I am wearing pants, and it is before 2pm. No, I haven’t traded in my blogger boxers for a corporate suit and tie… I just reallllly wanted a bacon, egg & cheese sandwich to help my hungover ass get going this morning. I trudged to the corner bodega (right past the chi-chi hipster coffee shop) in my sweet new Burst hoodie, where a dirty old Indian man proceeded to make me a sloppy, greasy bacon, egg & cheese after dropping the spatula on the floor in plain sight… and boy it is fucking good. Totally hits the spot. For a hangover when you have to work, there is nothing better. Period.

What’s this got to do with St. Vitus? Nothing. Nothing at all. A fan of the site pointed out that we never cover this seminal stoner rock band, and it’s true. The band has 5 reunion shows in the U.S. in the coming months — 3 on the East Coast in October and 2 in California in January — and we haven’t even mentioned them. For shame.

Here’s a live vid of St. Vitus — apparently it’s Wino’s first gig with the band. After the jump, details on the U.S. tour dates.

-VN

Click to read more…

Man oh man, does that Samael concert in this video for “Black Hole” look like fun. Or, at least, what I can see of it looks like fun, when the director isn’t trying to give me a seizure from flashing shit at me.

Seriously, why not just put out a cool performance video? ‘Cause this is just weak.

Not a bad song, though. Not bad at all.

-AR

It’s the guitar solo on “Christ Deformed” that really gets me (go to 1:52ish). And not just the solo part of the solo – although Ryan Knight is playing a killer solo – but also what the rest of the band is doing during the solo. That whole start-stop thing makes me wanna stab someone in the neck with a screwdriver or pen every time I hear it, and I mean that as a compliment.

And listen to that crowd, man! The chanting! Few things are more metal than a good chant. It’s part of the fundamental dichotomy of being a headbanger: we’re supposed to be sullen, serious people, but we love  a good opportunity to all cheer in unison like some date raping fratboy at a kegger.

Deflorate is out now on Metal Blade. There are a lotta other good songs on it, too. If you have a favorite that isn’t “Christ Deformed,” why don’t you share with the group?

-AR

A few weeks ago Skeletonwitch shot a video for the song “Repulsive Salvation” at Lucky 13 in Brooklyn, under the watchful eye of director David Brodsky. Vince got to go visit and have fun for awhile, and I didn’t, ’cause I’m a goober.

Lucky for me, though – and you! – our bestest friends, Metal Injection, also went, and, hey, guess what? They filmed the shit outta Brodsky filming the shit outta Skeletonwitch pretending to play the shit outta their instruments along to a recording of them actually playing the shit outta of their instruments. If that’s not meta enough for you, well, congratulations, you’re more sober than I am.

Skeletonwitch’s anus-ticklingly good Breathing the Fucking Fire (I might’ve added a word there) comes out October 13 on Prosthetic. We’ll have Bob Cock’s rave review up soon.

-AR

Congrats to “wiffle bat” and “soup”, the two proud owners of the brand new Revocation CD Existence is Futile. Their winning captions for the photo at right submitted in last week’s funny photo caption contest:

• wiffle bat: “pardon me while i pass the brains of my bass player.”
• soup: “…one more push for the new Cradle of Filth album.”

This week we’ve got 5 copies of Revolver Magazine’s special all-Slayer edition, which hits newsstands this week: “This unmissable special issue takes you in-depth through the band’s hellacious history, including exclusive new interviews with every group member, an oral history going behind the scenes of their biggest albums and mammoth tours, a vintage Clash of the Titans roundtable interview… and a look inside the artwork of Slayer’s “unholy trinity”—Reign in Blood, South of Heaven, and Seasons in the Abyss—with illustrator Larry Carroll, and guitarist Kerry King reveals some of his favorite shit. On top of this, the issue contains never-before-seen photos and a selection of Slayer-inspired tattoos from their most diehard fans!”

Just come up with a funny caption to the below photo, courtesy of Shelby Cobras of Illogical Contraption.

Please join us in welcoming our latest musician columnist, Cormorant’s Arthur von Nagel. He’ll be writing for us from time to time and we’re happy to have him on board! Enjoy his inaugural column… and don’t forget that you can stream Cormorant’s new album, Metazoa, right here.

When I was sixteen and stupid (and weren’t we all?), I had this silly idea that when you form a band, the ultimate goal was to get signed.  Once you’re signed, you’ve made it.  Cascades of money gush from the pockets of your fans, you score the covers of Time, Atlantic Monthly, Rolling Stone and Home & Garden, you’re given the master key to the Playboy mansion, and, of course, you get to quit your day job.  Now, not to say this isn’t all 100% true, but since then I’ve been able to witness this mythical beast known as a “record contract,” and she’s quite a bit hairier than I once thought.

She looks like this, minus the unfortunate puritan censorship of her naughty bits [Editor's note: you can click on any of the below images to enlarge them.]:

Click to read more…

Even metal heads need dating advice. That’s what Rich Hallford is here for! Read on to have all your love life dilemmas solved by the great master…

Dave asks:
If my girl is afraid of doing anal how can I force her to do it without having charges filed against me? Also, is it okay to go ass to mouth?

Never go ass to mouth. I think a nice dinner out, flowers and sweet evening alone will make her at least give it up or let you smell it. Or you can kill your dog on purpose and be sad. Maybe then she’ll let you pity hump her piehole.

Click to read more…

A lot of people are bummed that Burnt By The Sun are calling it quits. Thankfully, the New Jersey metallic hardcore act chose to leave us with the robust and raging Heart Of Darkness, a furious swansong released just a couple months ago on Relapse, amicably ending a seven-year recording relationship with the label. If you don’t own it yet, and you purport to enjoy heavy music, you are truly missing out. Read Sammy O’Hagar’s review if you need further convincing.

Perhaps as a nod to the band’s popularity abroad, on October 7th Burnt By The Sun kick off a series of farewell dates in Europe, beginning in The Netherlands and ending two-and-a-half weeks later in, uh, The Netherlands, with cities like Athens, Berlin, London, Prague, and Vienna in the middle. Americans, however, will get one final shot to shower the band with adulation and sweat this Friday October 2 in New York City at Cake Shop. Supporting the band on this bill are some great local bands (Bloodhorse and Torchbearer) and some Relapse labelmates, namely Tombs (whose album I revisited and now love) and MetalSucks favorites Black Anvil. There wont be advance tickets, so get there early. I’ll be there drinking profusely and waving goodbye!

-GS

[Gary Suarez is fun on a bun. He usually manages the consistently off-topic No Yoko No. Say, why don't you follow him on Twitter?]

Italian experimental metallers Carnal Rapture sent us their latest 5-song EP several months ago, and though I only just got to listen to it recently… HOLY SHIT!

The first good sign was the design of the CD itself: one side is completely silver and one side is completely black (but not silkscreened — the plastic is actually black). After inserting the CD into my computer silver-side down as I would most CDs, my computer spit that shit right back out at me. Having the black side be the side with the audio on it? METAL!

But most importantly, Carnal Rapture’s style of metal is like nothing I’ve ever heard before. Seriously. And you know we hear a LOT of shit (I mean that in both senses of the word “shit”) here at the MS Mansion. Carnal Rapture certainly take inlfluence from progressive extreme metal bands like Cynic and Gorguts, but theirs is a much more modern, refined, completely new, and yes, much heavier sound. And while their music is certainly “technical” to be sure, it doesn’t veer anywhere near the modern tech-death “weedily weedily” fests that newer bands like Gorod and Obscura peddle (I love these bands too, but I’m just sayin’). Carnal Rapture take things way more in a decidedly jazzy direction… heavy as fuck jazz, naturally. The only current band I’d even moderately liken them to would be Intronaut, specifically that band’s early material. This is music that’s heavy, heady, progressive, technical, jazzy, artful, concise… pretty much everything I look for in a new band.

So upon opening and listening to this stellar gem of a record, I emailed the band’s vocalist and guitarist Emilio Trillo to ask his permission to post a track. Here it is, “Precious Time,” the EP’s opening number. I hope you like it as much as I do. If you’d like to hear more, visit Carnal Rapture on MySpace.

Carnal Rapture – “Precious Time”

-VN

Don’t lie; we know you’ve grabbed your guitar (or a tennis racket, or a broomstick, or the like) and pretended to rock along with your favorite musicians. Hey, we all play guitar too. We know how it is. Normally, you probably don’t want anyone to see you imagining yourself onstage in front of 50,000 screaming fans. But we’re going to give you a good reason to let the whole world watch.

Between now and October 31, you’re going to film yourself doing your very best impersonation of Children of Bodom’s Alexi Laiho. What does that mean? Exactly what it sounds like; you’re going to do whatever it takes* to create a video where we can’t tell you apart from Alexi. You can wear a wig, you can adopt Alexi’s stage moves, or anything you want within reason. But to win, you’d better make us laugh, or blow our minds with your ability to be a clone of Alexi. Our panel of judges will watch each video, and the one we deem the coolest will be selected to win an ESP Alexi Laiho Signature Series LTD AL-600 Scythe guitar!

Click to read more…

Zilty sent this one in… he is on a roll today!

This “tribute” to what is (in?)arguably the worst and most reviled Metallica album in that band’s career was created by Matt Smith of the Christian power metal band Theocracy, and is probably the best thing ever to be created by a Christian power metal band. It’s sophmoric, sure, but that doesn’t mean it’s not funny.

We have a good friend who actually really likes St. Anger and the snare sound on that record. To that friend, who I love like a brother and I know is reading this, I can only say: ppppffffffftttt.

-AR

The Root of All Evil is the eighth studio album by Swedish melodic death metal legends Arch Enemy, featuring re-recorded songs from the band’s first three albums with Johan Liiva as vocalist — Black Earth, Stigmata, and Burning Bridges. The re-recordings have Angela Gossow, who’s now been in the band for nearly 10 years, on vocals, and they were mixed and mastered by the masterful Andy Sneap (but produced by the band themselves).

Regardless of how you feel about bands re-recording their old material with a new lineup, Arch Enemy’s new video for “Beast of Man” — originally from 1998′s Stigmata — is a cool live clip that accurately captures what it’s like to see (and hear) the band in 2009. The Amott brothers back together again, and Gossow belting it out in front.

The Root of All Evil came out this week. Buy it at ArchEnemy.net.

[This exclusive has now ended.]

Are you sick of hearing about the new Alice in Chains album, Black Gives Way to Blue, yet? I know we – and pretty much every other metal and heavy rock media outlet – have been talking about it non-stop, but that’s because it’s a great record, and very likely marks the comeback of the decade. (Although Christian Hoard at Rolling Stone only gave it 2 1/2 stars out of a possible five. Three cheers for Rolling Stone once again going out of its way to prove its irrelevance to anyone other than yuppies, old men who are nostalgic for a heyday that never really existed the way they say it did, and bored people in waiting rooms.)

Here’s the band performing the new track “Your Decision” on Jimmy Kimmel last night. It’s a beautiful performance of one my favorite songs on the album. It’s hard not to interpet the lyrics – to this or most of the other songs on Blue – as being about Layne Staley, but regardless of whatever Jerry Cantrell and the rest of the band intended, it’s an excellent tune.

Black Gives Way to Blue is out now, and is apparently selling very well, at least by current standards. That makes me very, very happy.

-AR

I have no idea what message Evergreen Terrace think they’re conveying with their new video, “Sending Signals,” the inspiration for which is obviously The Karate Kid. That movie will always hold a sentimental place in my heart, but what does it have to do with anything? The video isn’t a campy-funny homage to an old 80s movie the way, say, The Black Dahlia Murder’s awesome video for “Everything Went Black” is, and it doesn’t seem to be going for a campy-funny tone anyways. But does anyone take The Karate Kid seriously? It’s not exactly a Scorsese movie, and I’d have to question the intelligence/sanity of anyone over the age of eleven who found it inspirational.

So the gist of this video seems to be “If someone kicks your ass, learn to kick their ass back, then do so.” Fair enough, I guess. But the whole thing reeks of Evergreen Terrace trying, and failing, to come across as tough guys. And there’s no reason for that. Metal and hardcore can be an outlet for aggressive emotions, but you don’t actually have to be a violent person to enjoy the music. I’d respect these scrawny, heavily-tattooed dudes more if they admitted to being guys who like heavy music, as opposed to the whole “Arrr, we’re bad-asses” scenario put forth here.

Especially ’cause referencing The Karate Kid does not make you look like a bad-ass.

-AR

I’m holding their fucking CD in my hand I have to keep looking down to try and remember what they’re called.

Your Demise. They’re called Your Demise.

Because almost ten years later, taking any given attributive adjective and combining it with an ominous sounding noun or verb is still somehow an acceptable way for kids to name their metalcore band.

-AR

The hype around Congregation of the Damned is that it’s a return to Atreyu’s older metalcore (excuse me, “metallic rock”) outings. This is bullshit. Congregation is another ham fisted arena rock failure posing as one of Atreyu’s metalcore albums.

Now, inevitably, some punk is gonna come around here and say “Atreyu’s sound could never stay the same forever, and why would they want it to, and blah blah blah, pee.” To which I say: well, I’m not the one going around telling people this album is going to sound nothing like Lead Sails and a Plug-in Vagina. The dudes from Atreyu are.

Click to read more…

Glenn Beck is an idiot. I know some readers think we’re too left here at MetalSucks, but even if we weren’t relatively liberal, Glenn Beck would still be an idiot. There’s no way around that. There are intelligent people on the right with legitimate political ideals that differ from those of the left, but Glenn Beck is just an asshole. He routinely lies, contradicts things he’s said in the past for the sake of advancing his own agenda, and seems to be part of this growing movement to incite violence against his political opponents. So, sorry. I have nothing nice to say about the man.

So. Ziltoid sent us this video of Insect Warfare’s “Internet Era Alienation” laid over footage of Beck. Zilty told us that “I’m indifferent to the music, but Glenn Beck is an idiot, so I enjoyed this;” and I actually like the music, so it’s double the fun for me. Thanks, Zilty!

Insect Warfare actually start a semi-reunion tour (original singer Rahi isn’t taking part for reasons I’m not clear on) of the UK & Ireland tonight. Get dates here.

-AR

St. Louis jazzy prog-metallers Lye By Mistake, who we reported last week signed with Guy Kozowyk’s Black Market Activities label, have a new song called “Invincible Badass” streaming on Lambgoat. Says Lambgoat, “If you’re a rational human being with good taste in music, you’ll like it,” and we concur. Better news yet, the song comes from their sophomore effort (and first on BMA) Fea Jur, due October 13th. This record is going to impress a lot of people, my friends.

While we’re on the topic of Black Market Activties, experimental metallers Tony Danza Tap Dance Extravaganza will be working on recording their new album Danza III: The Series Of Unfortunate Events this November, and in the meantime have posted a new track called “Yippiekayay Motherfucker” on their MySpace page. It’s heavy as fuck, it’s grindy, it’s tech-y, it’s brutal. I’ve never been much into this band before, but the track’s got me excited for their new record.

-VN

It’s one of the best albums of the year, and less than 3,000 of you purchased it in its first week of release. C’mon, kids. What’s a copy gonna cost you? Like ten bucks? You can afford that. Just don’t go see whatever shitty movie is opening this weekend and spend the money on this album instead. It’s totally worth it.

Here’s the band performing the track “Bless Those” at Waterloo Records in Austin, Texas recently:

And just for shits n’ giggles, here they are covering “Crosstown Traffic” at the same in-store:

Click to read more…

Look how angry Brian Fair is in that photo. Grrrrr. That’s his metal face. Not to be fucked with.

In reality, though, Brian is actually a pretty chill dude. Seriously. Would an angry monster give away free shit over Twitter? Of course not. But Brian is. Says the Shadows Fall front man himself:

Click to read more…