SATURDAY VIDS TO TURN JAPANESE TO: SUPER TERRIFIC CORNUCOPIA TIME!!
Archive for November, 2009
IN WHICH DEVIN TOWNSEND SUCKED
Last week one of you accused us of being a “bunch of negative miserable fucks.” I can only assume that this person had never been to this site before, and was somehow unaware that it’s called “MetalSucks.”
Still, this was probably the best worst week ever, because:
- Devin Townsend took over our site for a day!
- We finally got around to making MetalSucks t-shirts and hoodies!
- Vince interviewed Between the Buried and Me’s Dan Briggs for the third time in as many years!
- There’s gonna be a new Pig Destroyer album in 2010!
- There’s a new Sigh song!
- Varg Vikernes came out of the closet!
So, see? LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL!!!
In conclusion:
Have a good weekend.
-AR
HERE’S THE COVER ART AND TRACK LIST FOR THE BINARY CODE’S SUSPENSION OF DISBELIEF
Oh boy oh boy. We’re getting closer to the release of The Binary Code’s Suspension of Disbelief, which MetalSucks will sell in a digital-only format for a whopping five bucks starting December 15. Now we can share with you the cover art, which was designed by guitarist Jesse Zuretti (who also created this awesome MetalSucks t-shirt and hoodie), as well as the track listing. Check it out:
Tracklisting:
1. Suspension of Disbelief (Part I & II)
2. Mechanical Seas
3. Ghost Planet
4. Void
5. the Story
6. Human Condition
7. Awaiting Necropolis
8. Void II
And don’t forget that TBC are on tour all of January and February with Hypno5e and Revocation. Get dates after the jump!
ALICE IN CHAINS IPHONE APP: BLACK GIVES WAY TO BLAH
Well, I guess Alice in Chains can’t hit a home run every time.
The metal-related iPhone apps thus far – or, at least the ones I’ve seen – have, by and large, sucked. Oddly enough, Metallica, who haven’t released too many products worth owning this (or last) decade, have the best ones: their Live Metallica and Tap Tap Revenge apps are both totally solid. I didn’t get the Suffocation one, but Invisible Oranges’ review didn’t make it sound too appealing.
And now there’s the AIC “Mobile Roadie” app, which, quite frankly, is waste of 99 cents for anyone but the most die-hard (and brain dead) Alice fan. The app allows you to listen to a few songs from the album, which you probably already own; watch some videos, which you a) may have already seen or b) were capable of watching on your iPhone via YouTube anyway; read a bio of the band that is pretty much just a glorified “AIC are awesome” press release; look a discography which would suggest that Black is the band’s debut; get tour dates and news which, again, you could already do on an iPhone; post on a “fan wall;” or play with some art from the Black album booklet. And, seriously, even if you’re high, it’s fun to play with that art for precisely .02 seconds. This shit is lame, lame, lame.
Don’t believe me? Watch the video below. It pretty much demonstrates that your buck would be better spent on almost anything but this app.
If anyone knows of any metal apps that are actually worth a damn, let us know…
-AR
DAVE LOMBARDO WANTS TO SCHOOL LARS ULRICH
From a Rhythm magazine interview with Dave Lombardo that I saw on Blabbermouth:
Rhythm: Playing with METALLICA at Download in 2004 must have been quite an experience.
Lombardo: “Yeah. Show ‘em how it’s done! No disrespect to Lars [Ulrich], because Lars is great and he’s a very nice guy, but he needs to spend a week at my house and we need to sit down and play. I could show him — ‘No, Lars, like this!’… ‘Let’s chill, let’s relax, have some coffee and let’s play!’ Hahahahaha!”
If you’ve ever seen/heard this show, then you’re already aware that Lombardo ain’t dicking around – he and Joey Jordison both made Metallica sound at least 95% better (alas, Hetfield still insists on using those honky-tonk “wom-ahn” vocals he’s become so fond of). Check it out:
And while we’re on the topic, here’s Jordison playing with the band:
ABSOLUTELY REVOLTING
Reader Chris Peace sent us the below and declared Sweden’s Revolting to be “some of the best oldschool death metal I have ever heard in my life.” Personally, I think it’s good, but I don’t know if I’d bestow it with such high praise.
Give it a listen, and the sing Chris’ praises or tell him to go fuck a goat in the comments section below.
-AR
VAGINOPLASTY – NO, NOT A PORNOGRIND BAND
Decibel have followed-up on their fascinating 2008 article on the transformation of Cretin’s Dan Martinez into Marissa Martinez with an interview with Martinez chronicling her vaginoplasty. Which is exactly what you think it is. Here’s an excerpt:
DEDRATKCUF SI SIHT
With the Snot semi-reunion basically falling apart before it ever really got off the ground, the band’s remaining members -Mike Doling, John Fahnestock and Jamie Miller – needed to find another meal ticket. But rather than try and re-re-jigger Snot, they’ve decided to move forward under a new name: Tons.
Yes, you read that correctly. They just spelled “Snot” backwards and decided that this would be a good band name. Morons.
CAVE IN RETURN TO BROOKLYN, JUST SHORT OF TRIUMPHANTLY
“Luminance” — from the Creative Eclipses EP — was the very first Cave In song I ever heard, sandwiched incongruously between I-don’t-even-remember-what on a mix-tape my friend XandrewX made me in… 1999, I guess. From thereon in I jumped headlong into the world of Cave In, and Jupiter pretty much blew my mind when I heard it. Though it didn’t make the MetalSucks 21 Best Albums of the 21st Century… So Far clusterfuck list, it was damn close to the top of my own list for that poll.
Needless to say I was pretty fucking stoked when super-drummer J.R. Connors launched into the drum-roll intro of “Luminance” at last night’s Cave In show in Brooklyn. I was equally stoked when the band began playing “Big Riff” with, ya know, that big riff; I got goosebumps multiple times during that song. But on the whole I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t just a little disappointed by last night’s show, just like our own Anso DF when he saw Cave In play Los Angeles last month. The sound in the venue left something to be desired, but that wasn’t it. The band was tight. They sounded good. They were energetic. They played good songs.
But I left the show feeling… un-satisfied?
WORSHIP MUSIC IS THE NEW CHINESE DEMOCRACY
Obviously, my headline is a little sensationalistic. We waited a decade and a half for Chinese Democracy; it’s only been six (almost seven) years since the last Anthrax studio album, We’ve Come for You All. And wile CD apparently cost somewhere in neighborhood of $13 million dollars… well, I don’t know what the budget was/is on Worship Music, but I’m guessing Anthrax wouldn’t know $13 million dollars if it pooped in their eye.
Still, Chinese Democracy – which was finally released almost exactly one year ago – is the closest corollary I can think of to Worship Music, which is starting to reach mythological status.
ANAL CHAINSAW AND LAKE BUKKAKE TOTALLY NEED TO TOUR WITH THESE GUYS!
The band is Anal Judicator — self-described as “the BEST Brutal MIDI Porn Grind band around” — and the song is “Cum Coated Colon.” Thanks to Car RamRod for this one.
WARNING: NSFW!!!!
-VN
MIGHT THERE BE A SUITABLE VELVET REVOLVER FRONTMAN HIDDEN IN THE TRACKLISTING OF SLASH’S SOLO ALBUM?
All this talk about Slash’s upcoming solo album has got me playing “Fantasy Velvet Revolver” in my head once again. Though I still hold out hope that Axl’s idea of having Perry Farrell front the band comes to fruition, I know in my heart that there’s probably a better chance of Scott Weiland rejoining the band, which is admittedly a pretty remote possibility. Remote like Siberia.
So looking through the list of vocalists purportedly gracing the axeman’s new record, I see a number of qualified albeit unlikely candidates to fill Weiland’s still-vacant spot. Yeah, it would be a heavy music lover’s dream to have Ozzy Osbourne sing for the band, considering the craptastic nature of his last few solo albums. Realistically, that would be an unholy managerial nightmare with the potential capacity to yield a catastrophic clusterfuck to put the legal woes of Black Sabbath and Guns N’ Roses to shame. Dave Grohl’s too busy counting his money and playing geriatric rock with his idols to commit to yet another band. These days, Alice Cooper and Lemmy Kilmister have the commercial drawing power of, well, Alice Cooper and Lemmy Kilmister, and maybe would shift a few more units than a Velvet Revolver fronted by an unknown (anyone remember Eric Dover or Rod Jackson?) or that dude from Spacehog. Don’t even get me started on Fergie.
One other name on that list, however, actually makes sense…
HOW TO MAKE IT BIG AS A DEATHCORE YOUTUBE VOCAL COVER ARTIST
Sometimes we get so caught caught up in minutae inside our little metal Internet bubble that we lose perspective on the bigger picture. Take this lampoon video from Current.com that highlights deathcore YouTube vocal covers (including our favorite, Señor Bivins) and mocks the differences between deathcore, death metal and metalcore. I’m pretty sure the guy in the video “gets” it and is playing dumb to make a point… but let’s be honest with ourselves; while the minutae between these micro-genres may seem important to us now, 200 years from now people aren’t going to give a flying fuck. By then it’ll all just be called “early 21st century metal” or some equally all-inclusive blanket term that disregards all the differences we argue about on a daily basis. It’s all just dudes screaming over loud guitars and fast drums in the end.
Anyway, this video is pretty funny. If there’s one thing we and the presumably indie rock-centric audience this video is geared towards can agree on, it’s that deathcore scene kids are fucking stupid.
-VN
[Thanks: Pablo]
AND THE NEW LINE-UP FOR DECAPITATED IS…
As first discussed back in October, Wacek “Vogg” Kieltyka, guitarist & sole remaining founding member of Decapitated, has announced the band’s new line-up:
PHOTOS: SKELETONWITCH & BLACK ANVIL IN BROOKLYN, NY, NOVEMBER 14, 2009
Friday, November 20th, 2009 at 10:30am by MetalSucks
Photographer Jason Nakleh was on hand at the Skeletonwitch / Black Anvil show this past Saturday in Brooklyn, part of the 3-day “Blackened Weekend” festival at which we saw a ton of awesome bands. We unfortunately had to miss Saturday’s show, but Jason was kind enough to contact us and let us live vicariously through his photos, offering to let us share them with our readers as well. We like the unique quality of these photos — dirty and raw, just like the bands. Check out the gallery after the jump.
BORIS’ LATEST JAPANESE HEAVY ROCK HITS 7″ IS NEITHER “HEAVY” NOR “ROCK”
This might be the least metal thing Boris has ever done. It sounds more like a Sigur Ros record! Still, this got me thinking perhaps I should have picked Wata over Atsuo in Reign In Blonde’s Hottest Chicks In Metal bracket.
If you’re still interested – and I’ll understand if you’re not - Japanese Heavy Rock Hits Vol. 3 releases in vinyl and digital formats on Tuesday November 24 via Southern Lord.
-GS
[Gary Suarez can't read your poker face. He usually manages WHOLLY DIVER (a Dio tribute site) and the consistently off-topic No Yoko No. Say, why don't you follow him on Twitter?]
FUNNY PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN A 10-PACK OF CDs FROM PROSTHETIC RECORDS
Congrats to all five winners of last week’s funny photo caption contest. The first three winners listed below will all receive the Heavy Metal Killers vinyl and scarf courtesy of Earache Records, while the last two will receive just a scarf. The winners:
- Zel: “Stacy Wylde, sister to Zakk Wylde, practices the family tradition of putting one’s foot in one’s mouth.”
- Alkahest: “Former Attack Attack! singer’s new glam project seems to be coming along quite nicely.”
- James: “In a failed comeback bid, Marilyn Manson desperately tries to be shocking once again.”
- Jason Crispen: “the origin of swine flu”
- better than ezra: “Having arrived too late for the buffet, ziltoids mom was forced to eat her own foot.”
This week we’re giving away another 10-pack of assorted CDs from Prosthetic Records. Prosthetic has one of the most solid artist rosters in all of metal, so no matter what you get there are bound to be at least a few that you like (I promise it won’t be 10 copies of All That Remains). Come up with a funny caption to the below photo [sent in by "GoatRidersHorde"], and 10 CDs shall be yours.
TIBERIAN VOCALIZATIONS: ARTHUR VON NAGEL ON POST-BLACK METAL (AND BEING A SHAMELESS METAL NERD)
Thursday, November 19th, 2009 at 4:30pm by Arthur von Nagel
Black metal, in spite of its more purist fans, has undergone so many stylistic permutations since the Norwegian second wave’s arson-fueled media explosion that I’m hard-pressed to even define what black metal sounds like circa 2009. By frankensteining elements of Mayhem, Bathory, Burzum, Darkthrone, Celtic Frost, Emperor, Venom, Enslaved, Ulver and countless other classics with every unrelated style under the wintermoon, bands to follow spawned sub-sub-genres for all tastes: folk-black/Viking metal, symphonic black metal, war metal, suicidal black metal, atmospheric/ambient black metal, blackened post-rock, progressive black metal, black-thrash, blackened death metal, industrial black metal, national social black metal, black/doom, blackened crust, black n’ roll… and a peculiar little anti-style often referred to half-ironically as “post-black metal.”
LISTEN TO VINCE ON SIRIUS XM LIQUID METAL TODAY!!!
So while SOME of us are still here at the Mansion doing work (ahem), my main man Vince is going to be on Sirius XM Liquid Metal today from 4:30 to 9 pm TODAY. Vince has the sexiest speaking voice this side of C.C. DeVille, so if you get XM, definitely check it out!!!
-AR
YEAH, BLOGS ARE COOL AND ALL, BUT YOU REALLY SHOULD BUY THIS ZINE
Some people are talented. Some people are awesome. An even rarer breed happens to be both talented and awesome. Photographer Justina Villanueva is one of those people. If you go to metal shows in New York or New Jersey, you may have noticed this diminutive young lady snapping pics of some of your favorite acts. You may have seen her work on websites like ours (ex. Alice In Chains at Irving Plaza) and BrooklynVegan (ex. Converge at Europa).
Now’s a great time to acquaint yourself with Ms. Villanueva’s work, as she has just released the premiere issue of her self-titled zine. Issue 1: Basements, Blood and Noise features spectacular shots of bands like Black Anvil, Burnt By The Sun, Marduk, Municipal Waste, and Poison The Well, as well as the aforementioned AIC. Whether you’re an old fucker like me or a youngster that has never so much as seen a zine, I strongly recommend that you buy yourself a copy.
-GS
[Gary Suarez is a lover of fine art. He usually manages Wholly Diver (a Dio tribute site) and the consistently off-topic No Yoko No. Say, why don't you follow him on Twitter?]
