«
»
Laugh At Others' Misfortunes

LADIES: BIOHAZARD’S EVAN SEINFELD IS OFFICIALLY AVAILABLE TO GIVE YOU A FACIAL

 Wednesday, September 30th, 2009 at 2:30pm by

happier times

Evan Seinfeld and Tera Patrick have split up. Apparently it’s amicable. This means Tera will now be free to make porn with other dudes, like she did in her pre-Seinfeld days, while Evan will be free to make porn with other chicks, or medicore music with whatever band he’s doing these days. (Until I get that Biohazard/Onyx tour I’ve been begging for since ’93, I don’t give a shit.)

It’s hard to believe that this relationship didn’t last. If a metal thug and a porn star who make a great deal of money filming themselves fucking can’t be happy together these days, then what hope is there for the rest of us?

Go here to watch Evan and Tera in happier times, sharing their love. Or, at least, Evan sharing his love all over Tera’s face. Needless to say, it’s NSFW.

-AR

Tags: , , ,
  • Shinaain

    Lol, nice! As sensitive, caring, and understanding as ever, I see. In fact, I’d say you’re on a roll this week. Remind me not to come running to you for sympathy after my next break-up.

  • http://www.gravatar.com/avatar/62449cbe5ea8d22bcc2e76890fceaa37.png Lord Bling

    Great headline. And thanks for the link … I think.

  • Roadrunner_Idiot

    Thanks, great link

  • Pat

    If I had to look at that face night after night (sans makeup,) I would be looking for anything to cover it up with too.

  • http://www.solidsterecords.com NoCowNoFood

    I wish she was my girlfriends girlfriend

  • gnarlk

    “my ex-wife gets smotherrrrrrrred”

  • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

    That might be the ugliest couple of all time

    • Anthony

      Tera Patrick’s pretty hot. I’d do her.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Matt-Dasher/30826541 Matt Dasher

    Wow. How the fuck to you get divorced from a porn star? If I married a porn star, her wish would be my command. As in, I’d do ANYTHING to keep that relationship going. If Tera Patrick told me to fight a pack of wolves with my bare hands, I’d fucking do it ASAP.

    • SourDeez

      Tera Patrick really isn’t that attractive, especially for a porn star.

      • DidgeryDoo

        Big tits, petite angular body, full lips, pretty face…..What’s there not to like really?

        • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

          I have no idea where the pretty face is in that picture, I see a burned mummy standing next to Travel Channel’s Andrew Zimmern and his parasitic twin head

          • DidgeryDoo

            LOL I dunno I guess you guys all have much higher standards then
            me.

  • cougar party

    This is great soley because there will be no reason to talk about Evan Seinfeld ever again.

  • mrbinky

    He looked better fat.

  • canea

    Life without an elastic asshole is going to be tough indeed.

  • Lorenzo

    I clicked the link saw that I was actually going to see Evan naked I shut down firefox and had a good long cry in the corner of my room.

  • William Grimmkvlt

    Does this mean we’re one step closer to a Savage Animal(or whatever that VH1 band was called)reunion? Maybe they’ll get Bach together once Sebastian finishes with Celebrity Fit Club.

    • therealmetalmatt

      +1
      I can perfectly hear Bach saying that name right now in my head

  • http://myspace.com/biosyn teaches_of_peaches

    Ugh. That guy represents everything that hardcore is against. This is the one guy you can honestly say is a sellout.

  • Fong Chung

    lol yeah but this guy taught shitty hardcore bands how to sell out.

  • reznik

    aw so sad that they broke up

  • http://www.welovemetal.com We Love Metal

    I thought he was a fat guy? weird.

  • did you just piss on my xbox?

    id tounge jam her fart box

  • http://evilsausage.livejournal.com/ Evil

    Christ, that link opened four popups for me, one of which tried not to close when I clicked the x. Thanks a lot!

  • bobovdeath

    you couldnt pay me to click that link…might as well just go google “gimme a nasty fuckin virus” and click on the link and say bye bye computer.

    anti-viruses DO NOT WORK on these types of sites,neither does googlin them and seeing if theres a green x next to it on google..that just means the site isnt a bug,but any video you click on to watch…see what happens

    just sayin

  • bobovdeath

    and i thinks it funny that someone can look at that picture and think that tera patrick isnt hot,and talk shit about how she looks.

    like you have a hotter girlfriend..if you dont think tera patrick is hot you probably cant get a chick and have hyper standards cuz to you their magical unattainable beings..

    shes totally fukn hot