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Contests

FUNNY PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN A HEAVY METAL KILLERS VINYL AND SCARF!

 Thursday, November 12th, 2009 at 5:00pm by

black metal runnerThe winner to last week’s funny photo caption contest was a no-brainer:

Nick Muffins Hochmuth: “I present a new breed of disgrace to humanity… The Joggalo.”

Well done sir! You’ll be receiving a Katatonia prize pack in the mail. This week we’re giving away 5 prize packages courtesy of Earache Records. Three 1st place winners will receive a Heavy Metal Killers compilation vinyl and a Heavy Metal Killers scarf (pictured here). Two runners-up will just receive a scarf. Yup, a scarf. Scarves are metal. They keep you warm! And it’s getting cold out there, kids. No one wants to be that dude at the show wearing shorts when it’s below freezing outside… that dude is such an asshole. Being warm is metal. There’s even a band called Scarve and they’re pretty rad.

So, just come up with a caption to the below photo [sent in by kenneth szidar] and they shall be yours.

eww

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  • BTK666

    I DO COCAAAAAAAAAINE!

  • Master Chah

    Rosie, in the old days just trying to make a buck

  • better than ezra

    Having arrived too late for the buffet, ziltoids mom was forced to eat her own foot.

    • WowWee!

      HA

    • MetalMeatHammer

      Actually Im sure Ziltoid’s mom is a total MILF and all of his friend gives him shit for it.

  • Aled

    Yep. Definatley stepped in dog poop.
    (nom nom nom)

  • ZeL

    Stacy Wylde, sister to Zakk Wylde, practices the family tradition of putting one’s foot in one’s mouth.

    • Dani

      WIN

  • vikingfromhell890

    Rocky Horror Picture Show…..gone wrong!

    • MetalMeatHammer

      or right

  • SlickerDrip

    For the 12th year in a row, Nick Barham dresses as Roseanne for Halloween. He needs neither costume nor candy.

  • Alkahest

    Former Attack Attack! singer’s new glam project seems to be coming along quite nicely.

    • Seth

      Win

    • http://buttor.blogspot.com Buttor

      Smart move, it’s obvious that they want an Attack Attack ! joke on this one…

  • TheHa

    Damn! Meg White has really let herself go.

  • Master Chah

    Weeks later after quitting the band. Rosie O’Donnel is found in China eating his(her?) own foot for money thanks to the flyer she posted on craigslist.

  • major

    THIS IS A TASTY BURGER.

    MMM MMMM BITCH

    • Chris

      great reference

  • Facebook User

    There was a mixed reaction as Bill Clinton’s private photo collection leaked onto the internet.

    • The Greys

      This made me laugh. Kudos.

  • Dane

    No one wanted to go with Rosie O’Donnell to prom, I wonder why?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jason-Shaw/617521768 Jason Shaw

    Waiting for the results of a Roseanne look-a-like contest can prove tasking when you haven’t eaten in 3 minutes. Wrapping your foot in gold will improve aesthetic

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mikal-Ducharme/669004824 Mikaël Ducharme

    Remember Slash’s groupies in the 90ies?

  • LEGIONS: iron and steel

    David Carradine
    1936 – 2009
    R.I.P.

  • Master Chah

    When told by the doctors that the spot on her right leg was caused by a slow-working flesh eating virus. She took it a little too seriously.

  • Hahc Retsam

    omg i cant believe i didn’t make the play!.!.

  • Double D

    Come out tonight to check out heavy metal’s newest glam act: FUPA!

    • Double D

      For the uninitiated: Fat Upper Pussy Area

      • stu1

        Also referred to as a “gunt”

        • West Virginia

          or BIF
          butt in front

  • ColinJ

    “My foot is still smaller than Peter Steele’s cock..”

  • Double D

    A fine example of your average metal chick.

    • http://www.myspace.com aaron m.

      only she’s actually at a passion pit show.

  • Double D

    Is this giving anyone else a huge boner?

    • Beard

      It does if I imagine this is what Lady Gaga will look like in three years.

  • Maggie

    This is what I picture hell to look like.

  • TriviumMartyr

    NEW FOX TV SHOW… Satanic Possessions Gone Wrong

  • Chet Stedman

    Mortiis’s toe sucking addiction has spiraled out of control.

  • Maggie

    The most disturbing thing about this photo is that someone actually managed to supress their gag reflex long enough to take it.

  • Nostradumbass

    Karen Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

    • Double D

      Yeah, Karen O. came to mind, too. I just didn’t make a comment because I wasn’t sure if a whole lot of people would know who she was.

      • Chris

        yeah that’s what i thought too, but i actually like karen o. oh no, im gona get slayed for saying that.

        • Double D

          Yeah, I love Karen O. I think she’s hot as fuck in a way that she’s hot because she’s cool, eventhough her looks aren’t bad. She’s just not high on the scale if she’s an average chick.

    • thisisnotcarlos

      Damn good one.

  • http://www.myspace.com aaron m.

    hey look, it’s a fat slut trying to eat her own shoe.

    • Double D

      I always laugh when someone takes the direct approach.

  • tomaas

    “Wuzzat gum trash?”
    “Ida’no, lemme check …”
    …
    “Yea – I musta stepped all’uh taste outtav it.”

  • Gaia

    A fat chick ouroboros.

    • Gaia

      Off topic: Noone seems to have mentioned The Company Band’s album is out.

      • http://buttor.blogspot.com Buttor

        And it’s awesome…

  • Sam

    …and after Goatse got old… we intoduced Beth Ditto to the net.

  • Sophus

    Dammit Vince, now everybody on the Internet knows what I look like. Thanks a lot, asshole.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anthony-Burchett/512785027 Anthony Burchett

    Bjork’s latest album cover.

  • justin

    i’m completely embarrassed to say that i know this individual.

    • stu1

      Considering she’s in a pretty well known band, i bet you’re not the only one and really shouldn’t be since she does this shit all the time.

    • BTK666

      Good lad, admitting it is the first step.

      For future reference if you’re trying to impress people by casually alluding to the fact you know a celebrity on a close and personal basis, I have two suggestions.

      a) Make sure it’s not this fat fuck to whom you are referring.
      b) Post your nonchalant name droppings on a website whose key demographic wouldn’t rather hear how you dismembered and defiled the torso of the douche bag in question.

    • BTK666

      Good lad, admitting it is the first step.

      For future reference if you’re trying to impress people by casually alluding to the fact you know a celebrity on a close and personal basis, I have two suggestions.

      a) Make sure it’s not this fat fuck to whom you are referring.
      b) Post your nonchalant name droppings on a website whose key demographic wouldn’t rather hear how you dismembered and defiled the torso of the douche bag in question.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jason-Crispen/100000169530540 Jason Crispen

    the origin of swine flu

    • Double D

      Please make sure this dude gets one of the prizes.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jason-Crispen/100000169530540 Jason Crispen

        haha and i did! awesome. thanks!

  • Mike

    The Great Kat has really let herself go since her Julliard days

  • http://www.gravatar.com/avatar/46e389eb8b79606050d3d447431ff6ac?s=80 Nate

    Obeset undead, much like their living counter parts, aren’t very picky when it comes to food.

  • 6infinite6hatred6

    Alex Borestein’s attempt at impersonating the Flyleaf singer. Oh wait, that’s not an impersonation.

  • mr lun

    While pleased that his (sorry, her) sex-change operation resulted in a restored hairline, Kirkina Hammett did not expect it to result in the rare, and decidedly unsexy, side effect of PotatoSackitis.

    • yanky

      how the fuck do you look at this pic and think kirk hammet?!?!?!?!?

      • SlickerDrip

        You’re right, this is clearly Lars

  • Hey Look!

    the kinda chick Ziltoid is into

  • SYL Townsend

    Screw you, I told you I’m flexible and in shape! Round is soooo a shape!

  • The Ogre

    I always wondered what woman took Gene Simmons’s virginity

  • Urban Outdoorsman

    What do we do if there’s nothing funny about what I’m looking at?

  • skoal

    Just a typical friday night with Jack Black

  • poopsmcgee

    After being cut off from her family’s money, and her career in ruins, Kelly Osbourne resorts to self-cannibalism for sustenance.

  • lolwut

    look at that fuckin hipster

  • Assface

    While Pat Benatar still firmly believes that hell is for children, she is now equally convinced that feet are for eating.

  • poopsmcgee

    Mmmm…I’d love to be those shorts…

  • XLX

    this is what happens when rosie o’donnell takes a ride on lady gaga’s disco stick.

  • Sacajawea

    When Aladdin made his wish for 600 pounds of gold, Genie gave him exactly that.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jason-Crispen/100000169530540 Jason Crispen

      hahahaha well played!

    • Double D

      Please make sure this dude gets a prize, too.

  • Stiggs

    Ladies and gentlemen, here to perform her new hit single, here’s Lady GaGa with “Bad Romance”!!!

  • Double D

    Can we please throw a “Metalsucks” XXXL shirt over that?

  • tomaas

    In other news, scientists successfully traced the source of the H1N1 flu pandemic to Terry Mogglebush, runner-up in the “Miss America for Kids with Sweaty Cellulite, Birthmarks-you-wish-were-spilled-chocolate and Other Unsightly Deformities Pangeant.” Critics have agreed that while her special talent of licking the brutally crushed insects off her shoes may have briefly succeeded in achieving her dream of “ending world hunger”, the same cannot be said for “ending world sickness.” Viewers of the following image unanimously agree.

  • Nate Dubetz

    This is how I’m practicing to suck Tommy Lee’s dick, because nobody else will let me near their’s.

  • WowWee!

    1 Girl 1,000 Problems

  • http://reaper-x.deviantart.com/ Reaper-X

    Former Attack! Attack! member dines on Pigs Feet.

  • More Metal Than You

    Hilary Clinton after receiving the Heavy Metal Killers vinyl as a Christmas gift

  • http://www.metalophemia.com AMP

    The lost member of CHTHONIC, Boris Thunder Thighs

  • akeldama

    Facepaint: 3 dollars

    Gold-flecked dance shoes: 17 dollars

    Paying a vagrant to photograph you under an overpass: Hand-job

    Having the MetalSucks #1 album of the century written about you: PRICELESS.

    (That’s Mastodon’s “Leviathan” fyi)

    • Sandblast

      The snozzberries taste like snozzberries!

  • brandonmetal

    all i have to say, there’s nothing funny about that photo.
    *shudder

  • herpesmonster

    Heroine.

    Because everyone needs a hobby.

  • brookh

    YUM! CANKLES!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mark-Gavin/1396340262 Mark Gavin

    I don’t even have a caption, that image is just disturbing. Aieeeee.

  • SlickerDrip
  • DJ

    Amy Whinehouse ate Courtney Love for stealing her last 8ball.

  • BTK666

    Failing to find a fellow rug munching enthusiast willing to brave an attack from the furby growing on her leg, Beth Ditto decided to eat herself. Missing the point entirely.

  • Regal770

    Kelly Osborne shows Dad that despite her lack of musical ability she still has skills

  • static klingon

    Proof of Artie Lange and Ms. Swan’s lost night together

  • Mooby

    Gene Simmons as a kid, learning there is no difference between stupidity and putting one’s foot in one’s mouth.

  • Kevin

    Sadly you are looking at the bastard child that is Billy Milano before he was in S.O.D. he was a full time transvestite prostitute with a specialty in foot fetishes…

  • http://www.planetofterror.blogspot.com James

    In a failed comeback bid, Marilyn Manson desperately tries to be shocking once again.

  • VJXL

    There goes Liv Kristine’s argument……………………….

  • DD

    That woman has a problem. It’s not her fault she thought her eyes can eat chocolate and that her mouth is a fungus remover.

  • Zakk

    “Just wait ’till you see what I do with the other foot, lover.”

  • Stiggs

    “Silver’s just another gold, Mr. Broadrick…”

    • Malacoda

      1

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tom-Loss/640432315 Tom Loss

    “well sir, we didn’t think it was physically possible, but it appears that Karen O unhinged her jaw and just swallowed Dino Cazares whole”

  • R. Joseph Smith

    “AWW MOM!!! Not again?!”

  • The Greys

    Early Kiss gimmick. While impressed with Gene’s dexterity, Ace, Paul and Peter agreed “shoe eating” was not as cool as spitting blood and fire.

  • http://www.myspace.com/bannisterslash Bannister Slash

    Revolver’s latest “Hottest Chicks In Metal” issue signals the magazine’s final death throes.

  • Facebook User

    It’s hard to believe that Karen O was once hot, that was like…… 20 years ago.

  • SlickerDrip

    You may have been a good juggalette, but now you’re Bantha fodder!

  • SlickerDrip

    A confused Otep finds her new purchase less pleasurable than she bargained for.

  • Adam

    The long lost twin sister of Dethklok’s adopted son or Mimi Bobeck and Courtney Love’s lesbian love child? The answer on today’s “Maury”.

  • Spanky

    Dino’s wife

  • fuckallyall

    mom??

  • Malacoda

    Rosie O’Donnell was distressed to learn that her band, Foot Fetish, had not qualified for Metalsucks’s “Reader-Suggested Metal Bands That Happen to Have at Least One Member with a Vagina” category.

  • http://www.last.fm/user/opeth027/ Kyle

    The saxophonist/vocalist from the Sigh cover-band Yawn stretching before a show

  • Justin

    The English language is insufficient for this, but the Japanese probably have a word for it.

  • The Overmatt

    Didn’t know Billy Milano had a sex change.

  • SourDeez

    If you experience an erection lasting more than four hours, call your doctor immediately. Or just check this out!

    • http://www.myspace.com/somethinglikesweet CJ

      Like Button

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Devon-Czekaj/550092101 Devon Czekaj

    The keyboardist that didn’t get past Winds of Plague’s audition process.

  • Name Not Applicable

    Revolver Hottest Chick in Metal, circa ’82.

  • Flying Dad Bomb

    Carnie Wilson makes a pathetic attempt to join the circus.

  • Exect4500

    The ATTACK ATTACK! Vocalist auditions appear to be off to a good start.

  • Coop

    Godammit, another Courtney Love story?!! Oh, wait…

  • Vakarm

    I guess you really can have your cankle and eat too

    • http://www.myspace.com/somethinglikesweet CJ

      This is the only one so far that made me laugh out loud. lol Well played sir.

      • Vakarm

        thank you sir. i think it needs a bit of editing:

        “I guess you really can have your cankle and eat it too”

  • Facebook User

    “Impressive. Now lick the mole on your leg, and then maybe ill buy you a drink.”

  • SHOCKTROOP

    there is no caption you can add to this to improve upon it. It is already perfect all on it’s own

  • PINKSOCK

    I felt the same way after i heard Rob Halfords Christmas album

  • IAmTheClitCommander

    It appears Courtney Love has finally gotten off of smack.

  • http://myspace.com/crazy_fuckin_eyes Crazy Eyes

    She ran out of food after listening to My Chemical Romance.

  • d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n.

    Gene Simmons walked into the shoe store today…

  • hellboar

    I too, wrestled a bear once.

  • James

    Look! I can play the Guitar as well as Fred Durst!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Brandon-Fountain/1391790047 Brandon Fountain

    The Yeah Yeah Yeah’s vocalist figured this might be the only way to get her band on the “Maps”.

  • scotty p

    even Anthony Bourdain has reservations

  • http://kzscsledge.blogspot.com GoatRidersHorde

    A visual interpretation of Dave Mustaine’s state of mind when he decided to cover “These Boots.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Simon-Threadgate/1049955838 Simon Threadgate

    The real Fear Factory.

  • Viking-Shredder

    Welp… After seeing this picture, I guess I’m going out on the front lawn and blowing my brains out.

  • DaylightReckoning

    You have the look for Attack Attack!, but the CRAB is so last August, would you have any new moves for … oh my!! YOU’RE HIRED!!

  • Jacob

    I’m just glad that’s not the dick I originally thought it was.

  • Mitchell

    I thought it was “funny” photo caption, this made me want to puke

  • vaste burai

    the RINGU girl finally figured out what she had to do to fit back into the TV.

  • Dave C

    Hopefully the gum on my shoes still good for eating

  • BTK666

    “I seriously do a lot of Cocaine”

  • at dawn they sleep

    seriously……

  • at dawn they sleep

    i’m glad to se the chicks in metal column is biased

  • http://www.gravatar.com/avatar/46e389eb8b79606050d3d447431ff6ac?s=80 Nate

    The above subject said she had become so fat that zombies wouldn’t bite her; she put her foot in her mouth right before the infection took hold.

  • http://www.gravatar.com/avatar/46e389eb8b79606050d3d447431ff6ac?s=80 Nate

    Glam Metal Girlfriend: The “Now” Shot.

  • http://www.myspace.com/somethinglikesweet CJ

    I’d give her a shot…

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kasper-Maigaard/1027001938 Kasper Maigaard

    “Man, I kicked a Juggalo! The infection is spreading!”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Brandon-Cunningham/100000167213200 Brandon Cunningham

    Realizing she was uglier than the mix of Death Magnetic the lead singer of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs ate herself to death

  • Seth Brownmiller

    “Sinking into a state of depression after learning I was obese… I decided I would eat the fat away…. Is it working???”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Olin-Carlsen/178902340 Olin Carlsen

    The Donnas trying to appeal to the metal market … um missed?

  • VL

    Fukpig groupie audition.

  • anthony

    Marilyn Manson and Rosanne Barr’s illegitimate child…also the new guitar player in MM’s band.

  • Shane Gillis

    Come on, Alex Borstein. Talk like Lois so I can rub one out on that liver spot.

  • Viking_xxx

    “Hey Rosie, those shorts are giving you a camel toe!”

    “Huh? My toes look fine….”

    • MetalMeatHammer

      taste fine….

  • Chase

    the new toe to mouth dance coming to a hardcore show near you

  • canea

    Bacon tastes itself and is pleased.

  • SlickerDrip

    Hey now, this chick’s eating for two. She’s pregnant with her sister.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/David-Hulsey/653830783 David Hulsey

    Its not nice to make fun of retards people.

  • Brandon Marvin

    NO! Just NO!

  • DemonicLemming

    Revrant’s girlfriend decides her foot tastes better than his dick.

  • GunMetalGrey

    When death metal album covers fail to shock…the next step?

  • Martin

    Rosie O’Donnell didn’t listen to Bill Hicks. Here she is warming up to suck satan’s cock in order for her mediocre shit rock bank, Attack! Attack!, to get a record deal. What’s that Rosie, no talent? Satan’s got you covered. Now SUCK SATAN’S COCK.

  • MetalMeatHammer

    Kelly Osbourne portrayed in the movie 2012

  • Gossamer Axe

    Ann Wilson of Heart after being on a fat farm for an entire month, decided that the diet was too much and decided to go Hannibal Lecter on herself and eat her foot and get some much needed fat in her diet.

  • mouIchido

    Just think what I could reach if I lost some weight!!

  • B-dizzle

    THE HEROIN IN MY TOES

    IT’S SO

    HEROIN

  • yanky

    i dont have a caption but after seeing that i might just go gay

  • wolfgoose

    Mom?!?!?

  • akeldama

    Anna Nicole Smiths dont die, they live under bridges.

  • IWRESTLEDYOURMOMONCE

    Succumbing to the overwhelming influence of his hunger, Dino Cazares enjoys the delicacy known as pig’s feet…

  • mcalvin0

    Post apocalyptic Karen-O from the yeah yeah yeah’s after going on a cannibalistic rampage to only consume herself. what a beautiful woman.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andrew-Francis/682620709 Andrew Francis

    courtney love .. on a good day

  • http://www.myspace.com/5stringsubsonicrumble tr00

    The foot in mouth is just circumstance.

    She’s merely trying to show off the lastest flesh-eating virus spreading through the nation of trendy, haircut-oriented youth : The Crabcore Crab-sore.

  • http://myspace.com/obeydarklord mr_Izan

    Lady Gaga changes her look for her upcoming co-headlining tour with Marilyn Manson

  • http://skinnytees.spreadshirt.net/en/GB/Shop/Article/Index/article/Crabcore---killing-metal-one-shuffle-at-a-time-10047491 EdSW

    remember when you said that you;d eat your foot if you ever left Attack! Attack! ? yeah…

  • Tom

    kelly osbourne practicing for Dancing with the Stars

  • West Virginia

    id do her for free shit from metal sucks!

  • xxfalc0rexx

    Man Grady from Will Haven has really let himself go…

  • pigchop

    Ozzy, thinking he had seen it all, was shocked to discover the real reason why MTV had canceled the Osbourne family’s reality show.

  • Blackgrind

    Pig squeal !

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Amir-Antonio-Palma/777253992 Amir Antonio Palma

    At this point in time our well rounded friend says to herself “Fuck my life”.

  • pigchop

    This is not an entry, but…well, that picture is just not horrifying enough, so…

    http://i.imagehost.org/0874/horrorgirlthingy.jpg

  • SlickerDrip

    Never had a woman, never had a woman like you
    Eating all the things, eating all the things you do
    Chicken cacciatore, two dozen ice cream cones
    But now you have to squat, stepped in beef bourguignon
    You’re a whole lotta woman, a whole lotta woman
    Whole lotta Rosie

  • BeaverQ

    wow, kelly osbournes looking really good lately!

  • Jugglemonkey

    Damn, if this isn’t an advert for your local AA meeting, it should be….

  • John Saathoff

    No, no…this is not the trick…I’m just lubing it up!

  • glorious johnson

    look at this fuckin hipster

  • kenny

    that girl is actually the lead singer of band called The Gossip
    http://www.myspace.com/thegossip

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Grey-Price/1485185269 Grey Price

    oh god, i just threw up in my mouth.

  • LuciferSam

    yeah i said shrooms is a fungus but your getting desperate!

  • jazzblows

    bjork has finally ran out of crazy video ideas

  • Tanner

    No wonder Gaahl is gay now, He saw this fat tub of sad run backstage at a fashion show

  • Che Guitarra

    If Karen O of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and the Asian lady from Mad TV had a child, then pissed on it.

  • duncan hills

    i set that as my friends background picture and his computer froze….

  • Failure

    is that kelly osbourne?

  • Ziltoid’s Gynocologist

    After repeated death-threats by former FF members, Dino hires a food-taster.

  • Gabe

    After guaranteeing that Megadeth and Slayer would never tour together and insisting that she’s still a size 6, Sara had one and only one thing she could do…

  • http://Snacrifice Snacrifice

    Steve Perry has really let himself go after leaving Journey.

  • rockinnrollin

    i wanna fuck her with a knife

  • Ken

    “So Hungry.. Must eat!”

  • Brandon

    Five dollar happy ending??

  • jacob

    Man, the first episode of Roseanne is fucking WEIRD.

  • frank_martone

    So this is what freddie mercury ment by fat bottom girls [Hmmmm!!!] looks like shes on a one healed toe licking acid trip and man put this up as an anti drug poster in the high schools and…. heck every kid would be scared to take spoon full off Night Q yet alone a baby asprin.
    They definitly wouldn’t aspire to the harder stuff. they probably be afrid that the gal in this pick would attack thier shoes EX: Like a Pit Bull to a Steak.

  • Adam

    “Umm this is actually a sign of great wealth and intelligence over in France… DUH”

  • http://www.cheekyliving.com alpaca scarf

    it is not the funny photos, i think that the it is horror photos