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Rob Halford Doesn't Like Girls, But Rich Hallford Does

RICH HALLFORD

Wednesday, October 21st, 2009 at 1:30pm by

Even metal heads need dating advice. That’s what Rich Hallford is here for! Read on to have all your love life dilemmas solved by the great master…

hallford

Dear Rich Hallford,

1. Excellent article title.

2. There’s this girl I really like. Well, two girls. One of them I’ve been working on for about a year and a half now, and I know she likes me too, but her parents won’t let her date. The other girl is a friend of my sister’s – my sister has 3 years on me, the friend is my age but a grade above – and I’d date her, but I’m so socially awkward and I’ve been rejected by every girl I’ve asked out and have never had a girlfriend. I don’t know if it’s what I say, I don’t know if it’s just me, I just don’t know. So, here’s my questions:

1. Which girl should I go for?
2. If I go for the prior, what can I do to get her parents to let off?
3. If I go for the latter, what is the best thing to say? I think she likes me too, and I might be taking her to the Anvil concert with me, which I have passes meet and greet passes for.

Please help me dude,

-6infinite6hatred6, MetalSucks.net reader

Dear 6infinite6hatred,

It’s always a tough situation to like two girls. You ask which girl to go for let’s break it down to see what’s easiest for you!

For the prior, do you think you can show the parents you’re just a normal dude and can be down to earth and treat their daughter right? Like maybe asking her dad to take her out one night for a burger? (Something simple, it doesn’t have to be a fancy dinner in a suit.) This
way her dad and/or parents you’re just a normal dude and totally not a scumbag. Maybe then she can go out on more dates and hangouts! Then you have this cool chick that you like and she’ll like you back from winning her overbearing parents with just being yourself.

Now for the latter… This may be a tough one. How is your relationship with your sis? Can you ask her the deal about this girl? if not, this
can blow up in your face and your sister would be all “Oh hell no you’re not going out with her!”. If you have a good relationship with her, just ask your sister “Ddo think this is a good idea?” But if you don’t want to go through all this trouble, I  say just ask the girl out to this Anvil thing straight up! Don’t call it a thing just say you have these two passes and asks if she would like to go with you. If she accepts then have a great time!!!! Then maybe this will be a great opportunity to go on another date of hang further down the road. But if she doesn’t accept and gives you the “Yeah 6infinite6hatred6 you’re a cool dude and you’re a good friend… BUT…” don’t get bummed! That shit happens!! HER LOSS! Then, in a few years when you’re this sick metal dude around town she’ll be like, “Man, I should’ve gone out with that dude!”

Let me know what happens! And have total confidence in yourself doing it. You’ll get one of these girls!

GOOD LUCK!
RHallford!

I was out of town for about a week, and my fiancé, who I live with, was out and about doing her thing without me. Well, I get back into town and she tells me that she felt “liberated” and thought it’d be good for her to move out and do her own thing while she “figures herself out.” She mentioned we wouldn’t be taking any time off, or breaking up. I took that with a grain of salt. That night, when I got back I read her phone and she was texting with one of her friends about how she wishes she met me 5 years from now, because she feels like she should be “sleeping around for the next 5 years” and how she felt she was too young to get married and be settled down and shit. Mind you, this is the same person who thought it’d be great to get married, and have babies like RIGHT NOW. I confronted her, told her I lurked her shit and that if she wants to be a ho, then she needs to get the fuck out of my apartment. She said the sleeping around thing was all figurative and shit, then we had angry sex. I let her know the trust wasn’t all there, and it was going to be hard to trust her 100% from now on. So she tells me that if I don’t trust her 100% that she’ll be willing to live with me still.

Now, Mr. Hallford. What should I do? Do I call it quits? Do i stay with the bitch in hopes of working it all out? I love her dearly, but I really don’t want to get hurt and all that shit. I can only listen Pantera’s “This Love” for so much before I get sick of it.

-regards,

Farhaad

Farhaad,

What a situation you’re in! But here’s the thing. When two people are really into each other they tend to rush into situations where they don’t really think about getting into. Not saying that yours is (you failed to mentioned how long your relationship has been going on). But
moving in together and getting engaged is real deal. It’s a huge step for anyone. She may be feeling the pressure of all of this and trying to
find a way out, even though she wanted this in the first place. She’s talking to her friend because she didn’t know how to tell you or how to confront you about it, that’s all. The not trusting thing would be anyone’s first reaction because this is a hard decision to make and to tell their significant other. She may have said some things to her friend, but if you guys really love each other, she wouldn’t have done anything to hurt you – she would’ve came clean right there and there. This isn’t a case of letting her go/keeping her around. I think you guys need to have another talk on what you both really, really want in life, whether that’s you guys being together or you guys being separated.

If that doesn’t work in your favor, you have to set her free and if she is still truly the love of your life, then you’re going to be happily married and have a great relationship in the years to come. But if the talk goes sour, then be prepared for the hurt and then there’ll be NO MORE HEAD TRIPS!!!

-RH

Got a romantic query? The great Rich Hallford knows all. E-mail your questions to hallford AT metalsucks DOT net.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Farhaad-Esfandiary/501309890 Farhaad Esfandiary

    Word. That was actually good advice. hahaha. Thanks Rich.

    • 6infinite6hatred6

      I second thanks.

  • mankvill

    aw this column is supa cute ^_^

  • Ziltoid

    Haha, this is hilarious. Suddenly, after all the backlash and hatred, “Rich Hallford” decides to not be the juvenile pervert and neanderthal he’s been for this entire time. This doesn’t make up for anything.

    In addition, now that this guy is giving “legitimate” (and I use that term very, very, very loosely) advice, it is absolutely humorless (well, the other ones were humorless as well, but this is intentional for once), and thus just a dating advice column. Why is this on a metal website? If I want dating/relationship advice from a columnist, I’ll send a letter into one of those old ladies that always has an unnecessary advice column in the local newspaper. Or I’d just read some Manowar lyrics and take advice from those.

    Get this crap off the internet.

    • CARTER

      HAHAHA advice from manowar.

      “hey man.. if you’re havin girl troubles just find a chick, abduct her against her will, bring her on a stage, make out with her and throw her back. no biggie bro”

    • msv81

      I totally agree.

      1. This is a METAL NEWS/GOSSIP/BLOG SITE, it’s not Dr. Phil or Match.com or yahoo dating. Why in the world would someone come here for dating advice?

      2. If you truly need dating or relationship advice, wouldn’t your first instinct be to talk to your friends, you know, those people who are a very significant part of your life, who sometimes know you better than you know yourself? And if your friends can’t offer anything helpful, maybe the friends of your girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife/whoever can help, because a person’s first reaction is usually to turn to those closest to them.

      Now it just seems like this column is going to go on in spite of the 90 or so people who had nothing good to say about it. I guess whoever said the reasoning behind this nonsense is to create traffic was right.

      • Ziltoid

        That was me. Of course I was right, I’m Ziltoid.

    • Unholy Vortex

      Sure Zillytoid! Have you sexual life?? go and fuck a Platypus! LoLz!

      • Ziltoid

        mmmm…Platapussy….

    • BigJordowski

      Well Dildoid,
      Because some guys will or have actually seen a vagina up close other than a strippers. Unlike you, who most likely wanks off watching cartoon porn, because the girls in that understand you more. Face it, you will never be laid unless it’s a hooker, you will never be married unless it’s a mail order bride, and you will never get anyone on this website to give a shit about your lame ass power metal music or the fact that you come to websites that you claim you don’t like yet you waste your sad pathetic life commenting on these forums over and over and over again. You pretend that your opinion matters, and to all the stuffed animals on your bed, I’m sure it does. But let me hit you with some knowledge here, no one else cares, because opinions are not fact, if you had not failed 2nd grade, you would know that. Get a life, get a job, and get out of your parents basement you sad excuse for a human being. It’s people like you that are the reason internet makes little 14 year olds think they can run their acne-ridden mouths and be important, you’re not, shut the fuck up, and kill yourself. If you are going to use pills, please drink with milk so it coats you stomach and works, don’t use alcohol, that will make you throw up and live, we don’t want that, or just use a gun, that works too. Have fun!

      • http://www.gravatar.com/avatar/46e389eb8b79606050d3d447431ff6ac?s=80 Nate

        You know. This is actually pretty fail. I mean, it might have been good given different circumstances, but you’re using a red herring here. What does ziltoid’s supposed shortcomings have to do with the absolute failure that is this column?

        • BigJordowski

          This has nothing to do with any column, it is purely for reasons that Dildoid is a failure of a human being and cannot grasp the concept that the gentlemen that run this site will post what they want, regardless of what people like. If you don’t like it move on, but you have already proven that the need to get your voice heard in a world where no one listens has made you turn to the internet where you seek to feel like a man.

          • Zoker

            Surely I’m not a Ziltoid fan (who is?) but what’s the point in going at a reader of the site? Really, man, enlighten me.

            You say Ziltoid is a loser for insulting this shitty column but you come here, in the same site, and insult him with the arguments of a preteen… again, enlighten me please.

          • http://www.gravatar.com/avatar/46e389eb8b79606050d3d447431ff6ac?s=80 Nate

            By your logic (or lack thereof) we should ignore anything we don’t like. The government just became a dictatorship? Don’t worry, just do what you feel like! Speaking up is for rabble-rousing douchebags, and we wouldn’t want that, now would we? I mean, honestly, why would you want to protest things you don’t like? Why even bother speaking, it’s not as if the internet is a public forum of sharing ideas, now is it?

            And it’s funny how you don’t practice what you preach. You obviously HATE ziltoid, but instead of ignoring him, you bust out the ad hominems. Nice, you’re a moron. Want a certificate?

          • Beard

            Granted Mr. Ziltoid can be a bit over bearing at times, he has some pretty good taste in music. Some I don’t care too much for, but he did introduce me, and others, to Cormorant and I love that shit. So thanks Zilt. Other than that, Sunn O))), it seems to me like you have some homosexual attraction to him but can’t bring yourself to come to grips with it and now you’re lashing out irrationally.

      • Ziltoid

        I feel like ripping you a new one, so I will:

        Well Dildoid,

        How intellectual. It must have taken awhile to come up with that joke.

        Because some guys will or have actually seen a vagina up close other than a strippers. Unlike you, who most likely wanks off watching cartoon porn, because the girls in that understand you more.

        Cartoon porn? I find that to be almost as repugnant as your existence. As for seeing a vagina, I’ve noticed that it tend to be the guys that like to make subject out of it and focus on it in conversation who are the most vaginally-deprived of the male kind.

        Face it, you will never be laid unless it’s a hooker, you will never be married unless it’s a mail order bride,

        I actually have taste in women, and damn high standards. Why would I want their loose, hIRY, STD-laden vaginas to be messing with my mighty manhood?

        and you will never get anyone on this website to give a shit about your lame ass power metal music

        PROG METAL, BITCH!

        or the fact that you come to websites that you claim you don’t like yet you waste your sad pathetic life commenting on these forums over and over and over again.

        The content here is abysmal, but commenting here is fun. I guess my polarizing personalitie shakes things up here, although admittedly not as much recently.

        You pretend that your opinion matters,

        Pretending is for posers and falses.

        and to all the stuffed animals on your bed, I’m sure it does.

        Nice joke. How long did that one take for you to come up with?

        But let me hit you with some knowledge here,

        I’m pretty sure you aren’t really the person who should be involved with anything related to knowledge, but if you want to try your hand at it, go ahead…

        no one else cares

        Whoa, KNOWLEDGE OF THE CENTURY!!!!!!!

        because opinions are not fact, if you had not failed 2nd grade, you would know that

        You’d be surprised at how often opinions actually are fact. For example, one person may think that Bush was a good president, the other may think that he was a bad president. Despite both being opinions, one of them is factually correct.

        Get a life, get a job, and get out of your parents basement

        I’ve accomplished all of that. College FTW. But you don’t seem like the type that will ever actually know what a college is like. Hey, someone needs to make burgers in this world…

        you sad excuse for a human being.

        Oh the irony…

        It’s people like you that are the reason internet makes little 14 year olds think they can run their acne-ridden mouths and be important

        In the plane of existence, none of us at all are important whatsoever, whether was as humans define ourselves to be important or not. Oh yes, and more irony. You sound like a 12 year old with this rant.

        you’re not

        None of us are.

        shut the fuck up, and kill yourself.

        CRAWWWWWLING IIIIIIINNN MY SKIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!!!!!!!
        THESE WOOOOOOOUNDS THEY WILLLLLL NOT HEEEEEEAAAAAAAALLLLL!!!!!!!!

        If you are going to use pills, please drink with milk so it coats you stomach and works, don’t use alcohol, that will make you throw up and live, we don’t want that, or just use a gun, that works too.

        Your attempt at being witty is really atrocious. Learn to write.

        Have fun!

        Sarcasm. How unexpected!!!!!!!

        • Ziltoid

          Aaaaaand I messed up a bit of my italics html here. Well, you all know that the intellectual sentences are mine, and the drivel is his.

          • BigJordowski

            I like how your comeback is the same for everything, and you criticize my jokes? I was expecting to have some fun with this today, but I was wrong. So I’ll give you some time to actually mature a little bit and maybe I’ll come back and try this again, or you could take my advice on the pills, which would really make this 15 minute waste of my time actually worth it.

          • jason

            Good joke, how long did it take YOU to come up with that?

          • Ziltoid

            It’s rather annoying to come up with multiple comebacks when you feel like throwing the same unfunny joke at me for the whole rant. At least my retorts are mature and sophisticated. Your insults sound like something a 12 year old Slipknot fan would say.

          • http://www.gravatar.com/avatar/46e389eb8b79606050d3d447431ff6ac?s=80 Nate

            I think this is humorous. You can always tell when the opposition has nothing when they say something like jordowski did. “Oh, i wanted to have fun, but you’re retort was too X.” If they can’t counterpoint, it means they haven’t got shit. It would have been better for you to just not reply at all Jordowski, because you look like A. A hypocrite, and B. An immature shit-snorter.

          • Ziltoid

            I know it would have been better not to reply, but I was bored, and I haven’t torn a post apart FireJoeMorgan-style in awhile. FireJoeMorgan was easily the best blog around a few years ago. Pity they stopped blogging…

          • Ziltoid

            Oh, that was directed at Jordowski, my bad.

          • Unholy Vortex

            The mini-Zilts Attack!

          • lolwut

            ziltoid:1 BigJordowski :0

        • Unholy Vortex

          This is soooooo fucking hilarious! Ziltoid gets hurt and then comes The mini-Zilts or Zilty-bitches, riots, offsprings, or Whatever! ^^ c`mon Zilfucked! Suck This 8========D

          • http://www.gravatar.com/avatar/46e389eb8b79606050d3d447431ff6ac?s=80 Nate

            You know what’s funny. The inch or so of pixels your epeen takes up is still infinitely bigger than your actual penis.

          • Ziltoid

            Ziltoid gets hurt?

            Some 12 year old threw some vulgarities at me, told me to get pussy, and to kill myself. SOOOO painful….

            Zilfucked? More clever transformations of the great Ziltoid name? Ugh…

            And an e-cock! How intelligent you must be to draw using three basic keyboard characters…

          • http://www.gravatar.com/avatar/46e389eb8b79606050d3d447431ff6ac?s=80 Nate

            You know what’s NOT funny? Your inability to make a good Ziltoid pun. I mean, at least Dildoid was SIMILAR to the original screen name, but “ziltfucked”? Are you even trying? I mean, really, are you trying? Because it doesn’t seem like it. I’m anticipating you’re a decently intelligent human being, but now that I think about it, you’re probably not. And this is probably you’re best effort. Congratz, you get a meaningless gold star!

        • R. Joseph Smith

          You know, I never appreciated you before Ziltoid. But goddamn do I now! When you threw out the LP lyrics I actually did lol. All the haters can suck a fat one because this is fucking funny. I really don’t like prog but I find no reason to not apprectiate your humor. Cheers.

          • Ziltoid

            Thank you for your kind words, fine gent.

    • Rage

      Well put Zilt.

      This is worthless fuckin’ shit.

      • phale

        its hilarious that zitload has gone from everyones punching bag to the site favourite, with henchmen to stick up for him against jealous douchebags. zitload is the king! dont mess with king zitload!

        power metal still sucks, your majesty.

  • orbital

    lol, actually some pretty good advice in there

  • WARMETALHELL

    how do i get bitches to dig war metal sex
    all i want to do is listen to barbatos and pound some pussy

    –metal thrashing war metal master metal war 666

  • http://www.last.fm/user/groverXIII groverXIII

    Yep… this column still sucks.

  • pigchop

    Alright – this shit has to stop. Man, if you guys are lost for ideas, how about a ‘column’ pointing out some of the ‘funniest-in-a-fucked-up-way’ scenes from movies? Sure – scenes like this one from Jack Frost – raped and murdered by an evil snowman: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATMHIlXTUU4

    • Beard

      For some reason I thought you were talking about that heart warming movie with Michael Keaton where he dies and comes back as a snow man. I was wrong.

  • DannyJD

    i’m gonna have to go against Ziltoid and the other nay-sayers about this column. True, this site is about metal, music, etc. But bringing something like this advice column to the site makes it much bigger than any metal review/snarky story/gossip site on the web. It makes it more of a community where many more people can interact with one another.

    I just don’t get all the bitching…nobody is forcing you to read it.

    • CARTER

      Yes but its mere existence is annoying. just looking at the guy’s photoshopped head as i scroll down makes me wanna yakk a little.
      btw, shut the fuck up. pussy.

    • CARTER

      Who goes by “Danny” past the age of 8 anyway?

      • Ziltoid

        Danny Tanner from FULL HOUSE!!!!!!

        Bob Saget is grim as hell.

      • http://www.gravatar.com/avatar/46e389eb8b79606050d3d447431ff6ac?s=80 Nate

        my mom’s boyfriend XP. He’s cool as hell though, so I guess it’s alright.

      • DannyJD

        Two that come to mind – Danny Loehner or Danny Carey

        and

        Really? That’s what you come at me with? A nickname? holy jeez…

  • bearbomb

    Gary Suarez please.

    • jason

      this

    • phale

      invite suarez back to write an advice column. seriously, that shit would own.

  • You Don’t Know Me

    This column was an interesting read. I do have to go with the general consensus here and admit that, aside from the reference to Anvil tickets in the first e-mail, this has absolutely has nothing to do with metal.

    After a horrible first article and now this decent second article, i’d have to wait until the next one to see if Rich Hallford is worth posting on this site. Regardless, PLEASE get rid of that awful Photoshop picture. It’s not funny and it looks horrible.

    • Ziltoid

      Rich Hallford has been on here for a few weeks now. All of his articles are pointless juvenile drivel.

      • Unholy Vortex

        C`mon!!! your day managing this blog was even worse X 666 times! so shut the fuck! Zilfucked!

        • Ziltoid

          My day was decent enough. I brought Cormorant here, so be happy. They’re the best band this site has ever had on here. In addition, it was the best interview on here.

          • jason

            Keep glad-handing yourself… you have reached the apex of your existence. The interview WAS good, but that had very little to do with you. Arthur’s column is good as well, but it could do with a little less of you being a sycophantic little bitch in the comments.
            “Good point Arthur, I’ve always thought that too!!!” Shut up already.

          • jason

            Yeah, maybe a little heavy handed…sorry about that. I shouldn’t have made that personal. Apologies.

          • Ziltoid

            Duh, of course the interview was good only because of Arthur, but I was the one who brought him to your attention. MS just bores me with their interviews for the most part.

            Of course Arthur’s column is awesome. He’s a genuinely intelligent and interesting person who knows how to say things correctly and in an intellectual manner. I wish more of the writers on this website were even half as capable as he is. And sycophantic? Haha, agreeing on things =/= sycophantic. I’m not agreeing with him because he’s Arthur, I’m agreeing with him because he’s correct.

          • Unholy Vortex

            RUFKM? c`mon Zilf! your day was shit!

          • jason

            Fair enough…and I am sorry about that. None of this stuff should be that big of a deal, and resorting to personal attacks is low-minded and reticent of the attitude of comments on this site that I truly abhor. I guess I had a momentary lapse or something.

          • Ziltoid

            No problem. You seem like a level-headed person who can actually form coherent thought, unlike most of the neanderthals that post here. We all have lapses once in awhile.

          • mr poops

            wow jasons last comment was just obnoxious. not sure what youre trying to prove using a thesaurus for reply… it’s clear you dont talk that way in real life. but whatever talk as fancy as you like.

          • mr poops

            for your reply*

  • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

    He took my advice and focused on giving thought out (or at least lengthy) answers to only a couple questions at a time. I guess I can’t fault the dude for trying, I still think this is a miserable idea though.

  • bearbomb

    Is it just me, or does it seem like he’s just over stating the obvious with what these guys should do? Way to be the John Madden of dating advice, Rich! Maybe we can get some female MS readers (both of them) to weigh in and give these poor trolls some REAL advice.

    Also, Rich looks like he has down syndrome.

    • jason

      John Madden of dating advice…that is fucking priceless, my friend.

      “Now here’s a guy…who doesn’t know what to do because Brett Favre is…BOOM!…banging his girlfriend!”

      • Ziltoid

        XD, this is win.

      • bearbomb

        “Tinactin will work as a lubricant AND help keep your cock fungus free. Boom! Tough actin’ Tinactin!”

      • http://www.last.fm/user/groverXIII groverXIII

        HAHAHAHAHA… well done, Jason. I actually read that and heard John Madden’s voice in my head.

  • Unholy Vortex

    I fucking hate Ziltoid! He thinks that everything i’ts wrong! If there’s a band that have more than two fans he comes and talk shit, if theres a tour where are playing bands that he don’t like, he bashes it talking even more shitty stuff! he criticizes this blog columns, and his day managing was a total douchetard loss of time! So Zilfucked we all know that you are fuckin homosapiens metalhead that don’t cleans his ass after crapping, but there are other people that also loves metal and don’t act like a total anti-social retard! so stop bashing everything and bash this! 8========D Fuck you Ziltoid!

    • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

      You have been eating a LOT of candy…

    • http://www.last.fm/user/groverXIII groverXIII

      Dude, if you’re going to criticize him, do it with some semblance of intelligence.

    • Ziltoid

      Yeah, I’m not ripping apart two retarded comments in one sitting. Once again, natural selection has obviously failed humanity as a whole. And I second what \m/Eluveitie\m/ and grover said.

      • Unholy Vortex

        I’m not american, i’m from south america! if I could translate all that i’m thinking! you will be very fucked!

        • Ziltoid

          Not my problem that you can’t translate.

          BUT OH NOES! IF YOU TRANSLATE, I M SURE BE IS VERY FUCKED!!!!!!!!!!

        • http://www.last.fm/user/groverXIII groverXIII

          YOu sure you’re not Asian? That sounds an awful lot like Engrish…

          • Unholy Vortex

            Sorry, I have a long dick!

          • http://www.last.fm/user/groverXIII groverXIII

            I’m sure you do.

          • Ziltoid / Hammer_Smashed_Hurt would’ve been better off if he was a blowjob instead of a person

            Everyone on the internet has a long dick. Duh…

        • R. Joseph Smith

          Yous guys gots the internets down there? Goddamn NAFTA.
          Do you pay for your bandwidth by selling oranges on the side of the road, or steal it from your neighbor?

    • gibberish

      If you hate Ziltoid so much, why do you want him on your little virtual cock so bad?

      • Unholy Vortex

        Because it`s god’s cock!

        • Ziltoid

          If there is a god, he wouldn’t suck at translating like you do, nor would he feel the need to be a juvenile child towards mere human beings.

          • Unholy Vortex

            I have good knowledge to bother you!

          • mr poops

            unholy vortex you are a fucking waste of air.

          • http://www.gravatar.com/avatar/46e389eb8b79606050d3d447431ff6ac?s=80 Nate

            More than just air, too. Think of all the labor pains his mother went through to create him. I mean, I know I shouldn’t care about a rabid dog’s birthing pains, but that cost doesn’t seem at all equivalent to what we got, it’s just not fair to the bitch.

          • Unholy Vortex

            WTF? hijo de tu puta madre! me lames las bolas y te exploto un ojo de una corrida! tu madre si es una puta que lame el huevo de sacerdotes cristianos! hasta el papa es menos marica que tu! sabes lo que hacemos con los huevones como tu de donde yo vengo?? les quemamos el culo con un hierro candente! Fuck you cocksucker!

    • Gossamer Axe

      Didn’t you ever hear the saying “opinions are like assholes, everyone has one”. Why do you take what one kid says to heart like that. Do you really care so much about what he thinks?

  • Hammer_Smashed_Hurtt/ I Fucked Ziltoid’s Mom

    We bitched, MS responded by putting up questions from readers. Quaint.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mark-Gavin/1396340262 Mark Gavin

    I really like the idea of a Manowar dating column. You guys should get on that.

  • Spike

    Wow, so metalheads have girlfriends? :S

    Heres me thinking I was the most metal thing ever sitting in my basement on WoW using my metallica t-shirt as a wank rag.

    I need to re-think my life

    • http://www.gravatar.com/avatar/46e389eb8b79606050d3d447431ff6ac?s=80 Nate

      Wait, wait. The girls I see on the flashy computer screen inbetween raids ARENT considered good enough? WTF, I’m totally in Spike’s league. This is crushing. VERY crushing.

  • T

    Oh please bring back Gary Suarez…instead of this shit anyway…

  • Jewers

    not as dumb as Suarez…but still dumb.

  • I Hate Ziltoid aka Nacho Cheese Doritos

    Nice to see you again Zilty!

    • Ziltoid

      Yep, they lifted the censor on me, ironically the day Suarez was fired. Maybe he was behind it…

      • http://www.gravatar.com/avatar/46e389eb8b79606050d3d447431ff6ac?s=80 Nate

        They censored you? Sounds pretty Third Reich to me. I mean, I know Axl lacked tact/intelligence when he came out of the closet as an IWABO fan, but that’s pretty low, even for a degenerate monkey.

        On the other hand, it’s kind of like an honor. Like when you get kicked out of Wal-Mart.

        • Ziltoid

          Haha, I wouldn’t go that far. It just kept saying “Comment awaiting moderation” after every comment I made. They approved them all, but it was odd. I couldn’t get into arguments. And getting kicked out of WalMart would be an honor….

          • http://www.gravatar.com/avatar/46e389eb8b79606050d3d447431ff6ac?s=80 Nate

            I go to wal-mart every two weeks after my ban has been lifted. I make fun of the employees, I comment on how evil their system is, and I make people generally feel uncomfortable. I think the best few times were when I started telling everyone I saw in the store to tune into public cable because I had a new show coming on called “Look What I Found In Her Pussy!!!” and the time I went to the register with whipped cream, condoms, banannas, and men’s fitness magazines, and my friend came up and said “Are you done yet, I’m getting really frisky, it’s time to goooo” in a really girly voice. Hooray for getting kicked out of a store because the managers are homophobic!

        • R. Joseph Smith

          He wasn’t the only one…

  • DecrystallizingReason

    I fucking hate this column’s existence.

  • Jimmy

    Wow. This was actually useful and not retarded.

    I stand corrected. This is better.

  • http://myspace.com/obeydarklord mr_Izan

    answer to question #1.
    stop being/dating underage. sex is for adults. cuz we’re better than you.