FUNNY PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN THE FALL OF TROY’S NEW CD IN THE UNLIKELY EVENT

Thursday, October 8th, 2009 at 4:30pm by

heavy metal wrestlerCongrats to the winners of last week’s funny photo caption contest, each of whom will receive a copy of Revolver’s all-Slayer special edition issue in the mail. The winners and their captions to the photo at right:

  • LEGIONS:iron and steel: “Varg Vikernes is exonerated when Euronymous’ real killer is revealed to be Chris Benoit.”
  • \m/Eluveitie\m/: “This is why Eyal doesn’t bring up his Navy days in his blog.”
  • Insomnivore: “Vinnie Vincent fails to hold onto image rights during talks with Gene’s Lawyer.”
  • Skanes: “Juggal’OWNED.”
  • Shiggy Shack: “Amidst the raging headlock of death, a young wrestler ponders haikus, quantum physics, and why axe deodorant does not attract women.”

This week we’re giving away three copies of The Fall of Troy‘s new CD In The Unlikely Event, which just came out this week. Fall of Troy are an incredibly talented art-metal / post-hardcore band whom we don’t talk about nearly enough on this website. All you need to do to win is come up with a caption to the below photo and enter it (using a valid email address) in the comments section below.

black metal cake

  • http://www.roxwel.com Pick-Axe Bobby

    Um, I don’t know about caption, but best cake ever.

    • ughhh

      this isn’t even a reply. i just want everyone to know that i’ve been a big Fall of Troy fan…but this cd is actually horrible. i don’t even think a clever caption is worth it. and i’m not some message board asshole. i warned you.

      • Uglymicrowave

        I highly agree….this is one of my favorite bands…and this cd was a huge let down…first 2 or three tracks are great but this album defintly does NOT sum up fall of troy…I am just letting you guys know…but if it’s for free then sell it to your friends!

        • http://www.myspace.com/this_is_james_myspace Necrozoid

          Ditto to ugly microwave, the first two albums are amazing (more so the first one) unlike this one.

  • seantastic

    Happy Birthday Odin.

  • kayn83

    evidently this black metal fan is not tr00 with the white frosting in all

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andrea-Voulgaris/663407462 Andrea Voulgaris

      lol that’s pretty good.

  • Manfred Nuggets

    Abbath did not get what he expected when he just for ice and frost on his birthday cake.

    • Manfred Nuggets

      MIsspelling! Will repost the CORREXT comment in a sec.

  • FuckYourGayEmoHaircut

    What the fuck!? A REAL black metal cake would have BLACK FROSTING!
    This was obviously created by a poser.

  • Viking-Shredder

    The Fall of Troy fucking sucks. No matter what happens, do not give me a copy of that CD.

    • http://myspace.com/metalheadx116 Uncle Jesse

      my vote for win

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Bobby-Tims/1313713879 Bobby Tims

        seconded

    • Jimmy

      I hope you win out of spite.

  • Matt

    Happy Black Metal Birthday from Immortal.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Paul-Quinn/1197379400 Paul Quinn

    Cool. I always wanted a birthday cake with the Legion of Doom on it.

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH WHAT A RUSH!

  • kylemurder

    Sons of Northern Cakeness.

  • Manfred Nuggets

    Abbath did not get what he expected when he asked for just ice and frost on his birthday cake.

  • Kevin M

    Grim and frostbitten…ice cream cake?

  • skoal

    they don’t make power ranger cakes in Norway

    • Deschain

      LOL, I don’t know why i think this is so funny!

    • TonyT

      hah this ones awesome

    • Axolotl

      This has to win.

  • seantastic

    This cake is the reason Jon Nödtveidt killed himself.

  • Zilch

    DAMMNit i asked for black raspberry, not black metal ass fairies

  • http://www.myspace.com/butchfrable Butch

    Gahhl’s dream of the ultimate wedding cake topper…

  • http://www.myspace.com/ihopeyourot DemiGod

    Call Of The Birthday Cake

  • http://www.last.fm/user/groverXIII groverXIII

    It may look like a regular cake, but this cake is AN ABOMINATION IN DEFIANCE OV GOD.

  • Manfred Nuggets

    THis is actually KISS in ten years…

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Acerra/508945856 Michael Acerra

    Fully pleased with the design on their wedding cake, Voltemort and Orlork are left to hope there is enough cake to go around to their guests here at Tavern ov the Void catering hall.

  • http://myspace.com/shepherdsgatemusic,myspace.com/burymeinsmokemusic Michael “The Armenian Demon” Fenton

    We’re getting you the best birthday gift ever….NOTHINGGGGGGGG!

  • Brytallica

    The official poorly drawn KISS wrestling cake. That looks a retarded version of KISS if they joined the WWE.

  • Obsolete

    The sweetest black metallers in the world.

  • http://myspace.com/shepherdsgatemusic,myspace.com/burymeinsmokemusic Michael “The Armenian Demon” Fenton

    And instead of hiring a clown or a magician they hired The Meads of Asphodel, and they ate all of the children.

  • http://myspace.com/shepherdsgatemusic,myspace.com/burymeinsmokemusic Michael “The Armenian Demon” Fenton

    This is the cake that the Black Metal dude from the Funny Photo Caption Contest from two weeks ago ate. He must of had a bad reaction.

  • Orz

    gayest. cake. ever.

    • Orz

      that takes the cake…

  • chris

    there is absolutely nothing funny about this. this is the pinnacle of human existence.

    • Ziltoid

      This person speaks the truth!

      He should win.

      • Procrastinate

        I agree with kbo-Ziltoid. This guy should win.

  • fasshole

    Diabolical Full-Fat Monstrosity

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andrew-Lopett/1657496210 Andrew Lopett

    Grim and frostbitten birthday party.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Travis-Montgomery/1390920375 Travis Montgomery

    now everybody knows Dimmu Borgir’s failed attempts in culinary school

  • Phantasm

    Happy Birthday Rich Hallford, we new you liked men all along.

  • meatparade

    “SHUT THAT SHIT BITCH! (guy in back), oh fuck…(guy in front) YOU ALMOST MADE ME MISS MY NUT!(guy in back)”

  • poopsmcgee

    fruit cake

  • cosk

    do you smell what the rock is cookin?!?! …….. its a cake!

  • LEGIONS:iron and steel

    Little Bobby’s parents looked on in dismay, when instead of cutting his birthday cake he proceeded to fuck it with a chainsaw.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tom-Campagna/40702766 Tom Campagna

    Demonaz just had to out do his arch rival Cookie Puss. Tom Carvel was murdered shortly after the creation of this cake

  • WowWee!

    That was the most Br00tal Wedding Ever.

    • WowWee!

      I hope there marriage goes better then there album

  • EJ666

    This has nothing to do with the contest, but I once asked Abbath about those pictures in 1999, you know, because I thouth they were joking, and it went something like this:

    EJ: So, Those pictures are really toungue in cheek..
    Abbath: What do you mean?
    EJ: Yeah, I mean, they are so over the top..
    Abbath: We are demons. Demons From the North.
    EJ: Oh.

  • louis

    i asked for a normal white frosting cake not an immortal white frosting cake.

  • http://www.last.fm/user/groverXIII groverXIII

    I smell facecake!

  • Kuranes

    Just one of many popular ice cream cake designs from Burzum Robbins.

    • Kuranes

      (forgot to log in)

  • \m/Eluveitie\m/

    Jack Black ordered 200 of these to celebrate the release of Brutal Legend, but requested his nipples be placed higher on his chest in the future.

  • \m/Eluveitie\m/

    Celtic Frost-ing

    • Skanes

      I fuckin lol’d.

    • fasshole

      win

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Brandon-Fountain/1391790047 Brandon Fountain

      FTW

  • \m/Eluveitie\m/

    Food Network’s Ace Of Cakes handles the Gaahl wedding

  • Hendecahedron

    The bakery at Norway’s Wal Mart is going all grim and frostbitten this Halloween.

  • McMetal

    Come on, what else was Euronymus supposed to do with the rest of Deads body? The stew was good, but now it’s time for dessert!

  • McMetal

    When good chefs go rad.

  • Blake

    The day that black metal met Professional wrestling, the celebration began

  • llyanabuey

    Proof that Gene Simmons will put KISS on anything

  • ben

    Godammit, I said Devil’s Food Cake! Now I look like an idiot!

  • LEGIONS:iron and steel

    Secret ingredients – dead ravens, permafrost and misanthropy.

  • Deven

    Black Metal’s First Gay Wedding

  • BruisedMetal

    King Diamond celebrates his 60th birthday

  • McMetal

    Dimmu Borgir open up their first cake making business aptly named Creammu Borgir. Their debut cake, “Enthrone Sweetness Triumphant” gets rave reviews in the cake decorating business

  • LEGIONS:iron and steel

    Betty Crocker was a Black Metal rocker.

    • Skanes

      So many good captions.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andrea-Voulgaris/663407462 Andrea Voulgaris

    Abbath and Horgh finally tie the knot… tr00ly.

  • http://runningthevoodoodown.blogspot.com pdf

    Grim And Frosting-Smeared Kingdoms

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Will-Isnt-Very-Rich/636725841 Will Isn’t-Very Rich

    THE MOST FROSTBITTEN OF ALL FROSTINGS!

  • d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n.

    The cake from the Rosenberg-Neilstein commitment ceremony

  • \m/Eluveitie\m/

    Goatwhore team up with dessert giant to produce their finest offering to date, Carvel Out The Eyes Of God

    • http://zunetracks.net loganarchy

      puns aren’t funny

      • \m/Eluveitie\m/

        When you win 3 of the last 4 photo contests, you can tell me what is and isn’t funny

        • poopsmcgee

          does that mean i’m not allowed to tell you that you’re funny?

          • \m/Eluveitie\m/

            You can say whatever you’d like about me, just don’t tell me how to do my business.

          • Manfred Nuggets

            Two things:

            1) Puns ARE funny.
            2) I just want to point out that I won the 1 of 4 that \m/Eluveitie\m/ because I’m proud of that. You are a worthy opponent (who’s probably better than me), Eluveite!

          • \m/Eluveitie\m/

            I bow to you Mr. Nuggets

          • Manfred Nuggets

            Pshaw! I bow to you! You are my caption hero!

          • \m/Eluveitie\m/

            May all your captions bring chuckles my brother!

  • \m/Eluveitie\m/

    Sonny the Seal, you thought he was real, $49.95 oh what a deal, it’s SONNY!!!!

  • Permafrost

    Ryan Adam’s birthday cake.

  • Kog

    Immortal’s Mexican counterpart “Immortale” is seen here on this White black Metal frosted cake.

  • Skanes

    Happy Deathday

  • Dane

    When you cut it, the cake bleeds black frosting!

  • ETIDIOT

    After finally agreeing to tie the knot, Gaahl and his hubby decided to go with this delicious cake depicting the two lovers in all of their br00tal glory. Unfortantely, the wedding was cancelled after the black metal legend burned the church to the ground.

  • poopsmcgee

    what a poser. troo kvlt cakes have real people on them, not just people drawn on with icing.

  • poopsmcgee

    i call the crotch piece

  • Symbolic

    White frosting ist KRIEG!!!!!!

  • Dashortgut

    “Grim and Frosting-topped Cakedoms?”

    “Full round-cake Diabolical deliciousism ”

    “Pure Cakocaust?”

    “At the Heart of Frosting?”

    “Battles in the Cake?”

    “Frosted in Black?”

    ” DQ BLIZZARD BEASTS” YESSSS

    • Dashortgut

      take any of these as captions lol

      • poopsmcgee

        i dont want any of them

        • Dashortgut

          : (

          • Jon Jolin

            This guy wins hands down

    • d00shc00gr

      Grim and Frosting-topped Cakedoms ftw.

    • Jon Jolin

      Metal Sucks editior is too busy sucking cock to realize how funny this guy is

  • Masonic Wehrmacht

    Yo yo we immortal and we all frosty and shit
    Buy this cake to impress your bitch
    We thought metal was kool but rap is now our tool
    the point is to reach the kiddies all kvlt you fool.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andrea-Voulgaris/663407462 Andrea Voulgaris

    that pic kinda looks like crabcore meets black metal. this worries me. :(

    • poopsmcgee

      why haven’t you had sex with me yet

  • MetalMeatHammer

    “I want the piece with the shin guard.”

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andrea-Voulgaris/663407462 Andrea Voulgaris

      well, i want the codpiece.

  • HellFire

    Don’t forget to to grab a piece of cake and a your glass of goats blood

  • Facebook User

    Have a BLASPHEMOUS birthday!

  • SourDeez

    One by one, we cake your lives!

    • akeldama

      ahahaha YES

  • Truant

    An attempt to think “outside-of-the-box” by the advertising division of Pagan Records results in yet another epic failure.

  • euronymous ghost

    Happy birthday Varg

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Brandon-Fountain/1391790047 Brandon Fountain

    Cover art for the new Immortal album “Cake Metal”

  • Viridian

    As black and metal as the frosting is… sadly it was white and fluffy on the inside just like the little birthday boy

  • 6infinite6hatred6

    gah someone already made an Immortal comment – okay, heregoes – “Can you design my cake with two metal guys on it? I’m looking for Mr. Lovehandles and emo-looking Geezer Butler.”

  • dale schmucker

    a surprise birthday cake for axl and metalsucks, only sent 2 months early!!!

  • Nate

    That’s not a black metal cake, that’s Gene Simmons next step in his 1999 – Point Plan to make KISS the biggest sell-outs of all time, next step: Putting KISS on an episode of Scooby-Doo… Oh wait…

  • Chase

    looks like norweigan libre

  • morningrise

    The not-so ambigiously gay duo

  • Brian

    the only cake where you have to eat around metal studs

  • Manfred Nuggets

    The only problem with this is that thy gave these guys tans…

    • \m/Eluveitie\m/

      If they were their proper skin tone, they’d blend into the icing like Wesley Snipes at a glow-in-the-dark mini golf

      • Noel

        ohhhhhhhhhhh. damn.

  • Ty

    I will not partake. The supposed “new Fall of Troy CD” is more like a giant steaming pile of shit than a CD. Time to throw my Fall of Troy shirt in the garbage. I’m ashamed of these guys now.

    • Ryan

      Really? I think it’s awesome. What don’t you like about it?

      • Ty

        It just seems half-assed. It seems like they are just trying to get on the radio with poppy vocals and bad melodies. I guess the guitar work is still kind of there in some places, but it just lacks zazz.

  • canea

    After death Demonaz and Abbath find them selves trapped forever inside Circle 9 of Hell: a prison constructed entirely from the frothy psuedo-sugars of a Dairy Queen cake.

  • Malacoda

    Kvlt, frost, and tr00 wrapped into one.

  • Jimmy

    That had better be Devil’s Food Cake.

  • X.Y.Z

    a cake most grim and frostingbitten…

  • Sven

    None-More-Black Forest Cake

  • MW

    INVISIBLE SANDWICH!
    ……. now available in cake edition

  • Beereded

    Would be awesome to buy this cake for someone and shove their face into it when the went to blow out the candles. Then, the fire and wax would melt their skin and you could have a wax flesh cake. What’s more fucking tr00, br00tal, and kvlt than that?

  • Beereded

    Also, no black frosting, -50 black metal points.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Pete-Simone/60802652 Pete Simone

    Little do you all know, but under that white frosting is a 40 pound slab of solid steel, therefore still making it the most metal cake ever.

  • benje

    mmmmmmmmmmortal

    • Beereded

      Think you forgot an “i.”

  • B-dizzle

    HOW DID WE BECOME CAKE? THIS IS NOT GRYM, ESPECIALLY WITH THIS FRILLY TRIM AROUND US!

  • large jockstrap

    till grim do us part

  • systemsdown

    Finally Varg Vikernes has another stab at Euronymous

  • http://www.myspace.com/this_is_james_myspace Necrozoid

    Is Black metal marriage legal in canada?

  • Shiggy Shack

    Immortal needs new PR

  • Insomnivore

    I don’t want to sound ungrateful but I feel sending a magazine to the other side of the world (Scotland, in my case) would be a bit excessive, so how about you send it to the first person to reply to this comment? I can always buy it at Borders or something.

  • Shane Gillis

    The ritual is complete. I now have Hamburger Helper hands. Hail Satan!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Brandon-Marvin/100000121284359 Brandon Marvin

    Icing’d Earth: Baked Offerings

  • WankDeath43

    Archive Photo: Preparations for the ceremonial after-party, due to Demolition winning the 1988 WWF World TagTeam Championship

    • HollowistDooms

      HAHAHA…. That’s pretty good

  • akeldama

    FROSTING-BITTEN REALM OF CURSED WINTER DEMONS.

  • jason

    As a testament to her superior cake-frosting technique, Betty was actually able to make Immortal look LESS corny.

  • Noel

    happy birthday to “hombres de muerto muy Grim” aka jose suarez and lil pepe, the mexican bandito wrestlers.

  • Chris

    Grim and FROSTED-bitten Cakedom.

  • Nate

    The first step to signing Azathoth’s black book is to eat a cake with his most loyal servants pictured on it… Long live the Outer Gods!

  • Cobras

    MASTERS OF NEBULAH FROSTING

  • Sacajawea

    The original Devil’s Food Cake.

  • Sacajawea

    Black Metal’s edible answer to DaVinci’s “The Vitruvian Man”.

  • bearwizard

    DONT WANT

  • Andrew

    “Can my piece have Necrobutchers crotch please!?”

  • Tim-o-tato

    I was at this party…..Needless to say, I passed on the cake…

  • Mrpeumo

    “This is the most metal thing I’m gonna fuck”

    • Gaia

      I laughed

  • Ryan

    The new Blashyrkh Mighty Ice Cream Cake, available at all grim and frostbitten Dairy Queen locations!

  • Gaia

    Obama’s secret birthday cake

  • Maggie

    Nacho Libre and Belphegor had a love child. This is its birthday cake.

  • http://reaper-x.deviantart.com/ Reaper-X

    Grim and Buttercream Frostingbitten.

  • GunMetalGrey

    Baker – “Mr. Abbath, how would you like your birthday cake?”

    Abbath – “BLACKER THAN DARKNESS…..or vanilla if you don’t mind”

  • MetalMeatHammer

    “MOM! I SAID RED SHIN GUARDS!”

  • Ilona

    Barely able to keep the portal open, Crucifix is able to muster up the strength to allow his girlfriend to pass through into the third dimension.

  • Shiggy Shack

    Where the hell did they find a photo op of Immortal with non pasty white skin?

  • manford

    wow KISS will put there ugly asses on anything

  • manford

    hooray for mexican kiss

  • bleak46n2

    before you die…
    you see the ring 2…

  • bleak46n2

    before you die… you see the ring 2…

  • Gerardo

    “Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, While I jizz in this cake, I’ll be thinking of you. Gene Simmons”

  • D3athTillDawn

    Remember kids, The cake is a lie.

  • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

    I want a girl with a short skirt and a longggggg….oh wait, I’m Gaahl.