FUNNY PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN A KATATONIA NIGHT IS THE NEW DAY PRIZE PACKAGE
Thursday, November 5th, 2009 at 5:00pm by Vince Neilstein
Congrats to the winners of last week’s funny photo caption contest, each of whom will receive a dandy Dying Fetus CD in the mail for their troubles. The winning entries:
Harahune: “Mister Nugent was not sure how to react to seeing Mustaine. After all, he had hunted deer and boar but never jackasses.”
Richard Michael Christopher Hall: “Hello me, meet the old me.”
That thar is comedic brilliance. This week we’re giving away one prize package from Katatonia: their new CD Night is the New Day, a hoodie, a t-shirt and a poster. Yowza, that’s a lot of Katatonia swag! Just come up with a funny caption to the below photo, and it’s all yours.
Juggalos: running from metal heads with baseball bats since 1985.
The Richard Simmons Juggalo Workout:
Sweatin’ to shitty ass music
and
Runinn’ from the police!
Young Billy Bob has out paced the rest and is the first ever winner of the Juggalo Marathon.
I really wish the jokes wrote themselves for this one… But they don’t… *sigh*
I present a new breed of disgrace to humanity… The Joggalo.
NICE!
+1
this contest is over! give that man the prize
winrar
yah i thought mine was goood but this is by far the best
All bets are off – winner. Well done sir!
Fuck, took the wind out my sails. Good job.
Omg. Win!
He must have forgot his Meat Cleaver or Hatchet that they ever so enjoy running with.
possible joke topics:
-racism
-jugallos
-kenyan runners
-black people listening to wigger rap
ive got nothing
The representative of Juggalo Furries would like to invite you to join the live action shit party. There will be lots of shirtless hugging and lots of lame bunny eared dragons for all.
Nothing goes better with face paint than coolio Sketchers.
Is this what a Norwegian marathon looks like?
“Note to self, never pass out at a party surrounded by Juggalos”
Breaking the mold: aspiring San Franciscan ICP vocalist Shaftme Minidreds vows that when he goes topless on stage, it won’t be with the oft-lamented pasty-white, flaccid belly and floppy man-tits. He also recommends Caress: For Women razors to get rid of that pesky breast hair.
Off to the Gathering of the Joggalos!
Run, Skog, run!
Skog is forest in Norwegian BTW. Forest = Forrest. GET IT?
I GET IT!
Ever the fashionista, Gaahl jumps at the opportunity to help bring bicycle shorts back into style.
After raping every slasher classic, Rob Zombie moves on Oscar-winners such as “Forrest Gump”.
nice.
YAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Instead of Chariots of Fire, the background music to this pic is Raining Men
“Wait, you said ‘exorcise’? Fuck, this black metal stuff is harder than I thought.”
lol. I like this one!
The annual “Running of the Juggalos” got off to a quick start, but their numbers quickly dwindled down to one when the route went by the MS Mansion and the Monkeys swooped down, eating every last Faygo marinated dumbass.
P90X: Juggalo edition
Violent J slims down.
Ted Bundy’s first victim
Due to an overall lack of endurance, “The Annual Juggalo 5k Run” would later be renamed “The Annual Juggalo 50 Foot Run To McDonald’s” after only one individual made it past the first stage of the race.
A member of Juggalo High School’s Varsity Cross Country team gets his run in as he prepares for the upcoming State Championships.
In this weeks episode of Fuzz, Ronnie Dobbs Jr. does his dad proud.
Whether you prefer corpse paint or juggalo paint, spiked bracelets or hatchet man necklaces, oversized jerseys or buckled leather vests, it’s key to remember the most essential part of the costume; boxer briefs.
NICE !
To be ready for the 2012 Juggalolympics, one must train early and often!
“Same Juggalo joke that’s been made by at least 20 unimaginative people above me.”
Bison B.C. starts their day with a nice long jog.
This Juggalo couldn’t run away fast enough from ICP’s new album fully clothed…with those baggy pants hanging past his ass and his tight fitting wife beater and his excessive bling-bling.
Meet the one guy that the March Of Dimes told to “take a hike!”
Doomed to fade into obscurity, the Joggalos were shunned by their vastly overweight cousins for their slim, athletic builds.
Why so shirtless?
Haha.
“Why So Juggalo?”
The bonus to being a Juggalo is the face paint, so even African American’s can enjoy the band without being bothered by the white bigot southern trash that listens to this group. Unfortunately this young fan missed the memo about wearing clothing also to hide his skin, and is now running from the hatchet mob.
Why so dignified?
Wanna see a pencil disappear? ‘Cuz it’s cold out.
I GET IT!
The only photo of Euronymous in his underwear running away from Varg on that one night.
Even under the assumption that this joke is funny, which, don’t get me wrong, it’s not, it would still fall flat on its face.
Why?
Clearly day.
I noticed that, but fuck it, it’s Metalsucks. :p
Also, I realized… Day is the new night. :)
Yeah, just like “Black is the new taco”, I’m not buyin’ it!
Gotta get in shape for the 2010 Gathering of the Juggalos cause this year I’m looking to win gold at the Jugg-alympics!
“I’m like a dog chasing a car… I wouldn’t know what to do with it if I caught it!”
Fucking. Epic.
Thats it, fuck it you won!
stigmata_97… you win in my opinion! Your comment is fucking funny!
HAAAAAAA!
Hehehe, thanks!
this isnt where i parked my car!
The Juggalo Naked Mile turned into a disaster today after many of the participants, aroused from the side boobs of the many fat men, had heart attacks participating in a homosexual orgy at the starting line, leaving one lone juggalo alive to away from avalanche of fat that soon would distroy the greater part of the midwest.
Scientist’s latest discovery: Tr00 Black metal artists jog in tights
People like clowns at birthday parties, and people like strippers at birthday parties. Chuckles really thought he had hit gold when he decided to combine the two.
Run run run as fast as you can, you can’t catch him, he’s the juggalo man.
This just in. The first photo evidence of a jogging juggalo, a Joggalo if you will, has been released. Scientists are baffled by the behavior of this specimen and indeed by it’s appearance as the torso is not covered in ridiculous white paint as well. Officials are stating that should you come across a Joggalo do not antagonize it or feed it but to call them immediately. Should you antagonize a Joggalo leave the premises as they are a cowardly beast and will return with a dozen similarly dressed packmates who will then precede to chest bump you to death to provoke a fight. Thank you.
This guy pregamed his halloween like he did his parties : before it happens, and way too much.
WTF! a black Juggalo!
Are you sure he’s black? I can’t really tell because of the shade.
black people often have self respect…
Welcome to the 2009 Jugga-No 5K. All proceeds go to the National Juggalo Eradication Fund.
Joggin’ Juggalo ?
I’m Dr. Rockzo, the Juggalo clown, I listen to crappy music! CACACACA YEAHHHHHHHHHHH
The Jamaican black metal scene sadly wasn’t as successful as that in Norway.
Even the world of intraweb can run out of juggalo jokes. No pun intended.
oh no, im late for the juggalo flash mob….Feck clown pants, and my neon shirt, i don’t have any dignity anyways….
Otep found her penis. Now if only she could catch it.
HAHAHA win
Lol! That’s fucking hilarious!
A rare find indeed, the majestic Juggalo in full stride, without his trusty bottle of Faygo or your car stereo in hand.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!? GOOD MUSIC IS THE OTHER WAY!
i lul’d
The one above is clever, but this, i just lul’d again
This is the new commercial for the new Faygo brand sports drink.
After plummeting record sales and ten years of not being even remotely cool anymore, ICP’s manager decides they are just too fat to sell albums and hires a personal trainer. The band, and the trainer, are never seen again.
I wish.
Christopher had played Resident Evil before, but not until he played it while listening to the new Slayer album did he realize its pure genius. It was followed by complete obsession and imitation of the game, while committing acts described in Slayer songs. He was sent to a Mental Asylum 2 days following the incident.
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Even the most elitists of black metallers need to be fit.
I want to kick you so hard for being that stupid.
Jazzercise for the feces-scented and dimwitted.
A Jamaican Juggalo inspired to win the Olympics after seeing the movie “Cool Runnings” on display at the local market.
…because in Norway, they now burn down joggers.
Not in Gorgoroth anymore, Gaahl stalks his latest hobby in inconspicious white van.
(The above photo is of a rare sighting of the Bare-chested Black Metal Juggalo.)
Let’s assume Varg is Hitler (just saying.) Now assume that the entire demographic of his blue eyed, blonde haired comrades are his unbeatable olympic team (of music.) Now assume that even black metal needs a Jesse Owens.
A young man tries desperately to get Gaahl’s attention….
runnnn shitface runnnnn
U cant catch me im the ginger dead man
Ghostly handjobs…
I’ll tell you what I said to him, and everyone else dressed up in corpse paint on halloween.
“Holy crap its Gene Simmons!”
Kyle, that’s not funny.
Its a definite chance Malacoda is the guy in the picture.
There’s also a definite chance that I’m not black, just fyi.
He may have forgot his shirt before he left the house but at least he remembered to paint his face
The inventor of the genre “blackened-ska-punk.”
“The Norwegian black metal awareness marathon: So KVLT it only has one member”
HA !!… Win…
This is what happens when people take the “black” in Black metal too seriously.
“I DON’T KNOW BUT I’VE BEEN TOLD”
“A JUGGALETTE’S PUSSY’S MIGHTY COLD”
“HOW COLD?”
“DAMN COLD!”
“FEELS GOOD”
“TASTE’S GOOD!”
HILLSHIRE FARM! GO MEAT!
just grabbin my furry costume from the dry cleaners!
Juggalo initiation mission.
“Mom told me metal sucks, took all my albums away, and told me to go pick up the fucking laundry.”
After getting to drunk and pissing himself again… the Juggalo embarks on yet another walk of shame.
sure, pissing in the shower is fine. for one thing, urine is sterile and…you know what else, blowing your nose in the shower is ok too. you just wash the snot off your hands–down the drain–done. what? the picture contest thing? hey man, fuck you!
Mark Hershel Möritz-Rabson will run as far away from his Jewish heritage as humanly possible.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, Danman!
Look!! the Ghost of Heath Ledger had a baby with Matthew McConaughey!!!
(This entry is from my wife, who rocks.)
THE GAY PARADE CAN’T START WITHOUT ME!!!
JUGGALOS GONE WILD!
He’s not really a Juggalo. He’s just a Thriller enthusiast a few days too late.
On a break near the end of shooting “The Dark Knight”, Heath Ledger makes a quick run to the pharmacy.
lol +1
After failing to capture the secret of the kenyan marathon runners, this runner attempts to channel the ancient kvlt magic of the famous norwegian sidewalk sprinters.
The general reaction to Revelations of the Black Flame.
Proof that fucked up, mind-scarring shit in the suburbs is not confined to basements and bedrooms.
Corpse Paint $10, Running Shoes $75, Looking like an ass in public and getting made fun of on MetalSucks $Priceless
“ahhhhhh no more bad juggalo jokes, I can’t run fast enough!”
Why does everyone keep calling me Shaggy 2 Dope?
Don’t they know I do black metal?
How To Exercise And Still Look Dead.
The Mayans have decided not to end the world in 2012 because people like these will simply do their job for them! :)
Just clownin’ around…
The doctor told King Diamond is was cancer, he told him it was a challenge.
it*…
The only black juggalo at an ICP gig is forced to make a hasty escape after being spotted by other ICP fans
When asked why he decided to come out looking like that, he said.
“Don’t make fun of my fuckin’ shorts dude! They shrunk in the wash.”
The Gaahl & Mili Vanili lovechild
“Gaahl you know it’s Gaahl you know it’s Gaahl you know it’s…”
Oh no no no, I dun like Batman….I hate him!
with the white van now in pursuit, the fabled niggalo attempted to escape.
Chariots Of Blood Fire Death
haha, nice
Here we observe the wild juggalo in it’s natural environment. observe the dreadlocks, clownish face paint, and pansy-girl run
The half-retarded bastard lovechild of Gene and RIchard Simmons escapes from his basement cage and makes a run for freedom.
There’s something real SHADY about that jogger.
one bottle of faygo grape was spotted at the quick mart. i must have it.
Aah, feel the burn. It’s like a church!
How many jugs could a jogging juggalo chug if a jogging juggalo could chug jugs
Your average MetalSucks reader.
“Why so Homophobic? “
As you can see in figure 6.8a A black metal fan being chased by angry homosexual Gaahl and Fred Durst.
The training regimen at Clown College is second only to that of the United States Marine Corps.
Confusion regarding the terms Kabuki and Bukakke meant this man’s run would end in a more chowdery celebration of Asian culture than he’d originally planned.
“And the award for ‘most improved Juggalo’ goes to … Ted, who makes us all glad he found at least a little bit of panting for this year’s Annual International Race-to-Raise-Juggalo-Awareness Marathon.”
Apparently Juggallos come illegally from Mexico… Who knew
no, they come from your mother´s bedroom
Having the corpse paint tattooed on seemed like a wayyyyy better idea before the band broke up.
Henry Rollins is finding new and creative ways to disguise himself on his morning run without being called a sellout every ten steps.
HAHAHA
I thought that picture of Obama as the joker was photoshopped. How wrong I was…
Wanted Dead or Alive : The only Juggalo known to have escaped the eradication.
Wes Borland trains for the 2012 Summer Olympics, putting to rest all rumors of a much anticipated Limp Bizkit reunion.
Black Metal, Your doing it wrong.
It’s the Nike Air Black Metal. The older the church the quicker it burns so we made it with fireproof soles and a special non-freeze cushion insoles so you can run like the North Wind!
…Just as the driver of the windowless molester van was about to give up and move onto the next street…. Jackpot!
Haha, I was waiting for someone to make a joke about the van.
Apperently everyone else flaked on the whole Norwegian Gay Pride March that day
“Jus’ got done bangin’ my ho,
gon’ steal me some Faygo,
so away I go,
jus’ livin’ the life of a Juggalo
- Oh hell na, there’s the Po Po!”
Disoriented and late for a gig, Sevendust’s Lajon Witherspoon has yet to discover the result of passing out at the party with his shoes on.
…i’m jogging free yeah, i’m jogging free…
“Ohhh… I thought you said ‘Night is the New GAY’…. My mistake, I’ll just go take this face paint off now….
Training for the jugglathon will be difficult being that if you don’t wear your official juggalo jogging shorts you will be disqualified, but that doesn’t seem to be a problem with any of the juggalos they seem to wear them everywhere they go.
Unable to make it in the music biz, Emcee Squared took up training for Juggalo Championshit Wrestling.
A Juggalette soon-to-be bride running to Good Will to get a new wedding dress after her first one was taken by her fiance to pick up women at his family reunion.
. . . can’t jog, clowns will eat me, can’t jog, clowns will eat me . . .
THE ONLY THING MORE METVL THAN MY CORPSEPAINT IST MY JAMAKAN HAIR KUT. IST VBER KVLT.
Prized Norwegian runner Shagrat Hellsmith catches a rare moment of sunlight and prepares for the London 2012 Summer Olympics.
The musical is back
Is this the Zombie kid that likes turtles???
seems like he is not that slow after all.
Here we have a juggalo running from real music.
Ah, all the good Juggalo jokes have been made and there’s no way I can beat out “The Joggalo,” but I’ll bite.
And now, the official Billy ‘Money In The’ Banks workout.
“And 1, and 2, and fuck, and you.”
This is Dave Mustaine running in cognito, but little does he know there are worse things than being just Dave Mustaine.
Unfortunately for him, his girlfriend was unable to properly inform her mother about her status as a juggalette.
If I say that tomorrow, a gangbanger will be shot, or a truckload of soldiers will be blown up, nobody cares, because that’s all, part of the plan. But if I say that I’ll strip down to my boxers and run around the streets, well then everybody panics.
Leave me alone. On tour I eat hoagies, blood capsules, and drink beer daily. Do you have any idea how hard it is to maintain a figure?
gotta catch up with ICP so i can suck their dicks JUGGALO 4 LIFE
Insane Clown Posse wouldn’t let him join so he ran back to kenya.
He was too black for them.
Norway’s first Olympic Marathon runner.
“Juggalo?, I thought you said ‘JOGGALO’?!”
How dare you break character! Get back in your dog outfit and mingle with some of our senior juggalos.
What have I gotten myself into!?!?! AHHHH!
after going to his friends holloween party. billy runs home after noticing he showed up only in his boxers, thus inventing the new style of joggalo.
Dude run! There are real rappers back there! Black ones!
Still, this is only the second oddest estranged Obama relative to make himself known.
OMG! I can’t hold this shit in any longer!
In a hypocritically exploratory chapter of his life, Varg Vikernes would capture young men, force them to wear corpse paint, and call him “Daddy Grishnackh”. Here one such incident is documented, where Varg would allow the slaves to run away from him before impaling them with black metal dildos.
Ghaal’s coming out had… unexpected consequences on Lil’ Jimmy. His family’s still looking for him. If you’ve seen the man in the picture, please call your local police departement…
In the early days of his career, this never before seen photo of a young King Diamond shows him warming up before a show.
Oh my god. Is that Michael Jackson?
“Honey, where the hell have you been? You’ve been gone for two days! What happened?”
“Well, I’m not sure. I went out for my usual run, everything was normal, and then all of the sudden I heard the Call of the Wintermoon…”
Dont miss this sunday night a new NatGeo investigation: in the tangent of evolution: the juggalo