WTF is “Will It Blend”…a TV show? A web show? A web page? You know there are A LOT of those out there…HTF (“how the fuck”, trying to get it up there with WTF) am I supposed to keep up with this stuff? If guesting is the gig, I am your man! When and where? I will take care of the why!

Yes, I blend slaves using a giant blender, and I don’t ever clean them out! How are you supposed to get maggots in your food if you don’t let it rot?

I don’t know about a carrot stick, but I would shove a lead fishing weight up my dick slit and then go visit your Mom in the hospital. Halfway thru the conversation (which would be kinda like “please…no…omigod” etc…) I would spit the slug out of my cuttlefish, knocking your Mom’s bedpan into her breakfast.

Balls yes, as a matter of fact you are one of them. Whats that? You say you didn’t realize that GWAR created the human race by fucking apes and various other creatures? We were hoping to get some kind of super-ape, but ended up with the human race instead. We’ve made the best of it together, here on Earth, and now it is time to put aside any petty differences and stand as one against the intergalactic assholes of Cardinal Syn! Their war-fleet draws closer every minute!

We lay claim to our creation, as your Lords and Masters, and demand your full effort in the coming war!

I speak symbolically when I call Gor-Gor my son. He isn’t really. Adopted at best, then abused and abandoned. We found his egg beneath the GWAR temple and Slymenstra humped it til’ the little fucker crawled out…more like hopped…he was a good hopper. Then we shot him up with liquid crack, fueling the rampage we have born witness to for years.

Recently Gor-Gor, ham that he is, showed up at our Wacken gig, and started acting up…he trashed the dressing room with that tail of his, then stormed onstage and demanded drugs. What he got was a sword through the head!

I suppose if I had time to play this game I would play the creature was as much like me as possible, because in my eyes I am absolutely perfect…why should I want to be anyone else? How banal, how unappealing. I guess a big semi-undead orc chief maybe with some dark elf blood. Not the gay kind!

But why play this game when my life is pretty much exactly like this…except without as much walking around. I get to feel real things, like hot blood and cold pudding. Get me in front of a GWAR video game and it might be a different story.

That reminds me…GWAR is in the Guitar Hero Halloween Pack with “Gor-Gor” So it begins.

You know what we need?A full-on blood and guts and sick sex and drugs and intergalactic war GWAR video game!!!! Why the hell no one has done this already is beyond belief. C’mon, somebody grow a pair and hook up GWAR! How about Rob Zombie…a little 25th Anniversary love…peel a little off that stack and get GWAR where it should be…HUGE!!!!!

I don’t know too much about this band but have heard good things. I am going to check them out.

I notice this band is named after the famous Nile River in Egypt. Does this mean there are mummies involved? Is the band made up of mummies? Are there in fact any mummies in the band at all?

Just curious. I like mummies, and I like metal. Metal Mummies. Sounds cool.

If they do their job, they hopefully explode into your eyes, blinding you and giving you numerous incurable diseases.

As far as that crafty, kooky, A-Jad is concerned, I am in no hurry to kill him. I think he is quite amusing. I wish him all the best in his construction of a nuclear warhead and delivery system for said weapon. Hopefully Many people admire him for his defiant attitude, and I am enjoying his stand-up comedy, particularly the jokes he made about the Holocaust. Hilarious! Way funnier than Schindler’s List. Everyone said what a great movie that was but when I saw it I only laughed like two, three times!

We were getting close to the end of our set in Denver when I saw my tour manager on the side stage gesturing frantically. I went over and got the news that Dime had been shot. I really wish my TM had waited til’ after the show, but he felt I should know asap, and if I knew that there was no way I was going to do the rest of the set acting like nothing had happened. Just couldn’t do it. And I couldn’t tell everyone as Oderus…so we decided to ditch the costumes, break the news, and finish the rest of the set as humans, dedicating it to Dime. It just seemed like the thing to do.

We did it to honor Dime. Unbelievably the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, which held an induction ceremony for U2 and various others the next day, couldn’t manage to do the same…what had happened to Dime (and music!) was not even mentioned once in the whole bloated, bullshit affair…at that moment the R+R Hall of Fame lost all credibility in my eyes…

Hard to believe he wasn’t from outer space, he really rolled like he had some serious Scumdog in him…I mean look how many rounds it took to drop him! Rock on Dime, you are loved and missed…and hopefully are jamming with Jimi Hendrix.

Damn I just saw how many damn questions I have, gonna have to stop being so damn effusive…

I thought I was headlining…not even GWAR, just me, ODERUS URUNGUS, with some guys standing around behind me playing music or something.

No, GWAR is headlining, it’s just that Lamb of God is playing after us!

We pick bands we like…musically and personally. This tour is the perfect example. We have worked with all these guys before, and like almost all of them! We know they can never have a better show than GWAR, so we don’t hold back lights or PA like some douchebag bands do. Like Metallica.

No.

I don’t have, need, or want friends. Any time spent with friends is time that could be much better spent with myself, masturbating furiously.

I will however accept donations in the forms of buying GWAR records, attending GWAR shows, and slaying in the name of GWAR.

Do well and we might hang out one day. For like 30 seconds. As long as it takes to sign all of the GWAR shit you bought!

You’re fucked. I’ve seen them three times and I needed to respawn each time. Hurts like a bitch.

Throw that blood-drenched puppy in the dryer, and put it on HOT for a while. Bake that shit in there! Throw a baby in there with it, and you can wear a nice shirt to dinner…

Pink is for PUSSIES…unless it is the kind of pink that can only be attained by bathing in blood…blood provided by your LORDS AND MASTERS, the mighty GWAR! And all GWAR followers are unstoppable bad-asses, at least until GWAR destroys them!

Sure, why the fuck not? There are so many cores around I feel like I am in an H.G. Wells novel.

Anyone can listen to music. Not everyone can read a book.

Yeah, I know, I don’t get it either…

I agree, that sounds like it would be a lot of fun. He should be rotted enough that his skin should just kind of sluff off as we kick it around the stage, dislodging gout’s of maggots.

Or maybe we could stick him in a car with Mary Jo Kopechnehe, that girl let drown, and shoot at them, so they can drive off a bridge.

We also could fuck it, throw it up a tree, or take dumps on his head.

Ummm…I don’t know…maybe clean the shit out of your eyes? Because we don’t look anything like that! We’re fucking studs and we dress it, hot and heavy, born for war but not afraid to rape. Maybe you mean those fags who are fighting for Cardinal Syn…and Syn himself looks like some kind of half-queer space KKK dude…but one thing is for fucking sure…GWAR does NOT look like the Power Rangers! Now go sit in the corner, and no jacking off!

I have not changed my clothing (armor, actually…) in as long as I can remember, nor do I care to. The more blood, brains and filth that collect on my war-suit, the happier I am. But you guys go ahead…”dress-up” like a pirate, or a used condom, or a member of GWAR…I care not. Now if your hot, slutty, filthy she-bitch girlfriend wants to dress up even sluttier, thats cool…maybe I can help dress her up…with a couple of cunt-fulls of curdled choad-rope!

We will merely dig a little deeper into the bowels of the Scumdog temple until we find a new member to de-thaw. There are still a few down there. I think Scroda came from there. I hope there are not any more like him…he completely sucked! But remember, we are undying immortal overlords, and now that Earth is the only place that has crack (thanks to Cardinal Syn) are not likely to be leaving any time soon. So fuck all of you GWAR haters…I hope you are getting nice and pissed over all the attention GWAR is getting. Well, get used to being pissed…its just gonna get worse! Go on…piss yourself!

I am not sure, but will say yes. Then no. Then back to yes, with a side of maybe. We create diseases with every shit we take, every pimple that we pop has the potential to kill billions. Balsac would probably have a better idea if that disease was one of ours…he is a scientist of sorts (the horrible sort) and the one with the big old laboratory in the GWAR keep that he will never let me into–as I am constantly turning his Pyrex into elaborate crack-pipes!

Did you say the Swine Flu? Where did he get the ticket? LOL!

Here’s another funny joke. Two guys are walking down the street when a pigeon shits on one. The guy says “Hey! Gimme a handkerchief!”, to which the other guys says “How come? It”s already three blocks away!” LOL! O.K., not so much…

That comment was definately directed at me

Yeah, but it would be way longer…about an hour and 15 minutes is my limit, then I have to go to go backstage for the booze and drug-fueled sex party…besides, we like them!

Arrrgh, neither, they are both repulsive. I mean I love Slayer, but I don’t want to have sex with them…maybe it would be fun to make them have sex with each other….

He’s sexy without the dress. If you are into bestial butt sex, that is. But he is strangely alluring in that role. Many children experience their first erection when seeing this example of animated cross-dressing. Luckily, Catholic Priests can be brought in to check on the child, with their mouths, to make sure the penis is developing correctly. And so the church joins with a gender-bending rabbit in order to titillate young boys to the point where their precious little pricks fill a grown mans mouth with salty-sweet slit-barf.