VAMPIRE MOOOSE TRADE CATCHY METALCORE FOR NUMBING DEATHCORE ON THE REEL
Wednesday, October 14th, 2009 at 12:30pm by Axl Rosenberg
Ever wish there was music that could duplicate the feeling of a throbbing migraine?
I hate The Reel, the new album from Vampire Mooose, so much that I actually went back and re-listened to their last album, Serenade the Samurai, just to make sure it holds up. That’s not a great album by any means, but it is a good one – thirty-five minutes of really ugly melodic death metal fueled by elephants-marching metalcore riffs at their finest. You might forget about it a couple of days after you get it, but Samurai is a totally solid album. I could see that version of Vampire Mooose playing a show with Gojira. They might get blown off the stage, but they’d be there and they wouldn’t get booed.
The Reel is just a boring as fuck, paint-by-numbers deathcore album. It’s “heavier” than Samurai, I guess, but that doesn’t negate the fact that it sucks. Every song here could be by any number of the forgettable unsigned bands that we so crudely make fun of on this very website.
All I could think as I listened to this album was “Holy shit, is this still going on?” It’s like getting woken up on a Sunday morning by a construction crew outside your window (or maybe like a pretty bird or something if you’re not a piece of scum shit that grew up in the city) – this album mostly sounds annoying right at the worst possible time for you to feel annoyed.
There’s nothing even remotely creative about this record. There isn’t a single riff you haven’t heard before. Track #2, the title of which I refuse to re-type because it has lots of weird uses of punctuation and fuck this album, should is like a mad-libs of deathcore clichés. A song called “Kill Don Henley,” somehow ends up being an insult to Don Henley fans and Martin Scorsese fans, and “Spider-Man vs. Venom” is so bad it makes Spider-Man 3 look like The Godfather. The only breakdown that even kinda made me wanna bang my head, on a song called “Pot Pie,” is really just a gussied-up Korn riff. A GUSSIED-UP KORN RIFF, I SAY. Only the first four and half vocal-free minutes of the ten minute album closer “Drayton Sowyer” is even remotely memorable, and then mostly as something you might hear in the trailer for a new WWE movie.
And did I mention fuck this album? I’d give it a pity horn or horn n’ a half, but that would be a disservice to the new Atreyu record.
(1 teabag out of five)
-AR
R.O.F.L.
Very Funny. I think I’ll take back my comment yesterday about MS giving out too many Rave-Reviews.
Best review i’ve read in quite a while. Thanks Metal Sucks!
The teabag score is a win
Ahah indeed! I’ve read the review only cause I saw the teabag at the bottom..
bummer, i really liked their self titled cd, it wasnt anything out of the ordinary but it was enjoyable, plus, it sampled bruce campbell
Not gonna lie, such a negative review does pique my interest..in that horrific car accident sort-of-way, I don’t even listen to metal core but I am a fan of comedy!
Thanks. I will run out and buy this right away!
“should is like a mad-libs of deathcore clichés” I’m confused.
I did make the mistake of seeing this band once in maybe 03 or 04. I’ve done the right thing since then and haven’t payed any sort of attention to this shit pile of a band. You should all consider doing the same.
I went and listened to “Spider-man vs. Venom” and that was just horrible!!!!!!! Even if the production was better, it would still suck!!!!!!!!
that’s sad… i LOVE their first album
Me too. If nothing else, Vampire Mooose have loads of heart. But I guess this is what happens to you when you get a record label manager after the guy who actually had your best interests in mind went to jail. Did I mention said former manager went to jail for robbing a bank… to be able to pay the band?
Br00t4L review, i don’t even know who this is…
These guys hail from my home state(Missouri) and play here in St. Louis often. I haven’t seen them or heard them in quite a few years, and their last album was just OK compared to their first self-titled release(which you should check out if you haven’t). But since these fucktards that run this website seem to like a lot of complete bullshit metalcore and other stuff that “rules”, this review doesn’t turn me off completely. I will check it out for sure.
regardless of this review im gonna check it out since i really like their previous albums. is there a stream or leak of their new album somewhere?
I’ve never even heard of Vampire Moose but I’m assuming that the reviewer heard one breakdown on the album and thought the whole thing sucked.
No, this website generally likes breakdowns.
Its douchebags like me who hate them =D
Sadly one of the few well known bands from my hometown of St. Louis! Thankfully I now live in Chicago which has an amazing scene!
Spiderman Vs. Venom is actually off their first album. I don’t even know what the hell this album is.
Vampire Mooose….if that’s not a generic myspace metal name, nothing is. Not too surprising that the quality of their music follows the theme of their band name.
1. I *wanted* to like this band but their first album was kinda zzzzz… haven’t heard this one but doesn’t sound good.
2. Metal Sucks are breakdown whores according to you guys?!?! Wow. And I thought *our* readers were bonkers.
Oh, Seargeant D. Don’t worry. We all recognize you as the queen bee of pointless, slow-mo machine gun, stacatto notes that lack pitch variation. Don’t get your panties in a knot, man, you’re still the king of the pointless musical bit.
I remember back when I had XM radio, this band was on liquid metal every hour. Didn’t know they even made other records than the debut.
Really? How long ago was this? Last time i actually USED my XM radio, all they played was that retarded song by Devil Wears Prada… Goddamn the need to play mainstream shit to keep the channel running. They did play No God by darkest hour after that, frequently, I guess as a way to wave their true colours.