OTEP IS GOING TO BUY A PENIS
Thursday, November 5th, 2009 at 12:00pm by Axl Rosenberg
And I don’t mean a man-whore.
Metal Insider found this blog, hilariously titled “That New Car Smell,” in which extreme music’s most famous lesbian announces that she is undergoing sexual reassignment surgery in order to legally marry her lover, an unnamed “A-list actress.” Some excerpts follow:
I am an American. I love this country. And I realize this decision might cost me my career, the respect of my peers, the love of my own family – but I see no other way.
In order to legally (and morally) marry the woman I love – I have no other choice but to …become A MAN.
Yes, sexual-reassignment surgery.
No, I am not kidding.
I am buying a penis. A real one.Oh, how I will miss my magnificent breasts and elegant vagina!
But say good-bye, I must. The doctor assures me that my metamorphosis will be a masterpiece that will shame Michelangelo! I will be fitted with two perfectly plump and proportioned testicles and (as the centerpiece) a beautiful, robust and veiny, 8-inch peen.
As an added incentive, they are going to install a free iSex KitTM (with optional interchanging LED lights) that uses sensors implanted in the shaft to transmit data to my iPod during coitus so that the speed and rhythm of the music will match the speed and rhythm of the fornication.
As convincing as my surgeon might be, I remain disturbed and concerned. But, ah L’amour, my heart screams that all this is worth it!
My transformation will authenticate my citizenship as a REAL, honest-to-goodness American!
No one – not the church – not the government – NO ONE – can deny me the right to marry as long as I have a peen in my panties.
Obviously, Ms. Shamaya is just kidding around – she goes on to say that “my ‘Patriotic Penis’ was made in a sweatshop by slave labor,” just in case any of the mentally deficient internet trolls still don’t get the not-at-all-subtle satire of the piece.
Now, I’m sure that there are people who read this site who are against same-sex marriage, and will ostensibly think that Otep should go fuck herself. Personally (and I imagine this will shock no one who has ever read this site in the past), I do not give two shits who fucks who or who marries who as long as all parties involved are doing it consensually, and with so many different fucked-up things going on in the world right now, I can’t imagine why anyone would think that worrying about “the sanctity of marriage” is important. It is the very definition of “unimportant.” If we don’t fix the economy, fix the enviornment, get all these wars sorted out, and so and so forth, the fucking world could end. If we allow John to marry Joe, than the gays will be just as miserable as the straights. Whoopdee-doo.
In conclusion: I still wish I liked Otep’s music as much as I enjoy her political rants.
-AR
agreed shes cool but the music is a bit lame!!!
Jesus this woman is annoying. Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.
i disagree. not if the sarcasm is clever.
Satire doesn’t equal sarcasm. Not the same thing.
Not that it matters anyway. If shit’s funny, it’s funny. you’re gonna discount something off-hand just because it’s sarcastic? Really?
it all sounds like a joke. i won’t believe it until i see it.
Wow, nothing gets by you, does it?
seconded
got a couple of assholes right here.
it all sounds like a joke. i won’t believe it until i see it. [2]
Yeah ! The government can suck on it !
Good for her. If she really wants to mutilate her vagina to get married then thats cool I guess. Wonder who she’s gettin married to… -ooops shes wearing a Nirvana shirt, lost interest…
I agree with her point, but damn she annoys the hell out of me for some reason.
Man, too bad this is sarcasm. I want interchanging LED penis lights now.
Dude that would be AWESOME, could you imagine flashing double bass style strobe lights while you’re slaying your girl?… and then like trippy tool or mastodon style theatrics when you slow it down…
I hate this pretentious chick, especially how she goes around and tries to pass off her forced emotion off as art. No real poet would ever name themselves poet. She’s like the whiney kid in the corner at school always crying out for attention.
Very funny and makes a great point. Thanks.
this bitch needs to get over herself. she thinks shes being “rebelious” and “leftist” when shes actually being a self rightious prick. we get it, you want to be “out there” but your nirvana shirt and snearing expression only make you like a 14 yr old girl that just discovered hot topic.
Maybe she just likes Nirvana
man she just needs to wait it out until it will be legal for her to marry a woman , I fucking hate otep more than anything , but i know this woman is selling herself out , thats why I don’t believe this , i think it is just a statement
Clearly you didn’t read this post at all…lol
“Obviously, Ms. Shamaya is just kidding around – she goes on to say that “my ‘Patriotic Penis’ was made in a sweatshop by slave labor,” just in case any of the mentally deficient internet trolls still don’t get the not-at-all-subtle satire of the piece.”
I am so smart. S-M-R-T.
+1
Wow. Nice work.
Axl, the world won’t end, but humanity might suffer a huge blow. We aren’t shit on this planet or to it. Just more ants that fuck, eat, and die.
I’m 100% for gay rights, gay marriage, etc. but I’m so sick of people using their sexuality as their identity. You don’t have to spend your life trying to show people how gay/straight/bi-sexual you are. Just be yourself and fucking get on with it.
Amen… who cares who you fuck.
The government, and a god deal of the voters. Which is why it’s necessary for people to speak out until they have equal rights.
*GOOD deal of the voters.
Freudian slip, much?
this times infinity.
Word.
I wish Otep wasn’t a lesbian. She’s kinda hot. Smash the Control Machine actually better than I expected. Some songs BLOW but I expected them ALL to blow. All this talk about Otep and blowing is getting me excited.
What a cunt.
she knows if she does this her band won’t have fans anymore.
She has fans now?
where is Zitoid when this types of post appear……….give me a break, Ive never heard any song from this dude girl? never will
About the first time any of her political ramblings have been even vaguely relevant. Like I said in the past, her “political activism” is nothing more than your generic liberal “Blame the conservatives for everything” dren, plastered over with a thin patina of “hardcore metal chick” that really has nothing to do with anything. There’s nothing special or different or thoughtful in the delivery or content, she just changes the wording a bit.
If she was really about the whole “down with the system, freedom for everyone”, she’d either be an anarchist or a libertarian, not a liberal. It’s painfully obvious she isn’t, and the whole bit comes off as nothing more than an extended stay in the “No one understands me/I hate everyone” land of early teens.
I couldn’t agree more.
(although, I would leave it at libertarian only and leave anarchist out of there)
Maybe she’s not a libertarian because libertarianism is a demonstrably flawed ideology for people who have absolutely no empathy for anyone else.
Flawed ideology for people with no empathy for others, eh? Care to elaborate? Not wanting 20-25% of one’s paycheck going towards taxes and socialist welfare programs != “no empathy”.
shes just an ignorant bitch who knows the bear minimum on issues, just enought information on things to form an opinion about it. Shes the type of person who, for 8 years, yelled “fuck Bush!!” but didnt know why they hated him. in other words, shes the type of person, that if they call themself and “anarchist” wouod actually wear a circle A symbol on them. the type of person that if she called herself a communist, would pay target 25 dollars for a che guavara t shirt.
Doesnt she already have a penis?
I support gay rights, for sure. I voted pro-gay marriage on that big deal prop eight in California, but it failed even so. Well, voting is where you stand up for what you think.
She’s as annoying as Bill Maher.
Right? I was just thinking that.
Considering the 50-something percent divorce rate in the US, I think straight people are doing a fine job “destroying the sanctity of marriage” on their own. I have no idea why anyone gives a fuck about other people’s legal and consensual bedroom habits.
The nail, she has been hit on the head.
It’s mind boggling for sure. I don’t understand how people would want to support legislation that infringes on personal liberties when you can simply choose not to be a part of it.
Organised religion. “This ancient book says it’s bad, so *spastic flailing* IT MUST BE BAD! THE BOOK SAYS SO!”
Ah! You’re forgetting that some people who read the Bible (some people, mind you) think that all the bad shit that happens to humanity results from us allowing gays to marry, have rights, do their thing, etc. Which is mind-boggling but if you’ve ever tried to talk someone down from hallucinogens, you know that the mind can really firm itself up on some intense notions. It’s, unfortunately, up to these people to convince themselves otherwise.
I agree wholeheartedly. Divorce is good stuff. Back before it was in vogue, women would get the shit beat out of them by their husbands and have no option but to stand there and take it. Sanctity of marriage my ass. Not to mention the fact that anything’s so-called “sanctity” has absolutely fucking nothing to do with the government. Keep your bullshit “sanctity” out of the law.
And by the same token, it’s absolutely worthless. Since divorce is so common and accepted, instead of taking time to make sure the person you’re going to marry is the right one, it’s much more common to get married on a whim and, big surprise, most of those marriages don’t last, ergo, continually rising divorce rates.
I don’t think divorce should be illegal or anything like that – there’s always the need for an escape mechanism from a social situation like that; however, it’s way, way over-used, simply because it’s so easy now. Honestly, once you toss taxes and religion out of it, there’s not even a need for any type of official, documented marriage – if two people are close enough and compatible enough to get married, the act of marriage shouldn’t change that relationship in any way, making marriage nothing more than a pretty but useless addition.
Course, that’s human philosophy and psychology and this isn’t really the place to delve into it, so I’ll cut short the rambling.
Marriage is nothing but a legal contract. It’s just an official agreement to share all of your shit with someone “forever” (or until you get divorced). So it’s really ridiculous that gays can’t do that because of, surprise, the fucking Bible. Marriage has absolutely nothing to do with Christianity, unless it’s a Christian wedding. But Christians hold most of the power in this country, and unfortunately many of them think EVERYTHING has to do with Christianity. Truth is, the addition of religion into marriage is another stupid human construct. We’re supposed to have separation of church and state, yet nothing brings them closer together than our pitiful views on “the sanctity of marriage”.
I couldn’t agree more.
Did you know some people honestly don’t believe this country has a separation of church and state?
Marriage as we see it today is like that…..traditionally (outside of Christian culture), it’s always been a bit different than that, depending on the culture. Christians seem to forget that marriage, as an overall concept, existed far before their religion started, and that marriage really isn’t just a Christian thing that no one else could possibly grasp. I say Christian, although I should really say organised religion.
Is anyone else extremely aroused at the thought of this?
OK, that was a joke. But seriously, maybe she should just consider getting a King Missile Brand ™ Detachable Penis.
Is the iSex Kit compatiblae with the King Missile Brand ™ Detachable Penis? There’s nothing like multi-colored LEDs on your veiny 8-incher.
I think they make an adapter for it.
She should undergo surgery to make her music not suck!
If she is getting a penis, she will use it on her partner, who doesnt like penis’?
Ha ha! Good point!
All every woman really wants, be it mother, senator, nun, is some serious deep-dickin’.
Damn straight!
Read the above post about how fucking dumb she is. I found it rather funny.
not one care. ever.
I think I just threw up a little
OTEP sucks. She’s not attractive. She’s not funny. She’s got stereotypical politics seen amongst the angst-ridden youth of our nation.
Yeah, I have no respect for her. Post something about the girl from the Agonist or the girl from Ensiferum. They’re like, hot.
Dude i was lucky enough to be backstage for Amon Amarth/Ensiferum about a year ago, and the chick from Ensiferum gave me a high five… Sparks flew, emotions ran high…
Sexy. I was right up front for Summer Slaughter Seattle and I saw up her skirt a tad. Thank you angled stages.
Ha, I didn’t notice the post you were replying to so I figured you were refering to otep!
Ew no. I’d rather jack off with a cheese grater than get Cpt. Pants near that repugnant, self-agrandizing attention whore.
Chick from the Agonist has some flapjack titties. The chick who left Ensiferum a while back (Meiju Enho) is fucking epic, however.
So? The Girl from the Agonist has an AMAZING ass.
For some reason, this fucking forum doesn’t want to see my last post, so I’ll do it again.
Evidently I was thinking of Maria Brink from In This Moment, rather than the chick from The Agonist (both bands sound the same to me, hence my confusion). The chick from The Agonst is pretty fucking hot, although more in the line of “Chick you meet and fuck at a party hot” compared to Meiju Enho, who is more a chick you take home to the family to meet.
Haha, I dunno. I’d stay with the girl from the Agonist, think of fucking that over and over. You’d get to the point where you’d just be like, meh, i’ve had the best it can get, no other woman will satisfy me.
was otep ever relevant? why talk about her? her music sucks and her political rants are just annoying.
Ugh… one more reason to hate Otep…
“And I realize this decision might cost me my career, the respect of my peers, the love of my own family – but I see no other way.”
What career, your band sucks!
Respect of your peers? You claimed nobody wanted to buy your albums because they’re sexist!
Love of your own family? You write bullshit poetry about being from a broken home, and if you’re referring to your friends as family, I’m sure they’re just there because they see something to get out of you. (Whatever that could be, I don’t know.)
I know the rest of this is satire, that was a given from the start. She hates men, she wouldn’t want to become one.
She’s a feminazi.
I applaud you.
We should bake a cake.
Hey, Otep said something I agree with!
Don’t like the band, but whatevs. This is as good a cause as any. Respek for her, I guess.
Also, our position on gay marriage is just one more reason why Canada’s laws pwn the ever-loving fuck out of America’s. If we legalized weed and stopped our war , the entire continent would freeze over from our coolness.
This is why we can never get weed legalized.
This totally went over your head.
Canada’s laws suck. See gun laws for clarification. Knife laws suck donkey asshole up there too, from what I hear.
Weed’ll never be legalised, either, primarily because it’s too hard to tax, which is a terrible reason, but that’s what it is.
She could just go get married in Iowa. They allow out of state couples to marry.
Wait…she’s lesbian…? Never been really into Otep so I had no idea…
I’d still hit it even if she had a dick. As long as she kept the tits. Though then again, she’s lesbian…
Meh, probably just “bisexual” because it’s the trendy thing for rebellious chicks to be so they’re, you know, rebellious. I seriously doubt she’d claim to be one if homosexuality was completely accepted in the US. “Conformists to the non-conformists’ standards” and all that.
She was supposedly nailing the male lead singer of some band she was touring with a couple years back, but I can’t remember the specifics and it was all rumored, anyway.
DemonicLemming. You rule.
Otep raps almost as good as Blondie
excuse me…Debra Harry from the band Blondie – either way…Otep is a fucking idiot
as long as it doesnt effect her sandwich making ability, i’m perfectly fine with her getting a dick.
Lulz. Ultimate win.
Yeah go IOWA
It’s amazing how folks who make shitty music aren’t funny either!
Why do idiot’s like these even get the honor to have a name in metal history at any point?
Just why?
I am offended..
I’ll set my isex to crack the skye(skipping around parts of the album to the rhythm of my thrusts) and freak my girl out with [in her mind] totally uninteresting and seemingly odd experiences. Me? I’ll love every second of it. A lot.