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Devin Townsend Sucks

HELLO, MY NAME IS DEVIN. CAN I TAKE YOUR STINKIN’ ORDER?

Tuesday, November 17th, 2009 at 9:00am by

m_e53fc7d6addd4408af75b55c996c9f3aYo cats, I’m Devin Townsend. I’m a middle class, white Canadian male. I am bald with bad teeth and I am 37 years old. I used to front a band called Strapping Young Lad. I have put out around twenty albums between SYL and my solo records over the last eighteen or so years. I have a record label called HevyDevy Records that distributes my records to the the best of our ability. I produce and mix bands. I have done some great work and some shitty work. I don’t really care about downloading because the industry changed and I have never sold enough records for me to make more than a normal living. Please have a great day and thanks for any and all support.

I am in the middle of a four record project called “The Devin Townsend Project.” Ironically enough, and EGADS!, today I am taking over one of my favorite websites, MetalSucks.

I have a ton of things on my mind today, please enjoy… even if you hate my fucking guts, hopefully I can provide you with some cool stuff to chew on.

HOTCHA!

-Devin Townsend

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  • Zierk

    And you fuckin’ rock!!!!

  • Ozy

    Omg the greatest post on this site.

  • John

    Do us all a favor, and put your socks and shoes back on…you already suck, you don’t need to stink too!

  • deanerhead

    Shut up and think of something more important to say…

    • Alkahest

      Same goes to you, jackass.

      • deanerhead

        Okay.

        Sometimes I think that in every straight there’s a gay!

        • Cisco

          That wasn’t important.

          • deanerhead

            Little child your time is up…please turn the heat up!

  • http://www.lancefestivalen.se Janne

    I actually was to focused on hanging with my kids to even notice you’d released Ki until, like, yesterday. Oh, baldheaded male, what should I do to repent for this atrocity?

  • http://www.hatespire.com Nymik

    All hail Devin Townsend! Addicted is awesome, can’t wait for Decon! =D and don’t listen to that arsehat.

  • Gaia

    In all seriousness, I dont think i have found anyone who doesnt like Devins music.

    • rachel

      I blaired some SYL this morning and my dad thought it was too loud. I told him he doesn’t understand good music.

  • RockOutWithMy…YouKnow

    Hevy Devy
    Welcome to the suck!
    And it’s about damn time we get a post before 10! Now I can stop doing work an hour earlier than normal!
    Can’t wait to pick up your album at lunch! Should be phenomenal!!!

  • Fufkin

    Hello Devin,

    If you’re reading – please produce the next Soilwork album!

    • Zoker

      +++++++++++++

  • Dave C

    Fuck yeah DEVIN!!!

  • http://www.last.fm/user/groverXIII groverXIII

    Has anyone ever told you that in that picture you look like Timothy Olyphant in the Hitman movie?

    Just sayin’.

    Oh, and your music is excellent.

  • Facebook User

    Coolio.

    This is exciting.

  • Ender^Wiggin

    MOAR DEVIN MUSIC

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kirill-Zmurciuk/100000301731079 Kirill Zmurciuk

    And you are warmly welcomed, Mr Townsend! :)

  • Marc

    Who paid or sucked off who to make this happen?

  • http://seasofdreck.wordpress.com aaron m.

    i paid money for your records so i like, appreciate your thanks & stuff.

  • http://myspace.com/mykee666 Metal Mykee

    Devin is one of my favorite artists in the world. really. no exaggeration.

    also we got the same birthday! CINCO DE MAYO!

    handle the Sucks today man. cant wait.

  • bloodtasteslikeshit

    nice abe lincoln quote on the from page mr. townsend.

  • Zoker

    Devin who??

    • Alkahest

      Surely, you’re joking.

  • Grymmbear

    Welcome to the site!

    Oh, and who makes your guitar in that pic? I’ve been hunting for a 7-string V forever!

    And great music, bro!

  • NeillyB

    Grymm – it’s a custom peavey.

    Looking forward to the posts today!

  • Skanes

    Thanks for being my beacon of light in an art form that I consider near-dead and tainted.

    Oh yeah thanks for doing this too.

    PS: I’ve got a boner for that Peavey prototype.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Richard-He/749730660 Richard He

    I’ve always wondered how you could afford a home studio with your record sales… you deserve so much better it’s not funny.

    Love your work (all of it!), and can’t wait for the rest of today.

  • http://www.gravatar.com/avatar/62449cbe5ea8d22bcc2e76890fceaa37.png Lord Bling

    Great intro! Looking forward to your other posts, and especially looking forward to seeing you with Cynic this January.

  • http://infinitybasement.wordpress.com Jon L.

    This day just got infinitely more interesting. Huzzah!!

  • http://stuntgranny.blogspot.com Dave Hoffa

    HevyDevy needs to release “City” on LP!!!

  • Johnny

    Please have my children Devin.

    Loved you ever since you were with Vai

  • blow me

    Couldn’t be worse than ZitLord or whomever last subede on this site.

  • Future Ruins

    Welcome a aboard good sir!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anthony-P-Stine/1314021455 Anthony P Stine

    Things are looking good thus far Mr. Townsend. My day will only get better if the gods of Amazon.com and the US postal service deliver your latest work in the mail today.

  • boob

    Devin…. why didn’t they get you to play the Hitman from the movie Hitman? Probably would have been a better movie… and you look perfect for the part…

  • Kuranes

    Oh No! Addicted is not on eMusic yet.

  • noobpotato

    I came

  • http://twoja-stara-gra-metal.blog.onet.pl/ Simon

    I’m still chewing on Addicted. But one thing remains unquestionable- Anneke is a godess! If I could marry a voice it would be hers… It’s beyond everything. Esp. on The Gathering’s Mandylion and HTMAP.

    Devin’s alright, too.

  • Mike House

    We love you here in the UK too Devin!

    • http://www.last.fm/user/M60Patton Patton

      We really do !

  • WowWee!

    Why didn’t you tour Vegas Devin? Now I have to drive to LA to see you! I’m not worth to recieve feedback from you, I’m not worthy!

  • I killed a Dunky

    SENOR Devin Townsend mi hermanao bienvenido al “Metal Apesta” aqui en Republica Dominicana Escuchamos su musica y caigale un dia para ke se de par de Dominicanas como tiene ke ser: MR. DEVIN TOWSEND, MY BROTHER WELCOME TO METALSUCKS, We long time listeners here in DR, come to DR and feel the flva of our Dominican Womans.. HAILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

  • Austin

    DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE!!! You’re the man Devin. I’m really pissed that I go to school in Halifax ’cause I really want to see that tour you’re doing with BTBAM, Cynic, and Scale the Summit. That could be one of the greatest packages ever. Really considering flying to Toronto or Mtl to catch one of those shows. Ziltoid fuckin’ rocked btw, one of the best records I heard from ’07. Also, your parts on the Human Equation were some of the best on that album. Just keep doin’ what you’re doin’ Devin. You Rock!!

  • nicos12

    Mr Townsend, thank you, My friend Arose show me “Love?”, and HOLY SHIT was that heavy, damn

  • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

    It’s true, it’s really really true!! I heard about it, but I had to see for myself. Please leave MetalSucks in Mr. Townsend’s hands permanently.

  • hi my name is mark

    I say we sack Axl and Vince and make Devin Townsend the owner of devintownsendsucks.net!

  • bretton

    Man, I LOVE A&W burgers! those new sirloin ones… mmmmm

  • nada

    Thank you for all the wonderful music, Devin!

  • http://www.last.fm/user/M60Patton Patton

    I think you should get a beard or some other type of facial hair. Moustache would be EPIC and really fucking stupid :]

  • GangrenousTesticle

    The results are back, turns out Devin is objectively the best.

  • oBESTIALo

    btbam is better

  • Christopher Jack

    Devin you are the man!

  • prives

    Strapping Young Lad rocks my hairy anus!

  • Alek

    Mr Townsend, I would hate you far less, had you not asked me personally to suck your cock just for standing in the front row.

    • Isaac

      Oh, do shut up. That’s hilarious.