ROSIE O’DONNELL SCOURING CRAIGSLIST FOR MEMBERS FOR POST-ATTACK ATTACK! PROJECT
Monday, November 9th, 2009 at 10:30am by Axl Rosenberg
Things just haven’t been the same since Rosie left The View Attack Attack! The world has become a Bill Withers song – it feels colder outside, and the sun seems to be setting earlier than it was just a few weeks ago, as though it can’t even be bothered to shine. Life without the classic Attack Attack! lineup that changed the face of metal – nay, music itself – forever just barely seems worth living.
Luckily, Rosie promised “I will be starting something new soon,” and while we all assumed that this “something new” would be another gay cruise for HBO to inexplicably broadcast, Sergeant D at Stuff You Will Hate (by way of Weedsteeler) has discovered that Rosie has posted an ad on Craigslist looking for recruits for a new band. I’m not entirely sure how anyone knows that this posting is by Rosie, but I trust the investigative reporting skills of my fellow bloggers.
Here’s the posting:
The Sarge ponders what the difference is between an EPIC SCREAMO band and a regular screamo band, but I’d assume that anything involving anyone who had a hand in the creation of “Icky Icky” or whatever it’s called would automatically be EPIC. Clearly, if we have a chance of creating an aural revolution on the scale of the original Attack Attack!, then this is it.
I am glad that Rosie is paying extra-special attention to making sure that the other musicians in her band have no just the “right talent,” but also the “image” necessary to start a truly EPIC band. Because, as we all know, when it comes to crabcore, image is everything. ‘Cause if you can’t throw the guitar behind your back and then jump just as the breakdown starts, who’s ever gonna give a shit about the music, right?
-AR
I applied as lead guitarist
If he’s looking for screamers, g-tars, keyboads, and drums then it’s probably not that fat down sundrome kid from attack attack….the only thing he can do is scream….
so this has to be someone who plays bass/guitar and sings in auto-tune or something
“Leave Rosie Alone!!!!” haha
If my band does not work out, then I’m quitting and getting together with this guy.
Instant Tweeny bopper pussy all day long…yes!!!
what is the difference between Attack Attack! and Attack! Attack! ?
They’re completely different bands… Attack! Attack!, I believe, is a shitty indie band, while Attack Attack! is a shitty crabcore band.
i think they should tour together if only to make for an extremely confusing poster.
And don’t forget the Australian DJ group Attack Attack (with no exclamation points)… they could all team up. We can ever throw in Destroy Destroy Destroy for good measure.
not to mention one’s from the UK and one’s from Ohio. the Uk one’s not nearly as bad.
They could also try to get Scary Kids Scaring Kids as the opening act. Then they’d all go home, turn on their laptops and play some Divine Divinity, just to cap off the repetition night.
attack! attack! started a fire, but like, attack attack! caused a revolution, man.
I’m embarassed that these fuckstains are from Ohio.
Agreed. And they aren’t too far from me which is even more disgruntling. To make matters worse, my friends band played a show with them. I’m no longer friends with them.
That’s horrible… I mean, there are some shitty bands from the Toledo area, like the nu metal band from BG that got posted on here a few months back… but Attack Attack! is one of the worst bands in music.
Hey man! take it easy on the shitty bands from toledo, i was once a shitty band in toledo. What was that band from BG that you speak of?
Took me a while to find the link… it was Sleeper Cell. They have a fucking DJ. And they seem to think that they are entirely original and modern.
http://www.metalsucks.net/2009/09/04/sleeper-cell-should-go-back-to-sleep/
And not all Toledo bands are shitty… Lollipop Lust Kill was decent, Five Horse Johnson is fucking great… I know a few people in local bands that are pretty good.
As awful as Attack Attack! are, like you’ve said, one of the worst bands in music, I can’t imagine anything worse than BrokenCYDE. It’s impossible.
I am so tempted to send a message and try out for this. Just so I can punch that kid in the mouth for making ohio look bad.
John, make sure you get some video footage. I think we would all enjoy that.
Breathe Carolina? Millionaires? Broadway? Waking the Cadaver? Blood on the Dancefloor? I hate BrokenCYDE as much as the next penis-bearer, but scarily enough there are bands that are as bad or worse.
nobody beats sleeper cell! and i bet you’re super stoked about attack attack coming to headliners on new year’s day!?!?!?!? maybe we can open for them!!!! toledo gets nothing but AWESOME touring bands. oh sarcasm….
haha sleeper cell, we played a show with them at the bijou, lets just say i was embarrassed to be playing on the same stage that night. Toledo does get pretty shitty bands to come through, with the new arena, maybe we will get some big tours some day.
Hey, there have been some decent bands… Clutch has been through several times, NIN has been here a couple of times… I saw Pantera back in the day at the old sports arena, too.
i get it.
but i just don’t get it.
I have really strong thighs and can crouch really low. I also am blind in one eye, and just keep my hair over it. Can’t play the guitar worth a shit, but I love tight pants. I prefer to have to tuck my bits and pieces between my legs when I crab.
AM I IN????????
You also need to be able to swing your guitar wildly, hop up and down in one spot and/or practice the art of synchronized headbanging.
Don’t forget the jogging in place, too.
Your name wins.
To clarify, I don’t know for certain that this is the dude from A2x- but I feel pretty confident that it is. Only a guess though!
Oh fuck – will we soon be seeing ‘news’ items such as:
http://a.imagehost.org/0535/wailin-rose.jpg
lol good1 !!!!!
I hate to burst everyone’s bubble, but the singer from Attack Attack that recently left was actually from Michigan, so this post is probably not him.
I only know that because Nick Barham didn’t go to high school down the street from my house.
If at all.
What’s with all the typos today?
Thanks to this site, I know more about Attack Attack! than most of the stupid scenesters combined. Although I am aware that a scenester has a dramatically lower IQ than the average person, I will cut them some slack. Thanks for keeping me informed on a useless band!