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...And Fuck You Too

DONE WITH AEROSMITH

 Thursday, November 5th, 2009 at 11:00am by

steven-tyler

Everyone seems to be losing their shit because it looks like Aerosmith might break-up. I’ve read so many fucking puns on the album title Permanent Vacation this week that I am now 99.9% sure that most people writing about the band have never even heard of another fucking Aerosmith album (See what I did with my headline, fellas? They also have some song titles that could be appropriate for this particular occassion. Get it together, you lazy motherfuckers.). And besides, there’s a couple of things we need to consider:

  • AEROSMITH ARE NOT BREAKING UP. Don’t forget that Joe and Steve have fallen-out in the past. They came back together for the same reason they’ll come back together now: money. The Joe Perry Project wasn’t popular twenty years ago, and it won’t be popular now. And Steven Tyler’s solo album might do marginally better, if only for the same reason lead singer’s solo albums often do marginally better than the equivalent albums of their band mates: they’re the front man, and the majority of their fanbase is somehow unaware that they are not the ones responsible for the music the fans love. Steve and Joe are just feeling hormonal right now – menopause is so hard! – and once they realize (again) that the spotlight is (still) a little dimmer when they’re working under the Aeorsmith franchise, they will kiss and make-up (again). So everyone just relax. Because even if they do break-up (which they won’t)…
  • AEROSMITH SUCK THE BIG ONE(S) NOW. They are the definition of a “legacy act.” They have not put out a good record in years. And if you so very much look forward to them coming to your town that the thought of never again having the pleasure of watching old men perform “Walk This Way” breaks your heart, well, shoot yourself. You should have far greater things to look forward to than Steven Tyler possibly falling off the stage and spraining his hip. If you do not, you have wasted your life and there is nothing left to do now but die.

In conclusion, Steven Tyler can use those big lips to suck my fucking cock (dude looks like an old lady anyhow). This band should have broken-up ages ago.

-AR

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  • Jimmy

    Fuck a bunch of new Aerosmith.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Rob-Kurkjian/1238131077 Rob Kurkjian

    glad im not the only one who thinks steven tyler looks like an old lady

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kasper-Maigaard/1027001938 Kasper Maigaard

      It was a pun. On the song-title “Dude (looks like a lady)”

      And yeah Aerosmith can suck it big time. They’ve had their (awful) Guitar Hero-franchise and can now be laid down to rest.

  • IAmTheClitCommander

    Aerosmith is fucking gay.

  • Facebook User

    If it wasn’t for KISS, Aerosmith would be the most overrated band in the history of overrated bands.

    • cougar party

      Difference is Aerosmith actually has some great songs. KISS is just terrible.

      • Trux

        dumbest comment ever….

        • cougar party

          Really? because I am pretty sure if KISS didn’t wear costumes and make-up no one would know who they are. Aerosmith actually wrote some pretty fucking awesome songs back in the day.

          • jay

            Totally agree coug. Aerosmith was once an excellent rock band.

          • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sara-Petrocelli/519197405 Sara Petrocelli

            KISS had some awesome songs. “Destroyer” is a bitchin’ album.

  • Frampler

    Another band who got shit and boring when they quit taking drugs. One would think that, with all the money they have made, retirement would seem an attractive prospect.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mark-Gavin/1396340262 Mark Gavin

      They’re not done with the drugs… at least not Steven Tyler. I saw him at the store I work at a few months ago and he was most definitely on something. I’m pretty sure he was doing coke in the men’s room, too. This was like 2 weeks after he had gotten out of rehab.The reason they blow isn’t because they’re no longer doing the blow themselves, it’s because they’ve lost their creativity.

  • John

    Aerosmith was never good. I hope they break up and all die so I don’t have to deal with idiots that like this crap ever again.

  • Alec29

    Fuck ‘em. Aeorosmith hasn’t been relative since they became MTV’s new bubblegum darlings back in the 80′s and 90′s. Retire. Break up. Whatever. Just go away.

  • TurdFerguson

    I was hoping their newest album “Live From The Nursing Home” would come out soon. this sucks.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jason-Crispen/100000169530540 Jason Crispen

    you mean you don’t find it badass when geriatrics sing “lord of the thighs”?

  • Eric

    Even though Aerosmith hasn’t put out a notable album in close to twenty years, they’re still incredibly tight live. I saw them this summer (about two weeks before Tyler broke his hip, I think) and they put on quite an entertaining show. So, no, I don’t care if they release a new album, but I’d feel sorry for all the young fans who’ve never gotten to see them live (I know quite a few whose hearts would be broken).

  • myke

    that douche bag let all the fame go to his head and thinks he can go solo now . i hope his music career falls just like he fell off that stage when he played with his crappy band.

  • Zoker

    Wait…who?

  • Sammy

    This is the longest comeback of a band re-re-re-re-re-re-rerecording their comeback album I’ve ever witnessed. I wish they would go away. Far away.

  • http://www.masterful-magazine.com/ Choronzon

    “Steve and Joe are just feeling hormonal right now – menopause is so hard! – and once the…”

    Menopause in men is actually called andropause, FYI. Just details.

  • brian roach

    Agree with everyone here, they’ve been musically irrelevant since the 1970s. They were great live when I saw them in the late 1980s, but really, who cares anymore. Walk away while you still have SOME dignity left…

    • T

      dude, the door closed on that opportunity YEARS ago…

  • o0Stacey0o

    The category is: “Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians”.

    • Santa Claus

      By the way EVERY answer is Steven Tyler.

  • DemonicLemming

    Irrelevant band is irrelevant.

  • http://www.solidsterecords.com NoCowNoFood

    Eric follow the last commandament: Kill urself, AEROSMITH SUCKSSSSSSSSSSSSSS ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SO BAD

  • Hendecahedron

    Liv Tyler’s pretty hot though