FUNNY PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN A 10-PACK OF CDs FROM PROSTHETIC RECORDS!

Thursday, October 15th, 2009 at 5:00pm by Vince Neilstein

All three winners to last week’s funny photo caption contest win a CD copy of The Fall of Troy’s In The Unlikely Event. Last week’s comments were actually quite funny for a change… it was hard to choose just three. The winning entries:

kayn83: “evidently this black metal fan is not tr00 with the white frosting in all”
Paul Quinn: “Cool. I always wanted a birthday cake with the Legion of Doom on it. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH WHAT A RUSH!”
skoal: “they don’t make power ranger cakes in Norway”

This week we’re giving away one 10-pack of assorted CDs from Prosthetic Records. Prosthetic has one of the most solid artist rosters in all of metal, so no matter what you get there are bound to be at least a few that you like (I promise it won’t be 10 copies of All That Remains). Come up with a funny caption to the below photo, and 10 CDs shall be yours.

Tags: Prosthetic Records,

Piero

Freshly released from jail, Varg Vikernes and a few friends proudly sponsor a Norwegian Elementary school

http://www.gravatar.com/avatar/46e389eb8b79606050d3d447431ff6ac?s=80 Nate

Every country has douchebags that re-enact its low points; America has the Civil War, France has every moment before Gojira, and Norway has the First Wave of Black Metal.

Beard

Newest edition to the Norwegian area of Epcot.

Uglymicrowave

Norwegian Black Metal class trip…

Leprosy

After the original tour guides were eaten by wild bears the parks owner had to struggle and hire his nephew and a couple of his friends to help teach the people the way of the forest.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Mark-Gavin/1396340262 Mark Gavin

Black Metal Skool didn’t quite take off like their American brethren
Brytallica

Juggalos are pedophiles. That answers that question.
Devin Townsend Sr.

ALL OUR DICKS COMBINED ARE THIS BIG.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Michel-Giroux-Burroughs/574086565 Michel Giroux-Burroughs

WIN!
Ryd1ZZ

nice one lol
tim

Hands down, the best.

Ryan

Sooner or later, Behemoth will finish the 3rd grade.

slavetothegrinder

WIN

Master Chah

The dick up my ass was THIS BIG!

Jizzmaster3000

fail.

http://www.showbizpizza.com/ptp/index.html Sweeney

In order to ensure a smooth transition across the globe, at its grand opening, Scandinavia’s first Chuck E. Cheese unveils the new animatronic Pizza Time Players, now called Pizzimmortal.
http://myspace.com/metalheadx116 Uncle Jesse

class field trips in Norway involve a mandatory church burn
nobody

This is the only time people would rather see black metal fans than michael jackson.
Caspar Colderson

special-needs class, say hello to your new buddy’s

Caspar Colderson

*buddies.
damnit!

Loui666er

Hee Hee Loser!

Brad

The 3rd Grade class took a field trip into the woods to see where the best metal music videos are made.

ivangrozny

Mrs. Sorensons 2nd grade class at the Blashyrkh living history museum .

Ryan

try to take a guess at which four kids in the class have repeated the 3rd grade several times.
I’m not racist, but I hate Oceano

The Norwegian version of Billy Madison is decidedly less funny.
I Hate Ziltoid aka Nacho Cheese Doritos

The first known picture of Ziltoid (far right, in blue).
http://www.gravatar.com/avatar/62449cbe5ea8d22bcc2e76890fceaa37.png Lord Bling

Mrs. Smith’s fourth-grade class had four ‘Billy Madisons’ this year…
Rolling Thunder

Trve education begins right here…parents, teachers, SCHOOL ADMINISTRATORS, bring your spawn to

WATERSHED PARK!!!
http://brootal-insider.blogspot.com/ Tyler

Norweigen Brainwash Metal.
http://www.facebook.com/people/David-Hulsey/653830783 David Hulsey

The proper authorities scrambled to fill the loophole that allows black metal bands to adopt as many children as it takes to fill a burning church.
http://brootal-insider.blogspot.com/ Tyler

Now everybody go to your Cradles of Filth.

http://www.myspace.com/northwestroyale Blake

WIN!

fightingmike

Summer Camp in Norway

Another Metalcore Band

so original

http://brootal-insider.blogspot.com/ Tyler

You can’t start teaching the little ones too early because obviously four year olds understand the difference between burning a church and not sharing. The Norweigen government slays!

Nate

They won’t call the fire department when you get your tongue stuck to the flag pole, they just cut it off.

http://www.facebook.com/people/CJ-Crawford/768948209 C.J. Crawford

Kid Tested, Satan Approved!
Master Chah

Because it’s totally metal when your grandma invites you to go on a field trip with her 2nd grade class.
Manfred Nuggets

A few of the members of Slipknot have a meet and greet with their fan club.

Dick Asskiss

Slipknot wear corpsepaint now?
slavetothegrinder

HA HA HA UBER FAIL

Ike Clanton

The meet and greet experience is another great reason to join the Dimmu Borgir fan club! Here’s a chance to meet up with fun, like minded people like you. For only 9.95 a year this could be you!

Manfred Nuggets

Dang! Two meet and greets in the same minute!

Ike Clanton

great minds think alike

Manfred Nuggets

Indeed. May the best meet and greet win!

poopsmcgee

yours is better
Manfred Nuggets

Which yours:my yours or his yours?

Master Chah

LET THIS PICTURE MARK THE BEGINNING OF THE MOST BLACKEST NATURE WALK EVER!!!
http://www.myspace.com/whiskeyrambleproject x101whiskey_ramble101x@yahoo.com

if you think catholic priests are bad with kids….come back tomorrow.
http://myspace.com/shepherdsgatemusic,myspace.com/burymeinsmokemusic Michael “The Armenian Demon” Fenton

Our first field trip! Off to burn a church!
MetalStew

“The kids going off to their first day at KVLT Black Metal School”

Dick Asskiss

LOL!!!! You said “KVLT”!!!!!! YOU WIN HANDS DOWN!!!!!!!!!

MetalAC13

The sequel to School of Rock: School of Black Metal. Jack Black takes the kids to learn what is KVLT and TR00.

Master Chah

heh.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Devon-Czekaj/550092101 Devon Czekaj

Black Metal patrons make sure Varg doesn’t slip razors in Norwegian children’s candy this Halloween.
http://www.myspace.com/breathofmetalproductions pokesmot

and you guys thought Varg did bad things lol
“AffiirmativeAction”Valor

Tr00 Kvltist #1: “They will be sacrificed upon the frozen altars of the bitter North”

Tr00 Kvktist # 2 “Indeed, they snow will be painted red with their blood. Do you want to watch Power Rangers after nap time?”

Varg: “i thinks we shoulds be leavings soons you guys…”
Utmu

A black metal band playing World of Warcraft… plausible… a black metal band playing World of Warcraft and joining a Gnome-only guild… impossible…
Apparently not.
Gecko

Well we’ve lured the kids in with facepainting and bags of candy, but the fucking van broke down a mile away! What do we do now?!?!
I love boobs

The exact moment the school faculty were second guessing their field trip to Norway.
Spanky

Dimmu Borgir are helping this family get…an extreme home makeover!

http://www.facebook.com/people/Mark-Gavin/1396340262 Mark Gavin

lol. That made me chuckle.

Chilech

Anyone for a game of KISS chase?
Bass Turd

Family pictures with all the children were starting to grow awkward with the new black metal craze.
LEGIONS:iron and steel

Thanks to the “Make a wish foundation”, these terminally ill children fulfilled their dream of a fun filled weekend with the guys from Dark Funeral.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Michel-Giroux-Burroughs/574086565 Michel Giroux-Burroughs

Last one to the bunk house is eaten! But it won’t matter, ’cause we’re gonna burn the house down anyway!
kevkevbangbang123

Right before all the kids got their “Church Burning” badges at the Norwegian Boy Scout summer camp. That’s what Norway looks like in the summer.
B-dizzle

ALL YOUR CHILDREN ARE BELONG TO THE BLACK WIZARDS!
Tim-o-tato

Black metal summer camp for elementary school!!!!!
Tim-o-tato

Ooo gr8, I just see that everyone has the same fucking caption as me…fuck my life…lol
orbital

Everyones effected by the economy these days, here we see a young up and coming black metal band saving a few bucks on their promo photos by tagging along on picture day at the local elemetary school.
DJ

My fourth grade trip to a native black metal village
Brandon

the kids are actually the chaparones of the field trip
LEGIONS:iron and steel

Lord Caligula is relieved that the guy taking the picture is diverting attention away from the boner he got while checking out the jailbait in the pink coat.
WowWee!

The Scouts from Camp Black Birds last picture…. They will be missed.
Zach

All past, present, and future members of Gorgoroth.
http://www.gamesmeetmetal.com Gamesmeetmetal.com

Jason Voorhees should of went here. Would of had a better time fitting in.
WowWee!

I’m technically still in the picture so don’t say I didn’t want to show my face.
Hey Look!

The School Of Corpse Paint!
WowWee!

Church Burning class of 2009
Erick

See hun.. I told you the kids would have had more fun at Six Flags
WowWee!

Remember no eating each other we must learn from our breathern’s past mistakes.
metalguy

part of vargs parole: the Big Brother community service program
fightingmike

Gaahl’s grade school picture.
WowWee!

The fun never stops at Camp Black Birds.
WowWee!

Alright kids no smiling during the picture so you all look brutal and mean. says after picture is taken: what did you say?
Gunnar

Future Church Burners of Norway: The Children are our tr00 Future!
http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

Darkthrone on loan as chaperone
Skanes

This is Grimdark, Frostnips, Hurripain and Smyeash’s 9th time repeating second grade.

Gunnar

God damn it, winner.

Marshall

This is why the short-lived Norwegian Disneyland didn’t last long
SYL Townsend

“I thought your dad was a fireman when you said he was obsessed with fire! Worst bring your kids to work day EVER!”
FlyingDadBomb

It has now been confirmed that Gorgoroth is available to do children’s birthday parties.
samthebrutal

Ah, the first day at camp Grim & Frostbitten.
Shiggy Shack

The hobbits of the shire managed to scrape together enough acorns and leaves to pay off the black wizards of sauron to play their town.
Ryan

This summer Dimmu Borgir star in the remake of Billy Madison. Coming soon to a theater near you
ofekk

“So kids, what did we learn on our tour?
THATS RIGHT! how to sacrifice cats!”

ofekk

“in our camp*” or something like that lol

Benito

awww, the grim and frostbitten 1994 1st grade class photo of IMMORTAL’s kvlt academy.
http://myspace.com/shepherdsgatemusic,myspace.com/burymeinsmokemusic Michael “The Armenian Demon” Fenton

Instead of detention they just eat them.
http://myspace.com/shepherdsgatemusic,myspace.com/burymeinsmokemusic Michael “The Armenian Demon” Fenton

If shitting blood in your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis!
d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n.

The Kvltsby Show
Sandy Duncan’s Glass Eye

The only remaining evidence of that ill-advised and never finished Kidz Bop 17: Black Metal! album.

Kovarikiller

ooo I like this one haha

The Ogre

Juggalo Family Reunion

Nate

…So… Much… Fail.

http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

A leak of a Occulta Nursery School’s ’93 group photo, complete with some intriguing captions…

Ziltoid (1st row, 2nd from right): grim and tr00 since he took his first p00

Counselor Mike (2nd row, far right) eyes his star pupil and considers having his family for dinner
Viking-Shredder

There’s only one thing left to do. Kill ourselves.
The Greys

Being too black and grim to master their times tables, Skuhl, Warkrafter, Pisslord and Kuntgod were held back in Kindergarten for yet another year …
http://www.facebook.com/people/Daniel-Winnett/504952291 Daniel Winnett

NORWEGIAN EDUCATION: fuck you and your macaroni pictures, we’re learning the proper techniques for effective church burning
Utmu

The sandwiches the children are going to go into are going to be this big! SUCK ON THAT SUBWAY!
WowWee!

I think the one in the pink will fill us all up for tonights sacrifice.
http://www.last.fm/user/opeth027/ Kyle

Someone neglected to tell blondie that smiling is totally NOT grim, kvlt, necro, or tr00
rachel

The black metal edition of Snow White: Celtic Frost and the 11 dwarfs.
http://themetalgrinder.com Matt Kraatz

Send your child to black metal camp! We give em back without smiles or without heads.
WowWee!

For Halloween in Norweigh the adults dress up and the kids have to stay the same. Thats how brutal it is in Norweigh.
http://myspace.com/shepherdsgatemusic,myspace.com/burymeinsmokemusic Michael “The Armenian Demon” Fenton

What a cool camp, and at the end of the night the Lead Camp Counselor will sing koom-by-ya in the vocal style’s of King Diamond!
MikeAdam

Little do the teachers know that when the children go for snack time they won’t be coming back
http://www.concatenationrecords.com Kodiak

Northwood Ice Pentagrams poses with the cast on the set of their new video for “Dwarfucker”.
Hyperkulturemia

Clearly some we’re more resistant to the program than others in this falls session of sexual re-orientation camp.
http://www.myspace.com/theworldweknew frank fanelli

Catholic priests & black metal Norwegens finally have something in common!
http://www.facebook.com/people/Robert-Livingston/25310975 Robert Livingston

GREETINGS FROM CAMP MARDUK
The Ogre

Public Service Anouncemet: Black Metalists, don’t rape then sacrifice to satan then eat your kids.
http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

A costume mix-up during shooting for “4000 Miles To Portsmouth” leaves Gorgoroth to knock off a Ronnie James Dio impersonator convention
Nick

Children of Bodom has midgets, but we have eight year olds!
Viking-Shredder

Your mother has no fingers.
John Wright

BEHOLD…..DINNER!!!!
crush1214

If peeing your spiked pants is cool then call me Varg Vikernes.
RockApeSodomy

Its going to take more than corpsepaint and scowls to help these dumbfucks finally pass the 3rd grade
Useless Info

Ah man, Gorgoroth? My mom signed the permission slip for Dimmu Borgir!
You Don’t Know Me

Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader: Black Metal Edition
Tim

The newest black metal band on the scene today ‘deathgindblackfuck’, is going to Try and get some recognition by going on tour with Hollywood undead
Malacoda

Kreig, Verg, Kvulton, and Gabahl were determined to gain the same amount of popularity that Michael Jackson had attained, through exactly the same methods he used.
http://www.last.fm/user/groverXIII groverXIII

Dear Mom and Dad,

I am having fun at Camp Burzum. My cabin’s counselor is named Shagrath. He is tall and smells funny, like that time that my guinea pig died while we were on vacation. He wears makeup like a clown, only not as scary. I asked him if he was a clown and he said he would eat my heart if I said that again.

We do lots of activities, like Arts and Crafts (we made necklaces out of skull fragments), Sing-alongs (although they make us sing funny and now my throat hurts), and they taught us about camping (they recommend using churches to start fires). The food is good, although the stew that they serve tastes funny. Someone said they put brains in it.

Yesterday we took a nature hike through the forest to a cabin. We stayed there overnight and played a game called “Summon the Great Archgoat Gorgolethiarion”. We sat in a circle and said nonsense words around a star carved into the floor. It was fun. But it was cold in the cabin.

I have to go now. They’re teaching us how to go to the potty while wearing spiky armbands.

Love, Timmy

Manfred Nuggets

You make me feel insufficient at caption making.

http://www.last.fm/user/groverXIII groverXIII

Heh… I don’t half-ass it. Whole ass or nothing.

tim

I previously said that another one was the best, but I take that back. This one actually had me laughing to the point of pain.
Kevin M

HAHAHAHAHA, that was fantastic. Great references.

http://www.theunravellingmusic.com Steve Moore

“All children are special.”
http://twitter.com/SchenkelTown Daisy May Tinklepants

poster for the new horror movie “children of the scorn”
Metallibrarian

When your child returns from Kamp Kult, he will know how to: properly start a fire using aged (and consecrated) wood; make a necklace out of common household objects like skull fragments; use a shotgun to maximum effect ; and make a tasty soup out of the brains of rival campers. Kamp fees include corpse paint and black hair dye. (Legal counsel not included.)

Metallibrarian

Apologies to groverXIII, I was typing while you were posting. Well played, sir.

http://www.last.fm/user/groverXIII groverXIII

No worries… I think a lot of people were thinking the same sort of thing.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Sean-Costigan/587949431 Sean Costigan

This one time, at black metal band camp…

Kuranes

Gah! You beat me to it.

skoal

Immortal employs the help of local second graders to find their bassist after he went out to take a shit.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Tony-Venditto/1232003405 Tony Venditto

At the Dimmu Borgir Daycamp, your child will:
Get to make macaroni sculptures with Shagrath
Attend Black Mass in a beautiful woodland setting
Learn the proper methods for applying corpse paint
Craft proper metal attire from leather and metal spikes
…and much more!!!
Sign up now! Turn your little Stanly into a little Satan!
The Badseed

Here at the Norwegian version of Camp North Star, we offer our campers a well rounded experience. Our curriculum consists of isolation, advanced isolation, lack of recording techniques, and cooking. Our graduation dinner will be hosted by Varg Vikernes and will consist of multiple guitarsts, cooked al dente, with a side of fava beans.
Brendan Seigel

… and the men of Immortal stood in silent pride, admiring the sacrifice they had prepared for the almighty Devourer of Youth, Dino Cazares
http://www.erocksworld.com ERock

“Maybe their born with it…. maybe it’s maybelline!”

rattlehead

Best so far….but I may have a winner or two as well.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jake-Mathew/1407163709 Jake Mathew

The Norwegian School Of BLACK METAL.
Here at The Norwegian School Of BLACK METAL, your child will be corrupted and smothered in corpse paint, in only 666 days! We also offer curriculums in church burning, general hatred, advanced hatred, and looking evil. Our headmaster GAAHL does not look forward to seeing you, and wishes the worst for you and your family.
Sincerely,
The Norwegian School Of BLACK METAL.
http://www.myspace.com/somethinglikesweet CJ

Kid – “STRANGER DANGER! STRANGER DANGER! My mommy said not to talk to you ’cause I love Jesus!”
Kvlt dude – “Then it’s all good. Our lead singers Mexican.”
therealmetalmatt

Welcome to Br00tal Elementary School, where we teach our fine students how to properly set torch a church
CS from DR

…then one of the kids suggested to play tag… and that’s when NARGULOTELUS SICKULOTELUS (far right) suggested to just eat them all…
Alex P.

More proof that, given enough time, any subculture will become so socially acceptable that stay-at-home dads will adopt it.
Sylvester

“Welcome to the Partridge Family:Norwegian Black Metal Edition!”
Travis_Dee

4 retarded black metal fans
22 retarded parents
11 abused children

Jugglemonkey

One Big Happy Family!
I must say, Brat Camp has taken a few radical directions lately….. Behave or be supper.

Chris

The Smallest Norwegion Orphanage: if they cant get rid of the kids in 90 days then they send them to church and then burn it down to make room for new product.
MetalMeatHammer

Behind the scenes photos of the production for the daddy daycare prequel: Dimmu Daycare
nick

“Adventures in Babysitting 2, Wrong Turn at Oslo”
Brendan Seigel

Valnott Guitar Pedal test trial, Day 3: The transformation has been near instantaneous…
Peter

Best Field Trip. EVAR

http://www.facebook.com/people/Kyle-Kovich/80400829 Kyle Kovich

win

Josh

11 lucky Immortal fans have been randomly selected to participate in the band’s first mass sacrifice to Satan. Church burnings will commence immediately after the sacrifice, byof (bring your own fire).
cosk!

a black takeover of the education system that no kkk members saw coming
http://www.facebook.com/people/Brandon-Fountain/1391790047 Brandon Fountain

Chuck-E-Swedes
Cincitucky

Instead of bothering with all the details, local band Scripted in Blood came together with their one and only loyal groupie to raise all ten children without really worrying about who’s child is who’s.

Though… no one really knows the real father of Jerome is standing in the center of the group.
Snores

Satan Sunday School:
Stay in School, Satan’s Cool
http://www.facebook.com/people/Travis-Montgomery/1390920375 Travis Montgomery

Black Metal sure has gone downhill ever since Dimmu became popular with the Canadian youth.
rachel

All children shown were raised in the Cradle of Filth.

rachel

oh wiat, someone already came up with something along those lines. My bad.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Brandon-Fountain/1391790047 Brandon Fountain

Immortal and their legion of midget fans preparing for battle with Finntroll
vaste burai

alright. which one of you are hansel?
which one is gretel?
our mom needs to see you
Zakk

“Nogńøralshįnth…..You are NOT the father!”
MW

after Gahl admits being gay, other black metal artists think its their right to openly admit they are pedophiles
Zakk

“We shall Twitter you a list of our demands!”

Chimp-0-Neg

WIN

AffiirmativeAction

Is this Dimmu Borgir’s new lineup?

Or are Vortex and Mustis’ back with a vengeance?

Nate

This deserves a win. +1.

Sin and Death

The new show coming this Fall to TLC: “Gaahl & Friends Plus 10!”
James

I am rewriting ‘Wet Hot American Summer’ RIGHT now…

COMING SOON: “ICE COLD NORWEGIAN WINTER”
PaxlRose

The Wiggles move to Norway.
http://Www.radioactivesandwich.com Slice two

At their new school, Halloween lost all it’s excitement when the new students realized that their teachers dressed like this everyday.
Mike Lalonde

“As Janice drove up to the daycare to drop off the kids, she suddenly wished she’d checked their references”
http://Www.radioactivesandwich.com Slice two

The school took real-life learning to a new level during black metal history month.
6infinite6hatred6

Top Row (From Left): Bloodhounder, Vnnk, ÜÅØÎ§, Sazzk.
Middle Row (From Left): Jack, Michael, Carrie, Omar, Bianca, Mr. Johnson.

MAtttttt

Love this one….only one that made me laugh.

GunMetalGrey

…AND LET THE SACRIFICES BEGIN!!!
rattlehead

Entry 1: ” In international news it now seems that many northern European nations economies are on the decline and scrambling for solutions. In an attempt to boost tourism; many Scandinavian countries are offering tours into the woods led by out of work black metal bands to teach children the true origins of the Hansel and Gretel fairy tale.”

Entry 2: “Student’s! Please have your foreign exchange paperwork and visa’s out and ready, and remember IF YOU BURN A CHURCH WHILE IN AMERICA YOU WILL NOT BE br00tal, YOU WILL BE A RACIST REDNECK.

Entry 3: “Don’t worry children. This is how your American hosts dress everyday- they are not going to make fun of you! Oh and Sven, bring me back some Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera posters. I love clowns.
rattlehead

Entry 4
If you thought the Osbournes were entertaining….catch a sneak peak of the Borgir’s! This Friday @ 8:00 Eastern/ 7:00 Central on FOX.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Jake-Lentz/20725060 Jake Lentz

The Norwegian chapter of Big Brothers Big Sisters, right before their weekly church-burning outing.

“Big Brothers Big Sisters: Yep, your kids are fucked.”
Wyzt

Conservatives view of a future where gay marriage is the norm. Think of the children.
cockboy

Am I the only one who thinks Mayhem’s latest album art is just a tad shy of being “trve”?
alex

immortal with the cast and crew of the “call of the wintermoon” video
Jonathan

In Norway, the kids realize that even if you do look as scary as Michael Jackson, you’ve probably got better music.
(required)

Gorgoroth look over their treats after their annual round of trick-or-children. “You can never eat just one,” observes Infernus.
MAtttttt

Most people don’t know that Behemoth formed after a fortuitous “Bring Your Daddy to School” day….
soup

Hey! Tripp! Leave them kids alone.
MAtttttt

Heavy coat for a brutal Scandinavian winter: $30

One week of vacation camp: $150

Leaving your bratty 10-year old in the care of a band of growling psychopaths while you accelerate away laughing…. priceless.
Masonic Wehrmacht

AND FINALLY! THE SONS OF SATAN GATHER FOR ATTACK! ATTACK!
crazyguy24

The Black Metal Camp
The kvltest camp ever.
http://www.last.fm/user/Demigod1 Tyler

Promotional picture from Mayhem’s next album featuring the Oslo Elementary School Choir.

Another Metalcore Band

dam, beat me to it.

http://Www.hibernum.net Hibernum

Press photos on the set of the Norweigan version of Daddy Daycare
http://www.last.fm/user/Demigod1 Tyler

And for the record, the first couple of messages by someone named “Tyler” weren’t sent by me, only the last one.
Dane

Black Metal Camp ’09!
AwesomeApossom

And when we all thought Behemoth could go no blacker, they added a new screaming section.
Another Metalcore Band

BA BA BA BA BA.. I’m lovin’ it.
Leprosy

HOLY SHIT!! DEAD PEOPLE
Walker

(movie trailer voice) “They were a black metal band looking for acceptance and these kids were always on the losing team……This Summer, with a little help from each other, they’re learning no matter who you are all you have to do , is believe in yourself.” (cue weezers. Pork and Beans)
http://theinvertedpanopticon.blogspot.com/ C.

“The child harvest was GREAT this year!”
systemsdown

Tonight’s activity: Roasting marshmallows over a church

James

likes this

pony

although smiles dont seem evident, visiting the disney of norway was and will be the highlight of these kids entire lives
D3athTillDawn

What you may not know is that these poor cancer ridden kids were actually hoping for Slipknot to do a private concert for them, but when they heard that Slipknot was touring in the Sahara Desert they settled for Mushroomhead.
Nate

Next up in the re-enactment is the memorable “Turning Skull into Necklace” Scene. Remember kids, if you cry, we burn down your church and sacrifice a goat on your doorstep.
Nate

Day camp in Norway is like living in Hell. Oh, wait…
Dave_M

Halloween in Norway:
The offspring of black metalers dress as horrible, drooling, snot infested, normal kids for halloween. Now whipe your nose on your sleeve and eat the paste!
http://myspace.com/bouvre Bouvre Vancouver

The KISS Army’s newest recruits.
Liam

Homework ist krieg.
Primateforever

I’m glad the Gosselin kids went to a decent family after the divorce.

vaste burai

+1 FTW

louis

Kvltist 1: Hey whats the best thing about sacrificing twenty eight year olds?
Kvltist 2: what?
kvltist 1: theres twenty ov them.
Timothy

…and they say the American public school systems are doing poorly.
Lorenzo

Seeing that the Catholic Church does not allow adoption to extended omosexual families, Olaf, Stig, Tore and Jakob have converted into paganism.
Crusty Hippo

Black Metal: Coming to a school playground near you!
Mitchell

“and when the school bus broke down, our new friend Mr. Grohurzuk summoned a demon that fixed the flat tire, and mommy I was soooo angry when we made it back to school on time for math class!!”
http://www.pandasdestroy.com jorbams

Squareknot, the Scandinavian knockoff of Slipknot, went on “indefinite hiatus” shortly after this picture was taken. The band cites: “Not enough tour bus space/inadequate juice box supply at venues” as explanation.
moyles

these kids were probly going for a nature hike and found weird dudes wearing face paint for no reason. but they were really out in the middle of the boons to shoot a music video.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Simon-Threadgate/1049955838 Simon Threadgate

Finally the douche in the blue headband got to be the coolest guy in a group photo.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Zach-Merritt/32313192 Zach Merritt

This is the most brutal kindergarden class ever……and everyone knows your not evil unless you pee your pants. hahahahahahha
Jay-P

Teacher: Welcome kids to black metal training camp where we will be learning the art of corpsepaint, murder and national socialism………… And as a special treat you can all help ulver re-record the seminal Madrigal of the Night in the very same forest without your ears bleeding
Alex…!

And that’s the dream school for Ziltoid: Troo black metal friends, (well maybe not the guy at the right, short hair) and probably child abuse for snack.. just perfection..
BruisedMetal

and the four of them just cant seem to pass the second grade for some strange reason….
Alex…!

Advertising type of tone:

Black metal camp! Want a retarded child in the future?? call us! we beat every price!

do you think drugs will do a better job?? No!
black meal camp.. proudly creators of dimmu borgir among others
black metal camp!

Call now and you’ll get a discount for rape!

Note: if your child is intelligent and have self stem may not be suitble for this camp
BobFish

In England Gary Glitter was always leader of the pack…
pelin

This is why gay parents who have no clue about doing make up shouldn’t adopt kids.
Martin

The black metal musicians who inhabit the forests of Norway are a very industrious people. These children will feed and clothe these musicians for the entirety of the long, grim winter.
TacoMeat

Alright kids, remember always partner up and stay close to a teacher. Also don’t forget to pack your lunch and of course always HAIL SATAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!
Chilech

I can’t believe you guys have to trawl through so much shit to get a decent caption each week.

Or is this not representative of the usual quality?
Orz

I’m gonna eat me some fresh meat tonight!
mike

don’t tell mom, the babysitter’s grim.
Scourge441

“Mr. Smith! Nergal took my milk money!”
Sacajawea

When the children were told they were going to learn at the School of Hard Knocks they were terrified. They were even more terrified when they met Gaahl and realized they were actually signed up for the School of Hard Cocks.
pelin

can imagine them holding hands and singing:

Little chiiiild dry your crying eyes
How can I explain the fear you feel inside
Cause you were boooorn into this evil world
Where man is killing man and no one knows just why
What have we become just look what we have done
All that we destroyed you must build again

Wheeen the chiiiildreeeen cry let them know weeee tried
Cause when the chiiiildreeeen sing then the new world begins
dirinimnimnimniim

hahah yes
http://www.facebook.com/people/Tom-Campagna/40702766 Tom Campagna

Pure Holocaust camp. Good thing the children were wearing jackets otherwise they would be frozen by icewinds
SourDeez

We’re the sons (and fatass daughter) of northern darkness!
Mutt Weiler

On this afternoon’s episode of Gaahl’s Funhouse we’re going bobbing for brains…yay!
David

Even with ample help from the counselors at Black Metal Camp, none of the campers were able to earn their corpse paint merit badges.

http://www.radioactivesandwich.com slice two

this one is awesome.

http://www.thepathlesstraveledrecords.com Sean

Come on guys….lets go trick or treating!
Chimp-0-Neg

Welcome to Tr00World, Norways premier Black Metal re-enactment theme park, where its 1994 all the time.
http://www.myspace.com/whitearmsofathena Josh

THAT PCP WAS GREAT, LET’S FUCK THESE KIDS!
Nick

Parents: send your kids to Black Metal Day-Camp!
Your child will spend a day with troo kvult warriors of hell and have loads of fun!
Activities include:

Blasphemy 101
Satanic Ritual
Church burning
lo-fi recording techniques
Arts and crafts
durnk

Because of their talent for making pentagrams out of macaroni noodles and love of roasting things by fire, the transition from touring to camp counseling came naturally for the members of Gorgoroth.
LilalCFH

After paper mache and macaroni necklaces, the gang thought they’d summon Beezlebub.
http://www.radioactivesandwich.com slice two

the metalheads thought they were scary until they met the children from the village of the damned.
Facebook User

The curriculum consists of:

Head Banging 101
Corpse Paint-ing
Satanic Worship

It’s be best elementary school in Norway.
Ho Ho The Eskimo

this is a representative sample of schoolchildren and their fathers on a typical Norwegian “Bring your father to school’ day.
King Cheezit

We normally dress as witches or demons or The Jonas Brothers (you know, scary things) for Halloween. Well, in Norway our version of “normal” is their “scary”.
http://www.myspace.com/whitearmsofathena Josh

IN THE NAME OF THE SANTHARIAN GOD ARVINS, BY DUSK, YOU TOO, THY BROOD, WILL KNOW THE INS AND OUTS OF THE HUNTINGS OF THE YETTI!
rachel

After Dethklok killed off Murderface, they transformed the Dethklok Home for Wayward Kitties into a retreat for kids with cancer. Toki felt like this was a good idea after not fulfilling the dying girl’s wish.
http://bsisserson@gmail.com nairbs

The Children Ov Nergal before they murdered and drank the blood of their elders.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Corey-Mitchell/660352330 Corey Mitchell

Breakfast!
Chainsaw Majini

When Immortal finally approved “All Ages” shows, they unquestionably discovered where their diehard allegiance of fans was really coming from.
Stina

“We thank you for you tasty donation. We will return their bones eventually.”
TheRooktrocity

Counselor Grishnack and the staff at the ‘Fantoft Winter Kamp for Tr00 Kinder’ pose for a group photo before arts and ‘witch’crafts at dusk.
Liam

For a special treat today, the Kolbotn Primary School cafeteria will be serving Invisible Oranges.

TheRooktrocity

Win.

Shane Gillis

Another MetalSucks hosted showcase. Pictured here behind the MS Mansion, Vince, Axl, Kip, and Sammy gear up to kick off the 1st annual Prepubescent Evil tour.
http://www.briangrosz.com Brian Grosz

George W. Bush’s “No Child Left Un-Beheaded” policy in action.
Full Metal Sweatshirt

And what happened then? Well…in Espedal, Norway they say,
That Gaahl’s small heart grew three sizes that day!

…and then he admitted that he was gay and a women’s fashion designer.
http://paterindiabolus.blogspot.com pater noster

TEACH CHILDREN TO LUAGH SATAN
http://paterindiabolus.blogspot.com pater noster

TEACH CHILDREN TO LAUGH SATAN!!
ZomB

The lightning I generate between my fingers as I channel the energy of the dark lord does not develop on film. Don’t worry, it’s there.
http://myspace.com/shepherdsgatemusic,myspace.com/burymeinsmokemusic Michael “The Armenian Demon” Fenton

Man, that’s fucking freaky. Little kids freak me the fuck out!
http://bsisserson@gmail.com nairbs

Kvltscouts, in celebration of recieving their “Slaying a Mormon Badge”, gather for a photo op.

Nate

LOL. Nice. Mormons suck, and so does living in utah.

Dillon

Black metal fans finally team up with their mental age peers.
klinger

during immortal’s hiatus, Demonaz took on several different occupations. here he is shown giving his famous invisible sandwhich posse, back row center
regi valdez

black metal meets daddy day care
Gaia

Scouting in Norway
regi valdez

meet the black metal osmonds
http://www.myspace.com/theworldweknew frank fanelli

Clown school in Norway
Ryan

Here’s another failed attempt from Eddie Murphy…

You’ve seen Daddy Daycare… Now prepare for… DEATH METAL DAYCARE!

(I know they’re obviously Black Metal, but it had to rhyme.)
Full Metal Sweatshirt

Much like “Jon and Kate + 8″, the Norwegian “Bjorn and Kristine + 13″ was wildly popular all over Scandinavia.
C

Poor Blaskerkvlt was sorely disappointed and beyond embarrassed when, after agreeing to a group hug shot, his band mates, Mrs. Fjeldstad, and her class shunned him for the photo.
bkasch

sorry guys the network just doesn’t think the dimmu borgir’s children’s show and variety hour is going to fly ratings wise.
Justin

Go forth into the world, my children…and don’t forget to take your vitamins.
Chris Vigilante

Even church burning field trips need their chaperones.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Paul-Quinn/1197379400 Paul Quinn

The Gaahl Center For Kids Who Can’t Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too
caparison_applehorn

MTV Norways’ Scared Straight 2009 edition

Shagrath: grrrrr whats your name kid
Kid: umm my name is Roland
Shagrath: Do you think its fun being Kvlt??? huhhh Do you!!!!???? Your name is Lena now, your my Bitch!
Kid: ….ummm (Gulp)

(In walks Gaahl)

Gaahl: Shagrath, ill but that kid off you for a spiked arm band
Shagrath: Sold!!!, You’re his bitch now kid!
Gaahl:…hey kid, do you know what the term tossing my salad means??? Do You??
http://www.underground-industries.uk.com Civi

Abbath had been mighty busy spreading his unholy seed in them there Northern Woods
http://www.facebook.com/people/Joel-Upham/767587479 Joel Upham

mosh pits sure have changed since my day
http://www.facebook.com/people/Joel-Upham/767587479 Joel Upham

These aren’t the imps I summoned. Who’s been fucking with my scrolls?
john phenomenon

i guess there really are children in bodom..
luis jaime flores

best career day ever
Che Guitarra

Look at that kid in the red and black clown hat. Can you believe his parents let him out like that? What a douche.
Che Guitarra

Mere moments before the kids mercilessly devoured their counselors from the Y. Them some bad seeds…
Che Guitarra

What an asshole! That chubby girl in the center in all bright pink just HAD to hog the spotlight!
Che Guitarra

Three of the people in this picture are wearing thongs. Can you pick them out?
troe

“Which one do we call Mommy?”
http://URI will

Welcome to the first annual Norwegian Christian Camp for the Blind.
Jugglemonkey

An Oxymoron; Black Metal Carol Singing.

“Tis the season to be jolly, UGH UGH UGH-UGH ARGH, AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHRRRRHHNNN!”

“Deck the halls with Fragments of skull, tralalalala, la la la la….”

Jugglemonkey

The English Boy Scouts Association has strayed somewhat from it’s original concept.

Terry Connor

The newest flyer for Norway’s big brother program.
Richard Milligan

Norweigan Space Camp
Argonaut-666

Arnbjorg (back) uses his arm span to illustrate how much he loves his new friends at Black Metal Special Needs Camp.
CultureVulture

The Frost Kindergarten Class of 1349
cypruss187

Yes, we are a fully licensed day-care centre…what do you mean it doesn’t look like it, the kids LOVE us!!!
DJ Arnold

Stay tuned for the new TV movie “Kiss Kiddie Care”
Trogdor the kvltest band ever has found their sacrifices to the dark lord.
Jack Black stars in “School of Kvlt”
Ace Frehley (blonde) has been embraced by the troo kvlt
Desperate for fans, Darkumsukass intimidates kids at the local elementary into posing for a picture.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Brandon-Marvin/100000121284359 Brandon Marvin

Picture taken right out front of the Norwegian Chuck.E.Cheese.
Jacob Hancey

LDS missionaries in Norway strive to fit in with the local culture.
Creek Johnson

Parents were heard saying, “I thought it said Teletubbies live, not Testicledeath live”
You never know who will show up for your concert when people can’t read your band logo.
xBEARFIGHTx

“Hey mom!!! My group picture Kvlt camp finally came in the mail!!!”
Nate

Rule #134: If you pee your pants, you must give them to an adult immediately… The urine will be used for conjurations and to make dinner taste as KVLT as possible.
Nate

It takes a village to raise a child. It takes four KVLTists to fuck your kids up for life.
Bax

Michael Jackson to Satan – “If I had worshiped you would I have had a buffet like this?
Jake

The downside of having sex with groupies on the road…

Jake

if my email address didnt work this one should

Liam

This was not what Mrs. Hanson’s 5th grade class expected when they were told they were going to see “pandas” on their field trip today.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Brandon-Forde/666126214 Brandon Forde

Michael Jackson never ate children…
http://www.facebook.com/people/Anthony-P-Stine/1314021455 Anthony P Stine

A glimpse at the Norwegian Outdoor School program. Here students learn environmental restoration programs, plant identification and group learning exercises, all taught by Norway’s premier Black Metal cover band, Warriors of Modern Death.
Maverick

I don’t see what’s wrong with this picture. Don’t all norwegian teachers dress like that?
robocop420

best field trip ever.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Max-Waldt/1371330194 Max Waldt

Welcome to corpse paint camp, by the end of your stay you too will learn the ways to apply your corpse paint, praise to our dark lord and record an album in the woods that will only release 50 albums world wide
Hollowedout

As the Little Day School bus opens it’s door’s you hear “This isn’t Santa’s Village… it’s SATAN’S VILLAGE!”
Matt

The Norwegian answer to Jesus Camp.
chris

The big brother,big sister program in Norway is in desperate need of help.
chris

Today on man vs food Norway Nardrash will attempt to eat 10 children and one fuck-ugly woman.

Jugglemonkey

I guess incest has a use after all.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Kyle-Kovich/80400829 Kyle Kovich

Donate $1 at taco bell to feed 4 children, to feed four of Norway’s finest.
http://www.myspace.com/shepherfsgatemusic Michael “The Armenian Demon” Fenton

Lil’ Lords of Chaos.
Jugglemonkey

The kids were so looking forward to the arts and crafts sessions after dinner….
http://reaper-x.deviantart.com/ Reaper-X

Daddy Day Care 2: Babysitting in Blashyrk
bleak46n2

children of the korn join forces with icp’s boogeymen to create a new breed of metal society
bleak46n2

P.S. – the little kid on the extreme left looks like he was gonna give a ‘thumbs up’ but the guy behind him prolly’s holding a gun behind him… LOL…
Erik

Black metal guy #1: This is bullshit, I …AM …METUUUUHL!!!!!
Black metal guy #2: That girl is a FAT AAAAAAASS!!!!!!
Black metal guy #3: I just farted.
Black metal guy #4: You gonna eat that?

Eleksmenstary skoolz ist kreig!!!!!!
Shambu

A group photo before our choir performed in Fantoft stave church.
pelin

“This one time, at band camp…iiii…?”
http://www.myspace.com/raz0rb r0b

Transilvanian Cookie Hunger

-or-

A Lesson in Grimness: Black metal guys never leave the 3rd grade
BoiledAlive

Mr. Schuberts, new Scared Straight program was a wild success.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Kyle-Kovich/80400829 Kyle Kovich

Alright kids, todays lesson: DEATH
Nick Waterstraat

Looming in the back of Mr. Grimstad’s mind was the fact that four of his students were still not passing his class…
Maggie

The pied pipers of black metal.
The children were lured in by their offers of free cake, from the last photo caption contest.
Josh

Black Metal- WE BREED IN LITTERS MOTHER FUCKER!!!!
Kog

Is it bad I’m more frightened by all those children?
http://www.facebook.com/people/Suslin-Gravez/8833325 Suslin Gravez

What the parents didn’t know was that “Frostbitten Day Care” does not mean “dress your children for the elements”.
Big Nick

Ahh shit, who invited the Norwegians to the Reunion? (And if this picture was taken in Wisconsin, You say “ahh craaap.”)
slavetothegrinder

New dimmu album cover.

Giving back to the kids.
Nay

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