IN CASE THERE WAS ANY DOUBT, FRANCES BEAN COBAIN IS TOTALLY FUCKED

Tuesday, October 13th, 2009 at 4:30pm by

courtney&francesI imagine that being the child of a celebrity is difficult under any circumstances, and I’m not sure that, had he lived, there’s much Kurt Cobain would have been able to do for Frances Bean, his poorly-named daughter with Courtney Love. The guy was obviously pretty nutty himself so it’s not like we can sit here and say “Well, everything would have been fine if Kurt had lived.”

That being said, leaving poor Frances Bean alone in the sole custody of Courtney has to be tantamount to child neglect.

So. Both Courtney and Frances have left Twitter. That’s sad only because Courtney’s tweets are so consistently fucknuts that the world is now deprived of one of the 21st century’s great free entertainments. (I didn’t even know that Frances was on Twitter.) But then again, the reason for their decision to halt all tweeting is pretty hilarious.

Apparently it all started when Frances – who is all of sixteen years old – decided to bitch over Twitter over the VIP treatment she saw Lindsay Lohan’s sister, Ali, get at Fashion Week in Paris. Here’s what she tweeted (I’m assuming this has all been combined into one semi-coherent statement):

“(You’re) not entitled to anything simply because your sister has a recognizable name. Your idea of fame isn’t fame. It’s infamy. You want to be famous? Work your ass off and make decisions that could potentially catapult your career into a lasting one. You lack the talent, social understanding and credibility to be anything other than infamous. It will be the formality of fame that puts you on the covers of tabloids, while the public idly watches you (plummet) into the murky abyss shared with the likes of Spencer Pratt and Jon Gosselin who, I’m sure, will steal your money whilst there.”

Okay, a few things:

  • Frances Bean Cobain bitching that Ali Lohan only got special treatment because of her name is like Courtney Love talking shit about Layne Staley for being a dope fiend. It is the very definition of the pot calling the kettle black.
  • You know a sixteen year old girl is really a spoiled bitch when she’s tweeting complaints over someone being more famous than she is.
  • What is Frances Bean’s talent? From where does her credibility come? Do we have any evidence of her having a deep social understanding?
  • What hard work and career decisions has Frances Bean ever made?

I don’t know if Ali Lohan has any kind of career outside of being her sister’s, uh, sister, and I’m too lazy to look it up (maybe the children’s entertainment experts at Reign in Blonde can help fill in the gaps in my knowledge). but I know that Frances Bean ain’t done jack shit besides looking eerily like her dead father. And that rant sounds so much like her mom it’s frightening. Everyone keep on an eye on ol’ FB: she’s only gonna get worse as she gets older.

-AR

  • Master Chah

    lol. Who gives a shit about either of them?

    • Uglymicrowave

      my thoughts exactly

  • I’m not racist, but I hate Oceano

    Why did she put plummet in parenthesis.

    • bearbomb

      Why don’t you put a question mark at the end of your questions?

      • Viking-Shredder

        Woo, bearbomb, that cracked me up! Nice work my man!

  • http://brootal-insider.blogspot.com/ Tyler

    wow…Kurt where are you when we need you?

    • cookie

      wow…Kurt where is your shotgun when we need it?

      • http://brootal-insider.blogspot.com/ Tyler

        you beat me…

      • John

        1

      • bearbomb

        Dylan Carlson of Earth has it. Anyone got his number?!

      • metalguy

        good fod that was funny

  • http://deleted farts

    Hey axl,

    This is metalsucks right? Not TMZ. And its certainly not the family judgement website last time i checked. But hey you run it, and if shit like this matters to you, then awesome. Awesomely gay. I dont even think the kid is claiming to be talented OR famous.

    But seriously, who the fuckkk cares, really?

    • R. Joseph Smith

      Three K’s in fuck huh? You retarded or just a backwoods,inbred, hillbilly sister fucker?

      • Mike

        I agree, I don’t think Kurt’s daughter ever did anything to try to be famous or recieve special treatment for everything. I therefore found he comments towards little Lindsey to be smart and accurate and Axl’s to be ignorant and misinformed.

      • http://deleted farts

        Yes. I fuckkked your sister.

        • R. Joseph Smith

          God hates fascists. It’s science. You’ll end up with anal warts that look like hooded klansman. All pointy and iritating and shit. Fuckwad.

          • LAWL

            If you knew anything about science, you would know god doesnt not exsisit…

  • Zoker

    Slow down Axl.. please… from time to time I’ve to take breaks from MS to assimilate all those shocking news… which I love anyway…

  • myke

    :crickets whispering: ah the point of this?

  • orbital

    file under no care ever.

  • Produced by Jacob Bannon

    I for one began listening to Metal so that I could keep up with all the celebrity gossip. Tell us, how are things going re: the great Jewish comedian Jerry Seinfeld getting his show back on TV? I’ll be listening to the new Born Of Osiris and Slapnut albums in the meantime.

    • FratBro69

      Your taste in metal is shittier than this topic.

    • Beard

      Jerry Seinfeld was a Scientologist and never funny.

  • http://www.myspace.com/jay234t BrutalJay

    I’m gonna be honest.. I had no idea Kurt Cobain had a daughter until now. And, despite the fact that she’s from Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love, she seems to be pretty intelligent. She has a right to bitch about this the same reason I have the right to bitch about the people from The Hills still being alive. I don’t consider Frances to be famous by any stretch of the imagination. When was the last time you saw her at an academy awards show, or even being interviewed on TV or the internet or, anywhere?

    On a related side note; I also had no idea Lindsey Lohan had a sister… Or that Lindsey Lohan was still alive.

    • Kazz

      1

  • TheHangingBrain

    Sometimes when I pee, I fart a little. It makes me feel as though I’ve accomplished something.

    • cougar party

      two birds with one stone…

      • TheHangingBrain

        Exactly!

    • Spanky

      well written sir

  • 36thoughtless

    At times like these, Jon Holdren doesn’t seem like so much like the devil Michelle Malkin makes him out to be and, maybe, forced sterilizations in certain cases are good things.

  • R. Joseph Smith

    I’m surprised this kids embryonic fluid wasn’t straight up heroin.

    • John

      It wasn’t?

      • bloodtasteslikeshit

        yeah look at her.

      • R. Joseph Smith

        Maybe a cigarette butt or two floating around in there…

  • Watson

    A) What a butt ugly 16 year old.

    B) I had completly forgotten that Cobain and Cunt had a kid. So…what is she famous for?

  • Hammer_Smashed_Hurtt

    I were fuck Kourtney Love! LOL

    • TheHangingBrain

      I have no fucking clue what you’re saying, but I bet you sure can party.

      • cougar party

        HA!

      • Hammer_Smashed_Hurtt

        oh yeah I loves to partay! LOL

  • Daniel

    If you read the entire thing, it was fucking great. She ripped her a new asshole and was totally right. That said, you do have a point – her bitching about anyone’s notoriety is ridiculous – but it also wasn’t like she was saying “work your ass off – LIKE I DID.”

  • SP420

    Frances Bean is so hot. Like a younger Zooey Deschanel. Would love to fuck her mouth.

    • metalguy

      OMG Zooey is such a babe!!

      • metalguy

        and they in no way look alike

        • R. Joseph Smith

          Not even a little bit.

  • thatONEguy

    last i checked this was Metalsucks.com,not EveryeonKnowsCourtneyLoveSucksButNowBeanSux2.net (Why the fuck was this necessary to write!??) what metal head on this site saw this & thought “wow,francis bean is a total bitch!….guess i won’t be goin’ to that foo fighters concert next week!” WTF???

  • Curt Nobrain

    Courtney Hole is more worthless than a year’s supply of belly-button lint. Anything that slithered out of her gaping maw of a birth canal is, by definition, even more worthless. If the world was a human body, Courtney Hole would be the piece of wayward underwear fuzz that’s snagged on a wiry black hair growing out of a boil right next to its anus. The only reason anyone associates her with music is that she allegedly was once in the vicinity of someone who was making some. If it were up to me, I’d advise her to suck on a shotgun barrel too, but that would be grossly unfair to the poor shotgun which did nothing to deserve a fate as cruel as entering Ms. Hole’s big fat mouth. The poor gun would probably vomit and end up mis-firing anyway.

    • FuckYourGayEmoHaircut

      +666!

    • R. Joseph Smith

      HA! Fuck yeah. I’ll go a step further and go ahead and say she is the Yoko Ono of our generation. Not that Nirvana was entertaining or talented in any way.

      • Trux

        +1000…

  • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

    So what hair metal band is pictured up there?

    • Insomnivore

      Hey you’re right, I think Great White announced a tour.

    • Slaughterhouse

      hahaha!!!!!!!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Trip-Cahouet/706361037 Trip Cahouet

    This is funnier than the Brian Fair/Phil Labonte Twitter war!

  • Bill

    i wonder if frances bean does anal?

    • orbital

      ATM I heard.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Daniel-Winnett/504952291 Daniel Winnett

      i’d be suprised if there was anything she WOULDN’T do, if for no other reason than the threefold shame of 1) being related to courtney love, 2) being related to kurt cobain and 3) just being really ugly dispite wearing more makeup than gene simmons does

  • Cornrow Wallace

    TL;DR but I’d hit it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Daniel-Winnett/504952291 Daniel Winnett

    is it weird that i had my knob out when i clicked on the link and read this?

  • IWRESTLEDYOURMOMONCE

    Ummmm, who gives a shit? Why is this posted here? This is some Perez Hilton shit. Fuck off Metal Sucks…

  • Mr. Parker

    Well , unfortunately I know that Lohan’s sister had a show on MTV (I think MTV) where she was trying to get a record deal…

    My wife watches a lot of lame tv that at times my poor eyes will catch a glimpse of before I ask her to change it to something good…

    • R. Joseph Smith

      You ain’t got to lie to kick it.

  • Rick.S

    Poor girl, imagine how she feels in school when the talk about suicide. :D

  • http://www.myspace.com/somethinglikesweet CJ

    lol So, yeah, even though dumb bitches complain that articles like this aren’t metal, please keep them coming. They’re fucking hilarious. Metal sucks anyways (lol see what I did there?).

  • TheHardG

    well frances bean is just how i like my women, sorta chunky and emotionally screwed up

    • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

      The looser the waistband, the deeper the quicksand. Or so I have read.

      • Biff Tannen

        I met her on monday, ’twas my lucky bun-day, you know what I me-an ?!

  • prives

    Who’s Courtney Love? And who the fuck is Lindsay Lohan?

    What fucking website is this…?

  • fittetryne

    Frances (who in reality is Kurt in a dress and make up – true story) has the same right to bitch about anyone and anything as you bitches who bitch about anything here at Metal Sücks. No, she hasn’t accomplished anything other than getting a hard cock in her teen ass, but neither have you bitches (or me, for that matter).
    But one day I hope she will kill her mother. That’s a great accomplishment right there.

  • reznik

    Hey! weres the metal in that?!!

  • http://www.welovemetal.com We Love Metal

    There should have been some rule put in place that those two should not have been allowed to reproduce. The little girl is going to have twice the crazy crammed into that little head.

  • Brytallica

    Every time I see or hear about Courtney Love, all I think of is Family Guy making fun of her.

    • cookie

      courtney who?

  • http://www.kingdomofnoise.blogspot.com MetalMatt

    Must run in the family. Courtney wouldn’t be shit if she wasn’t with Kurt. And all she does is whine.

  • david

    That Frances girl seems wicked smart. She kinda sounds like Kurt too. All that smack talking about a 16 year old girl that seems pretty intelligent just comes off as silly. I bet she’ll turn out alright. You guys at MetalSucks should offer her a job.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Chris-Uber/169800969 Chris Uber

    What the fuck is this bullshit doing on here anyways?

  • You Don’t Know Me

    on a side note: Frances Bean definitely gets her wordy, pretentious statements from her father.

  • Biff Tannen

    I’d hit it.

  • Biff Tannen

    Courtney Love looks like she did a 100 yard dash in a 50 yard gym

  • Gossamer Axe

    metalsucks knows drama.

  • Toneman

    Frances never claimed that she was famous… she just pointed out that Ali shouldn’t be either.

  • Sammy

    Damn it, Axl! You interrupted my Twitter watch to keep track of when Vince Vaughn is dropping a deuce.

  • Fong Chung

    Why do I care about this story?

  • rachel

    I feel bad for Frances Bean Cobain. Her dad was, and, if he were still alive, a huge druggy. Courtney is a complete idiot, and for the rest of her life, she will be known as ‘the daughter of that rock star who blew his brains out.’ But aside from her inherited legacy, I dont think she knows the impact of what she twitters. Writing anything, intelligent or not, will find its way all over the internet. She is a 16 year old girl, let’s cut her some slack. ON the other hand, her mother should act like an adult, and since she doesnt, I challenge you to insult Courtney :)

    • http://www.myspace.com/somethinglikesweet CJ

      This is just my opinion, but you should probably recognize Kurt Cobain as being Kurt Cobain. Not “that rock star who blew his brains out”. He did a lot more with his life than end it. Just sayin’.

      • rachel

        Well I didnt actually mean that this is how I feel about him, it is just that I know that plenty of other people feel that way. I actually have alot of respect for him, after reading Heavier Than Heaven.

        • http://www.myspace.com/somethinglikesweet CJ

          Hmm. Never read that. I’ll have to check it out.