09/08/now-you-can-be-tr00-and-kvlt-even-when-youre-wiping-your-ass/ ]
http://Diavol Eric

No one questioned him when he claimed, “Even my turds are black”, but he felt he must prove it anyway
http://www.myspace.com/somethinglikesweet CJ

THE MUSICAL IS BACK!

http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

I was thinking the same thing earlier

Uglymicrowave

This kid is so Metal he even shits doom sludge
http://www.facebook.com/people/Ville-Vuorinen/1377541396 Ville Vuorinen

Harr! This poop better be tr00 kvlt black!
http://www.last.fm/user/Demigod1 Tyler

To be fair, the bush did say Slipknot was black metal.
http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

Even far removed from the public eye, Bush gets crapped on
forkstabbed

Y’know, Janne, I’m not the smartest man in the world but from over here it looks like you’re taking a shit.
Unkle Paul

‘I hope God is catching this with his mouth’
ten dead gods

witness the birth of nu-metal!!
http://www.facebook.com/people/Guinness-Wolf/1416679109 Guinness Wolf

After being fired from Dimmu Borgir, Vortex gets to work on squeezing out new ideas for his solo career.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Kasper-Maigaard/1027001938 Kasper Maigaard

“NYAAAARGH BEELZEBUB IS EXITING MY EARTHLY SHELL!!!”
Pahkmycah

With the departure of ICS Vortex and Mustis, this is what the future holds for Dimmu Borgir.
sandedfaceless

BMBM
Mike House

Do you like black metal?

Does Marduk shit in the woods?
Mitchell

Orthog proves even black metal-heads know you gotta add manure to plants to make them grow!
http://www.facebook.com/people/Mark-Gavin/1396340262 Mark Gavin

“It appears as though a fiend has slipped laxative into my Black Metal Cookies.”
http://www.pandasdestroy.com jorbams

Immortal’s new release drops…any moment now.
Kye

Call of the Wintermooning
mankvill

If Gaahl shits in the woods and his fashion designer boyfriend isn’t around to wipe his ass, does he still kidnap and torture somebody?
http://www.facebook.com/people/Bradley-Thomas/647983964 Bradley Thomas

Paroled after a 16 year prison stint, Varg Vikernes shits on Euronymous’ grave to prove once again that he is the trve-est of the trve
Wyzt

Guys look at the color on his chin

“Agh! Vhy is it coming out ov my mouth again!! Damn yous god!!”
Frampler

He found out the hard way what happens when you eat raw chicken for a black metal brunch. Best stick to the sandwiches next time.
Facebook User

i really would love to win that album but after i read the first three answers i’m not even going to bother.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Scott-Danger-Reisher/1362330027 Scott Danger Reisher

If a black metalhead shits in the woods…
phil

Black Metal: as brutal as it gets..
Chimp-0-Neg

muffled voice from the bush: OK, OK OK! I promise – production stops tomorrow!!
Black metal dude: very good Mr Sono.
columbo

Trying to appear more scandinavian, the singer of “freezing winterbottom” practices his new “downhill skiing” stage pose
anthony

kornelius kornrow, a ghost writer for the band korn, is seen here writing material for the band’s latest album.
Cincitucky

Learning an important lesson from the first Chipotle frachise opened in Norway: hot sauce burns coming out just as much as it did going in.
Blake

The brown eye salute to black metal
http://www.welovemetal.com We Love Metal

Tommy Thayer to Gene Simmons: Is it going to hurt?
Brandon

… so THATS where Zoltan Bathory was hiding for 3 days. In Gaahl’s colon!
Sam

This is what Gaahl & Gorgoroth use when they run out of corpsepaint.
Sam

I vomit blood & shit 1349!
Sam

The true meaning of “Anaal” Nathrakh.
Sam

Girl you look good, why don’t you “Back That Ass Up.”
GraZmus

One Goth, One Cup
justin

no caption necessary.
Tim

Guy 1: “I got a black eye at that Slayer concert last night! So metal!”
Guy 2: “I can beat that! I broke my arm at the Five Finger Death Punch concert!! YEAH!!!”
(Awkward Silence)
Guy 1: “Come with me and just lay down in that bush, will ya?”
http://www.facebook.com/people/Travis-Montgomery/1390920375 Travis Montgomery

is this what they call Brown Metal?
Grey Price

Now you know you’ve had a good shit when you start bleeding at the mouth.
Viking_xxx

Nergal makes an offering to the dark gods.
Viking_xxx

When plain old crabcore isn’t good enough….
Viking_xxx

Crapcore!
http://fantasyh.wordpress.com fantasyh

And the antichrist is born… Or I thought he would be when I ate those embryos
Manfred Nuggets

While taking a break from the recording of Zos Kia Cultus, Nergal was inspired by an epiphany in the woods to write a song entitled “Brownest Ov The Brown.” Thankfully, this was only the rough draft.
myspace.com/GregKleinLegion

“Making the only thing blacker than my girlfriend!”
Derek

After chilidogs at the Kmart, and chugging Boones’ Farm all morning, Roger wondered wether the 6 hour road trip to Paganfest was worth the hassle.
Vlad

Now we know why there are so many black metal clones out there…
alex

shitstain on the ass of Satan
MikeAdam

One of the Behemoth Members after the filming of their new video. Angel gave em’ the shits

Viking_xxx

Had to think about that one for a second. Very good!

EJ666

“Hang the poop, hang the poop, hang the poop..”
http://www.facebook.com/people/Bobby-Tims/1313713879 Bobby Tims

What this photo doesn’t show you is the lead singer of Attack! Attack! lying right underneath him.
Mike R

Advice: don’t felate yourself whilst listening to Darkthrone. Now I have to piss like a girl
DidgeryDo

Despite the flatulent omen, Gayogoroth never made it to the icy outhouse of frozen morbidity and was left to a grim fate at the hand of Black Metal-hating poison sumac. Lovemaking would proove arduous for the next few weeks unless the Nordic God’s send a shaman to write a grim prescription for Prednisone.
Chad E. Death

” I just heard the new Cradle of filth and this is what i think ”

PLOP
DidgeryDo

Vogar prefers a Necrinomicon by his toilet and is more accustomed to pooping in the mouths of fellow black metal fans but this would do for now….My that bush tickles…
http://www.facebook.com/people/Tom-Campagna/40702766 Tom Campagna

Step 1: Transylvanian Hunger
Step 2: Transylvanian Digestion
Step 3: Transylvanian Diarrhea
Darkthrone did not intend for it to be a trilogy
http://myspace.com/shepherdsgatemusic,myspace.com/burymeinsmokemusic Michael “The Armenian Demon” Fenton

I’m surprised he isn’t reading Lords of Chaos during his dump…It’s a great bathroom read.
matt

METAL– Saving the forests since 1970
http://myspace.com/shepherdsgatemusic,myspace.com/burymeinsmokemusic Michael “The Armenian Demon” Fenton

This is where the blast beat originated!!!
Dave B

Arrrghh. New rule: No one wears spiked wrist bands when they fist me!
Bob Brinkman

If he were TRU he’d be shitting in a frozen thorn bush. Denounce false poopers.
http://www.myspace.com/uglydirge aaron m.

So this is how every metal singer records vocals.

http://www.myspace.com/uglydirge aaron m.

“ALRIGHT YOU GUYS, HERE COMES ANOTHER RIPPING SOLO FOR THE NEW DIVINE HERESY ALBUM.”

http://www.myspace.com/uglydirge aaron m.

i already made that joke about dino in another post, but it was referring to burps, not farts or shitting so i am totally not repeating myself.
http://www.myspace.com/uglydirge aaron m.

Another independent band prepares to sign with Universal Records. Not pictured: spiked dildo.

http://www.myspace.com/uglydirge aaron m.

This month Ozzy began writing sessions for his new black metal crossover album, “Diarrhea of a Madman”.

http://www.myspace.com/uglydirge aaron m.

Even this is a new low for German shit porn.
http://www.myspace.com/uglydirge aaron m.

“I would sell my soul for a Comfort Wipe right about now if I didn’t pledge it to Satan 5 years ago.”

MIng

“At least I took off those spiked gloves…”
sticky greg

Metal is the shit!
Deven

After leaving the stage following a shitty performance, he knew he had to pull something out of his ass for encore.

Deven

the encore

Dstructive

Those 1/2 lb burritos at Taco Bell are Brutal!!!
MIKE VODRAZKA

HERE I SIT BROKEN HEARTED –TRIIED TO SHIT AND ONLY FARTED?
Spanky

This pretty much sums up black metal in general
http://www.chrisgparsons.com Chris G Parsons

BROWNER THAN BROWN
http://staticseth.blogspot.com/ Seth

Giving new meaning to the property threat “release the hounds!”
Failure

Maybe I should have reconsidered that whole “I’m so metal i shit iron ore thing…”
Old grey Moon

If I get poision ivy on my taint when I wipe,I’ll be the most satanitics in the band. Yippie!!
therealmetalmatt

Is this the creative force from Mustis that ICS Vortex was referring to?
Mike A

Im trying…………but its still coming out of my mouth!!
BruisedMetal

Dracula and the Invisible Man caught having gay “relations” in the woods
WowWee!

Hold on I’m producing the latest black metal album, hopefully it comes out just like all the others.
WowWee!

Damn I forgot my Black Toilet paper!!!!

http://www.metalsucks.net/2009/09/08/now-you-can-be-tr00-and-kvlt-even-when-youre-wiping-your-ass/
larry ayala

Are you sure this is how Gaahl got his singing gigin Gorgoroth? Can’t I just play bass or guitar? Please be gentle….
The Goat

This is the godless beginning of the deathcore “movement”
Conner

uggggh the third infant is always the messiest.
Conner

Gaahl likes his guck holes like his production; dirty, smelly, and recently over used.
Conner

“And thats what I think of Abigail Williams!!!!”
Conner

“We’re NEVER touring in Mexico again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
MIchael “THe ARmenian Demon” Fenton

3 inches of poo!!!!!
Maverick

Satan, i need so stop eating babies, those things go right through me
Maverick

All ne meaning to, shitstain on the underpants of the universe
Maverick

” UGh, hangars do not work for abortions!”
http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

He should consider himself lucky, Josh Homme does it with a cactus
Mario

“Fuck, those bean burritos were a bad idea!”
Calves

“Excuse me while I free Varg.”
drunk dude

who needs a darkthrone when green ist krieg
Nate

Gallhammer, equal parts shit and black metal.
Josh

HEY! I.C.P.!!!! Oh nope that’s just shit…OH WAIT! same thing

tallica_fan86

is there an award for the worst comment?

Sanscard

“You sure anal creampie in video is trve?”
WyldeRhoads

If a metalhead shits in the woods and there’s no one to see it, is it still br00tal?
http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Par/1311163597 Michael Paré

Black metal vs. Horrorcore: Ending = Teabag
Brad

“Free Refills Courtesy Of Captain Crunch…”
Brad

“Free Refills Coutresy Of Captain Crunch…”
louis

After a push of inspiration the Mayhem cover band changed their name to “Shitcrush”.
Ryan

The only thing more kvlt than being in a black metal band so underground no one knows about you, is shitting in the woods.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Crystal-Harper/1274911287 Harper

The recording of the follow-up song to Natte-Frost Takes a Piss
Chilech

Fir fuck’s sake Euronymous, yew must be barking to shit Dead out here.
xZakkxSlaughterx

This is the album art for Darkthrone’s sequel to their album Transilvanian Hunger. It’s called Transilvanain Constipation.
Bahnzo

You think taking a shit in the woods is tough? How about wiping with 4″ spikes on your wrist……
http://www.facebook.com/people/Matthew-Sayers/1137677363 Matthew Sayers

Tarquin was starting to wish he hadn’t stuck that fir-tree branch up his brown eye, for a bet.
Malacoda

And suddenly, to his surprise, Kvolt found the tr00est way to deliver black metal vocals.
Todd

“Hey Guys…Let’s post this on the internet and see how many comments we get on Facebook,Twitter and Myspace.”
http://www.myspace.com/sciomancy hater_guy

“I’m never eating Mexican food before a show ever again!”
Sacajawea

The recently uncovered lost illustration from the book “Everybody Poops”.
AidsRazor

WHEW! That blood of the false went right through me.
Jake

All of a sudden, North-Cold-Frozen-Hate realized that the only thing more KVLT than the shit he just took was the absence of toilet paper, and the looming wipe with a pine cone.
http://www.last.fm/user/M60Patton Patton

New Dimmu Borgir album: Shit Evil Diarrhea Behind The Bush Of Unspeakable Darkness. Coming Soon,
Master Chah

When the man told Taahl and Smaahl their new record sounded like someone eating their first born child, regurgitating its heart and colon, and then shitting out the rest piece by piece. They decided to head to the woods and record what that really sounded like to prove him wrong!
http://www.facebook.com/people/Corey-Mitchell/660352330 Corey Mitchell

Varg Vikernes plots his return.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Corey-Mitchell/660352330 Corey Mitchell

Tr00 girl, 1 cup.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Corey-Mitchell/660352330 Corey Mitchell

What happens when you play “Kill ‘Em All” backwards.
Dimitry

“Cradle Of Filth recording their latest album!”
Dreadward

I’m conjuring you a gift.
Not too grim, not too frosty.
Perfect.
Dreadward

You might say the secret ingredient is lutefisk.
ZeroMoose

*HNNGGNGNGNHHH*
H-Hold on guys, the n-OH GOD-new album’s almost done
http://www.facebook.com/people/Lane-Regli/100000323974910 Lane Regli

Damn, I forgot my bible in the car. Now i gotta use leaves
http://www.facebook.com/people/Bobby-Tims/1313713879 Bobby Tims

Here I sit, broken hearted. Came here to kvlt, but only farted.

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