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Haterade

SAYING “BEST KEYBOARD BREAKDOWNS” IS LIKE SAYING “BEST INSTANCES OF ANAL RAPE”

 Thursday, October 1st, 2009 at 9:00am by

The below video is a collection of the “Best Keyboard/Synthesizer Breakdowns of All Time.” I saw it today on Sergeant D’s Stuff You Will Hate, which is certainly living up to its name. Because, y’know, I always thought “Gee, totally generic breakdowns could really use some irritating keyboards.”

A couple of good groups, like Horse the Band and Veil of Maya, seem to have snuck their way onto the list, but by and large, this stuff is just as terrible as you’d think. And let’s all thank the guy who made this for not even being able to come up with ten different bands to include – Born of Osiris and HTB are both on here twice.

Also, does The Devil Wears Prada really have a song called “Dogs Can Grow Beards All Over?” ‘Cause that would be an adorable sentiment coming from a three year old. A Christian metalcore band, not so much.

-AR

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  • Justin Sane

    crap

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Bobby-Tims/1313713879 Bobby Tims

    born of osiris is good though.

    • Slaughterhouse

      So is Veil Of Maya

    • rayray

      Born of Osiris is very good. I am sure some moron will bash them on here and prob never listened to an album before. They are at the top of their genre. End of story…..WHERE IS THE REVIEW FOR THEIR NEW ALBUM??????????????

      • Taylor Hart

        BOO’s new album is not so good. They lost their identity. They kept it real and did their thing on their first album. It was who they were. I guess they forgot or something. I dont know…

  • Zoker

    I love “Stuff you will hate”!!!

  • http://www.sametal.wordpress.com Matt K

    I love the disclaimer at the beginning stating “I don’t listen to this crap anymore,” but that he has a different list of awesome breakdowns, meaning he’s gone from something that’s at least a bit unconventional to something that’s 100% generic.

  • Zee

    Well, it’s good you’re pointed out which bands are shit and which aren’t. Because, you know, technically all these breakdowns sound basically the same – 4/4 beat with snare/cymbal (rides, hihats, whatever they’re called) + chuggy one-note riffs played together with less regular playing kicks + some not particularly technical keyboards. Only stuff that’s bit off is Attack Attack which are less technical (I guess they just bit suck) and Enter Shikari, which is rave-y.

  • http://www.myspace.com/antaresmusicny Andrew

    wow – way to give keyboards a bad rep. There have been plenty of metal bands to encorporate keys well – Bodom, Dimmu, Dream Theater, Mirrorthrone, Emperor. (Sorry, guess I’m little partial to keyboards)

  • John

    Veil Of Maya doesn’t have a keyboard player. That’s just Marc being epic on pedals.

    • Slaughterhouse

      Thats what I was thinking

    • lol

      yea that person is dumb lol

    • You Suck

      Totally all guitar sounds.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Logan-Alyxander-Johnson/100000017207836 Logan Alyxander Johnson

        was going to post something about that until i saw this comment.. marc is sick

  • Nate

    Veil of Maya isn’t good. I’ve seen them live. They’re stereotypical deathcore bullshit. “It’s not safe to swim today.” Really? Its about drowning yourself. I like to pretend their awful screams are telling me that there’s sharks in the pool, so it doesn’t COMPLETELY suck. Oh wait, it would either way. C’mon guys, lets hear your staccato on one note prowess!

    • eric

      lol@scrub who fails at interpreting lyrics

  • http://tenchimyo.deviantart.com tenchimyo

    I’m Conflicted. Keyboards have their place in metal sometimes, but sometimes the contrast is a bit too much and we are left with thinking…

    “Really? Do we really need something happy sounding in the middle of that riff?”

    I like Europe (the band) and all, but a lot of times I say leave the keyboards to the Europeans (and prolly power metal). They know how to do it right and not half assed.

    That last band sounds like they are trying to play “Jump”

  • I don’t know jack

    They should pass a law that prohibits people from starting bands til they’re at least 24 we’d have less bands like these and the whole squat like an idiot and run in place generation

    • http://metalinquisition.com SergeantD

      But then we wouldn’t have Old Skull or Bad 4 Good!

      • You Suck

        Ah satire…

    • Mike Adam

      Sorry im 18 hate all this stupid Core shit. And Im learning to play guitar better so I might stick out as a 18 year old dude who has good taste in metal.

  • BigBabyJesus36

    Apparently this guy has not heard of Beyond Twilight.

  • rayray

    I think Chimaira does the whole keyboard/sound guy thing the best.

    • joshkid

      children of bodom

      • You Suck

        Credit were it’s due…That guy effing rips on the keys. ever see them live? He fucking shreds with the keyboard tipped all the way back so it’s upright and the keys face away. While swilling a Heineken!!!

  • oBESTIALo

    ” idont listen to this crap anymore”

    nah,nah boo, veil of maya, and horse the band rule, good out ways the bad sooo, yeah

  • MetalRod

    I made it to the one minute mark

  • Guy that knows way too many dead baby jokes

    I like it how he states that “He doesnt listen to this shit anymore this was made in December 2008″ Like it was some long ass time ago.

  • http://www.last.fm/user/groverXIII groverXIII

    CUT! CUT! CUT! CUUUUT!

    Yes, I like HORSE The Band. Better than the other bands on there.

    • SourDeez

      That’s because they’re the only band that actually makes breakdowns work, by using them very tastefully instead of throwing them in every fucking song. They keep em short and sweet. The breakdown from HORSE the Song on their new album is pretty awesome, and I don’t even know why, they’re just repeating their name with gang vocals. But again, just for a few seconds.

  • Brutalizer

    Some of the worst music ever written.

  • You Suck

    My vote for best anal rape would have to be in the flick irreversable. It’s like fucking long, uncomfortably long. Like ten cinematic Technicolor minutes.

  • nifkin

    Horse the Band is fucking amazing and all the stuff Lord Gold plays on the keys is the shit!!!

  • Marcel

    Rammstein – Keine Lust has a good keyboard breakdown, part of another guitar/drums breakdown. Which makes is even more awesome, ofcourse.

    • Marcel

      Which makes IT even more awesome, ofcourse.

  • ISUXDIX

    Abstract Art by Born of Osiris is without a doubt the sloppiest sounding thing i have ever heard in my life that keyboard sounds so out of place and half assed it doesn’t really help that the rest of the band is insufferable and should not play music anymore.

    • Mike Adam

      You understand about them thank god im not the only one

  • http://www.theblacklaser.net Joe The Wizard

    Hahaha, I love the “I don’t listen to this crap anymore” comment at the beginning of the video. Oh, you made something 10 months ago where you called them “THE BEST” and suddenly you’ve had such a change of heart that it’s now “CRAP”? Way to be easily swayed, kid. Not only that, but you’ve got at least 4 breakdown related videos on your YouTube page? Seriously? And you’re 22? What are you, fucking simple? Do you breathe through your mouth?

    Horse the Band is fucking rad, though. And pretty much the only actual breakdowns in this list.

    You want to know the best keyboard breakdowns? Any Rhapsody track. Dude, those Italian motherfuckers shred. And songs about dragons and shit that they totally take seriously? Best band on Earth.

  • I’m God

    I think singling out bands because they use keyboards is pretty damn stupid. even attack attack isnt that bad, if they stopped with the insanely gay clean singing/autotone they’d be legit.

    but honestly the keyboards make things original and add cool effects. and dont diss TDWP no matter how scene they are, they started the whole keyboard/hardcore thing.

    id rather listen to this then “black dahlia murder” or “the faceless” or any of that noise, at least this has rythm.

    • I’m God

      and i forgot to mention how biased you are, saying “HTB” is good and everything else isnt. horse the band fucking sucks. “CUT….CUT…CUT…CUT” ….what lyricism!! what kind of emo shit is that. the only reason i even generally respect HTB is because they started nintendocore, then iamerror totally showed them up, so they are reduced back to garbage.