FUNNY PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN A 10-PACK OF CDs FROM PROSTHETIC RECORDS

Thursday, November 19th, 2009 at 5:00pm by

ewwCongrats to all five winners of last week’s funny photo caption contest. The first three winners listed below will all receive the Heavy Metal Killers vinyl and scarf courtesy of Earache Records, while the last two will receive just a scarf. The winners:

  • Zel: “Stacy Wylde, sister to Zakk Wylde, practices the family tradition of putting one’s foot in one’s mouth.”
  • Alkahest: “Former Attack Attack! singer’s new glam project seems to be coming along quite nicely.”
  • James: “In a failed comeback bid, Marilyn Manson desperately tries to be shocking once again.”
  • Jason Crispen: “the origin of swine flu”
  • better than ezra: “Having arrived too late for the buffet, ziltoids mom was forced to eat her own foot.”

This week we’re giving away another 10-pack of assorted CDs from Prosthetic Records. Prosthetic has one of the most solid artist rosters in all of metal, so no matter what you get there are bound to be at least a few that you like (I promise it won’t be 10 copies of All That Remains). Come up with a funny caption to the below photo [sent in by "GoatRidersHorde"], and 10 CDs shall be yours.

hair_05

  • http://www.last.fm/user/groverXIII groverXIII

    My hair is a dragon, therefore your argument is invalid.

    • poopsmcgee

      unsound.

      • http://www.last.fm/user/groverXIII groverXIII
        • poopsmcgee

          oh i see. your comment was referring to someone else’s poor knowledge of logic. fair enough.

          • http://www.last.fm/user/groverXIII groverXIII

            Well, if you want to REALLY get technical, my post was referring to an internet meme DERIVED from someone else’s poor knowledge of logic. But then again, that’s how most internet memes get started.

  • http://www.myspace.com/cupanoodles Tim-o-tato

    If Axl Rose was to enter a hair styling contest….

  • http://www.myspace.com/cupanoodles Tim-o-tato

    Is that the bitch from American Pie?

  • I’m not racist, but I hate Oceano

    Dave Mustain still refuses to cut his hair.

  • Shingo

    Sheryl smiles in ecstasy while wearing the most elaborate vibrator created.

  • TooOld

    The carpet matches the drapes.

    • boltoaire

      The carpet matches the drake?

      • d00shc00gr

        I lol’d

  • Hahc Retsam

    Seconds after noticing she was about to have her face eaten off her face by a hair dragon, she thought back to how she should’ve auditioned for that pirate movie instead, for every pirate’s main desire is a sunken chest.

  • Goatboy

    “If you think this is good, wait until you see what I’ve done with my pubes!”

    • Hahc Retsam

      lul

    • Assface

      whoa.

  • Assface

    You think this is wild, wait ’til you see the sasquatch crafted from my twat hair.

  • mouIchido

    Woman’s best friend??

  • loganarchy

    you guys should have picked the bill clinton photo collection comment

    (that wasn’t an entry to this pic)

  • Future Ruins

    Descending further into the abyss as a novelty item, the members of Dragonforce unanimously vote on their new mascot.

  • Chuckles

    that’s Blind Guardian groupie if I’ve ever seen one

  • obsolete

    My dragon is the hairbinger of destruction!

  • Future Ruins

    The creepy dragon lady cackles as Herman Li suffers a Body Breakdown.

  • BruisedMetal

    Dragon lady says “Sometimes its good to be a freak!”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Bobby-Tims/1313713879 Bobby Tims

    Here we have the costume design for the Broadway adaptation of Dio’s Holy Diver:
    MY HAIR’S A TIGER, YOU CAN’T SEE NO STRIPES BECAUSE THE SHIT’S SO CLEAN.

  • Marshall

    When she heard of the Slayer/Megadeth tour her hair got so excited it became erect

  • Brandog

    Fucking goatwhore.

    • TooOld

      That shit is funny.

    • Master Chah

      I don’t get it.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kasper-Maigaard/1027001938 Kasper Maigaard

        Goatwhore is a band. And the “whore” gets mounted by a goat.

  • Future Ruins

    ZP Theart sees an opportunity for Dragonforce lyrics that later inspired the song “Heartbreak Armageddon.”

  • TooOld

    The conception of Joseph Utsler.

  • http://spinelanguage.wordpress.com/ spinelanguage

    Give it up, girl. You will never be as pretty as Simone Simons or as cheesy as Epica, no matter what animal you’ve crafted to your ginger mane.

  • Rida

    The construction of this hair consists of cranial hair, armpit/body hair, and pubic hair. But mostly pubic hair.

  • Gecko

    Holy crap dude. I think the salvia just kicked in.

  • nrich

    A new look for a new decade: Dragon Style

  • jasonhoopes

    Our model says, “I’d rather be ass raped by a hair-dragon!” Say NO to fur.

    • Seth

      ahahahah

  • vaste burai

    excuse me?? my eyes are DOWN HERE!!!!

  • key

    Somewhere, Devin Townsend is jealous as fuck.

  • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

    Megadeth ring in the Chinese New Year the only way Dave Mustaine knows how. Fab. U. Lous.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Daniel-Winnett/504952291 Daniel Winnett

    I don’t get what vikernes is so pissy about… nothing says “black metal” quite dragon hair

  • http://myspace.com/shepherdsgatemusic,myspace.com/burymeinsmokemusic Michael “The Armenian Demon” Fenton

    I really, really hope the curtains do not match the drapes!

  • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

    Talk about not wanting to open up for Slayer!

  • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

    “Shrek” just couldn’t handle the transition to Broadway

  • poopsmcgee

    as if women didnt take long enough to get ready as it is.

  • poopsmcgee

    what happens when you pass out at a party in Valhalla

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kasper-Maigaard/1027001938 Kasper Maigaard

    The recently released Varg Vikernes sees his shot at mounting what he first thought to be his old cellmate and humpbuddy Jesus Christo.

  • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

    See that look of satisfaction? Get it on Smaug-y style.

  • Deschain

    the cover art for the new album from these arms are snakes: This hair is dragon.

  • Facebook User

    OM NOM NOM

  • DD

    Varg taking back his previous words about black metal culture as of late is now releasing his own fashion line. The line is based on many images Varg imagined fucking him in the ass while in prison. Gaahl better watch his ass.

  • The Ogre

    Ladies, Gentlemen, perverts of all ages….. I introduce to you a new low in porn, interspeciesdragonica

    • mouIchido

      Rule 34.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/CJ-Crawford/768948209 C.J. Crawford

    IWRESTLEDAHAIRONCE

    • vaste burai

      1

      • http://myspace.com/northwestroyale Blake

        WIN!

  • Malacoda

    After seeing the critical metalsucks post, Christina Scabbia opted for a new demonstration of her support for animals’ rights.

  • Piero

    After the commercial fail of The Classical Conspiracy, Simone Simons tries to Chase the Dragon again

  • Matthew Grant Anson

    The new Dragon Force cover art attempts to distract the listener from their Pro Tools mastery with their hair curling mastery.

  • morningrise

    Wonder if the carpet matches the drapes?

  • RockOutWithMy…YouKnow

    I’d love to get blown by her. Her head is getting head… while I’m getting head.

    • Shep

      Yo dawg I heard you like getting head so I put a head on your girlfriend so you can get head while you get head.

      • orbital

        LOL pimp yo hair

  • baslogic

    To bad they sped up the hair growth with computers….

    • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

      There’s your winner

      • Stiggs

        Agreed.

    • Master Chah

      i dons get it.

      • baslogic

        dragonforce speeds up there music with computers…….

    • boltoaire

      lolwut

    • Master Chah

      *too

  • http://myspace.com/shepherdsgatemusic,myspace.com/burymeinsmokemusic Michael “The Armenian Demon” Fenton

    Dragon Quief: Origins

  • http://twitter.com/SchenkelTown SchenkelTown

    dragonforce…ful entry

  • Stiggs

    I met the dragon in a cave by the mountain, now I bring the evidence – the beast is alive!

  • Stiggs

    Not as brutal as the panda hat she wore at last year’s festival.

  • LukeD

    And HORSE The Band’s new merch has just become even more outlandish….

  • SourDeez

    This one time, at band camp, I got raped in the ass by a dragon made of hair.

  • chainsaweater

    nom nom nom nom

  • Sacajawea

    You can’t fool me Alf. I know that’s you under that dragon mask.

  • http://myspace.com/shepherdsgatemusic,myspace.com/burymeinsmokemusic Michael “The Armenian Demon” Fenton

    Be careful, when you pull down those panties you might get hit with that dragon breath!

  • Sacajawea

    Her shower floor looks like it’s carpeted.

  • Adam

    Red wizard needs haircut

  • Facebook User

    I can’t tell who’s enjoying it more… The goat… or the whore….

  • Ilona

    Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair,
    Another nerd, for me to feed to a bear.

  • GeorgeK3

    “Where Metallica’s hair took refuge during the Load.”

  • GeorgeK3

    “Where Metallica’s hair took refuge during Load.” (no ‘the’)

    • I’m not racist, but I hate Oceano

      “the” Load is funnier because it makes me think of poop

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Travis-Montgomery/1390920375 Travis Montgomery

    so did princess Leia sleep with someone from Dragonforce?

  • Grymmbear

    Gaahl’s new fashion line is a bit of a drag…on.

  • Chuck

    Kathy Griffin’s D and D fiend sister

  • F-Bomb

    A dragon on my head you say. Ahah, funny you!

  • tomaas

    Sore balls went to the respondent of query: “is there something in my hair?”

  • SomeKid

    Finally something to compete with the Mastodon beard.

  • Alkahest

    Alf fails at eating pussy when the feline species goes extinct.

  • Ben Cooke

    Broadway tries to tap an untouched audience with their adaptation of Gwars “Fucking an Animal” with an operatic light show hybrid event entitles “Fucked By an Animal”. Ticket sales have sky rocketed.

  • vaste burai

    mare follicles.

  • builtforsin

    The Weave, in its natural habitat, is quite ferocious. Praying on small children and wizard bitches.

  • akeldama

    GENTLEMEN, WHERE IS MY HAIRARIUM?

  • sinistatroy

    we’re goin to pound town, dragon styles!

  • akeldama

    “The ginger-dragon has come, souls wash away” – Nevermore

  • DeathMetalDave

    All hail the Goat of Menses

  • Braden

    “As the hairy dragon mounted me… I came with ecstasy.”

  • Utmu

    Heather couldn’t help but smile as the dragon munched on her brains… it tickled…

  • Snores

    Crack and Lord of the Rings clearly mix well.

  • Xenochrist

    It is known to few that before joining Dragonforce, Herman Ri was actually a hairstylist.

  • thegreatgriffin

    They’re really starting to scrape the bottom of the barrel to find bands for all these paganfest-type tours

  • TheRooktrocity

    I’m sorry, but your princess is in another castle.

  • WowWee!

    This redefines “Hair Metal”.

  • heavy metal

    If only Dio weren’t balding….

  • the czar

    female fronted metal bands are truly getting desperate…

  • d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n.

    “This one time, at band camp, a dragon shoved his ‘flute’ up my pussy.”

  • Sean

    Every power metal fan’s dream woman…. if only power metal fans weren’t afraid of vaginas

    • b-rad

      hahaha… brilliant!!!

  • http://www.gravatar.com/avatar/46e389eb8b79606050d3d447431ff6ac?s=80 Nate

    When power metal met LARPing, Vol 3: Summoning A Dragon

  • http://www.gravatar.com/avatar/46e389eb8b79606050d3d447431ff6ac?s=80 Nate

    Some women need breast reductions. Some need hair reductions. The first one is stupid, however.

  • heavymetalsway

    holy shit can’t wait too see the carpet,bet it’s a beaver

  • heavymetalsway

    video promo for belphegors-bondage goat zombie

  • Failure

    “Oceano sinks to new depths, recent stage antics (as seen above) have proven successfully that death-core fans do in fact enjoy gmilf’s procreating with dragons.”

  • simplyhorrible

    hey, dragon…you, uh…you got something on your chin.

  • jasonhoopes

    Our model says, “I’d rather be ass raped by a hair dragon!” Say NO to fur.

  • http://twitter.com/ccspen Spenace

    “When my dragon hair is raping me, I can’t help but smile.”

  • Alkahest

    Hey look, it’s a Fire-crotch breathing dragon.

  • Corey Borger

    The original vocalist of DragonForce.

  • http://www.metalophemia.com AMP

    After taking a two-year break from Aerosmith, Steven Tyler returns to sing about feeding that fuckin’ dragon on his back.

  • josecarnage

    DRAGON FORCE’S NEW SINGER

  • 6infinite6hatred6

    It seems that Alyson Hannigan is always being eaten out somewhere.

  • Jonathan

    No, really, it’s Dave Mustaine.

  • F

    Fuck you, pedobear, I is pedodragon.

  • phil

    Say, what a hairdo. It’s awfully big.
    As big as the.. the..
    the Hindenburg and it will go up just as fast if I put this lighter to it.
    But no, I’m gonna hold out and ask you this question:
    What ever happened to Eddie Munster?

  • Sean Pulatie

    (An oldie but a classic…)

    Random Onlooker: What’s that?
    Dragon Hair Chick: A brainsucker.
    Random Onlooker: What’s it doing?
    Dragon Hair Chick: Starving.

  • pony

    theres nothing funny about this picture, unless of course the name of it is dragon force

  • Justin

    You can touch my hair, but just be gentle and don’t stare it in the eyes for too long or else it’ll breathe fire.

  • http://www.myspace.com/somethinglikesweet CJ

    You’re bending it…

  • 6infinite6hatred6

    (Entry 2) Crouching Ginger, Hairy Dragon.

  • Ari

    Liv Kristine’s mother eaten by dragon; millions devastated, thinking “Why not Liv?”

  • wolfgoose

    Varg Vikernes was in a similar position in prison, except the animal riding his back was named T-Balls.

    • Zombie(really)

      Dammit! I was gonna type something like that..oh well. Kudos

  • Harahune

    It was a dark day at the renaissance faire when the paper machet dragons spontaneously came to life and began raping the village maidens.

  • Zombie(really)

    I knew gaahl was gay, but I didn’t know he did hair……..

  • vaste burai

    after years of chasing the dragon, suzy finally beat it.

  • Maggie

    Suprise.. BUTTSEX.

  • WookieBastage

    Thunder whorse.

  • http://www.prophetsofdoom.wordpress.com Prophet

    Listen, i liked Ensiferum’s album Dragonheads a lot too but this is just rediculous.

  • iwrestledyourmomtwice

    “And then the Dragon Lord mounted me. Digging his claws into my shoulders and nearly devouring my head. The beast then inserted his thick scaly member into my warm, wet, pulsating fuck hole. His fiery hot breath nearly melting the back of my skull as he pounded me from behind.”

  • Uglymicrowave

    let’s put a dragon on your back to try and hold up them titties….

    It don’t seem to be working….

  • http://sylkicks Sean Williams

    Amon Amarth’s back-up singer/longboat rower.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Will-Sutphin/29706363 Will Sutphin

    When Falkor the Luckdragon became to old to fly, the young Atreyu found himself having to carry the load.

    • http://URI Charity

      That shit is funny….neverending story, the elderly years

  • tyler09

    seems Oderus Urungus has found a wife to make alien babies with

  • SHOCKTROOP

    “photo hosted by http://www.chewbaccacumshot.com

    • vaste burai

      i actually tried the link. haha!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Danilov/562623080 Michael Danilov

    A new hairstyle known as Dragonforce

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Lola-Aceves/1111974 Lola Aceves

    The first of the Vixen ladies emerges after extended research in a campaign seeking for women to one up the men in hair metal. It’s a shame all the men in hair metal are now bald.

  • rus

    Either they don’t know, don’t show, or don’t care about what’s going on with white bitches hair these days.

  • stigmata_97

    Taking piggy back rides to the next level…

  • Dave C

    Princess Leia suddenly got metal…

  • http://www.gravatar.com/avatar/46e389eb8b79606050d3d447431ff6ac?s=80 Nate

    How does she give such good blow jobs? Ancient chinese secret!

  • Gunface138

    “Brian Fair’s sister takes his hair style advice and fronts her new Chinese-themed band.”

  • GunMetalGrey

    Lady GaGa’s Influence Has Spread Like Swine Flu. We Are All FUCKED!

  • B-dizzle

    After she discovered Devin Townsend killed his skullet, she decided it was time to make a hairstyle that raged harder than any other. And thus, the head-eating dragon hairstyle was born.

    Devin Townsend raged

  • anthony

    What dragon? thats just a mediterranean woman in a red dress

    • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

      Nice try. Too little arm hair my friend!

  • Greg

    Dio’s latest woman begins to think his roleplay ideas are getting just a bit too much…

  • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

    Blissfully unaware he’s wandered into a power metal festival, the always heavily-armed ‘Nuge prepares to rescue his damsel in distress the only way he knows how: by baggin’ a dragon.

  • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

    Hans does the hair at the Renaissance Fair.

  • Insomnia

    Looks more like a dog..

    She had a “rough last night”..

    ” Doggie style, all gone wrong… ” =(

  • Aled

    Youve seen midget porn, Youve seen Furry porn, Done with clown porn. Now Prepare for dragon porn.

    Coz it looks like the dragons stradled her!

  • baslogic

    lets hope she can stay on stage with all that hair…

    (yet another joke on dragonforce, im on a roll!)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BiJBIcLkMUM&feature=related

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vY1brv24cE

    incase you dont get it

  • shane gillis

    Patient to Sex Therapist: “I’ve tried it all, Doc. The only way I can make her have an orgasm is Dragon Style.”

  • codydanger

    Promo for Gojira’s new release -

    “Hairra Incognita”

  • joeydiphard

    Recently released from the hospital and feeling saucy, Zakk Wylde immediately went on a bender and humped the first woman he encountered; how he arrived at a local Renaissance Fair is still unknown.

  • Shiggy Shack

    It’s a custom in Europe that women have so much back hair that they fasten it into whichever mythical creatures they desire.

  • Shiggy Shack

    The earliest forms of coyote ugly involved dragons

  • Shiggy Shack

    What you don’t see is the miles of hair behind her with various road signs, old ladies, and the occasional lost puppy tangled in its grasp

  • Shiggy Shack

    That’s enough hair to cloth a small village of serfs for about a year

  • Shiggy Shack

    See what is really going on here is that the hair has grown a woman.

  • dale schmucker

    damn it!! I missed another latin music award show!!!!

  • Shiggy Shack

    This is what happens when you cross a human, a dragon, and a polyphemus moth

  • Shiggy Shack

    Huzzah! I have hair for brains! and a dragon for hair! Huzzah!

  • b-rad

    i’m not smiling becasue my hair LOOKS fun… i’m smiling from the double penetration at the tail end.

  • codydanger

    Johan Hegg’s new sacrificial bride caught laughing because the “Twilight” of his “Thunder God” was more like “The Arrival of the Thimble Wiener”

  • Mr. Sandwich

    Julianne Moore attending the Asian fashion awards where she was dry humped and fisted by the nights guest of honor.

  • Michelle

    How Dragon Force got their name!

  • Gossamer Axe

    Women’s version of penis envy. Because she is flat chested she has to make up the fact by drawing attention to her hair as she would get none directed at her chest.

  • JayP

    when will world of warcraft players realise IT’S…….A………..GAME! , not life.

  • Skanes

    I shall sing you the song of my people!

  • wheelchairLOL

    fap fap fap

  • http://www.youtube.com/DuncanDonuts3 Benjamin

    We call this hairdo ‘Dragon Sodomy’

  • FlyingDadBomb

    This is what your typical Dragonforce groupie looks like.

  • The Rev’Rend

    Hey, I’d hit that.

  • alex_z

    actually, it has caption, but nevertheless:

    goodzilla queen says origato to her peasants.

  • http://www.last.fm/user/wrath_of_vishnu Dillon

    Humped by Her Hair

  • ben

    …and the winner of Miss Paganfest 2009, Anastasia Douchebag!

  • SYL Townsend

    The new DragonForce backup singer. She only sings when Herman tries to solo

  • Brian Johnson

    The Dragon-Force is with her.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Devon-Czekaj/550092101 Devon Czekaj

    Tracy Sanders

  • OBEY1019

    At least she can almost make her wet dream come true.

  • thelump

    After searching through numerous history books, we have found the first appearance of hair metal in the world, at the 1753 Mötley Öpera house.

  • justin

    Dragon Rape: Rule 34 officially covers everything.

  • Aaron

    Fairy Tales never told us Rapunzel’s mom was black.

  • http://www.metalsucks.net DeaThrash

    Yay! Now the nerds at the comic book store will finally pay attention to me!

  • Tim

    Alf joins 3 Inches Of Blood on their new record.

  • Chief

    hair_05

  • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

    DragonForced rear entry

  • J to the R-O-C

    In a M.Night shyamalan twist the damsel IS the dragon

  • Nocturne

    “As we all now know, Mr. Tumnus was right to fear the Swine Witch, Queen of Gnarrrnia.”

  • Spencer

    A power metal fan’s ultimate fantasy

  • prives

    Horse the Braid

  • Carbonthief

    Slow down, my dragon man.

  • davie.

    didnt know you could be anally raped by a hair dragon

  • King Cheezit

    The spawn of Alf and the Queen.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Brandon-Forde/666126214 Brandon Forde

    Dungeon and Dragons on ice.

  • Vakarm

    Dragonforce’s 2009 Hottest chick in metal nominee FAIL

  • Internal

    When Gallop Meats The Earth!

  • Bungod

    Sadly by the time she realized her fashion faux pas Dio had already entered attack mode.

  • ForSalvation

    The long-lost bastard love child of Zelda and Ganon.

  • BigD

    Having learnt his lesson after last time, Oli Sykes has opted not to piss on this lady. Instead, he has decided just to let his hair deal with the situation while he sits in the corner crying, engulfed in the knowledge that he’s responsible for everything wrong with the British metal scene.

  • FlyingDadBomb

    This woman is getting a head start to the Chinese New Year.

  • futuremartyr

    Sarah Brightman’s latest get-up at Microsoft’s Dragon-Drop Expo.

  • boltofaire

    Devin Townsend is jealous…

  • Ben Cooke

    Dragonforced rectal entry

  • Master Chah

    ‘Cause I’ve got a golden ticket!
    I’ve got a golden dragon on my head!

  • MetalMeatHammer

    Rape may be magical, but its no magic trick. Just ask my sister, she has dragon hair.