ANOTHER SIGN OF THE IMPENDING APOCALYPSE: TOMMY LEE WORKING WITH DANE COOK
Wednesday, November 11th, 2009 at 11:30am by Axl RosenbergDane Cook, a comedian so devastatingly untalented that he makes terminal cancer look funny by comparison, is collaborating with Tommy Lee, the modern era’s single best argument for using a condom. The two have recorded a track for a new Cook album (I didn’t know there was an old Cook album, but only because I don’t hate myself), and Cook describes the song as “a little bit in the Jack Johnson vein, a little bit funky, a little jazzy.”
Of course, both Nostradamus and the Mayans predicted such a team-up when they foretold of the apocalypse, and I’d heard that the twist to the upcoming end-of-the-world thriller 2012 was that all the destruction is caused by a Cook-Lee song that’s a little bit in the Jack Johnson vein.
But I thought we had more time. I thought we had more time, damn it!
I won’t be able to do any more posting today. I have to go say farewell to my loved ones, and hopefully get laid one last time, before our world is destroyed forever. Damn you, Cook and Lee! GOD DAMN YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL!!!
-AR
Dane cook isn’t funny?
Not only is he not gunny he rips off other comedians* shamelessly.
* See; Louis CK, Joe Rogan and others hes variously treated like shit.
Hoorah!
No. No he’s not. He’s for fokks who think Larry The Cable Guy is a genius.
IMO, Larry is a genius. He’s fucking rich now because he’s using a fake accent and pretending to be a redneck. He’s found a way to pick on white trash and get away with it with a shitload of money.
Yes. As much as I hate the fact that people think he’s funny, I have to respect him for tricking the masses into helping him become filthy rich.
I dunno, I think he’s pretty funny, and I absolutely abhor Larry the Cable Guy.
The thing is, Dane Cook DOESN’T TELL JOKES! He uses inflection and physical humor to tell a story that (stupid) people find funny.
I’m not going to argue about how smart I am, as that would be pointless, but I’m pretty sure I’ve got an above average IQ, and I still find Dane Cook funny. I mean, if someone else said what he was saying in a different way, it wouldn’t be funny. But he’s such a goofy doofus it makes it funny.
I always thought the guy was amusing!
“Dane Cook, a comedian so devastatingly untalented that he makes terminal cancer look funny by comparison” Brilliant.
dane cook was once funny. Not anymore the guy should just retire and lee? Kill himself already…him and the rest of motley crue. Ughhhhhhhh. Why does metalsucks have to post about this horrible ass news that seriously puts me in a negative. Mood to start the day seriously. How about posting about how the faceless will play planetary duality in its entirety on the dying fetus tour?????so dope!!!
i agree. his older stuff was ok even if he did rip off other comedians. now he realizes people will watch anything he does and doesnt even try. his last Com. Central special had absolutely zero jokes in. not no funny jokes:NO jokes. just him talikng in a loud voice and waving his arms
Every proper noun in this post is a piece of shit. The Mayans included.
This article kinda made me lul. 2012 theory is a joke, but the movie looks cool with the special effects and all.
Isn’t the movie directed by the same guy who did that piece of shit global warming movie? Special effects might be cool but the plot will inevitably involve a father desperately trying to help his family avoid the apocalypse, with such major twists as the son/daughter/wife becoming separated at one point and the father selflessly sacrificing his own well being for the greater good. My prediction for the ending: they all make it to the secret underground base built by the government.
Terrible.
The ending: Everyone dies. It’s 2012 after all.
Everyone definitely doesn’t die. Have you watched the previews? Part of the plot involves a lottery that people can sign up for; if you win, you get to go underground. So stupid.
I thought it was some sort of flying fortress?
‘they all make it to the secret underground base built by the government’
Correction: they all make it to the secret underground base built by the US(fuck yeah, we rule) government(this was the guy who made Independance Day, go figure)
USA! USA! USA!
Walking in circles talking about ex-girlfriends while stopping periodically for dramatic effect isn’t funny?
And by the way, the Mayans didn’t even have a word for “apocalypse”. They just made a calendar with an end date without worrying about figuring out how to extend it because it was thousands of years in the future.
Fun fact: after the release of the 2012 promos on the net, NASA received so many frantic phone calls from people asking if it’s for real, they had to make a public announcement that the world will in fact not end on December 21, 2012.
Does anyone remember learning about the first radio broadcast of “War of the Worlds” which took place in 1938? Most of the country actually believed we were being invaded by Martians and all hell broke loose for a few hours. You’d think 70 odd years later people would be a little smarter, but I guess not.
People don’t get smarter, no matter how much time elapses.
This is true.
Every single day my email is bombarded by forwards filled with lies and rumors. Today it was how Target is French-owned and does not support veterans’ causes. It took me exactly 90 seconds to find out none of it was true, but based on one angry asshole who didn’t get a donation he was seeking. The problem is, with the internet it’s easy and FAST in spreading falsehoods and rumors, but you’d think people would also know it’s easy and FAST to debunk them. They just don’t bother with the latter concept.
Like how Vince and AXL are indeed gay.
Fucking funny!!
Too bad 2012 is bullshit, because that means we have to deal with this shit for the rest of our fucking lives dammit! Aah well…it COULD be worse…for example: a Nu-Metal comeback*shiver* ooh wait! A NuMetalComeback is commencing as we speak!! WE’RE ALL DOOMED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Humor for dumb, ignorant aggresive apes.
“Learn to swim”
Dane Cook has NEVER been funny. Fact.
And if you currently think he’s funny, or used to think he was funny, you’re a fucking idiot and a waste of space.
Yes. Ben is right. And for that, he gets a chant: USA! USA! USA!
Dane cook is from the USA? :[
The first sentence of this piece is the type of writing that I want to see more of on this website. THAT was funny (and true)!
I can’t wait to hear this atrocity.
Dane Cook is a piece of shit and will anger the Earth so much that the Earth will kill us all so there will be no chance of another Dane Cook being born again.
I fucking despise Dane Cook and Roland Emmerich, due to the fact that they both try to cover up their completely vapid subjects with special effects.