FUNNY PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN A COPY OF REVOLVER MAGAZINE’S SPECIAL SLAYER EDITION
Thursday, October 1st, 2009 at 5:30pm by Vince Neilstein
Congrats to “wiffle bat” and “soup”, the two proud owners of the brand new Revocation CD Existence is Futile. Their winning captions for the photo at right submitted in last week’s funny photo caption contest:
- wiffle bat: “pardon me while i pass the brains of my bass player.”
- soup: “…one more push for the new Cradle of Filth album.”
This week we’ve got 5 copies of Revolver Magazine’s special all-Slayer edition, which hits newsstands this week: “This unmissable special issue takes you in-depth through the band’s hellacious history, including exclusive new interviews with every group member, an oral history going behind the scenes of their biggest albums and mammoth tours, a vintage Clash of the Titans roundtable interview… and a look inside the artwork of Slayer’s “unholy trinity”—Reign in Blood, South of Heaven, and Seasons in the Abyss—with illustrator Larry Carroll, and guitarist Kerry King reveals some of his favorite shit. On top of this, the issue contains never-before-seen photos and a selection of Slayer-inspired tattoos from their most diehard fans!”
Just come up with a funny caption to the below photo, courtesy of Shelby Cobras of Illogical Contraption.
i didnt know it was possible for kiss to be gayer
Dude your smearing the paint!
“Well, I had to. He got his chocolate in my peanut butter.”
“I told you not to bro out with my Affliction gear without my permission!”
Unfortunately, this is how MTV chooses their videos
This is why Eyal doesn’t bring up his Navy days in his blog
i see this too
McEyal’s Navy
HEYOOOOO
“Navy Eyal”
haha nice.
“are you sure this is how that autoerotic asphyxiation thing is supposed to work?”
No hitting below the belt, just heavy petting
Varg Vikernes is exonerated when Euronymous’ real killer is revealed to be Chris Benoit.
Oh shit! That’s funny as fuck!!!
+10,000,000
WIN!
WIN.
Oh! Gene Simmons does not pay me enough to do this!
the physical manifestation of what it’s like to be kicked out of as terrible a band as kiss.
Darrell springs into action and applies the Heimlich maneuver just in time to revive Marilyn Manson, who had choked on his own athletic supporter while stretching for the charity wrestling match. The VFW hall erupts in applause.
SO MUCH WIN
“You gotta lay off the steroids, coach. I hear they shrink your penis” (Class of 1999 reference, let’s see if anyone gets it)
Kind of defeats the whole purpose when you tell where you got it from.
Vinnie Vincent fails to hold onto image rights during talks with Gene’s Lawyer.
Nice!
RAW IST KRIEG!!!
A young, Kiss loving David Caradine, before he realized the slender arms of a 12 year old Thai girl fit better under his chin.
“How can this be?!?! I was sure that wearing makeup would make me more manly!”
After a thorough beat-down from “Hardcore”, “Heavy Metal” vows to never be out brutalled again, such was the birth of the “-Cores”.
“Corpse paint washing off…. losing… my… powers…”
win.
+1
my vote
Somewhere Joey Styles is screaming “OH MY ODIN!”
Win.
not an entry: I bought this late last week and have read some of it, good reading. Like $6? Hail Slayer!
6 bucks for that? Why would you bother to think of a winning entry, when you could buy it for 6 bucks?
Fight Club 2: Starring Brad Pitt and King Diamond
Bro-core vs black metal
Metal sucks.
Approximately nine months before the birth of the Hamburglar
Fucking Win!!!
Ghaal didn’t realize that the terms “piledriver”, “big splash”, “camel clutch”, and “bodypress” were all wrestling terms as well.
Don’t forget rear naked choke.
Thumbs down.
Proof, if proof were needed, that Gene Simmons is a giant pussy.
How Brad Pitt killed metal.
FUCK someone already beat me to the Brad Pitt reference above.
Damn I’m gonna get my ass kicked for disgracing the brand, I hope they just kick Peter Criss’s ass.
Half Nelson, Full Nelson, Freddie Nelson: The Untold Story of Paul Gilbert’s Years in the Octagon
Black metal was the only thing “Raw” enough for Vince McMahon’s monday nights
A sad day indeed for “The Spaceman”, when Ace Frehley found himself in the deadly clutches of the Space Bear.
Oh no Jamey Jasta just put Gene into a headlock how will he escape this one!?
This is the exact moment Kiss passed the torch on to All That Remains.
Which STD is “torch” slang for?
This is the exact momment Kiss passed the HIV on to All That Remains……Win! lol!
” It was 1998 and Nu-Metal had sunk in the choke…”
It’s all fun and games until someone gets…inseminated.
Got Satanists? Call your local pro wrestler!
dammit gene i told you to stop making fun of my tights
Right now somewhere in Baltimore, John Waters is totally creaming his beautifully pressed slacks.
Metal Man willing submitted to the sleeper hold after hearing that this week’s prize was a measly copy of Revolver magazine…I’ve got a subscription already!!
willingly
The birth of “Blackend Bro-Core”.
“Hey is that Fozzy? Oh no, that’s just Owen Hart’s remains”
NO!!! I’M playing this highschool prom!
Without a doubt, Gene Simmons’ lawyer is searching for this bingo hall.
Caaannn youuu smellllll what the cock is choking?
Wait! No fair! The power of satan was supposed to over-ride the 14 tall boys!
AJ Styles does the world a favor and puts Marilyn Manson to sleep.
Juggal’OWNED.
win
After hearing a resounding crack come from the neck, Josh looked down and realized that he had, in fact, not killed Gene Simmons, but instead the lead singer/growler of Black Metal band “Morbid Hypothermia.”
“Of Mice and Men” starring Brad Pitt and Gene Simmons. “I didn’t mean ta kill’em, George. I was just trying to stroke his tongue.”
“Geez….Your’re right nickelback is better then dimmu borgir!!!!”
Despite what Jeff hoped the heavy metal face paint did not stop the prison rape
somethings wrong!……..this isnt even the kiss concert is ?
Ace Frehleys next job interview if Anomaly flops.
Celebrity Deathmatch Jamey Jasta -vs- Ace Frehley
Poor Ace hasn’t lifted a weight since his website was last updated…1982
JR: BAH GAWD, SHAGRATH’S DOWN, SHAGRATH’S DOWN!!
King: That’s what happens when you claim to be more kvlt than the Undertaker!
In the Musical Wrestling Competition, nobody expected the Jpop team to so thoroughly humiliate the Heavy Metal team.
Take this you poser!!!
You can choke the breath out of the juggalo, but you can’t choke the juggalo out of the idiot.
John Bush hated the new Kiss album so much he snapped Ace Frehley’s neck
This is why the first rule of fight club exists.
god damnit theres already like 10 fight club/brad pitt references.
new one:
“He asked me if I was a hermaphodite and one thing led to another”
for the ultimate warrior, the first few years were rough.
And Brocore has Black Metal in a sleeper hold!
“you get your paul’s to the wall, man! PAUL’S TO THE WAAAAAALLLL”
high five
Hells yeah! someone finally got the udo-accept reference! and paul stanley, of course.
After that last Tarantino disaster, Brad set his sights on metal… and what better place to start than with one man’s MS column.
When lil’ chris found out how much money Gene made off him…there was hell to pay!
Short haired guy: you’re gonna say it loud and proud, bitch!!
“metal” guy: panting…METAL… panting…SUCKS…panting
Brad Pitt tires of Immortal invading EVERY picture on the mighty internetz.
Juggalos unite and once again fall victim to the middle class white man!
Had Varg NOT killed Euronymous, this would have been his next step in life. Somethings are better left unknown.
His only defense now is the undead flatulence attack
“Get ready, Heavy Metal, here’s a little taste of what I gave Acid Rock and Hardcore last week. Next, I’m coming to get you, Double Bass. And this time…I’m cutting a dick hole in my leotard. Giddyup.”
HUG HIM ‘TIL HE FEELS IT!!!
BONESAW’S READYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM
I thought I was the only person who found that part of the movie rediculously funny.
Christmas at Tommy Lee’s house
epic win
I think we missed a step in the “Hug Instruction Manual”.
(My wife came up with this entry, so if I win, I need 2 prizes.)
Hey boy you sure do got a purdy mouth
“Too Kvlt” Scorpio loses to “The Hatebreed” Jeremy Jasta.
Ah fuck, someone else with a Jasta comment lol.
“Say it! Admit black metal sucks! Say it or I’ll twist your head clean off!”
Jamey Jasta was never into KISS…
“Your gonna gimme that f*cking dark throne vinyl!”
GAY TARDO?
OH MY GOD! JASTA’S GOT FREHLEY IN THE SLEEPER HOLD! HE COULD SUBMIT HERE! FREHLEY LOOKS LIKE HE CAN’T TAKE MUCH MORE! AN ELECTRIFYING MOMENT IN SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT!
Gaahl likes it rough.
“I F’n told you!!!! No Makeup in HATEBREED!!!!”
Why is john bush chokin out one of the gays from avenged sevenfold?
Apparently, Gene Simmons has given the go ahead to start production on the new Kiss Sex Doll.
Now you’re gonna play Free Bird?
This is for crapping in my bush last week!
Just when you thought wrestling couldn’t get any gayer , Kiss had to get involved.
WAIT THAT ALREADY HAPPENED !!!
“Don’t you DARE insult Chickenfoot!”
“I am ‘Too Far Gone’ you are ‘Still Wicked’!”
“GODDAMN, THE SINGER FROM FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH ISN’T OUT OF CRAZY TOWN!!!”
“This is for releasing the new Cradle of filth album Douche BAG”
Goddamn it, Robby! You got face paint on my singlet!
Welcome to Jackass, I’m Steve-o and this is the “Black Metal Headlock”.
Glad to see somebody is finally getting revenge for Music from “The Elder.”
Things went quite awry at the Special Metal Olympics this year, when wrestlers Avy F’Tal (below) and Daddy X’s retarded half-brother (above) got into a fight to the “death,” each wanting to win so they could date the white-eyed girl in the corner.
The Early Years: Dani Filth. A VH1 Behind the Music Special.
Jocks always win.
“Now, if you look over here in the ring, you will see the hunter catching and impregnating its prey… and that, is how the Winds of Plague are Born”
Billy realized too late that Garn had said “Nice game” instead of “I’m gay”.
Hi I’m Kenny Rogers and this is Jackass
Christeen WASN’T sixteen when we “met”
the dimmu borgir feud has reached a new level. back yard juggalo fighting
If you fuck me in the ass one more time when I pass out, I will kill you!
Man, that Angelina sure has gone down the drain, as seen here filming Mr. & Mrs. Smith 2.
When the KISS Army lets you down, Dave Brockie makes you his bitch!
The holiday season always brings the Juggalos and Maggots together.
Danni Filth and Manaic wrestling.
Having run out of ideas for new films Guy Ritchie has decided to release a box set of all the cut scenes from his popular comedy Snatch.
the tentative cover for emmure’s next album: kurt angle does the “wigger slam”
In a Teaser Poster for the new film “2012″ we see the scene where Affliction finally kills Heavy Metal.
“Wigga Slam kicking that Black Metal ass, yo!”
“This is what you get for trying to sell me a kiss coffin!”
“This is more fun then Ghaal’s Slumber party!”
Breaking News!!!!
Brad Pitt has taken a hostage
Demands include-
1. A cradle of filth poster
2. No more kids on sale for adoption
3. The wwe championship belt
Lol.. sounds about right..
Heavy Metal desperately tries to tag his partner Glam to avoid losing the “80’s tag team title” to the heel team of Nazi Punk & Hardcore!
… who by the way would later succesfully defend those tittle’s against MJ & U2 but eventualy lose it to the team of Speed Metal & Crossover.
… after Crossover betrayed Hardcore backstage, brutally beating him with a foldup chair and throwing him thru a table, leaving Nazi Punk to defend the belts alone after there manager Slam Pit jumped sides also.
“This is why your mother never let you listen to heavy metal.”
Amidst the raging headlock of death, a young wrestler ponders haikus, quantum physics, and why axe deodorant does not attract women.
This picture plays outmy highschool days
the war between XCORE and tr00 metal has gone to the next level…
“CRUSH!!!”
MetalSucks staff writer Shaun Hand is forced to wear Kiss make up will receiving his annual performance evaluation.
i wrestled a homo once
“Alright Jack Black you’re next!”
Don’t you ever say an unkind word about Henry Rollins again. You son of a bitch…