SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHY I SHOULD BE NICE TO ALTER BRIDGE

Seriously. Because every time Vince or I make a snarky comment about the band or vocalist Myles Kennedy, one of you gets your panties in a twist. And while one of you gets your panties in a twist pretty much no matter what anyone at MetalSucks says about any given band, for some reason the outcry of support for Alter Bridge particularly irks me.

Yes, this band is better than Creed, but so is shingles. And Kennedy is a better singer than Wife Beater McGee, so but so was the dude singing on the subway this morning. Neither of these assertions negates the fact that Alter Bridge is boring, paint-by-numbers corporate rock. I just cannot take this shit seriously.

So if one of you Alter Bridge apologists has a legitimately good argument as to why I’m not giving this band a fair a shake, I’d love to hear it. Is there something really sophisticated about the music that I’m just not hearing? Are Kennedy’s lyrics, like, overwhelmingly moving or something? The whole thing is just way over my head, I guess.

I solicited suggestions for good Alter Bridge songs over Twitter, and longtime reader Richaod recommended this track “Blackbird.” I admit that it’s far better than I was expecting, but I also wanna be upfront: there is nothing about this song that makes me think I will ever feel any desire to listen to it again.

-AR