WIN A PAIR OF MASTODON VANS SHOES!
Monday, October 12th, 2009 at 4:00pm by MetalSucks
You’ve seen ‘em around and you’ve looked at them longingly. Don’t pretend you’re too cool, ’cause you ain’t. They’re Mastodon Vans. You know you’ve wanted them.
We’ve got one pair to give away in any of the four configurations you see above and in your own size. Here’s how you win: tell us why you deserve to have these shoes moreso than any other MetalSucks reader. Be funny and smart, and leave your entry in the comments section below (be sure to fill in a valid email address you check frequently in the appropriate form). We’ll pick a winner next Monday at this time. Good luck!
Why do I need Mastovans? How can I walk hard without them? I need to walk very hard.
If you don’t pick me I’ll cut you up with a LINOLEUM KNIFE!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Vf3VzVbrXU
(for people who haven’t experience the Aqua Teen Movie)
AND WE WILL SPEND ALL YOUR MONEY ON DRUGS!!
one of the best times i’ve ever had in a movie theater.
What’s more fitting than wearing these shoes in my quest to kill the WHITE WHALE?!?!?!
I deserve to have those shoes because right now, the only shoes I have are my dad’s old shoes… Like really, really fucking old shoes… I lost all my pairs in a span of two weeks… So please, can I have those shoes?
I’m curious as to how one can lose shoes…
Pretty simple, both times I was changing for football practice, and forgot to put my shoes in my bag… Yeah, I know, I’m a fucking idiot, but whatever…
I deserve to win these shoes because I have somehow gone my whole life without really listening to Mastodon. Haven’t even listened to one album. Yet I’m seeing them next month, and paid a slightly large sum of money to do so. And I’m Jewish and hate spending money, so I should get these, for free.
Also, i have one pair of shitty fucked up airwalks which i bought for $12.
cause i’m starting a shoegazing band.
+ fucking 1
Because when I wear these, people will know where strides the behemoth!
Because it’s really, really fucking hard to find decent shoes in a size 13 that don’t cost 50 bucks. (I’m a cheapskate.)
I deserve these mastodon vans because mastodon is one of my favorite bands who i will be seeing next week and have never owned any vans
also i saw Gojira with burst a couple days ago
Because bears stole my shoes and because talking tomatoes stole my money
I deserve them because I’m not Ziltoid.
Horrible reason tbqh. Ziltoid would deserve them if he entered this shitty contest, but Mastodon is hipster garbage not worthy of his feet.
By that logic, everyone on here who isn’t Ziltoid should win… I LIKE IT>
Ziltoid needs to get them just because he’s cool enough to know who Ziltoid is. All he wanted was his coffee…
But then he got all pissy when it tasted like shit. He ordered it black, that’s like ordering a shit sandwich and getting pissed when it tastes like shit, so he’s still a massive douche.
He’s an imposter. I, the real Zitloid, require these shoes for my evening tea and wank time.
I deserve them because I don’t suck. And neither does my reason for deserving them.
Because I saw Mastodon open for Clutch at a polish dance club in Passaic, NJ years ago after Clutch announced a last minute change in venue. There were little old polish ladies going around the floor sweeping up garbage IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SET! These shoes will certainly remind me of that, and will complement my special addition White Snake converse all stars.
Because I am a broke ass touring musician who somehow finds a library in each city to check this site :-)
Also, Mastodon is by far one of the best American bands of the fucking century…and I feel like I could sport those kicks way better than some of these other clowns lol
And, lets just say I would look damn good lol
Please? Did I mention my grandma survived the holocaust? :) <—Not a joke…lol
Because I threw my last pair of shoes at Bush.
I need these because sadly, I haven’t had a pair of shoes since I was 4. They had sequined pterodactyls on the sides, but were lost when my home, along with my dog Tinkles, was consumed by a raging inferno. I loved those shoes like a brother, they went with me everywhere. Unfortunately, the fire reduced them to unwearable burned-out cinders. Like Blackie Lawless’ pants. I was lucky enough to be gifted a new pair for the start of sixth grade, but I was beaten senseless by the head cafeteria woman on the first day of school (don’t laugh, she was quite a large woman. Picture Karl Sanders meets Colonel Sanders) and had them stolen from me. My father was able to track them down on eBay the following morning, but at that time we simply didn’t have the money for something as frivolous as children’s footwear. When a neighbor sent a letter detailing my family’s tragic circumstances to ABC, we were lucky enough to have Ty Pennington and his handy bunch of celebrity carpenters rebuild our house for an episode of Extreme Home Makeover. Unfortunately, after the bus had been moved and we’d explored our new abode, I was left disappointed. Don’t get me wrong, I’m more than grateful for the hand-painted baseball diamond mural and special appearance by former Rangers great Kurt Bevacqua. But at the end of the day something was missing. Even the magic of ABC couldn’t bring me the one thing I truly desired: a new pair of kicks. I’ve since endured freezing winters and scorching summers barefoot, never stopping to complain about the odd blister or lost toe. But this contest has offered me a shimmering beacon of hope for my weary feet. A chance at redemption. I know that, as my story of misfortune goes, this pair of shoes…nay, pair of lifesavers…will be given to a contestant with little more than a fractured grasp of the English language and a tale not half as tear-jerking as my own. But such is the risk I take. You see, these shoes would reaffirm the belief that for me, there is some good left in the world. Some hope for a boy down on his luck. Some shot at glory for a poor soul beaten down by all the sorrow and pain the world can pummel him with. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my pitiful story, and can only hope you will take the opportunity to make my dreams come true. Because try as you might, you cannot walk a mile in my shoes.
Deepest thanks,
Bernie Goldstein
I’ll bet you have hobbit feet.
Fur just won’t grow anymore my friend. Too much suffering.
You should have gotten them just for creativity.
Because I’m your only reader from Macedonia, and hell – you never sent an award there…
Oooh and, another reason… According to my Itunes, I have listened to Blood & Thunder 177 times since the last time my computer broke down… and that was 2 months ago. That makes
Oops…
That makes about 4 times a day… Not bad…
Please take pity on this 6′5″ headbanger who’s been cursed with size 14’s. It is very difficult to find properly fitting shoes that showcase my inner brutality as these fucking awesome shit kickers so proudly do.
Nothing would get me more zazzed than to wear these to the upcoming Mastodon/Dethklok show at Hammerstein this October 30th, an use them to enlarge the cornholes of anyone who is not rocking the fuck out enough to meet my personal satisfaction.
And lastly, wouldn’t the artwork be that much more glorious in size 14? Fuck all you small-footed bastards that can find shoes anywhere. I hate you all. Goodnight Springton! There will be no encore.
Oh, yeah…..email……
ericperl2@ yahoo . com
Dammit… there would have to be someone who posts with feet bigger than me.
i need these shoes because my atreyu flip flops have completely fallen apart
i should get those shoes because……i like to party
boom!
Boom!
When I make reference to a “cool metal band” or a “shitstain post-hardcore” band, my friends know, without second thought that I found out via metalsucks.net. And then proceed to give me shit for constantly citing metalsucks.net.
Dear MetalSucks,
I believe that I deserve a pair of shoes such as those because they would help me better advertise my desire to fellate Brent Hinds.
And come on, it’s not like they sell t-shirts that say “Hello, I desire to fellate Brent Hinds.” So I need all the help I can get.
Thank you, that is all.
I don’t fucking deserve them because I have the Iron Maiden Powerslave Vans which are WAY fucking cooler
I deserve these shoes because instead of offering some insightful or funnny new blogs, you guys come up with a dating blog written by what I would assume has to be a shit slinging cirus monkey with downs syndrome and cauliflower ear and a HorseTheWhoFuckingCares tour blog. Make up for it by giving me these fucking shoes, which I’ll quickly pawn off to some douchebag who would actually wear them for weed and hooker money.
i deserve these shoes so that i can paint the leviathan cover over the blood mountain ones. seriously, how could they not use the fucking leviathan cover. BUTTFUCK!!!
I deserve them because I take care of Six (6) Step-Children. That’s right Six. None are mine. I do my best to drown them in metal… yet I constantly am fighting MTV Rap Fuck Shit. I can’t afford to go see the Mastodon ‘ Dethklok tour at the House of Blues in Boston… Even though I’ve owned everything Both bands have ever released and I carry every episode of Metapocalypse on my ipod. Please give me a pair of shoes… I may need them to pan handle this winter while groovin’ to Crack tha Fuckin’ Sky!!!
Yaa Boston!
I need these shoes because, let’s face it, my ugg boots aren’t very metal.
I deserve these shoes because I plan on flipping them on Ebay for beer money!!!
because I lost my shoes in the pit at a mastodon concert :(
I deserve to win because I plan on taking my existing pair of shoes and shoving them up the asses of two members of Attack Attack.
I NEED DA SHOES TO BEET SUM FUCKER OVR DA HEAD WIF US JUGGLOOS IZ VIOLENT GANG BADASES
I deserve to win these shoes because i sold my only pair on the black market to help fund the making of Motley Crue’s new Greatest Hits album
Don’t need them… already have a pair.. only much cooler than these…
http://reviewsresist.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/mastodon_vans.jpg
I buy one pair of shoes a year. Not because I can’t afford more than one pair but because more than one pair doesn’t make sense because I can only wear one pair at a time.
So if you give me these shoes I will wear them for one year and not have to buy a pair of shoes this year.
One year is about how long it takes a pair of shoes to fall apart these days, by the way.
I need these shoes because I’ve spent about £1000 on Mastodon records and having watched the Crack The Skye DVD I’m pretty sure that my money alone has gone towards Brann getting the Mastodon logos embroided on his car upholstery. Taking this into consideration I believe that it would be a way of a thank you, from Mastodon directly, for providing said shoes to your website, for me to win.
I need these shoes because my current shoes are really old so old they give me blisters and corns on my feet that look like blood mountains.
I also love Mastodon’s music but other than the music I love the album art and I think the art is so good it should be on the closest body part to the ground. But I will cope with the shoes till then.
I bought a Joseph Merrick Halloween mask and we all know Mastodon Loves Jospeh Merrick. But I still haven’t bought new shoes since 2007 or something. sheesh whats wrong with me? If you don’t believe me I will show you my Br00tal shoes I wear everyday. and the mask if you want.
i don’t really deserve those shoes. but I’d really really like them. I could probably buy them. but I’m way too poor. And I’d rather get them for free. because I’ve been listening to crack the skye non-freaking-stop since it came out.
i deserve thes vans because of this simple fact, my freinds and i live in quincy MA. a wannabe, poorer version of Boston and when they get high theres really nothing to look at, but i could whip out these bad boys and BAM fun times…
because I could give 2 shits about Mastodon merch
but damnnnn they would look hella tight with my tegan and sara shirt.
I deserve these because I wrote, just days ago, a massive entry at the blog linked on this comment called “Learning to Love Mastodon” and received nothing, nothing in return! It’s hard for a metal fan. My birthday present from my girlfriend this year was sex while Baroness played in the background; this, I promise, will never happen again.
(The sex. She really, really hates my taste in music.)
I do solemnly swear to Satan that it was I who nursed Brent Hinds back to health from his coma. In a way, I am responsible for Crack The Syke. And no, I didn’t get for my place in the liner notes of the album. And no, I didn’t get my roof fixed by Brann Dailor. I didn’t even get some decent beard tips from Troy. So, in the immortal words of Spike Lee, I beseech you to Do the Right Thing and bestow upon me these most awesome of shoes. For I am deserved, and would be most grateful.
so i can rub them in the faces of my friends when mastodon signs them at the atlanta show
Someone needs a pair of metal shoes to football-kick the fuck out of hemorrhoids.
They seem to be present amongst shitty* bands.
I guess I’ll volunteer to pour butt-blood on these shoes.
*No pun intended. Mostly due to constipation.
And Godfuckit, i love Mastodon!!
I deserve these because once I got wrongly accused of stealing a pair of shoes and sent to a summer camp where I had to dig holes around the clock with motherfucking Shia Labeouf.
I deserve these shoes because I gave Bill Kelliher my Jengo Fett action figure and never got anything in return accept a punch in the balls from Brent Hinds.
I am Ahab, and I deserve these shoes because last night a wolf got loose in my house and destroyed everything in it’s path. I thrust my harpoon into the skye but it did no good, as it was a wolf and not a whale. I had to drop the harpoonI and swam to the Island that is near my house trying to escape from the wolf. Unfortunately, once I arrived at the island i was trampled under the hoofs of creatures I did not recognize. They crushed and destroyed my shoes, so it’d be cool if you gave me this pair so that I can put this whole ordeal behind me.
My reason isn´t funny at all, at least not to me, but I deserve them shoes ´cuz while I was watching Mastodon at the Sonisphere festival in Hultsfred Sweden (full review here; http://halifaxcollect.blogspot.com/ ) my whole tent and every thing in it, including my only pair of shoes, got stolen from the camping. Then it started raining like a motherfucker, I´m wearing nothing but sandals, a pair of shorts and CoL Tee with nowhere to sleep, no money, having to hide in the train WC all the way to Stocholm ´cuz I couldn´t afford a ticket.
Also because one sunday morning in Reykjavík back in ´03 I very patiently had to explain to Brent why his smoking hash out of a gravity bong without mixing it with tobacco wasn´t really working like he´d have hoped it to.
I deserve these shoes because Mastodon was my first concert (and pit) experience. On a lovely evening of February in Knoxville, 2007, my friends and I ventured to down town Knoxville to Blue Cats. We went to this bar across the street before the show where we saw the boys enjoying some pre-game drinks. I didn’t want to be that douche bag fan boy that interrupts their moment of peace, so I kept quiet, even though I desperately wanted to chat with them.
Concert time. Got caught in a pit. Fuckin’ awesome it was, but my shoes got puked on my a big, brawny version of Rob Halford. Leather studded jacket and all.
Hmmm, all the reasons above seem so worthy, so definite in their quest to convince the propieters of these such shoes to give them the much sought after commodity, it makes me question my reality, when in my mind modular forms of elliptic curves, infinite phi revolving around infinte parallels, fractals of infinite reality, each cascading, gliding in an infinite wheel. Tell me the true nature of my reality?
Fuck vans, i am 6′7 and size 16 shoes, even if i had some shitty witty comment to post i would be just take these shoes and beat some poor helpless deer to death with them. So pick me i crave me some venison. and i am Jewish too so that makes us like family. If you do not pick me i will be forced to hunt my with a non metal bow and arrow. that is lame.
Dude….nothing more metal than an arrow through the skull. Fuck!
Huh huh….I said skull fuck.
I am a polar bear.
I deserve to win these shoes because I live in Brazil and the raging monkeys in the streets (you might have seen them in that Simpsons episode) have eaten the only pair I had. And all my toes. Then I killed those bastards with my bare hands. Really. But now I need something cool to hide my deformed feet.
Besides that, I’m not willing to pay for an obscenely expensive import as did with the Mastodon albums I bought. And I still don’t have goddamn Remission .
I promise to wear them every day, all winter long. I live directly next to Lake Michigan, so it’s going to be cold. That’s commitment.
I live in a very populated area and I spend a lot of time waiting for the bus, so a lot of people will see my sweet Mastodon shoes and they’ll ask me about them and I’ll tell them what’s up and they’ll listen to Mastodon songs on their iphone or whatever and they’ll love it and then they’ll go to their shows and go crazy and run around in circles punching each other and shit and Mastodon will even more popular. But all the pent-up business guys in suits will probably like the band so much right off the bat that they’ll start going crazy and moshing on the bus right then and there. There’s already a lot of screeching metal on those buses and most of them are seconds away from setting on fire anyway so it would be only slightly louder then a normal trip to work. Imagine that though, if the regular commute to work turned into a flaming, screeching express bus flying down an ice-coated Lake Shore Drive at 100 mph filled with guys in striped shirts and sensible khakis moshing their brains and screaming at the top of their lungs out at 7:30 a.m. all because of the cool shoes you’re going to give me
I deserve these shoes because…
I would take a pair in size 12, my height is like 5′5″ which officially makes me a hobbit, hobbits can be pretty metal (unless you’re Elijah Wood) and I can really use them when I frolic in the woods searching for crystal
I went to Mastodon in my area when I was at the beginnings of fighting off cancer, neck tumors and all, and I still rocked the pit -kids have no excuse not to rock out at a show
They’re not coming to my town with Dethklok which makes me want to summon a lake troll
I like Star Wars. A lot.
I’m more humble than Ziltoid
I don’t support anything that has to with crabs, cores or dragonforce
I eat hair metal for breakfast
I blast Mercyful Fate in a powder blue ‘92 Mustang
I will also accept the consolation prize of malt liquor.
Hell I just want to win them for my 12 year old son. I have been working on making him a metalhead his entire life. Finally in the last year it clicked. I would be dad of the year if I brought home some Mastodon Vans for him.
They will join a party with my Motorhead Vans shoes and also i need more shoes, because i just moved to Barcelona and got with my just Motorhead shoes and my Dr.Martens boots. And as you know that in Barcelona is fucking hot now, so i can’t wear my Dr.Martens and i’m stuck with just Motorhead shoes every day :)
I deserve those Mastodon shoes because:
-I love their music
- They’re not known well enough here where I live, and people here should be aware of how great Mastodon are
- I need another pair of shoes, and there’re not enough metal-related choices
Plain and simple reason why I deserve these shoes….. Because my old shoes are messed up and I want mastodon vans!
I’m MastAdon’s biggest fan! I love their latest album, Evangelion! These shoes would look great on me while I skate in front of my local mall, pestering passerbys with my awesome tricks. Oh crap! I’m late for my job at Coldstone…
I deserve these shoes because my feet have been huge fans of them since they were size 8. Also, they would really compliment my Gojira gloves, and Slayer sunglasses.
i deserve these shoes because im a new mastodon fan and i spread the word to all of my friends in their cave-homes where no news of good bands reaches them so… you know im doing the band a solid by spreading the word. and i grew up with their drummer. i got him his first pair of drum wands, introduced their guitarist to his wife, and i helped their singer write their smash hit Niggas Bleed.
Because I got on the site once, and am a MS maniac, dammit.
GIVE ME THE FUCKING VANS.
I deserve these shoes because they are fuckin sick and mastodon rules. Im goin to see them next friday and im going embrace the mythilogical beast that is MASTODON. Another reason why i deserve these shoes is because my play count on itunes for every crack the skye song is over 250 i kid you not. PLEASE GIVE ME THESE SHOES, i flew beyond the sun before it was time, burning all my shoes that held me to the ground, waiting for metalsucks to hook me up huge, with a sick pair of size 12 mastodon shoesss………..
The story that I am about to tell is a long and fabled one, dragged up from the depths of my psyche. The story goes as this. One day walking back from school by myself I decided to take a new route, one that led me through the old abandoned chemical wast site/graveyard/glowing nuclear swamp that happens to be near my old school. As I walked the sky began to darken and I could see lightning on the horizon. I picked up the pace a little and continued to walk down the craggy trail. After 10 or so miles of walking through a swamp I realized I wasn’t in NYC anymore and that what I had previously thought was my house was actually a tree. Plus it had begun to rain. I walked over to the nearest crypt and leaned against the door to try and shelter myself from the rain. As I leaned against it and smoked a cigarette waiting for the rain to cease I started looking at the crypt I was near. I realized that it was not just any crypt but the final resting place of, you guessed it, the fuckin anti-christ. And at about that time I decided it was probably about time to go ahead and hit the old dusty trail, which was really a swamp trail therefor it was not dusty at all, but at that exact moment the door opened and I fell though into the tomb. To make a long story short, I fell into the tomb of the Dark Lord’s son where he proceeded to violate me in ways you couldn’t even begin to imagine, basically he just stole my shoes, and then he sent me shoeless on the long walk of shame back to my house. And that there is pretty much why I deserve those shoes. Also, I dueled with Satan once for the souls of all mankind and won.
As an established marching parade leader and conductor, footwear is a number one consideration of mine. Many, many miles are spent marching on my feet, on all types of terrain, and I need my shoes to be not only stylish, but comfortable and durable as well.
Mastodon Vans fit the bill just right. Not only are they an excellent compliment to my Green Eggs and Ham costume that I use to lead the parade, they provide an excellent timing reference for the rest of my group as we march on our epic adventures. Currently my team is made up of Dr. Suess, Elvis, Kurt Kobain and John F. Kennedy, all established marchers in their day. Holding down the rhythm section I have assembled a brilliant team of 3 midgets that I have trained to play drums while standing on their heads. (They play aboard a stage built upon my prized Giraffe, “Puffy.” All 3 midgets have *extensive* experience traveling previously in different circuses, and are extremely skilled in the lost art of midget tossing. Mastodon Vans give me the high profile look I need to keep their playing in time! They also may be just the key I need to get Michael Jackson to sign onto the group as well, as you all know he is very particular about his footwear as well.
Basically, I need these shoes to take my already awesome act to a whole new level! Thanks for your consideration!
There’s really nothing like spending $30,000 on grad school and coming out of it with nothing but a piece of paper that reads Masters of Education because your state government is so fucked that they figured the best way to help their failing economy would be to completely swindle their already less than impressive public school system out of much needed funding, resulting in – amongst other things – more teachers being pink slipped than hired. Thanks Arnold; your budget cuts to the school system have left me unemployed and, consequently, have made ADM cover art less enjoyable for me…dick.
There’s really nothing like finishing grad school with zero job prospects and a week later getting your fucking head run over by a car driven by a dude named Stella while skateboarding home from your buddy’s house. Oh, and guess what? It’s all your fault for being a “pedestrian in the roadway”. So, you know that $16,000 ride in the air ambulance and all the CT Scans and the time you spent in the Stanford Emergency Department and the 3AM emergency dental appointment where the shoved your teeth back into you mouth? You’re going to have to pay for that on your own. Why? you may ask. Well, remember the aforementioned grad school? Apparently, the UC Regents couldn’t figure a way to use just a little more of that $30,000 you paid them to provide you and your peers with some decent Student Health insurance. Yeah, it turns out emergency coverage under your student health insurance is a bigger fucking joke than the new Rammstein special edition package.
I’m $50,000 in debt thanks to school and medical bills, I have no job, and I’m bitter as fuck about it. I’m hoarding funds, not so I can pay my medical bills, but so I can go out and buy Breathing the Fire TOMORROW! Because bad ass heavy metal is the only thing that hasn’t been disappointing in the past year. Now, if I were to go out and purchase these completely kick ass Mastodon Vans (which I really, really want to) I’d have to postpone breathing in the fire. It’s quite a conundrum, but one that’s easily solved with a little help from the MS Mansion…
Dude, you should have gone into science, they pay you to go to school. Well, next huh?
Hang in there, man, don’t let the bastards get you down. Music will get you through the hard times.
I deserve these shoes because Jesus died for my sins.
the odor from my feet made god regret creating man.
I deserves these Mastovan’s because I’m broke ass college student who spent 80 bucks seeing them this past Friday in Salt Lake City and I’m completely obsessed with their new album!!!! Thye would also go well with my Mastodon tour shirt, Beanie, and Hoodie. Plus PLUS MY SHOES ARE FALLING APART AND ITS SNOWING HERE FOR GOD SAKES!!!!!!! MY FEET NEED PROPER PROTECTION FROM THE GODS OF MODERN METAL!!!!!! Plus the I’m the Man, so it’s pretty obvious they should be mine; and I hate Creed and FFDP
These are the bands I’ve tried to see this year and have one way or another been unable to:
Gojira
Opeth
Mastodon – twice
Intronaut
Cynic
Daath
Every Time I Die
Between The Buried And Me
The Chariot – Twice
Oh Sleeper – Twice
Kreator
Converge
Dethklok
Hm… on second thought, don’t send me the shoes I think I’ll just kill myself.
Well, were there any that you WERE able to see?
Because I recently split my lungs with blood and thunder and I need these shoes to walk to the hospital to get appropriate medical care.
Mastodon is my favorite band. Mastodon was the band that got me into metal. Leviathan was the first metal album I ever bought. I used to listen to Mother Puncher everyday for almost 6 months, and I cried the first time i listen to The Czar all the way through (at the solo). I know more about Mastodon than any other band. Their first vocalist was named Eric Saner, Troy Sanders brother plays in Bloodsimple, Bill and Brann used to play in Today is the Day. They formed at a High on Fire concert. I own every album by them.
I would really appreciate some Mastodon shoes.
I deserve these shoes because a shop down the road from where I live has them in the window and every time I walk past that store in the cold rain, I always linger for a second, forlornly wishing that I could have enough money to buy them. But I don’t, and I must always continue on, shoe-less. The pain is too much. TOO MUCH!
Because of my sweet name.
i need these shoes so that next time i’m at some shitty party in brooklyn and i see a hipster douchebag wearing stupid checkered vans slip-ons, i can run over and squash their retard feet with baddass mastodon slip-ons!
I need these shoes to help channel Brent Hinds’ epic man beard growing power to further my own man beard growing prowess.
I need this pair of Mastodon shoes because Mastodon was the real metal band i truly got into. The first time I heard Crack the Skye, I was moved greatly. Fuck, I don’t know how I can put it. I’m trying to keep it as short as simple as possible. To put it plainly, I just fucking loved Mastodon and having these shoes would mean so much.
On a side note, there just aren’t nearly enough metal-related shoes, and theyd stand out at Catholic School
I only have flip flops and I really need shoes, cause its going to start snowing soon and I have no money to spend cause I sold my soul to college.
If I win these shoes, I’ll let Brent Hinds punch me in the face a bunch of times and let them use pictures of my battered face for merch, press, album covers, etc ala Vulgar Display of Power. If he is not interested, I’ll let one of the other members kick me in the balls.
because i dont want them….
Why do I deserve these shoes? Because, my friends at metal stinks, I am seeing them on Halloween, and unless I have these shoes I won’t be able to moshtodon. Supporting facts:
-Crack the Ground is my favorite album of all time
-Trent Sawyer is my favorite bass player
-I like that one song they have about that whale
If you’re not convinced by now then by gosh I am just gonna have to waltz on up there take those shoes myself!
I will wear them proudly at the Mastadon show in Philly…With a proud Metalsucks stomp and stagedive to represent!!
I deserve these shoes because i don’t just masturbate, i mastobate. cheers.
I need these shoes because a wooly mammoth ate my last pair and I have been trekking through the wilderness in only my bare feet
I need these shoes because I am fucking poor and I don’t want to have to degrade myself YET AGAIN by sifting through the mounds of trash looking for ANYTHING to protect my feet from the constant scrutiny of these ghetto streets on which I live… *cries*
I deserve these shoes because I’m seeing them in a few weeks, I also still haven’t received the CDs I won from you guys.
P.S. They look fuckin good.
i deserve them because im a size 14 and thus have had the same pair of nike basketball shoes for the last 2 and a half years and theyre starting to fall apart
also i love paul romano’s artwork
ohyeah
covenantfighter@hotmail.com
(bow before an email address devoid of #s and _s bitches)
I’m pretty sure I deserve these shoes moreso than any other reader because at the shop I work at I have furiously pounded Crack The Skye(the only mastodon album we have in stock) down the throat of pretty much any rock/metal listener that has entered. Or at the very least mentioned it to them. This includes playing the album numerous times through our store network. In fact I sold another copy today. All in all, I’ve put the cd into at least 30 people’s bags and created 100+ new mastodon fans.
Oh yea, I recommend metalsucks.net to someone at least twice a week, you owe me.
Dear Metalsucks,
I deserve these shoes more than anyone else who reads this site because they all suck. Also, I’m a devout reader of this site, and I think I deserve something for putting up with your shit day after day.
NOT SO!! I clearly stated above that I do not suck.
I’m 18 and was raised on old school metal and rock. I listened to some of the most amazing musicians as just a youth, and growing up I longed for a non-shit band to arrive. When I heard Mastodon for the first time I knew metal was coming back. Its because of this that I joined a band and am working hard in my local scene to get good, real metal to everybody. I’m a hard working musician in the scene, working my ass off for the music I love. Also, I’m going on some shitty shoes right now, old school chucks that I love to death but are falling apart. It would make playing shows and touring hell of a lot easier with some new, sick Mastodon kicks.
I just need some shoes period. I’m wearing second hand chuck taylor knock-offs. I’d rather spend money on new albums than on shoes.
Plus I had more sense to blow $40 on the Crack the Skye double LP and not $80 on Masto-high tops.
And with these shoes I’ll kick an Ed Hardy shirt wearing motherfucker in his huge gaping CUNT! And jerk-off on his corpse.
I havo to got that shoes because im so high that i dont remember the band they belong
because i’m not going to an upcoming mastodon show, nor am i attempting to parade that as a viable reason to need the shoes. i’m just a dude who has big feet, loves mastodon, and keeps it real, yo.
I don’t deserve the shoes… and that’s why you should give them to me. That is how life works.. the people who don’t deserve it stuff are always the ones who have stuff.
My girlfriend has a foot fetish and hates Mastodon.
These shoes would come right off
Please help me get laid
I deserve to win these shoes because I would very much like for the enemies of metal to get Trampled Under Hoof with these awesome kicks
… and because I’ve been looking for a pair of these for fucking forever and haven’t been able to afford them (or any of life’s necessities) because I spent every last dime that didn’t go towards my tuition just to see Mastodon the last time they came through this city
Sir, I want to win these shoes for my Mama, please
It’s halloween and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry, sir, Daddy says there’s not much time
You see she’s been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes would make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful if Mama meets Jesus tonight
i’ve counted pennies for what seemed like years
and theres just not enough here
I always search my pockets frantically
Mama made Christmas good at our house
Though most years she just did without
what am I going to do
Somehow I’ve got to win her these Christmas shoes
Mama’s gonna look so great
I deserve these shoes because the first time I ever heard Mastodon was at the Myspace secret show with Slayer and Children of Bodom. It was my first concert. I jizzed on the person in front of me. During their concert on the 9th I jizzed several times.
Mastodon was my greatest discovery since fat women discovered Diet Coke
I’ll be honest; I need these shoes ’cause I’m a greedy fuckin’ Mastodon fan!
I need these shoes because it will go perfect with my “Sleeping Giant” blanket and my “Iron Tusk” boxers.
I need them because the average lifespan of a pair of Vans seems to be 6 months-ish, and I’ve been rocking my Slayer Vans for a little over that. THe shoes and the soles are slowly becoming more and more angry with each other, and are separating with every step. However, I can’t part with my Slayer’s until I found something of equal badassness, and those Blood Mountain high tops fit the bill quite nicely. Also, I won’t feel as big as a tool now since the design on the Slayer hightops are the same design I have on my thrash vest back patch. I mean, I can’t even wear my Slayer shirts anymore, because I end up looking like Garth in Wayne’s World when he was wearing all the Reebox gear, except it’s Slayer in my case. Anyway, Blood Mountain High Tops…Now….
I deserve these shoes because I love Vans and I love Mastodon, so together they are perfect for me.
I should get the shoes because my answer was the most witty and was far better than the others
Winning these shoes would send me to Oblivion, my Hearts Alive. It’s hard to walk on This Mortal Soil through Blood & Thunder. I would wear these shoes with as much pride as a Capillarian Crest amongst my Colony of Birchmen. Allow me to unleash my Seabeast from beneath my Pendulous Skin.
I accept your Call of the Mastodon; Now let me Crack the Skye.
I think you should give my boyfriend these shoes because he has been a metal fan as long as I’ve known him, and not content with just filling his own soul to the brim with brutal metal, he drags everyone he knows along with him.
And so, putting our relationship on the line, he conveniently left Mastodon’s music playing for me at every turn. Culminating in coercing me to go see the Madtodon/Dethklok show tomorrow night. And I must say, after having their music thrust at me repeatedly over the last few weeks, I think I’m turning over a new leaf, not just as a Mastodon fan, but as a metal head.
And really, without the dodged diligence of fans introducing their music to new people, where would any band be? So award my own personal metal PR person a pair of these shoes, so he may spread the message of metal far and wide.
I think Kris M should not get them because they’re for you and not for your boyfriend. No one gives a flying shit about your metal love story. I think I should get these shoes because I am a demigod, sent by Satan to ruin and hate people and spread all that is evile throughout my school and public. Because I’m the closest relative to Satan that isn’t Satan himself.
Because I am the mother puncher.
Check it, We be deservin’ dose shoes mo’ dan dem Hoes, cause you knows us feet be like walkin’ all ova dis bitch. I says I Need meself deez Sneaky sneaks fo’ shootin’ Dat b-ball hoops, dig?
I need these mastovans because as a metalhead in a school of preppy kids that listen to fucking soulja boy I need something to add swagger to my step. Especially since every time I see one of my best friends and his chunky girlfriend (she’s still cool) I yell at the top of my lungs SPLIT YOUR LUNGS WITH BLOOD AND THUNDER WHEN YOU SEE THE WHITE WHALEEEE!!!!!!
mastodon kicks ass \m/
I really deserve these shoes since my current ones are completely covered in blood from my job. And if I were to have these new blood stains would fit in much better trampled under hoof.
How can I crack the sky if I do not possess the shoes to walk upon it?
I deserve the shoes because i desire them so much that I would suck off Axl, while listening to crabcore at Ivan Moody’s house. (In the Dark)
because i’m stoned and i dont want to go to the mall and buy them…..
Because while I’m [curb-stomping, kicking] [scene kids, emos, juggalos], the last thing they see before being destroyed is the image of real metal.
Because Wonder bread bags aren’t in style anymore.
I deserve these shoes because I was going to see them with High on Fire, but I went to visit a grad school instead. I was going to kidnap Troy and keep him under my bed but this would be great also. ‘Cause then I could just run to his house…
Here’s why I deserve a pair of shoes with Mastodon’s name on them.
Back in the fall of 2006, right after Blood Mountain came out, Bill Keillor posted a blog on his myspace: ‘Star Wars trades!’. In it, Mr. Keillor told fans that he was seeking rare action figures from the holy trilogy, and that if they brought them to a show, he would gladly swap for some Mastodon merch.
I rounded up some old Landos and Ewoks I didn’t want anymore, and went to the show. After having my face melted off to “Bladecatcher”, I eagerly approached the guitarist as he wound up his guitar cables, and told him that I’d brought him something to trade. I handed him the Ziploc full of Star Wars dudes, and he headed off to the van to grab a couple posters to sign. But not before a friend could snap a couple photos of the two of us:
FRONT: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v291/Fugazify_Me/P1010939.jpg
BACK: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v291/Fugazify_Me/P1010940.jpg
That’s right, motherfuckers: not only am I a huge Star Wars dork, I modeled my fucking HAIRCUT off a member of the band. I am a Mastodon uber fan, and that’s why I deserve a pair of these super Vans!
P.S. I have the same Mandalorian skull tattoo that inspired Brent to come up with the band’s name (”What’s that, a, uh…Masto…somethin? Mastodon?”), which should probably count for something, too.
P.P.S. Oh yeah, xynobia AT gmail dot com.
I believe I deserve these shoes because Mastodon is my favorite band. I’ve been to several of their concerts and I can play literally all of their songs on guitar and bass. I’m constantly listening to their music and in my band, we cover several Mastodon songs and write our own songs influenced by Mastodon.
I also desperately require new shoes. I have one pair that I’ve had for a very long time and I cannot afford new shoes.
So please consider me as a strong and worthy candidate for winning these shoes.
Thanks! :D
Because my Xbox 360 died the day after I preordered Brutal Legend and you pity me.
I need these shoes for one simple reason, I haven’t owned a “metal” t-shirt in about 15 years and my metal street cred could use the boost. On a side note I really can’t afford new shoes. The last pair I bought from Salvation Army gave me jungle rot. For real.
I deserve these shoes because I’m a one eyed Cysquatch that sees into the future, I also work as a Bladecatcher on weekends. Not to mention I work I live in a Colony Of Birchmen, along with a Sleeping Giant. Along with the Hunters Of The Sky, we search This Mortal Soil for the Crystal Skull, because only my Pendulous Skin can help cross the Siberian Divide, by using my Hand of Stone.
I deserve those shoes because they would go perfectly with my Mastodon butt plug
I live in shanghai, where all the vans i buy fall apart within a month, Please help me give my feet a place where they can feel safe, and extremely stylish, at the same time.
I deserve these shoes because im driving 10 hours to chicago to see mastodon this saturday, i planned on getting them before this came up and i really really like mastodon.
But not that any of those lame-ass reasons matter because what really makes me worthy is that the last time they were in town, i sucked like 4 dicks just to score some sold out tickets.
And Im a dude.
And i dont even like dick.
i deserve these because my cat is steadily humping my only other pair of shoes. the left one, to be exact. don’t make me break his little heart, by sticking my foot in his bitch’s vagina!
I have mastodon feet. It was a condition I was born with. It makes it very hard to walk without proper foot attire.
if i win, i will get the metal sucks wordmark tattooed on me, sometime in the near future.
plus, i need mastoshoes to go with my mastodong.
I’m too high to be “funny or smart” so just gimme the fuckin’ raddest pair of Vans I’ve ever seen in my life.
Because I sliced my goddamn jugular listening to Crack The Skye while shaving.
i have junked up, nasty old converse that give me bootfeet. theyre ripped, have no soles and just junked up in general. mastodon is bestial and i want i em !!!!!
I deserve it for my ever-lasting love of showing people the band Mastodon.
They are awesome, and deserve to be viewed as such by everyone.
I also deserve it because Mastodon is skipping Montreal on their latest tour , and i need some of the awesome that is mastodon in my life.
i dont need them but my friend dan does, his mom kicked him out of the house cause her boyfriend hated him and now he is walking around in the canadian winter with shoes that dont have any bottoms. and i dont know if you guys are aware of this but CANADIAN WINTERS SUCK ASS! more importantly we live in winnipeg. and WINNIPEG WINTERS SUCK ASS
and if thats not a good enough reason, if i don’t win these attack attack will win the next grammy for best metal album. DO YOU WANT THAT SHIT ON YOUR CONSCIENCE!!!!!!???
I think I deserve to win a pair of these because Ive never in my liife won anything cool at all. Ive entered every cool contest there could be and ive never won shit. Come on feel bad for me and let me win a pair
I’LL TELL YOU WHY I DON’T WANT MASTODON SHOES.
MASTODON SHOES SUCK AS MUCH AS MASTODON MUSIC.
When at the Mastodon signing at Coachella 2009, my best friend and I rolled joints and gave them to Brent Hinds. Furthermore, Bill said he liked my t-shirt, and Brann asked my friend if he wanted to go on a date. Later that night, we were front row when they performed Crack The Skye in its entirety. There’s photo evidence online as well.
I don’t know what else I need to say, other than that is a true story, and that is why I deserve Blood Mountain high tops.
\m/
mastodon is v’onderful…from their music, to the “Ivan the Terrible” visualizer during their live set
but mastodon vans??? …fuck that…and then grape it in the mouth…bullshit
Because I’ll curbstomp the next chode I see wearing Brokencyde apparel WITH the new Mastodon Vans shoes I WILL win because of this witty comment. \m/
Vans are not metal !
cause i totally took lsd, went to the mastodon show in kansas city, left for deathklok, and talked to brann dailor….. then saw a police chase cut in front of brann dailor as he walked away…. to the other side of the street where me and my friend had just noticed a gay bar… and left us to wonder…. …….nah I fuckin doubt it.
I deserve them because I’m a G and the hood is in some serious need of Mastodon merch.
I don’t really need or deserve them. They look pretty cool. I’d like to have ‘em. I once drew a picture of Ahab stabbing the white whale on a post-it note white listening to Heart’s Alive. I may have been high at the time. I’m pretty sure I was high at the time. Yeah, I’m gonna go ahead and say I was high at the time…
these look sweet!
I need them because I will have to stomp out the brokencyde fucktards who think it will be scene to show up to the CA Dethklok Mastodon show in November. My plan is to piss in their 40oz, crush their skulls with these sweet new kicks, then just make a ‘blood mountain’ out of the bodies . Hopefully Toki will use their skins for some sweet ’special leather’ clothing…. i want to personally roast their mothafuckin pig and feed it to all the new ho’s i will have acquired in my display of glorious brutality.
Split your lungs with Blood and Thunder
We’ve got nothing to lose
Man my men are gonna be pissed
WHEN THEY FIND OUT THEY’RE HUNTING SHOOOOES
CLUELESS
CREW
HOLY
SHOES
Can not find that in Turkey, İstanbul
plus got big boobs
I deserve them because I had to decide to buy the Vinyl or those shoes, and decide to buy the Viny.
I deserve these shoes for I have created life. When there was only darkness, I spoke forth and created the cosmos. My living word manifested itself into being, creating this universe, this dimension, and this reality. Like a fire in an orphanage, my word swept through everything, bringing light to the darkness, and color to the monotony. Like a priest in a daycare, I filled the voids of this dimension with love and emotion. I spoke forth, and created reason, intelligence, and knowledge. From my sorrowful words came sorrow and from my bitter words came bitterness. I laughed and gave birth to humor, I stubbed my toe and gave birth to pain. I spoke and my words became laws. From my eyes, time poored out giving order to these laws. I spoke forth once more and my words became mass which acted under these laws. I descended unto my creation, and spilled my seed into a mud puddle. I threw in the burning roach of my spliff, causing a reaction that created the first organism. From this evolved man, to whom I gave emotion, reason and knowledge.
without me there would be no mastodon, no metalsucks, no jews, no shoes, no anything. so give me those shoes, unless you’re like really ungreatfull or something.
If you created the cosmos… crearte a fucking pair of mastovans and take a hike biatch!
That would be abusing my power and taking food from people mouths. i am dissapointed in you.
*peoples mouths
I deserve to win it cause Im obviously more metal than all of you and Id look better in them than any of you so give me the damn shoes so I can kick all your punk ass wearing them thanks
I need them to stop using this plastic bags for walking…
I deserve these shoes because I’m Danish and therefore also a fucking viking. And as we all know vikings need some heavy metal shoes to crush British priest’s heads with and to wear while raping British maidens.
Preferably shoes that would also look the part whilst slaying the Leviathan and/or just wielding a kick-ass battleaxe. Maybe slay a norse God or two.
Also the danish (Fimbul)winter is coming up which is cold as all hell.
Also: my last name is Maigaard for fucks sake. How viking does THAT sound!? Give me those shoes or America (more specifically: the MS Mansion) is next!
Gimme pretty shoes or prepare for some savage-esque plunder and rape, old-school Danish style.
(maigaard7@gmail.com) – no spam or I shall blam you all!
P.S: to those of you who probably won’t get the part about Fimbulwinter:
Fimbulwinter is, according to Norse mythology, the prelude to Ragnarok (the final battle between the heroes of Asgaard: the Gods, the valkyries and the Einherjars (fallen vikings) and the outcasts of Utgaard: the yeti’s, Loki, the Midgaard-worm and Fenrir).
The Fimbulwinter consists of three consecutive (extremely) harsh winters.
Hatred is pure on all message boards when people start talking about these shoes. Calm down people, its shoes.
Quite simply I only own one pair of shoes and am desperately in need of a new pair. I unfortunatly cannot afford a new pair of shoes let alone Mastodon shoes. If you would be so kind, please award me the prize.
I deserve these shoes because I’m not a tool like everyone else wearing them :)
Okay they’ve got one pair to give away, and actually we’re only three competitors as only three entries includes a god damn email-address.
I need these because at my university in the middle of nowhereland Ontario, there is just way too much country and a sufficient lack of metal. I need these shoes in order to be the truly most metal and brutal scientist on campus and put all those country listening pussies to shame!
I deserve them because I’m Moses. A pair of good shoes would become handy if you wander in a fucking desert for forty years.
Because they don’t make Converge slip-ons and I need new shoes.
Seriously J. Bannon. Get on those Converge slip-ons please.
So much of my money is going to pay for daycare for my 3 month old son that I’ve been stocking spare change away in order to buy Baroness’ Blue Album today. Because honestly, that’s not an optional purchase. But it’s getting cold up here, and Daddy needs a new pair of kick-ass shoes!
I earn these shoes because everyone else is a cock slammer.
I’m happy with my Iron Maiden “Piece of Mind” Vans, thanks.
I need some appropiate shoes to kick Lars ulrich’s behind back to reality
and we need to spread the word of metal ofc
and just to piss of my friend
All my other shoes are covered in animal blood.
I need these shoes because I can’t wear my Iron Maiden “The Trooper” Vans EVERYday!
I wanted those. Didn’t have my size. Incidentally, when not at work, I wear my Maiden Vans every day.
Because the Vans that I wear all day every day with the words “I FUCKEN LOVE MASTERDON” written in my own blood and poo are looking a bit worn out now.
I deserve these because as a 48 year old death metaler these would look good with my three piece black business suit during very serious board meetings, not mention ruffling a few feathers with the ladies.
because, I really, really, really, really, really want them. seriously, they look fucking awesome. and because I desperately need some new shoes.
I deserve ‘em because I won’t wear ‘em with skinny jeans and an Atreyu shirt to tell people “I LIKE METAL. I”M HARDCORE. FUCK THE MAN. BREAKDOWN!!!!!! YEAAAABOIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!”
I’ll actually wear them with, you know, real clothes.
Also, I actually like and support Mastodon unlike emo and scene assholes who wear Slayer Vans and don’t know shit about Slayer (How can you not know about Slayer?)
I deserve those because I posted them on mtvtn.blogspot.com and potentially introduced Mastodon to tons of people who listen to only Rap/Hip-Hop.
I need these shoes so I can throw them in the trash, along with the band they entitled to represent.
I’ll tell you why I deserve these shoes with a couple of Haiku’s
This is what I want to happen
“Give me the shoes please
Yes said the Grey Mastodon
I fucking love you”
Here’s what’s probably going to happen
“Give me the shoes please
No said Metal Sucks fuck you
Well then fuck you too”
Written by me a man with a love for Mastodon.
I need them so I can go to the hood and get them stolen.. in turn making gangsters metalheads and changing their lives forever.
You’re a little late on this one, what with rap metal come and gone and the new ghetto deathcore kiddies.
I deserve to win these Mastodon Vans because:
1. My shoes are almost falling apart.
2. They’re the closest I’ll get to wearing actual Mastodon hide. As far as I know its not cheap and is really hard to get hold of especially with christmas coming up.
I need these so I can build a Stonehenge in my front lawn.
1i need this Mastodon vans because i live in russia and i can excharge them for vodka and some sexy bears. btw my granny will make you Mastodon valenki if i get these vans.
Da da, ja deistvitel’no russkiy xD Rossija svjaschennaja nasha derzhava,Rossija ljubimaja nasha stranaaaa x))
Do you know how many blades will go galavanting about? I must have your Blade Catcher shoes to stop this madness!!!
I’ve got a mastodon in my trousers?
I love Mastodon. But I don’t want those shoes, and I dare you to make me the winner because I will shit in them and send them right back to you! So go ahead, make the winner, I fucking dare you!
Because my feet need to look higher than my eyes in case I get stopped by the cops.
I’d rather buy crabcore shoes from the retarded kid in Attack! Attack so I can scuttle around sideways.
But really, I love trendy shit. Give me some shoes.
JESUS CHRIST I NEED SHOES YOU FUCKING RETARDS I AM THE BEST
Since Im the Hero of all the gods, I need the Mastovans to Cross the threshold, to guide a truth and ride into the black hole, to run with death and evade the sharks of the sky. I need them because without the Mastovans there is no scape, Im trapped in time-space, If you give the Mastovans to me, well…
I’d guess you would say I could set this world ablaze…. Take my black soul,
Arrive in the fires that burn my skin, Guide my eyes all through this maze.
I guess you would say I could set this world ablaze….
WITH THE MASTOVANS!!!
i’ve managed to blatantly incorporate Mastodon into the last 5 university assignments i have done, all of which have been successful…my peers have now started to bet on which aspect of the upcoming assignment will be based around the band which is quite literally absorbing every aspect of my life.
i need and deserve these shoes to complete the absorption process.
Give me the fucking shoes. I deserve them more than anyone else because i need something to sell for drug money and my resulting overdose bills. Does it count that i’m going to see mastodon in NYC, likely dressed as an evil clown… to mosh. Put an LSD tab in the shoes when you give them to me, and a condom. I’ll need those when I’m in my clown suit. You’re goin down on this clown, bitch!
Give me the shoes.
why do i deserve the right, no privilege to wear those mighty MASTODON kicks?! I must spread the great cosmic name to all peoples(on my feet) and let all know of the epic bone crushing power that is mastodon!!!I’ve laid eyes on the grails once, and not one fucking person employed at that establishment knew who mastodon was, i said whatthefuck to that and now is my chance to see thy most epic footwear again! so please, give me the sickest metal-ass shoes i’ve ever seen(slip ons,size 12) and i will thrust a foot into the air and crack the skye!!!!ah thank you!
I deserve these godamn mastovans cause I wore the shit outta my last set of kickass sleds for the last 3 years, went to every concert in them, which is quite a few….I’m in need of a killer pair of concert goin shoes. everyone would always ask, hey dude where’d you get those shoe’s and I always told’em, They’re TOMS shoes….and that was way before you started seein’ all these toms shoes commercials, so that’s gotta be fuckin-a for the free publicity, right there! I fuckin, love Mastodon, I missed out on their free Crack the Skye shirt promotion, shitty deal…got over it. hell, I was so pumped about the Mastoklok tour that I set my alarm, woke up way early and waited for the tix to go on sale, called ticketmaster and they were all, “they don’t go on sale til tomorrow.” I had to do it again the next day only I got the tickets this time.
The reason I deserve these shoes is very simple. I attended a Mastodon concert a few months ago. They played great and are one of my favorite bands, so you can imagine the immense glee I felt when one of their roadie’s confronted me after the show and told me the band wanted to meet me. I was thoroughly confused and asked the roadie why they wanted to meet me. He explained that during the show the band had noticed me in the front row and thought I looked like a “chill bro”. I was not familiar with this slang, but assumed it meant “dedicated fan”. The roadie led me to their tour bus, opened the door, said “Be careful, son.” and walked off. Stumbling over my own feet, I ran up the bus steps. The band was sitting there, around a fondue bowl, giggling and grubbing down. Exactly how I had imagined it. I couldn’t contain myself, I screamed in a girly manner and began clapping my hands rapidly. The band welcomed me over and the next hour was spent hanging out and smoking fat bluntz. Anyways, to make a long story short, Mastodon promised me that if I let them jerk off on my face they would give me free merch. However, after they had all came they simply threw me off the bus and drove away. I was left in the middle of the sidewalk, naked, crying, and covered in Mastodon’s seed. Now whenever I listen to Mastodon all I can hear is Troy Sander’s mumbling, “Keep your fucking eyes open. Look at me! Yeah… Just like that.” However, if I receive these shoes all my problems will be solved and I will finally be able to forgive Mastodon for forcing me into a bukkake and not giving me anything in return except vision-loss in my left eye.
I deserve to win these amazing shoes because if you saw the state of my current pair, you’d understand why the band decided to write their epic opus ‘Pendulous Skin’ about my feet. ‘Nuff said
this why i need sum new kicks pretty bad
http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b389/badandy0502/SDC10275.jpg
im broke man pick me!!!!!!
First of all, I NEED new shoes.
And I’m seriously like the coolest guy ever and I LOVE Mastadon.
Most people arent cool enough for these shoes, but I am!!!
And if you need any FURTHER convincing, I have two very strong words for all you naysayers:
Come Onnnnn!! COME ONNNNNN!!!
i have been a MASTODON fan since “lifesblood”… i endured a boring ass CLUTCH show to see MASTODON … troy was nice to me… i have the sticker on my car of MASTODON written in the MISFITS logo… i work a shitty job and can’t afford shoes outside of payless… i have really small feet so it usually ends up being payless’ women’s section… of all the animals and creatures involved with their artwork, none of them are ever a MASTODON… i kind of have to poop right now… MASTODON are one of the only stoner bands that can keep my attention… brent had the balls to get a tattoo on his face, i can only dream of being that cool and self confident… at the rate they are going, MASTODON will be walking the earth longer than their namesake… i have said MASTODON seven times in this post and it’s getting ridiculous. MASTODON [that's eight]
You insult Clutch? You shall die!
That is the first time I have ever read anyone insult Clutch…he shall die!
HE SHALL DIE, BY THE POWER OF MY BURNING BEARD!
Anyone who calls themselves “B-rad” deserves to die anyways. Long live Clutch
This is a gimme. I drove 2 hours monday night through the great plains of Kansas staring at a whole fuckin lot of nothing. When I finally arrived in Kansas City I clawed my way through stinky, slimy, tattoo ridden crowds so I could be right in front of the stage while Mastodon and Dethklok audibly assaulted me. AND I ingested at least a half gallon of Brent Hinds saliva and sweat or any other juices spraying from his whiskey swollen body. This band belongs on my feet. MASTODON
…oh and I hate Ziltoid
i need those shoes cause i just spent the last of my money on a mastodon/dethklok ticket. and you know i gotta be lookin good for all those weird hippie/metal chicks at the show. plus i kinda look like spicoli and we all know spicoli needs those slip ons.
I wanna be the next Elephant Man by using this Mastodon Vans to kill the March Of The Fire Ants.
I believe I should get the shoes because last week a crack head in Flint broke my van window and stole my shitty gps (That sounded like Dr. Alan Grant from Jurassic Park) and because of how much I had to pay to get the window fixed I don’t have enough money to get gasoline to make it to the Mastodon show in Detroit next week. Even if I did have enough money I don’t think I could get there without step by step directions telling me when to get on the motorway or turn right at valasa raptor. Also my boyfriend is Jewish, that has to count for something.
I need them to compliment my lucious 34D rack.
Well, I need these shoes because, i’m in the marching band, and i am so hardcore that i wore through all my other shoes except my custom All-Stars. I had made them in art class by taking the Remission album cover and spray painting it on my ‘verse. They were my only treasure and a cherished them so very much. Well one day I was walking in the mall parking lot when I was hit by a car. I rolled up the hood and cracked the glass…well, when I awoke, my shoes were gone!!! I was freaking tha fuck out! I ran for the first person I saw and yelled, “Give me my shoes!!!!!”, and sucker punched his jaw. Well, needless, to say, while i was being arrested, that was the wrong thing to do. Well now I have nothing to wear to the Mastadon-Dethklok concert in the House of Blues in Dallas, so please, throw me a damn bone and give me those TOATLY badass shoes!!!
Make them a pity prize for me please. I lost my kick ass music industry job, about to lose my apartment and something tells me my fiance isn’t too happy with me right now, so she’ll probably be gone soon, too.
I deserve these shoes because I live in fuckin’ China. Not much metal down here, except for that one local band Huang Xia Liang!!!!!! I don’t think I’ll be seeing Mastodon anytime soon, but maybe I could spread the word with the magical Mastodon kicks!
Plus I wear vans whilst I drum, and the legendary Brann Dailor inspired me to pick up sticks so…
Please send me a pair of those bad ass kicks so I can pretend Mastodon signed them and feel ultra cool!
I really need these shoes because i think they would look alot better then my 10 dollar wal-mart shoes.
i want these shoe 567363947827409384932858247305784560283750937858927358328273592405873468078346902478673048257820836748264803750235788437695802735092318582590482905684359839583583895475649285738025479235283572 and a half times more then anyone on here!. :D
Long ago, in the future, in a much simpler age, lived a farrier. He was a simple man of simple means, living by the sweat of his brow and the callous on his hands. He led a mundane life forging chrome horse-shoes for the Slaughterhorses of Meta-King Evisceraymond, Harbinger of the Burning Blight. Evisceraymond wasn’t necessarily his first-choice employer, but in the tyrannical job market of the futurepast beggars can’t be choosers (and everyone not employed by Evisceraymond, or Visceray as he’s known amongst friends, are actually beggars). So the humble farrier got by, day by day, forging chrome relics of unfathomable power with his bare hands like every other ordinary citizen of Killgaard.
Evisceraymond ruled over all of Killgaard with brutality fitting of the man who ravaged the Dread Warlock Nekronomijohn, Envoy of Cadaveronald: Heathen Beast of The BlackDark. In the third war of the second war, a great battle was fought between Evisceraymond’s Dread Cadavalry and the would-be liberators, the Paladins of the Shining Song – Overbishop Clarion’s personal honor guard. The armies did battle for nigh a milleniday till at last both the Overbishop slew the Meta-King. Yet the Bishop was no saint and enslaved all of Killgard forcing them to build a tower to the throne of the Light Father of All-Being. The blacksmith, having hidden himself from the Overbishop with the Forest of the Screaming Hell-elms, decided to rebel against Clarion. He had heard of a legend of four men of mammoth-like proportions that lived far past the Goreizon in the Land of Blood Mountains. He traveled far across the Barbed Wire Fields of Razoregon, past the Bleeding Sea, home of the Fleshrending Terricuddas, and beyond the great Bone Harrow Gate of Femurder. He finally reached the great Thunderforge of the warriors of legend. They called themselves Mastodon, and as he told them of the plight of Killgaard they wept tears of pure quicksilver. The warriors summoned their mighty Slammoth and ventured forth with the blacksmith to free Killgaard. The blacksmith forged the warriors mighty weapons of ironsteel, the strongest substance known throughout the many-verse. With weapons drawn, the heroes stormed the Overbishop’s sky tower. They slew his Paladins and rained firesleet down from the heavens with their chops too righteous. They confronted Clarion in his palace, but his holy conviction proved too mighty for the warriors. The blacksmith, seeing the plight of the warriors, gave them the last weapon he had, his steel toed worker boots. The heroes tossed the boot into the heavens and it began to crack the skye, raining steel-toed oblivion down on the Overbishop. As Clarion’s body was forcefully separated from his soul, his tower fell apart – freeing the people of Killgaard. The Warriors thanked the farrier for his help in vanquishing the Overbishop and asked him if he wanted something in return. He made only one request: a pair of the very steel-toed boots that slew the holy hellion. Seeing the irony that the farrier shod horses for a living but remained unshod himself, the mighty . I know this tale well, friends, for the farrier and I are one and the same.
well, i think i deserve these shoes cuz i had a white pair of old converse, but some smart dog decided to pee on them while i was waiting for the bus
now i’ve been wearing cheap, ugly walmart shoes for the last 2 weeks, and i think ive had enough, im not going to impress girls with PLASTIC RUNNING SHOES!!!!
so, i could take the converse into consideration, but id rather not wear urinated shoes; thats why i think i deserve these shoes :D
I deserve these shoes because I’m wearing rubber boots.. and rubber boots arnt metal.. they’re french canadian… JEAN GUY RUBBERBOOTAAAAAHHH
as I am one of Mastodon’s fans, i should have theese shoes.
What is Mastodon? If you gave me the shoes I’ll have a reason to learn about them…
I believe I should score these shoes because I’m a bassist,
and we all know bassists don’t get attention in the band unless
they cheat and take the spot as lead vocalist.
So with these kicks I can not only get the attention of the fans,
but win over all of the ladies instantly with the impressive Mastodon.
Which I can then lie and say I paid to have them custom made which
make it appear as though I have a lot of money.
Dude, chicks want nothing more than Mastodon and money.
Dude… this contest ended like… a month ago…