OUR SECOND ANNUAL ANTICHRIST CHRISTMAS – WIN A BOX OF CDS FROM METALSUCKS!!!
Monday, December 21st, 2009 at 5:30pm by MetalSucks
Just ’cause we’re Jews doesn’t mean we can’t get a lil’ Xmas spirit in the MetalSucks Mansion. And since we have so many fucking CDs lying around that we don’t even want, it seemed like a good time to pass some of this shit onto you, our loyal MetalSucks Maniacs.
So here’s how it’s gonna work: we’re giving away four boxes full of CDs. We’re not sure of the exact amount of CDs – it’s basically whatever we can fit in a healthy-sized box. All you have to do to win is tell us why you hate the holidays. You can leave your answer in the comments section below, and make sure you register with a real e-mail address, since all winners will be contacted by e-mail.
Unfortunately, only readers who live in the U.S. are eligible. Because while Santa might have nine magic reindeer, all we have is the USPS.
All entries are due by New Year’s Day. We’ll announce the winners the first week of January ‘09.
Good luck, and HO HO HO! MERRY ANTICHRIST CHRISTMAS!!!
-Axl & Vince
Cause there’s no holiday for Satan.
Oh shit, I just thought of a better one:
Because evil doesn’t take a holiday
false: armageddon’s day
Holiday?! What holiday?!? Oh crap! Aw, hell! Where’s my effing red bag….Rudolph, Blitzen, you, over there, what’s your name?!? You with the ears! We’re running late! Darn Jager shots…. Ho! Ho! *Hack* *Wheeze*!!!
Fuck Santa and his nine useless USPS-reindeer.
Happy fucking christmas USA.
(Is Oceano in one of the boxes?)
USPS sends letters and packages to other countries last time I checked!!!
You won’t hear about this in the media, but there is no question that the holidays’s retorts to criticism are so rehearsed that it may be almost unconscious of what it’s saying, as one is when one utters the responses in church. In the text that follows, I won’t bother discussing the flaws in its logic because it clearly doesn’t use any logic. The holidays has planted its allies everywhere. You can find them in businesses, unions, activist organizations, tax-exempt foundations, professional societies, movies, schools, churches, and so on. Not only does this subversive approach enhance the holidays’s ability to perpetuate the myth that its memoirs are all sweetness and light, but it also provides irrefutable evidence that for its own sake, it should not promote a hate-filled revisionism. But it goes further than that; it had promised us liberty, equality, and fraternity. Instead, the holidays gave us imperialism, anarchism, and exclusionism. I suppose we should have seen that coming, especially since some people assert that the holidays’s lackeys form an abhorrent organization devoted to harassment and barratry. Others profess that the holidays uses vulgar language and makes obscene gestures at those whose opinions differ from its. In the interest of clearing up the confusion I’ll make the following observation: The holidays’s values reek of clericalism. I use the word “reek” because the holidays has been repeating its lies so often and so loudly that they’re beginning to drown out the truth. I don’t think anyone questions that. But did you know that sometimes, what you don’t know can hurt you?
The holidays exhibits an air of superiority. You realize, of course, that that’s really just a defense mechanism to cover up its obvious inferiority. The holidays’s conclusions were designed from day one to tour the country promoting silly colonialism in lectures and radio talk-show interviews. Which brings us to the harsh reality that must be faced: The holidays is secretly planning to conspire with evil. I realize that that may sound rather conspiratorial and far-fetched to most people, which is why you need to understand that the holidays’s inclinations are crass. They’re unnecessary. They’re counterproductive. Whenever I encounter them I think that while the holidays manufactures crises over commercialism, its den of thieves has been challenging all I stand for.
Do you really think that counter-productive layabouts aren’t ever obnoxious, as the holidays claims? Wake up! The holidays has never been a big fan of freedom of speech. It supports pogroms on speech, thought, academic license, scientific perspective, journalistic integrity, and any other form of expression that gives people the freedom to state that the holidays’s sound bites are more than just insensate. They’re a revolt against nature.
The holidays has declared that it’s staging a revolt against everyone who dares to anneal discourse with honesty, clear thinking, and a sense of moral good. The holidays is revolting all right; the very sight of it turns my stomach. All kidding aside, I welcome its comments. However, it needs to realize that it is a scion of self-deceiving vigilantes. Why do I tell you this? Because these days, no one else has the guts to. I would undeniably not have thought it possible that from the very beginning, fatuitous, power-drunk addlepated-types have labored to recruit into their ranks the sons and daughters of the powerful, famous, and rich, but it’s true. Doesn’t the holidays ever get tired of calling everyone a purblind thought policeman?
The holidays, please spare us the angst of living in a fallen world. The holidays says it’s going to force its moral code on the rest of us within a short period of time. Good old the holidays. It just loves to open its mouth and let all kinds of things come out without listening to how wretched they sound.
On a personal note, when one examines the ramifications of letting the holidays put fatuous harebrained-types on the federal payroll, one finds a preponderance of evidence leading to the conclusion that it has written more than its fair share of lengthy, over-worded, pseudo-intellectual tripe. In all such instances the holidays conveniently overlooks the fact that if we don’t do something soon, its belligerent tractates will rise like a golem with a million hands on a million throats to choke the honor out of decent, hardworking people. At this point in the letter, I’d like to categorize for you some of the holidays’s memoranda. Unfortunately, they’re far too pompous and insufferable to fit neatly into any single, overarching framework, so the best I can do is to convey the message that if the holidays makes fun of me or insults me I hear it, and it hurts. But I take solace in the fact that I am still able to review the basic issues at the root of the debate. I honestly hope that the truth will prevail and that justice will be served before the holidays does any real damage. Or is it already too late? I don’t pretend to know the answer, but I do know that the holidays can’t possibly believe that the Universe belongs to it by right. It’s capricious but it’s not that capricious.
Moving on, the holidays is frightened that we might mention a bit about sinister fomenters of revolution such as the holidays. That’s why the holidays is trying so hard to prevent whistleblowers from reporting that one of the rancorous, obstreperous pothouse drunks in the holidays’s employ has penned an extensive treatise whose thesis is that the holidays would never even consider making my blood curdle. Contrary to what that embarrassingly emollient hagiography asserts, the holidays and its sympathizers are on a recruiting campaign, trying to convince everyone they meet to participate in plaguing our minds. Don’t join that entourage; instead, remember the scriptures: “Thou shalt not follow a multitude to do evil.” The holidays likes to imply that it is a tireless protector of civil rights and civil liberties for all people. This is what its fairy tales amount to although, of course, they’re daubed over with the viscid slobber of yawping drivel devised by its trained seals and mindlessly multiplied by the worst classes of noxious long-haired hippies I’ve ever seen. I can assure you that every time the holidays tells its janissaries that its terrorist organization is looking out for our best interests, their eyes roll into the backs of their heads as they become mindless receptacles of unsubstantiated information, which they accept without question.
The holidays’s attendants have been staggering around like punch-drunk fighters hit too many times—stunned, confused, betrayed, and trying desperately to rationalize the holidays’s atrabilious newsgroup postings. It is really not a pretty sight. What this underlines, I think, is that ever since the holidays decided to gum up what were once great ideas, its consistent, unvarying line has been that mendacious sandbaggers make the best scoutmasters and schoolteachers. I have two words for the holidays: Grow up! Though conscienceless, pusillanimous nonrepresentationalism is not discussed in this letter, much of what I’ve written applies to that, as well.
For the purpose of this discussion, let’s say that the holidays spouts the same bile in everything it writes, making only slight modifications to suit the issue at hand. The issue it’s excited about this week is misoneism, which says to me that I realize that the tone of this letter may be making some people feel uneasy. However, even if you’re somewhat uncomfortable reading about the holidays’s warped, materialistic apothegms please don’t blame me for them. I’m not the one leading to the destruction of the human race. I’m not the one increasing society’s cycle of hostility and violence. And I’m not the one stirring up trouble.
If the people generally are relying on false information sown by the most shambolic heretics you’ll ever see, then correcting that situation becomes a priority for the defense of our nation. The holidays’s goal is to bowdlerize all unfavorable descriptions of its screeds. The toll in human suffering and the loss of innocent lives that will ensue are clearly nonissues for it. Education without action creates frustration, while action without education leads to neocolonialism. This means, in particular, that the holidays insists that it answers to no one. Has anyone, at any time, ever been more wrong? It is bootless to speculate on the matter but it should be noted that I have a message for the holidays. My message is that, for the good of us all, it should never help irascible fugitives evade capture by the authorities. It should never even try to do such an immoral thing. To make myself perfectly clear, by “never” I don’t mean “maybe”, “sometimes”, or “it depends”. I mean only that I indeed dislike the holidays. Likes or dislikes, however, are irrelevant to observed facts, such as that the whole of the holidays’s ribald worldview may perhaps be expressed in one simple word. That word is “wowserism”. Let me explain: If my memory serves me correctly, the holidays needs to stop living in denial. It needs to wake up and realize that its false-flag operations are not modeled on democracy as envisaged by philosophers of the Enlightenment, but on the anti-democratic principles of oligarchism. (The merits of its obloquies won’t be discussed here because they lack merit.) Now that you’ve read my entire letter, I hope you’ve concluded that my plan to introduce an important but underrepresented angle on the holidays’s subhuman campaigns of malice and malignity is deserving of serious consideration.
piss turkey.
Grammar police: holidays ARE and holidays HAVE! Not holidays is and holidays has.
Also: piss turkey.
you just used that site where it randomly generates an angry letter XD
I hate the holidays because we feel pressured to stuff our faces and then get grief when we don’t lose weight for our New Year’s Resolution. I hate the holidays because Santa is a lie and if he was real I’m sure he would be on Megan’s Law. I hate the holidays because they are called the holidays, and not whatever quasi-religious name that they used to be called. I hate the holidays because I have a lot of time off but I don’t get paid. I hate the Holidays because it’s cold. I hate the holidays because I get really great gifts for people and then I get a sweater in return. I hate the holidays because Howard Stern takes two weeks off. I hate the holidays because I have to pretend to be happy to see people I barely know and don’t want to know. I hate the holidays because I have to go to a million different houses. I hate the holidays because when they are over everyone is an asshole again. I hate the holidays because shopping for groceries becomes a bloodsport. I hate the holidays because they hate me. And finally I hate the holidays because they call me racist names.
On the flip side I love pot brownies on Xmas morning, but then I hate the Holidays because I can’t get up off the floor after I eat it.
“I hate the holidays because I have to go to a million different houses.”
SANTA!?!?
I hate the holidays because people think I’m Santa and sit in my lap, then I get a boner and go to jail….happens every year….
I hate the holidays for two main reasons.
1. Christmas songs. Oh yay, I can hear covers of the same songs everywhere for two months straight. Seriously, if you’ve heard one, you’ve heard them all. Sorry, but I don’t want to listen to all 12 verses of 12 Days of Christmas again.
2. Every Christmas, it’s incredibly awkward being an atheist around so many religious people, especially my borderline fundamentalist mom. This is the worst time to not be a Christian. No, Christmas is not just a Christian holiday anymore, it’s half pagan anyway, but most people refuse to recognize this. Oh well, another year of scorn at the dinner table for not joining in prayer.
for one month a year, the bible belt extends throughout all of the country, and gets twice as loud.
Its pretty much just people..everybody goes friggin crazy to hurry and buy a bunch of shit running people down with shopping carts to get the last zhu zhu pet! People driving around like idiots like all of a sudden they forgot how to drive because they’re thinking about shopping and getting fatter.. People will risk theyre lives and drive through a snow storm to save $5 on a coffee maker,, what the fuck is wrong with everybody? Merry Christmas
I hate the holidays because I’m an atheist. And because for a full two months I have to listen to people talk about god sending his only son, who happens to also be himself, to die for our sins. I hate that I’m celebrating said holiday on the same day as the winter solstice was celebrated, at least the winter solstice had some grounds in reality. I probably won’t win for this, but I do feel better…
I hate the holidays because I hate spending time with my family. It’s that simple.
I hate the holidays because the only songs they play on the radio are non-metal christmas crap songs
I hate the holidays because all the jailbait are bundled up wearing their stupid fur boots. I hate the holidays because I have to deal with grammy and pop pop buying their shit nosed grandkids a shit load of gifts at stores and they take a year and a fucking day. I hate the holidays because this year every Tiger Woods joke relates to a punch line of Ho Ho Ho. I hate the holidays because I have to hear other people bitch about the holidays which causes me to fucking bitch back. I hate the holidays because I fucking hate how its impossible to buy cd’s because the fucking lines are full of jackholes buying crap yet they bitch that they have no fucking money!
Christmas is for cunts
I hate the holidays because of Christmas music. There’s nothing like working retail for five years to make you really, really develop a psychotic fucking hatred for Christmas music.
There’s the Christmas songs that have been around for years that there are seven fucking thousand different versions of, because every half-assed fucking “celebrity” needs to release a goddamn Christmas album and record YET ANOTHER fucking copy of ‘Jingle Bells’ in order to squeeze a few more cents out of their careers.
Then there are the original Christmas songs that some singer decides is a good idea because they decided that their stupid Christmas album of old rehashed “classics” needs an individual touch, not realizing that there are already a zillion fucking songs about singing carols and being warm by the fire and roasting chestnuts. Seriously, who the fuck roasts chestnuts any more? No one, that’s who. Because it’s not nineteen-forty-fucking-five any more.
And the cliches… for fuck’s sake, every Christmas song is about one of three things: Jesus, Santa Claus, and family. That’s it. How many goddamn songs can you write about those subjects? Apparently, a whole lot, even though all of the songs are the same. ALL OF THEM. For fuck’s sake, you can actually use Jesus and Santa Claus interchangeably. All-seeing, all-knowing, making sure you’re being good, possesses magical powers… they’re the same!
The song I hated the most, though, is the R&B Christmas song. I believe it may be called ‘This Christmas’, which is the laziest fucking song title ever, but I’m afraid to Google it for fear of having to hear even a snippet of it. It’s been redone by several R&B artists, male and female, who utterly fail in distinguishing their version of the song from the others. This song embodies all of the cliches I mentioned, starting with the “family” theme… there are mentions of mistletoe, being warm by a fire, trimming a tree, presents, and cheer. It also contains two of the most fucktarded lyrics I have ever heard.
The first is the phrase “we’re caroling through the night”. Now, let’s be honest… no one carols through the night. No one wants to be singing fucking Christmas carols at 3 in the goddamn morning. When you consider that this is preceded by something about the fire blazing bright, and the fact that it’s implied that there are only two people involved here, then it suddenly becomes clear that “caroling” is actually being used as a euphemism for “buttsex”.
The second, and the one that truly makes blood shoot out of my ears, is the part of the song in which the singer says “shake a hand shake a hand now”. What the fuck does that even mean? Are you shaking hands with someone? Are you just shaking your hands solo? Was this written by Michael J. Fox? My brain hurts just from trying to think about that.
(Note: I love Michael J. Fox and sympathize with him for his battle with Parkinson’s, and mean nothing mean-spirited by my previous joke. Love you, Mike! You’ll always be Marty McFly to me!)
In truth, there is very little Christmas music that I can tolerate. Most of it is done by Trans-Siberian Orchestra. The fact that they inject a little bit of metal into their music is probably the main reason. Their tracks ‘Sarajevo 12/24′ and ‘Wizards In Winter’ (both instrumentals, you’ll note… no cliched lyrics!) are not only excellent Christmas tunes, but excellent tunes in their own right.
I think I’ve been ranting for a while… me head is ringing, my palms are sweaty and I seem to have lost track of what time it is and where I am. I think I’m done.
Wow, this made me laugh pretty hard. I give up.
Not all the Christmas songs are bad.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkXdXP596Lo
That’s true. The Aqua Teen Hunger Force Christmas album is pretty rockin’.
Also, I liked Halford III: Winter Songs. Fuck it.
Oh, right… forgot the Austrian Death Machine Christmas EP. Then again, you don’t really hear that sort of thing in most places where Christmas music is played. That would fall into the “very little” portion of my rant up there.
Both Christmas covers by August Burns Red (Carol of the Bells and O Come, O Come Emmanuel) are awesome as well!
Fuck the Holidays!! Why does every fucking person I have the slightest interaction with feel the need to start and end every fucking conversation with “Happy Holidays?” Fuck your face, and fuck you for trying to be PC so don’t upset sensitive people who would get offended if you said merry christmas.
Because I get to spend money on people at work I don’t even fucking like? Because I have to listen to the fat cunt of a loudmouth talk about every little god damn morsel of food she bakes then stuffs down her bloated gullet? And now I have to buy a fucking secret santa present for this fucking garbage pail of a human who talks to me about his irritable bowel syndrome at least once a month. Fuck you! I’m getting you depends you cock. Everyone puts on this fake fucking smile, they’re fuckin 20 year old 3 sizes too small sweaters and, bells, yes fucking bells on their goddamn shoes so whenever their fatasses decided to walk around the office I hear their cankles jingle! It’s the longest damn time of the year, all so these fat cat cunt lickers who sit on the board of these fucking chain stores can afford to tuck their whore wives vaginas back up so it doesn’t look like the window of a deli?
Fuck you santa, I hope you get raped by the abominable snowman.
I hate the holidays because I end up stealing music from my favorite artists via download. I do this because I dread going out and dealing with assholes at stores. I want to support artists by giving them my money, really I do. That’s also why you guys should give me a box of free CDs. So I have the appearance of being a physical buyer. See what I did there? Merry fucking Christmas.
I hate the holidays because I work in retail, and have for the past 3 fucking years. Every black Friday is the same great deals (guess what: we’re still ripping you off!), and the same stupid, fat, inbred assholes who trample over each other to get Wii’s for $200. They don’t even wait until December to start playing the shitty Christmas music, they start the moment Halloween’s over. Seriously, fuck that. Every week from black Friday until Christmas is the same bullshit where jerkoffs think that it’s my fault we’ve sold out of this holiday season’s most sought after toy. It’s a fucking toy, people. Your kid can get one AFTER Christmas.
I also hate the holidays because my family’s really religious and I’m not really at all. So it’s always this weird blend of “yay, Jesus!” from one team and “Cool, free shit” from the other.
also, dwsoda@gmail.com
Former 6 year retail worker here (that’s right, 6 FUCKING YEARS). Just wanted to say I sympathize with you. For those of you who have never worked retail over the holidays, consider yourselves lucky, for our views of the holidays are forever tainted.
I think I did 7 years all told, between two jobs. I feel your pain.
Penny Arcade put it best with two of their comics from Thanksgiving this year:
http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2009/11/25/
http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2009/11/27/
hahaha, those are great. Damn, I haven’t read Penny Arcade in ages. Now I have something to do tonight, since nobody wants to go sledding.
Sledding = metal.
I hate the holidays. every one is suppost to be happy and smiling. they are all fake. I work as a hospice nurse(end-stage cancer). You see the pt family come to visit there love one’s saying it so great to see you. they only visit once a year and they live 2 minutes down the road!!! 2nd the FUCKIN IDIOT DRIVERS speeding to the OVERPRICE MALL to save $2 on a new creed cd!!!! 3rd all the christmas music they started to play before halloween. I am sick of it with 12 minute from the start. thank you for letting me vent. p.s. creed sucks donkey nuts!!
I hate the Holidays because it starts so early, it won’t be too much longer before people will be prepping for the next Christmas before the New Year’s hangover has worn off. There is the sales predictions, merchants complaining, parents going spastic over which piece of crap to get their whiny kids and how many people they are willing to kill or maim to get it. Shopping becomes a competitive sport so much that body armor should be issued.
I get tired of having to feign excitement over the decorations my wife and daughter bring home. I am so over getting a hernia hauling all of the crap from upstairs to the family room and back after the New Year. Waiting to the last second to decide to drop the hint what you may want under the tree while you are thinking a C4 laced piece of coal would be just what the doctor ordered!
For what is supposed to be the “happiest time of the year”, I wold just as soon go around cutting off the heads of the rude shoppers and revelers with a rusty chain saw, find every Christmas CD and replace it with suitable death/doom/black metal (pick your favorite bands) and scream through the malls “HAIL SATAN!!”
FUCK COUSINS I HAVEN’T SEEN SINCE LAST CHRISTMAS
clearly you come from the american south where that is socially acceptable.
Baaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahha
I hate the holidays because I always get shit on by flying reindeers.
I was going to try, then Grover pretty much nailed it. Enjoy your CD’s Grover.
I hate the holidays because they have spawned a Bob Dylan Christmas album.
I hate the holidays because my family sucks and I get shitty presents.
On an unrelated note…
SATAN:SANTA
DOES ANYONE ELSE FUCKING SEE THIS?!?!?!
http://www.inquisitr.com/wp-content/i-love-satan.jpg
I hate the holidays because the kids aren’t in school.
Nothing says “Hell” like “Play with me, play with me, play with me” 10 hours a day for 2 weeks.
I hate the holidays because I have had four, yes four, extremely nasty breakups right around the holiday season.
b/c whoever it was you were dating is a cheap bastard! Next time date someone with a job.
I don’t hate the holidays.
I don’t get nearly enough coal to power my train or atleast fucking bbq. Fuck you Santa you cheap bastard!
Fuck! I just got shit on again!
I hate Christmas because all the Christians get their panties in a knot about people saying “Happy Holidays” to them in stores, while in the meanwhile they are seeking deals on cheap gifts to give their tit-sucking 7 year olds from a giant fat guy in a red suit rather than explaining to their kids what the whole point of Christmas is supposed to be.
So Merry Christmas you Bible thumping hypocritical dickfucks.
I hate the holidays because whenever I sit on santa’s lap in the mall something pokes me in the rear. I think it’s a candy cane but I keep hoping it’s the model rocket I’ve been asking for.
And also because I’m an illegitimate Canadian.
I mean illegible.
Ineligible.
Whatever.
I actually love the holidays thanks to William Murderface’s and Dick “Magic Ears” Nubbler’s christmas special! I dont’ think about suicide anymore.
I hate this holiday because it is supposed to represent the celebration of the life of a pauper while forcing people (through pressure from society) to go broke giving big business all of our fucking money. Greed and Jesus are supposed to be polar opposites, conceptually speaking, yet the two have been married by a corrupt society that tells you that if you don’t go broke buying worthless shit for your family and friends then not only do you not love them but you are unChristian and UnAmerican.
One better. Because Christmas is only one day for Christians when the Jews get 8. WTF?
I hate Christmas because i want that box of CD’s.
Winner
I hate the holidays because old man in a red suit breaks into my house to give me with his “present”.
PUTTING UP THE FUCKING LIGHTS
I hate the holidays because my regular parole officer goes to see his family in Hawaii and for three fucking weeks I have to deal with Janice, his replacement. Janice. God, I hate her.
It’s a pain in the ass to have to cross state lines as it is but Janice makes it three times worse so I just don’t even bother. This makes me feel bad as my mom and sister were about the only two people to even sort of stand by me during the trial and I know it would mean a lot to them (well, my mom – my sister’s asshole husband hates me and won’t even let me be in the same room with my nephews) if I’d be there for Christmas. But Janice has nothing but time (“In my culture we celebrate Eid.” Who cares, bitch?) to break my goddam balls so I say screw it and just stay local. Piece of crap Datsun probably couldn’t make it to Columbus anyway.
So at 8 every morning, I’ve got to be on the phone with Janice as I do the ankle bracelet scan so that she knows I didn’t try to bring the equipment anywhere (like I’ve just GOTTA get to a school zone so bad that it’d be worth it to lug all of this crap into my car and besides public schools this year have late arrival starting at 9:30 for the Tuesday and Wednesday before Christmas, dumb Janice). Then it’s back on the phone with her for recess time and AGAIN when everyone’s piling into minivans to head home or to soccer practice or to go drink vanilla milkshakes at that Burger King on 11th and Meadows. And the whole time it’s just me in my chair and Mr. Bottoms in his terrarium and that’s the whole Christmas crowd at my house. Crickets for him and Santa usually brings me a fifth of Aristocrat and a couple of Jingle Bucks scratch-offs. Won $14 dollars once which more than paid for the gin.
Of course some time over the weekend some jackass is going to get my name and address off that stupid list they have on the Internet and come over and throw crap at my window . Worthless kids in this neighborhood. Last year it was the two Butler boys, I’m pretty sure. Should of brought over their tight little sister if they were going to get drunk and stand on my lawn and scream that I’m a pervert. She’s a piece of work.
So, yeah, the holidays. Just as crappy as the rest of the year if you ask me.
Because only Satan gives me good presents. Last year he bought me wooden trainwreck.
*a wooden
I hate the holidays because of the shitty christmas music that gets played everywhere.
I hate the shopping. Wrapping the gifts I don’t mind so much. I have this Santa hat in black and red instead of the traditional white and red trim, which I wear wth my Slayer shirt, and I listen to some nice black and death metal while I wrap the gifts. Death Metal Christmas, for sure! The kids love Christmas, they’re excited, so it’s cool.
I did notice that Target had Christmas stuff up the very next day after Halloween, which seemed too early and a bit nauseating.
I was wrapping presents while listening to Carcass’ “Embodiment” earlier… ironic?
Nice! That’s the spirit.
I hate the holidays this year because my 21st birthday is on Christmas and I can’t even go out and get wasted. Fuck.
1.) All the fucking christmas music playing in every store you go into.
2.) Having to go out side in balls cold weather to chop down a tree, bring it back to your house, and trying to make it stand up straight.
3.) Th Chirst part.
4.) The annoying cover songs that come out and redo-s of other other redo-s of christmas songs.
5.)The original christmas songs that suck
6.) Having to spend money on everyone whether you like them or not.
7.) Christmas tree lights
8.) Places closed on christmas.
9.) FB, MS, and Twitter updates on christmas about what they got and other various shit on the holiday
10.) Everything on TV has to do with christmas.
I’m tired of giving pedophiles boners!
all the fucking fruit cake and dried nasty cookies, the whole family getting together and acting jolly when they really are counting the minutes until they can get back to their normal lives without this holiday Christmas cheer shit…. fuck Christmas in the fuckin ass!!!!! and happy fuckin new year
and i love having to spend money on presents for ungrateful bastards who are gonna return that shits to stores no matter what your get them, and fuck that red suited fat turd called old chris cringle
I hate the holidays because first off, I’m not religious so the spiritual meaning of it is completely lost on me. Secondly, I hate christmas shopping, trying to fight the crowds at the stores, especially the fat fuckers that take up the entire aisle aint my idea of holiday cheer. Thirdly I hate Christmas cause it’s such a clean wholesome holiday to be celebrated with friends and family, I tend to be more a fan of holidays that you celebrate by getting completely trashed aka Halloween, 4th of July, St Patricks day, New years eve etc.
I hate the holidays because when it snows some douchebag doesn’t clean all the snow off the roof of their car and it flies into my fucking car. I want to set these people on fire.
Also, I hate the happiness of children.
I hate the holidays because 2 Christmases ago the girl I proposed to ran away with a mutual friend, while still wearing the ring I got her. Fuck the holidays.
Wrong email, this is the right one… I still hate the holidays
I hate the holidays because I have to see my family. I hate my fucking family. They don’t listen to metal. HOW CAN YOU NOT LISTEN TO METAL?!?!?!
I hate Christmas because it makes metal gods such as Rob Halford record shit like this : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqeJ8Bv4bAA
Oh, and I forgot Al Jourgensen too : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AxJTynZSVU
Fuck you, that’s what I was going to write.
The Rob Halford video is gone…but I’m referring to his recent Winter Songs album.
Because Jesus was metal as fuck
…and metalsucks.
I hate the holidays because over the last three years I have lost 3 people in my life… car accident on an icy road, suicide, and heart failure. Respectively for the last three years… it has yet to leave me be.
THAT is why I hate the holidays. No funny/witty remark. Sorry.
I hate Christmas because in this part of southern hemisphere Santa use shorts cause we are in the summer season and its looks like ozzy on The Osbournes everytime he come to my house and I get scared every time I think about it. But Kelly and Jack the Reindeers are adorable.
Honestly – I fucking hate holiday music. Give me something worth listening to.
i fucking HATE chirstmas because prior to christmas, it gets really really fucking busy at my dead-beat job that i have at chick-fil-a which is conveniently located in front of a fucking wal-mart. and on top of that, everyone that i work with is super uptight christians.
I hate the holidays because I have to put up with Christmas lights everywhere… we’re the chosen people! There should be Blue and Silver lights not red and green lights.
I hate the holidays because everyone tries to shove religion down your throat and make you go to church to worship to a false god with a molesting priest and a bunch of two faced people who probably beat their kids and your family don’t understand you and get you shitty gifts that you just want to take back but they threw away the receipt and you never get what you want and you have to listen to fucking boring stories from your family and fucking Christmas music and people get offended about people saying merry Christmas….
Fuck the holidays
I know hatred Is the ” metal” thing, butheres why metalheads should love Christmas: we convince children to worship and perform acts of kindness out of greed for an anagram of Satan forthe first 10 years of there lives. On their supposed saviors birthday children of all religions worship his enemy. Seems like a good time to me
I hate the holidays because I have to go to my grandparents house and visit my grandfather and grandmother who both belong in nursing homes. My grandmother has Alzhimer’s worse than anyone and my grandfather looks after her.
Family gatherings are full of watching my grandfather feed and change my grandmother while she drools on the table and yells at the rest of my family calling them “Fucking Losers”. There house smells like dead cats and urine…both, which are probably under the 100 year old couches. My grandfather has an enlarged testicle and if u look close enough it shows through his underwear he is always wearing because he refuses to put on pants. All of this is going on while I am trying to force food down my throat…Watching your grandmother shit her pants at the dinner table blows.
I am forced to do this until they die.
because all i have is a cassette deck
It’s beginning to look a lot like Hell…uh, I mean Christmas. Every year around this time, I spiral into a bottomless pit of anger and depression. Here’s why.
(1) CHRISTMAS CARDS
Nothing says “I don’t really give a fuck about you” like a Christmas card that comes out of a box of twenty identical Christmas cards. Far worse is the Christmas newsletter: “Hi, I can’t be bothered to write each of you a personal letter, so here’s a computer-printed newsletter to brief you on my boring year.” Also on the Rob shit-list: cutesy family Christmas cards with the whole family posing on the front; Christmas Create-a-Cards; and Christmas e-mail postcards. And if anyone e-mails me a snowball this year, I will track them down and do interesting things to them with a fork.
(2) CHRISTMAS TREES
At our house, we have the same artificial tree we’ve had since I was a baby. And these days, you can buy an artificial tree that looks exactly like a real one. So why buy a real one? For the pine scent? (Go out and sniff a pine cone, asshole.) For the joy of vacuuming pine needles off the rug every day? What?? I don’t get it. And then, after New Year’s Day, you see the most depressing thing ever: all the dead, rejected trees sitting out on the sidewalk, waiting to be taken to the dump. Mutilate a living thing, take it home, hang shit on it, then kick it to the curb: That’s everything evil about America in a nutshell.
(3) CHRISTMAS PARTIES
Especially work-related. My Christmas party this year comes after a 9-to-6 day for me. After such a day, I want to go home and be alone. I don’t want to hang with the same people I’ve been looking at all day. Then every year there’s some sort of idiotic theme to the gift-giving (more on that later). Last year everyone had to write a poem, which was kind of cool; I can handle that. This year, though, everyone had to buy something red. (I was going to give a vial of my own blood, but I didn’t think that would go over.) Question: If the point of these wingdings is to enjoy each other’s company, why not just forget the gifts?
(4) CHRISTMAS GREED
This time of year is when you start overhearing the little brats screaming to their parents that they want the toy du jour — this year, of course, it’s a Furby. Parents are caught in a cruel bind: They can’t very well say “Sorry, kids, Furbys are expensive and hard to find,” because then the little shits will just ask Santa for one. So the parents pretty much have to pay through the nose for a Furby. Christmas is one compelling reason not to have kids unless you’re Jewish or some other religion that doesn’t celebrate Christmas, like Wicca.
(5) CHRISTMAS CAROLS
I swear by the three TWISTED CHRISTMAS discs — and from the tracks we’ve all heard on the radio, they’re pretty damn funny. I also like Kyle’s “A Lonely Jew on Christmas,” Cartman’s cattle-prod rendition of “O Holy Night,” Tom Lehrer’s “A Christmas Carol” (quoted above), Run-DMC’s “Christmas in Hollis,” Bob and Doug MacKenzie’s “12 Days of Christmas” (“On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me — a beer”), and the Kinks’ “Father Christmas.” And I always welcome Adam Sandler’s two Chanukah songs. As for the other muzak, I’m all for dumping it into a large hole, setting it on fire, and pissing out the flames.
(6) CHRISTMAS MOVIES
I only recognize two Christmas movies: SCROOGED (for Bill Murray) and ONE MAGIC CHRISTMAS (for sick laughs). Then there are the Xmas horror flicks, like BLACK CHRISTMAS (which John Carpenter clearly saw before making HALLOWEEN), CHRISTMAS EVIL (a favorite of John Waters), SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT, and JACK FROST (the one about the killer snowman, not the Michael Keaton one). Everything else, I can live without — even IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE, though it features my favorite actor, Jimmy Stewart. Then there’s A CHRISTMAS STORY. (Okay, I can only speak for myself here, because I am definitely in the minority on A CHRISTMAS STORY, which everyone else on the planet adores, and which I loathe with the intensity of a laser beam. There’s, like, one good scene — the visit to Santa — but everything else in the movie, I despise, beginning with Jean Shepherd’s annoying, ineptly written narration: “My fevered brain seethed with the effort of trying to come up with the infinitely subtle devices necessary to implant the Red Ryder Range Model Air Rifle indelibly into my parents’ subsconscious!” Mr. Shepherd, meet Mr. Strunk and Mr. White.) As for Xmas specials, there’s A CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS and MR. MAGOO’S CHRISTMAS CAROL, which I haven’t seen in years. Everything else? Yawn.
(7) A CHRISTMAS CAROL
There are several good modern variations on it (see above), but you know what? Dickens’ perennial fable of redemption is the granddaddy of a thousand lame movies: REGARDING HENRY, THE DOCTOR, LIFE STINKS (a lot of them seemed to come out around the same time), dozens of others — they’re ALL basically the Scrooge story: Mean person learns to be nice. Or the ’90s version: Busy dad learns to spend more time with the kids. Yes, the working dad has become the Scrooge of the ’90s — witness HOOK, LIAR LIAR, and JACK FROST, to name but three.
(8) CHRISTMAS SHOPPING
The insanity begins the day after Thanksgiving, when anyone with two brain cells to rub together will stay the hell away from anything resembling a retail store. Somehow, though, the idiots come out in force every year. And there’s no let-up until at least the second week of January, because even after Christmas, people return their shitty gifts (see below). And it’s not as if the Christmas shopping season begins in November: you start seeing Christmas commercials and store decorations as early as October. Which brings me to…
(9) CHRISTMAS SHOPPERS (EARLY-BIRDS)
The only thing worse than the moron who waits until December 24 to do all his or her Christmas shopping is the smug bitch who has all her shopping done by July. That’s not misogynist: It’s always women who shop this far in advance. (Name three guys who have their shopping done before December.) Now, so as not to irk those (women) who conscientiously buy their Christmas gifts a little at a time during the year: I am speaking here of the ones who can’t resist telling you, “Oh, I got all my shopping done before July.” In other words: It’s fine by me if they do it; I just don’t want to hear it. Because it makes me want to divide such people into 17 asymmetrical pieces. So for those people, some advice: If the topic comes up … lie. Claim that you’re even farther behind on your shopping than the rest of us. That’s the best gift you can give your friends.
(10) CHRISTMAS GIFTS
The whole giving-and-getting thing: ick. When you exchange gifts with someone, you feel bad if the gift you gave them is cheaper than the gift they gave you; you also feel bad if it’s the reverse. “Wow, a DVD player! Uh … thanks … I got you a bag of chips.” You calculate just how much to spend on each person, which means you’re basically putting a price on your love. How much is Mom worth? $150? $200? How about your cousin? One great reason to stay away from romance is the agonizing over what to get your boy/girlfriend that first Christmas. And what to get his/her parents, siblings, etc….And of course he/she (usually she) will say, “You don’t have to get me anything. Just as long as we can spend Christmas together.” This, let me tell you, is horseshit.
Thats why I hate the fucking holidays.
You forgot the greatest Christmas movie of them all… Die Hard.
And you’d better watch out, because now Grover has a machine gun! Ho Ho Ho!
Mommy kissed Santa one too many times under the mistletoe while she made daddy watch, so now I have to drive all the fuck over Michigan to see my separated parents…Christmas turns mothers into whores and creates unwanted bastard children across the nation whom suck the Welfare system dry each year; stop Santa’s magic cream and we’ll correct the budget deficit.
Twisted Sister’s “Silver Bells” makes me feel like I had too much egg nog
I hate the holidays because everything associated with Christmas is gay. Super gay. As gay as sucking a bag of DICKS
Why I Hate The Holidays:
1. You want everything you see on sale but guess what! You Can’t Have It! You need to save the money so you can buy it for other people, I mean sure you have a chance of receiving that gift but what happens if you don’t tell anyone what you want? They get you pure shit! Sweaters that don’t fit, and Gap clothes. All my shirts are black, why do I want GAP clothes?
2. Unless your down south its fuck cold and crowded. New England is fucking cramped. Since it’s so cramped you have smaller living areas, and since you have small living areas it means more packed it when it snows, and do you know that that means? More shoveling.
3. So say your christmas is going well, you have everything bought for everyone and there is money left over. Here is when it hits you…….. Bills, Rent/Mortgage, etc. immediately after! So you spend all that time saving it all to get things, and now with your leftover money you need to pay rent?
4. Family. Family is a good thing, but not when you have a Great Grandmother that has Alzheimer’s so bad that she doesn’t know her way around the city anymore, thats all fine and dandy but when you go their she acts as if we haven’t been their before. She tells me that she got a new cell phone, and that is her 7th one. Just because she can’t figure it out she says its broken and throws it out. She doesn’t ask anyone if they want it, she throws it away. She cooks awful and if just all around awful. And while were at church, which may I add is unbearable if your atheist, etc. she cries that she has Alzheimers, wishing she didn’t have it and embarrassing your entire family, even the priest is saying, “get the fuck off me lady”
5. Decorating a tree is the most retarded thing ever. Who wants to see that…. well ok besides the religious people.
In Conclusion: I celebrate winter solstice and give a few gifts and thats it. No reaths, No tress, No Garlen, No spirit, No decorations, No religion, Just sit back and enjoy your items you bought and hope it gets warmer. The End.
Because I hate seeing joy in the faces of children.
because my parents never give me metal cds
Haha that’s the same with me dude.
I hate Christmas because MetalSucks is too jewish to spend a little more money and make this AT LEAST a North American contest.
Christmas songs lick ballsacks. Even Steel Panther can’t make a good Christmas song.
I hate the goddamn holidays for so many reasons. I’m $2,000 in debt and I have to come up with presents for my parents, cousins, sisters, their boyfriends, and a bunch of other people that I generally act like a dick to for the other 364 days of the year. On top of it all, since I’m an atheist, and refuse to celebrate the holidays, I’m the only guy under 60 in the strip club shoving dollars down g-strings, yelling “ho! ho! ho!” at the dancers, and no one laughs. Plus, if it snows, and I can’t get my truck out, I’m pretty much boned, and hang around my apartment all night calling people asking for pot and DVDs, which never actually pans out because they actually enjoy seeing their families and asking a fat stranger to break into their houses and eat cookies in exchange for Transformers action figures. Also, if my cousins send me another gift card to J. Crew instead of the hoodie I asked them for, I’m mailing them back anthrax. And not the good kind with Scott Ian…the bad kind that sends people the way of Brittany Murphy.
I hate the holidays because it has become so commercialized it has lost all of what it was originally meant to represent, a celebration of a time of year with your family and friends. Now it’s just all about how much crap you have to get, Xmas commercials start after Halloween, etc. It’s not a nice holiday anymore, which it could be, it’s just more consumer bullshit forced down our throat. And that is horrible, and it’s sad, because it could be a special time of year, but it’s just not…
I hate the holidays because my girlfriend fucked Santa and I was forced to watch…it was a Christmas Cuckold!!!!
I hate the holidays because I’m forced to play nice with my family, which I hate. Namely, my drugged up aunt who abuses pain medication. She’s dating a guy my and her son’s age (19) and she’s 36. Last year she stole my grandparent’s credit cards and charged a shit ton of money on it and almost ruined Christmas for everyone. Then my grandparents decide to let it go so she shows up anyway, high off her ass.
She’s gonna be there this year. She’s still living with them. Just the other day she came to my house bitching about how my grandpa took her wallet thinking it was grandma’s and put it up somewhere. She was going on about how pissed off she was and I said. “they wouldn’t be able to relate to that at all, would they?” She got pissed at me and told my mom and everyone’s mad at me for being an insensitive smart-ass.
And her ex-husband is going to be there with us for Christmas, as well as her and her “boyfriend.” If a fight broke out, I’d at least like to have a decent soundtrack of music to drown that shit out with.
i work at Best Buy…the madness of people asking me what they want when it’s a foot in front of their eyes, hungering for everything their loved ones covet but should have bought two weeks ago when we had it in stock; store people not reading inventory levels correctly and me having to piss customers off because off..all to wait until the day after christmas, where they bring everything back, not in the box, without a receipt and no they didn’t buy it on sale but they can get refunded the difference anyway?
I have an insanely hot cousin who likes to dress fairly provocatively. I see her once a year, twice max, and one of those days is always Christmas. Last Christmas when I hugged her and said hello, I nearly instantaneously got a boner. After the hug my grandma, observing my bulge, said, “Well, we know you’re happy to see your cousin.” I hate Christmas.
So your from…. Alabama? Do you know Kid Rock personally?
10) “So what are you getting me for Christmas this year??” If I hear this phrase one more time, everyone I know is getting corn holed for the holidays!
9) These stupid fucking blow up Snowmen and Santa Clauses that every Soccer Mom and illegitimate Father think they have to have bouncing around in their front yard. Please, everyone take a knife and deflate everyone you see ASAP!!
8) Also, these stupid ass spiral Christmas tree light thingies that every dysfunctional family is erecting in their front yard. I went down a street and so help me Fat Jesus every damn house had one on their front yard. I thought people would at least try to be somewhat original when they put up their Christmas lights. I hope they get shocked taking everything down during Easter Holiday!!
7) ANYONE BEGGING FOR MONEY OUTSIDE OF ANY BUSINESS. I love how corporations use “The Holidays” to try and pull at your heartstrings. Check this out…..Fuck You!! Get out of my face, and quit ringing that annoying ass bell.
6) People who try to do nice things for you when the holidays come around every year. Please, jump into a vat of paint thinner. The other 11 months out of the year, you can give a shit about me, so don’t pretend to care now.
5) Utility companies sending me Christmas cards. Leave me the hell alone!! The bills you send me are torture enough! Now I have to get a mass-produced “form” card from people who only see me as an account number in the first place.
4) Fruit Cakes: They taste like shit the previous 11 months, so do you think they will taste any better in the 12th month??
3) People who wear a Santa Hat everywhere they go in the month of December. Bad hair day or not, I don’t wanna see that glorified tube sock on your melon head. It does not make you look cute, ok?
2) People who want a “White Christmas”. “White Christmas” eh?? You are either:
a) Unemployed
b) A Stay At Home Baby Maker
c) A Sadomasochist
Based on the above data, you should have plenty of time and motivation to shovel the rest of us out who have to be at work by 6 A.M.
1) Wal-Mart + $30.00 DVD Players + 2000 Pieces Of White Trash = Nuff Said……………………
I hate the holidays because you have to buy shit for “loved ones.” No one loves me so why should I buy shit for them? Fuck that shit
I hate the holidays because when I was a kid the only thing I had to unwrap were my mom’s tamales, plus shes stingy with the meat filling.
I LOVE the holidays because its all so damned evil! Why do you think they call it Black Friday!? Go buy something on sale that you still can’t afford! Parents bring their children to go sit on a fake Santa strangers lap and tell him what they want for xmas! And 9 times outta 10 the kid is petrified!. Parent’s lying to their children about Santa and telling them he WATCHES THEIR EVERY MOVE!! And if they’re good he’ll pull a B & E into your house and leave you gifts! Leave him cookies and milk for breaking in though!! Or if they’re bad they’ll get black coal in their stockings! Way to scare the hell out of your kid, condone home invasions and pawn off good parenting on a fairytale! Xmas is all about Satan! Whats not to love? Mwahahahaha!
What I hate most about christmas is that goddamn m&m commercial! The one where the red m&m sees Santa and says “He does exist!” Then, Santa looks and the fudge packed candies and says “they do exist” then they both pass out. Now this may seem like a petty thing to hate about christmas. but instead of the usual ” i hate the songs!” or “I hate christmas because my daddy touched my bathroom parts every christmas eve while reading passages from the bible until I turned 16, which in turn makes me wanna kill midgets!” I just simply hate this commercial because they have been playing it for the past eight years!! With such a huge company that has it’s own fucking NASCAR, you would think they could hire some Jewey writer to make a new 20 second script but no! Lets keep christmas miserable and predictable! My only solace in this is to think that when the camera stops rolling the yellow peanut sodomizes the red m&m and Santa until he feels the peanuts in their turd tunnels.
Oh yea bring back Krampus and Black Pete!!! (google it!)
SCORE!!! +1 trillion, m&m’s and sodomy….WHOA!!!
Black Friday: People get TRAMPLED to death at 3 in the morning at Wal Mart so that a 90-year-old man and a morbidly obese woman on a Hoveround can fight each other over the last Hannah Montana doll. What perhaps bugs me the most is the stores that promote this by having the huge sales in the first place. Plus, Black Friday is totally not Black Metal.
1. I hate when October rolls around, and every damn major and minor retailer start reminding you that Christmas is on the way by putting annoying holiday decorations on display telling you that you need to start saving your money for presents and nonsense no one really needs.
2. With the premature Christmas decorations, come the inevitable warnings that winter is on its way bringing with it moronic drivers in big Chevy’s who were told their truck has magic powers in regards to snow. The “Magic Snow Chevy” limited edition truck comes with a one year, standard winter snow shield that can be renewed at the end of the contract for $200.00.
3. I hate the inevitable and awkward family Christmas party where the kids are still the “kids” because they have yet to land homes of their own and decent jobs at age 30. The kids still go down to the basement and sit at the Immortal kids table discussing what drink they will have next and what bar they will go to after the party. One starts complaining about wanting a cigarette.
4. I hate it when the two oldest aunts in the family start fighting over the turkey neck. They fight over it like it’s an oil rig in Iraq and when one wins, the family gets to watch the ancient specimen of a human gum the disgusting meat off the bone. We all silently gag and look away.
5. I hate the people who stand at every entrance possible – Wal-Mart, strip clubs, Subway – ringing that god damn bell, damning you to hell as you purposely look away from them trying to act like they don’t exist. “Think of all the children you are killing as you ignore me…” the little ringing bell says to every person. They (the bell ringer) then go home and drink to try and drown out the bell sound in their ears that only stops two days before Christmas of the next year. Then the “damning” commences again.
6. I hate the customers at the work place who suddenly say to me, “Have a merry Christmas!” I don’t know what to say because I can’t say anything genuine back.
7. I hate the star studded telethons that take place during December reminding people of the world peace that will never be achieved.
8. I can’t stand all the cheesy metal bands that make vain attempts at Christmas albums or singles to make a quick buck from their already lagging music career.
9. I hate the ever obnoxious homeowner that finds every gaudy decoration and light bulb and smears them over every inch of their already ugly house. (Make the entire display blink erratically for a very dramatic and stroke inducing effect for drivers.)
10. If the above nine aren’t enough to bring out a Prozac induced December, just being reminded about the greedy spirit of the season is enough to make any person sick.
Because Jesus puts it in my butt every year. That is all.
because im sick of waking up every fucking year and not having a box of amazing metal cd’s waiting for me from the amazing metal sucks jew santas!
I don’t mind stuffing my face, giving or getting presents, or seeing my extended family. I hate the holidays because all this stuff is centered around other people telling or showing me all about their religion. That ain’t metal.
Ah screw it… after reading above I don’t think I have any real problems aside from the Goddamn X-mas music that is played everywhere! Everyone says that they hate it… I’m guessing someone is lying and that’s why it’s played on the radio, commercials/tv, and in stores… I mean the only station I listen to is Liquid Metal and even then there is X-mas music… I mean, the only bearable songs are Halford’s “Get Into the Spirit”, and August Burns Red’s “Carol of the Bells”, which, coincidentally is the only traditional X-mas song I like!!!!!!!!!!!
Also, I hate those blow up decorations that go on peoples’ yards. THEY ARE FREAKIN’ EYESORES. Why can’t people keep it simple to a set of matching lights?
I hate the holidays almost as much as the ambiguity in this contest. I’d rather win those pointless Coheed & Cambria guitar hero stickers you gave away a week ago than suffer the slight possibility of opening up a package filled with the Psychopathic Records library in my own house; at least then I’d know FOR SURE that I’m getting a box of bullshit in the mail and I won’t get my hopes up. Hell, you’ll probably put “Winter Songs” in there and that’s reason enough to say fuck Christmas and all this “surprise” gift-giving nonsense. Jesus wept.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yoFbpOAx_XE
1. I hate the holidays because I have to pretend to care about the people I hate.
2. I hate the holidays because you can’t find a parking spot at the damn mall.
3. I hate the holidays because I have to spend my well earned money on people who wont get me anything.
4. I hate the holidays because of Mormons, they’re everywhere. They cant practice what they preach and they think their god lives on ‘planet Kolab.’
5. I hate the holidays because everybody wants me to go skiing with them. FUCK SKIING. I love my couch.
6. I hate the holidays because I can’t party with my friends. I’m expected to spend time with my family (who I loathe).
7. I hate the holidays because Mormons close all the liquor stores.
8. I hate the holidays because its too cold to run naked down the street.
9. I hate the holidays because I never get what I actually asked for.
10. I hate the holidays because I have to see the aunt who forgets my name and hair color every 10 minutes.
I don’t hate the holidays. Churches are easier to burn when their full of Christ loving scum. Whats to hate?
Christmas fucking sucks. I had to hear a fucking Bon Jovi Christmas song today. Death approaches.
Just so you all known, I know Im not eligible. Just expressing some hate!
I hate the holidays because of all the websites that have holiday themed contests.
Really, for me it is the anxiety of the whole situation, lemme explain.
It starts with the thought of letting people I know down because I didn’t get them a gift, even though I know for a fact none of my friends or family are greedy/stuck-up bastards like that and would be happy just spending time together. Still the crippling paranoia is enough to drive me bonkers as I ravage stores looking for gifts for people spending all my money. After that comes the self doubt, did I get them a great present they will like? Did I get them enough? Are they just going to pretend to like it and spare my feelings? Will they resent me for getting them something shitty? What if the gift they get me makes the one I got them look like a piece of shit? After battling those demons comes the realization that I have no more money , which results in small panics about what the fuck I am going to do without the essentials (You know, like vodka or weed…or FOOD and A WAY TO GET TO WORK) till I get paid again.
And the thing is, I love buying gifts for people. Just around this time of the year (And not t any other time, say like a special occasion, birthday, anniversary, etc) is when the anxiety attacks. So that’s the what I hate about the holidays. It’s not even the holidays themselves I hate (In reality, I love the holidays, all of em), just that one aspect.
I’m going to put vodka and metal magazines in my boyfriend’s stocking. Some of the mags come with cds. One is a tribute to Dimebag. Hooray, vodka! We also give a bottle of Finlandia to our best bro, Mark, every year with a bow on it.
1. I hate the holidays because they are completely pointless. I thought this was to be a religious holiday. The only things people are concerned about is buying things they can’t afford and ‘what do I get?’ Its stupid that the economy depends upon one day. Its supposed to be about selflessness not selfishness.
2. Who the hell is the fat guy in the red suit? Why cant I have a male underwear model delivering my presents instead? I was taught no to talk to strangers, he’s the strangest thing I’ve seen.
3. Putting a tree in your house seems like something a drunk guy would do. What’s the point of that?
4. Almost all of the plants associated with this holiday are poisonous, that’s the only thing that makes sense!
5. If I give those damn carolers anything, I’ll have to bury the evidence.
6. A sock? What the fuck is that about? No one wants to pull something out of my husbands jelly filled sock.
7. Like I want reindeer shit rolling down my roof.
8. To hell with peace on earth, I LIKE the carnage.
there are many reasons..one being A Twisted Christmas
I hate Christmas because no matter how many cookies I leave out, Santa’s forced cock-rape up my ass hurts just as bad as the year before.
I hate the holidays because my dream/fear of becoming an axe murderer starts to rear it’s ugly head when the in-laws come over.
I hate the holidays because of all the FUCKING STUPID END OF YEAR LISTS
I hate the holidays ’cause I crippled some kid named Tim a few years ago and people won’t shut up about that little dipshit.
Getting in the holiday spirit to fucking early is what pisses me off about the holidays. Christmas music is always played much earlier then it should be. It seems like it gets earlier and earlier each year. I noticed it this year around Halloween, I started to get sick of it midway through november and now I wanna tear my ears off whenever I hear it. Not that I don’t like Christmas music or anything but I think we should at least wait until three weeks before Christmas I mean, for fucks sake. And don’t even get me started about Christmas lights in November, its a waste of fucking power putting them up that early.
I hate the holidays because it reminds me of my fucking childhood. I hate that no matter how much you try to ignore their existence, even your favorite metal blog has to remind you of your impending misery, then forces you to participate by dangling free shit in front of you. Which makes me just as bad as every overweight housewife clogging walmart. Yay for hypocrisy.
On the bright side though, the rampant religous idiocy, greed, materialism, and general poor behavior of our society warms my heart. It’s the one time of year everyone quits pretending to have the moral high ground and acts like the self absorbed children they are. The zombie apocalypse will look just like Black Friday.
I hate the holidays because I have to knit Christmas presents for 15 people.
Yeah, I knit. Knitting is fucking metal. You play with sharp pointy metal sticks that can double as spikes on a Dimmu Borgir concert costume.
after hearing Rob halford’s get into the spirit ep
When I was 6, had to sit on a Shopping Mall Santa’s lap.
He had a boner.
I just wanna say you’re all doing a great job. I hope the best man wins!
I hate the holidays because I have to smell all of my family’s stinky, rotten deviled eggs farts. Not because of all the crap-ass music, gift exchanging (which is sweet ass), or even the fact that people won’t shut up about Jesus and Santa. But goddamnit. Th
Those deviled egg farts are brutal. (as you can see, my fat fucking hand submitted my response prematurely on this sensitive fucking laptop finger banger. Call this a continuation.) Merry Fuckshits and Happy Farting.
Egg-Nog Beer Pong… Forced to play it every year, and if you haven’t, all I’m going to say is that vomiting does and will happen, and it is 10x worse than vomiting alcohol (but there is booze in the Nog) and I hate egg-nog. And nothing says, “never come back christmas” like chugging 10 or more glasses of egg-nog. Its terrible…
because the lack of gifts shows me how insignificant i am to others.
I loved Christmas until 1993…my father’s health had deteriorated so much that he was unable to work, and our family struggled during that period. He informed me and my slightly younger teenage brother that he would be unable to give us gifts so he could give a few gifts to my much younger sister, who still believed in Santa. I naturally understood.
On Christmas morning, he told me to look in my stocking, where I found 7 single dollar bills…the only thing he had to his name was sitting there in my stocking that morning. Seconds later, my younger brother began looking for the “surprise” CD player that my father was hiding…only he wasn’t hiding it as there was no surprise CD player. The look of disappointment on my father’s face haunts me to this day.
Less than 60 days later, my father was gone….and I have cursed Christmas ever since.
I feel really sorry for you dude. I probably will never know how that would ever feel in my own life. You deserve to win those CD’s dude.
I hate acting nice to people you could give two shits about and the pressure to get people EXACTLY what they want, and the ungrateful little spoiled cockstains who don’t even acknowledge you bought them something.
Plus the generic christmas songs, not the old classical ones (those ones are pretty metal IMHO, except for O Holy Night). AND THOSE GODDAMMED MOTHERFUCKING CHIPMUNKS! FUCK THOSE CHIPMUNKS AND EVERYTHING THEY REPRESENT! THEY CAN SUCK DEAD BEARS IN HELL!
In the words of Denis Leary; HAVE A MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS!
I hate the holidays so much that I actually like them.
ps. my dad died this year so its our first christmas without him, thats plenty to hate.
I hate the holidays for one reason (well more than one):
5) My mother only listens to Christmas carols every single day in the month of December and I truly, truly, TRULY hate it! That’s why I started listening to metal in the first place!
4) I’m at the age in which presents are even in massive amounts anymore. And I don’t even get the things that I REALLY want. Whatever my parents see on my wishlist that’s religious and Christian-based, they’ll get it for me. There’s mostly mainstream/secular metal on my list and a few of them are Christian. My parents got me the Christian ones. I’m not that strong of a Christian. I do listen to other bands too you know.
3) Santa and Cookie Monster brawl to the death to see who can manage to take all the cookies! Well maybe that sounds awesome but those are MY FREAKIN’ COOKIES! PUT THOSE COOKIES DOWN NOW! I DON’T WANT YOU IN MY HOUSE!
2) There’s no snow here in Las Vegas, which is also saying that there’s not even a true winter season here, which also means there’s no true Christmas season!
1) Having to find out that Santa wasn’t real. :(
I meant to say “aren’t” not “are”
i hate the holidays because i am the anti-christ
I think my Christmas Shite Theories address this:
You see, I can’t stand Christmas decorations. It involves something we all secretly hate: manual labor. It makes us sweaty, it isn’t cute to watch, it makes us wish we were elsewhere. So why do we do it at Christmas when we put up decorations?
In my household, we find it necessary to lug everything up from the basement the day after Thanksgiving. My household’s shelves and floorspace is already crammed with chairs, cat figurines, candles the size of boulders, and empty bottles. We call these things home accents. But, in actuality, we don’t need these things. Therefore they are nothing but shite.
Every family loves shite filling their house, especially around the holidays. In the holiday season, we haul up the red and green shite. Do we need it? No. Do we want it? Yes. For some reason, we think that filling our house with these things improve our life, or that someone actually cares. The truth be known, unless you have a solid gold, made to scale Nativity scene sitting in your front yard, no one cares about what you have done, because you are doing what everyone else is doing.
With this said, I begin the Shite Compaction Theory. It is stated as: In the pre-christmas month all seasonal shite will be able to fit on shelves with the ’standard shite.’ In conclusion, out comes the ceramic Precious Moments angels, the posessed looking Nutcrackers, and the bowls of year old green and red hard candy.
Obstructing my view of the living room telivision is cone-shaped shite. There are only about two ‘hot seats’ one can sit at during the holiday season in our living room, do to the fact a Christmas tree blocks my view of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Raindeer if I sit at the far right of the couch. We put up a Christmas Tree, which accomplishes nothing other than something else to do on December 26th- take it down.
In fact, that is all that we do with our seasonal shite. We lug it all up, and this is the Shite Transfer Theory- Any holiday shite will be moved by a force of human as soon as Thanksgiving is done.
The final kind of shite I must mention to you is light-up shite, also called a fire hazard and insurance increaser.
So those are my theories, ladies and gents. Go ahead and listen to Bing Crosby until your ears bleed, make mile long present lists, and talk about Christmas until the cows come home. But please don’t feel obligated to migrate your shite from the basement to fill walls and tables no one cares about.
Because I live in Canada. :(
Because he went to Jared.
1. Christmas song make me puke 2. Too much religious bull shit 3. The thought of good will towards men makes me sick 4. Jesus is everywhere! 5. My Christmas, oops, Satanimas, is on October 31
Why do I hate the holidays…? I’ll tell you why. It all started when I was about 13. I was really excited about Christmas this year, it was the year I got all all kinds of great toys, Transformers, G.I. Joe, and all that, It was 1988. I was awakened by my mom, around 8 o’clock that morning. Dad was downstairs, along with my sister, and other younger brother. I went downstairs excited as I could be, I saw the tree there by the fireplace, bright and covered in shining lights and ornaments. I started running and caught up with my dad who was sitting on the couch there beside the tree. We were all ready to open gifts, right whenever I saw the T.V. come on, and saw Kip Winger half fucking nude, singing with his gay band, WINGER. It was the time South of Heaven by Slayer came out, it was the time I was deep in love with thrash metal, even though my parents weren’t supportive of it. So there I sat, stunned by Kip Winger’s gay ass on T.V., I tried to get my mom to change it, but she wouldn’t. So I tried to drown it out, and we started opening presents. I got my first one. I asked for Optimus Prime that year, and got the cheap “Go-Bots” version, I asked for “Zelda II: The Adventure of Link” and got my fourth copy of “Blades of Steel”, and asked for “And Justice for All”, and got the self-titled “Winger” album instead. As you can see, that year ruined Christmas in its entirety for me, since I wake up, and see Kip Winger, and my last gift was that album, and not to mention my mom sang the song “Seventeen” the rest of the day, instead of the normal Christmas carols. Ever since that terrible, terrible day, I have never liked the holidays, and KIP WINGER is all to blame.
XD
Christmas is always a disappointment. You’re disappointed by the crap that other people got you, and you’re also disappointed by the fact that your loved ones think your gifts are crap. It never fails to fail.
because it’s an evil jew conspiracy for raking in all my hard-earned gentile ca$h…LOL!
You just wrote LOL to something that you wrote.
That means that you ‘laughed out loud’. So you wrote something that you then found so funny that you – as a separate step, mind you – then read it and laughed out loud.
And (here’s the kicker) then, after laughing out loud about something that you wrote, you then typed out that you laughed out loud.
Sequence of events is you thinking of something, typing it, reading it, laughing, then typing in that you laughed.
You may want to consider that you’re not well. Not well.
as several therapists, and at least one judge, have told me…(once again) LOL (but a little more maniacally this time.)
ROFL i love when people are smartasses like this
Ah, yes. Xmas. The magical time of year when the American Cult of Child Worship once again rears its ugly, psychotic head and millions of parents across the globe kill their savings, their credit, and their sanity in the name of tracking down and laying out suitable offerings for their pint-sized demigods.
“LOVE ME! I’ll buy you anything you want! I know I’m a malignantly narcissistic douchebag who spends the other 364 days of the year embroiled in selfish pursuits while your teachers and MTV raise you, but I beseech you: Look at all this utterly useless crap I’ve laid at your feet! Sure, it will only entertain you for so long and eventually end up in the bargain bin at the local thrift store, but PLEASE LOVE ME FOR IT.”
What they don’t understand is, when they pile up their kids with gifts, they’re not getting love but instead creating A) shallow, materialistic consumer zombies who will forever define themselves through their purchases and B) a gut-wrenching sense of guilt and obligation that will haunt their children well into their adult years and perpetuate itself for generations to come.
And don’t get me started on the whole “hot toy of the holiday season” thing. “Tickle Me Elmo.” “Furbies.” Now what is it? Zhu Zhu pets? Those little robotic hamsters? I can’t begin to express how disappointed I am that we’ve reached a point in our cultural evolution where the “hot toy” of the holiday season is something Richard Gere would use as a vibrator.
Fuck Xmas. Fuck it in the ass with a rusty chainsaw.
I hate the holidays because my three female neighbor’s door has said “Ho Ho Ho” for over a month now and I have yet to get laid….
Out of all the holidays, I must say, Christmas is certainly my favorite. That being said, I fucking hate Christmas. I hate all those words associated with Christmas too, e.g. jolly, cheer, tis the (insert buillshit), spirit, aids, etc. etc. I also hate how distracting Christmas lights are, especially when traveling through the first-class, ritzy neighborhoods on my way home from work; as if it weren’t difficult enough to remain focused, between the snowy conditions and deer… we MUST recreate the Clark Griswold experience. I hate Christmas ‘memorabilia’ — for the lack of better terms — and when delivery-guy, chump-fucks come to my place of work/office, knowing full-good-and-well those jingle-bells attached to his belt warrant an ass-kicking, play it off as ‘cute’ with a smirk and a “tis the season!” But, most of all, I hate Christmas because I was born-and-raised as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, and never began celebrating it until I was roughly 20-years-old. Talk about being robbed.
Christmas time was always a big gathering for Witnesses. It usually entailed going to the local ski resort, where loads of people would pitch in, rent condos and such, and get group-rate discounts on mountain lift tickets, swimming, socializing, and what have you. It was like a winter camp — It was great, especially when you’re younger and half your school friends think you have a contagious, terminal illness because you don’t believe in the spokesman for cholesterol, who parades around in red, velvet getup. Witness kids understand you. Going to the arcade, sneaking a beer or two, and just roaming the resort was always fun… fun until you don’t believe in god anymore (notice, I didn’t capitalize ‘god’) and you’re no longer accepted.
At that point, what do you really have? Nothing’s normal. It almost feels like you have nowhere to go. Your parents, the ones who’ve convinced you this particular holiday was not in harmony with Witness teachings, divorce, adopt new lifestyles, and they themselves being to travel the contradictory path. Fuck. And, it’s hard to go from being taught/raised a certain belief system — kind of latch onto key principles, yet abandon it completely because you’re not 100% sold and/or convinced — to adopting the celebratory lifestyle… and yet, it seems it as though that is the EXACT transition in which my life has segued. Why? Seeking normality. Social pressures. You want to date and possibly marry some time in your future. Ex-witness girls are out of the question, by the way. There’s no other way — you compromise to save for being deemed weird.
But, before this, there was a time where I didn’t have any prospective hoes for whom I was’a holla’in. I had a fellow, rationalist, like-a-brother-to-me friend with whom I’d trek to the same mountain resort, and we’d get loaded in the hotel lobby on Christmas Eve, walk around the base of the snow-covered mountain, and just bullshit about life, Ayn Rand, self-discovery, and periodically revisit the initial thought of “this is so fucking cool! It’s like we’re Jack Nicholson in the Shining. We’re here all alone (no homo) — this is our fucking mountain.” But, two years ago, Eric decided it would be a BRILLIANT idea to pilfer that lonely snowboard (bait) hanging out near the stairwell, and well… he was arrested, and our drunk asses were told to leave (trespassing). So, again… there was nowhere to go.
Well, things have changed. I’m engaged (love it); we’re both atheists, but celebrate for the sake of family gatherings, and more normality. I hate it. I hate the fact that after all these years of denying that I was Jewish (again, fellow school friends), that it’s definitely surfaced as the truth. For 20 years, I needn’t shell out a dime for anybody, save for myself. NOW… it’s give, give, give. Oh, and the best part is the running around. When you don’t celebrate Christmas, you can play Indiana Jones RPG games, eat turkey and drink wine, masturbate, all of which could occupy up to 12 or so hours, if repeated in cycles. But, now, it’s visit this person, eat here, visit another, eat there, play charades, eat some more. Jaysus Chroist (doesn’t exist)! At 25-years-old now, a buck-twenty, and working at least 52+ hours per week, give me a fucking break. All I want to do is transcribe sick jams via Guitar Pro and watch repeats of Bad Girls Club.
Theology is bullshit, and the idea allotting one month per year to embrace kindness towards one another, due to this ’tis the spirit’ mentality is a load of pretentious fuck… it’s like friendly fucking, and those who do not partake in such activities *ahem* ME, really want nothing to do with it… then again, I’ve been guilty of going to a friends keg party — not to socialize, or because this person was my friend, but because there was some free booze.
Merry Christmas.
Err… logged in via facebook :(
i hate christmas because i work at walmart… enough said… did i win?
fine, i’ll explain
i hate christmas because of all the idiots that try to buy shit 3 days before christmas and then get pissed at me for being sold out of it. im getting an ulcer holding in all my rage!!! i want to beat the living shit out of all these old fucks that bitch and moan about being sold out of something 3 days before christmas!!!! and while im slowly dieing inside from holding in all this anger i still have to have a fuckin smile on my face cuz i need money to go see metal shows and buy metal shirts and band merch!!!
did i mention that i hate my job?
Better than working at McDonald’s in which most of your coworkers don’t understand a simple word of English. Be happy you have your job dude because McDonald’s is gay! I wish I never worked there.
There are no good concerts on Christmas. Gotta mosh for Satan on that day! Luckily have concerts on the 23rd and 26th though!
The music sound like a monkey and a donkey getting it on
I’m a New Englander and I work for UPS. Winter itself BLOWS because the Jerry’s Kids they hire to plow the roads miss the edge of my road by at least FIVE FUCKING FEET, so that’s extra shoveling that I have to do. That’s right, I shovel my driveway because my snow blower shit the bed Sunday during the storm. To top that off, my car is leaking antifreeze faster than I can piss, and I currently lack the cash to buy it. I’ll leave out the fact that the girl I wanted to date rejected be cuz that’d make me sound like an emo bitch, so instead I’ll say I got fucking pissed of at a ton of shit and blasted some Obituary to calm my nerves….which is the truth.
Basically I hate people. Their concept of God, Christ, and the fact that some nonexistent magician deserves a holiday. The media blows shit way outta proportion to the point where people start thinking of Xmas before Thanks-fucking-giving (a holiday celebrated with food because we decided not to kill natives for a day or something). I again blame those retarded Christians for that, and for stealing a pagan holiday, AND for basically making it seem like the Jews don’t even have a holiday. Not only that, but a fatass who can fit down my nonexistent chimney, breaks into my house to give me shit scares the fuck outta me. Who fucking thought of that shit anyhow? I mean if Santa was a Viking who gave me beer and weapons, I’d love him. Hell I’d turn gay that instant and blow Viking Santa. But I digress, since Santa uses UPS these days…that lazy fat bastard.
And I know Santa uses UPS….I’ve seen the return address on those packages. Ok, that’s a lie, but as a UPS worker, I’ve grown to loathe people and this useless fucking holiday. I mean if it was in June, I’d be fine with Xmas, but since it’s in the winter when the roads suck more dick than your mom last night, I fucking hate it. It’s peak season right now, and that means we’re doing twice the normal work we do….and tonight we had triple the amount of normal work. The most brutal load in our building becomes Double Brutal (yes, I had to make an Austrian Death Machine reference). The area I work in is usually the most brutal…..think Cannibal Corpse in a sea of thrash bands….CC will stick out like a sore thumb. For a couple days last week and today, I was like the Yngwie Malmsteen of loading 18 wheelers. Hell last week alone I got 11 hours of overtime. Why? Because people will cry if they don’t get their useless shit before a pointless holiday. If we killed everyone, we wouldn’t have to worry about this shit anymore.
I hear you on the new england plows, i live on a major road and the plow leaves about 5-6 feet between the edge of where they plow the road and my mailbox at the edge of the road, so I either have to clear that shit out myself while I’m getting showered with road slush from all the cars driving down the road or else it freezes and the mailman stops delivering my mail and i have to take time off from work to go down to the post office during their extremely inconvenient hours to pick up my mail.
being santa at the mall should not be the only job were you get to put kids on your lap with their complete trust. and whisper “have you been naughty?”
I just have to admit that November to the end of the year is the most depressing time of year. It’s a very plain and obvious fact that most people hate each other and this is especially true of those related to one another, but for one time period a year we must act like these people are what we admire.To put it plainly, my loved ones fucking sicken me. I hate explaining where I am at in life to 10 dozen(yes 120 people) who honestly don’t give a damn. I hate being such a kind soul to give to my less fortunate family who is less fortunate due to their own filthy habits in life. I hate being judged around this family for being the tattooed freak who listens to the devil music and won’t eat any animals. So what the fuck if I’m saving lives/suffering of animals, I have a between the buried me tattoo, so I’m the antichrist.
And this “Compassion” spreads to all like a disease…a plague. It spreads its germs on the walls of your local grocer, in the people you work with at work, to a stranger on the fucking bus. YOU DON’T KNOW ME, DON’T WISH ME THE LOVE I DO NOT WANT. I can not stress “do not want” enough on anything of this season.
I suppose Christmas has some alright things to stand for, but it’s all covered up by fake-ass love, images of a jolly fat home wrecker, and greed.
God Damn Merry Christmas And A Happy Fucking New Year.
I could talk about the religious reasons I hate the holidays, you know, how Jesus wasn’t really born in December and such. But those are boring.
I really hate x-mas because one December, when I was a lad of eight, my dad went missing on Christmas. We couldn’t find him at all, not anywhere. I cried for days and days, it was the saddest time of my life. The final week of December, I noticed a smell in my chimney, and told my mom. She called a chimney sweep, and he said it was probably a dead animal putrefying within the brick prison. He reached up, with gloves on, of course, and yanked down hard. What fell was the decaying corpse of my father, dressed as Santa Claus. He was going to surprise me with presents that Christmas. That was how I learned that Santa wasn’t real, and when I started to hate Christmas.
Wait, wait, sorry. I’m addicted to the movie Gremlins, and I must of had a relapse. No, the real reason I hate the holidays is because of fucking Christmas carols. I grew up in a half-Jewish half-Catholic family, and I always thought it was bullshit that Xmas had more songs than Channukah. I mean, what kind of a trade for catchy, mainstream tunes is about twelve different ways to spell the name of the celebration? That’s fucking bullshit, it just lets morons be Jewish correctly! Not only do carols promote inequality, but they’re fucking annoying! I work at a walgreen’s and ALL we play now is carols. Jackson 5’s Santa Clause is Coming to Town makes me want to puke! Not to mention the pretentious demands coming from “We Wish You A Merry Christmas.” I mean, for fuck’s sake, one line of the song DEMANDS figgy pudding, with the threat of an eternal annoyance as punishment for not following up on the ultimatum. I call the cops to deal out restraining orders when the local church youth group sings at my door!
Fuck the holidays in general, especially christmas, fuck the carols, fuck the religious lying bullshit, and most of all, fuck “metal” bands that do Christmas songs.
Goddamn, I’m gonna go chug some eggnog and shit on a nativity scene — thank you lactose intolerance!
They play fucking country covers of all the damned Christmas carols at my work.
And no, If you’re the Nate I think you are, I’m not going to visit you at work.
btw, your first paragraph actually made me lol.
I hate the holidays becuase just when you thought it might be your lucky day a bunch of assholes send you a box of Oceano c.d.s and leave you with the question, “well, I could listen to this C.D…. or kill myself which will save me the trouble of having to listen to said c.D….”
i can’t fucking figure out what to get for my parents
fuck you pussies. Christmas is the best time of the year hands down.
I now hate the holidays because I had the great displeasure of hearing a few songs during a holiday hair metal hour hosted by Dee Snyder. This has done great damage to my psyche and I now have nightmares of a Santa in drag chasing me while causing sparks on hit metal crotch piece. I have lost the will to live.
That’s why the radio is the devil.
ba humbug i hate the holidays cause i never get what i want.i want more metalsucks
Fuck i got shit on again!
i hate the holidays because i choke myself while wearing lipstick and masturbating
Because after watching Die Hard, I’ve realized that any Christmas I have will never be as cool or as metal as John fuckin’ McClane’s.
I didn’t read any of this shit, but I hope you mean Jan. ‘10…cause Jan. ‘09 was last year…this might be a hoax.
The holidays suck because shipping is so much slower for all the CD’s I buy.
because being forced to get sober in the morning, just to “save your drinking til you’re with the family” is such a fucking cocktease. just let a girl drink! i’m way more fun that way, i promise!
Cause it sucks worse than this Metal, and sucks more than this Blog!
Suck on! \m/
Because Hatebreed thinks its a great idea to tour every xmas with great bands and headline every show. That doesn’t sound so, but with the douchebagery that takes place at their shows its practically the the Five Finger Death Punch crowd meets breakdowns
People, so many fucking people.
Christmas sucks because I work overnights at Target where I’m treated like a mindless drone. Then when customers come into shop in the morning they look at me like I’m an unseless idiot because yes I’m still wearing shorts in twenty degree weather, and no I can’t help you find that stupid fucking toy. Or the fact that procrastinators wait to the last minute to shop and are now starting to get pissed off at me because he don’t have zhu zhu pets in stock. Fuck you buddy, it’s only the hardest toy to get a hold of right now. And then there’s my wives’ family. I would have more fun hitting myself in the balls with a sledgehammer but instead I have to listen to their mindless babble and pleasantries while they attempt to talk to me about “metal” music by asking if I heard the new nickelback. Or talk about sports while getting the different terminology all wrong (“Look at that guy run with the football and score that goal. Man it’s already the second half, can’t believe this game is so short”). Then there’s the fact after this I have to be back at Target at 2 in the damn morning on the 26th, totally not allowing me to get shitfaced or sleep for that matter. God christmas pisses me off.
I feel your pain. You probably have it worse at Target with more people, but at my store (Walgreen’s) we have people come in and bitch about STUPID shit. A lady screamed at me because she wanted 2/5$ boxes of candy canes, and wouldn’t listen when I explained she was buying two different companies, and the sale was only for one. Ugh, Xmas brings up the dregs of the earth.
bell ringers ,my family, seeing homeless people on the t.v., snow,
Being a uneducated low life has led me to work some pretty basic jobs in my day, many in the retail industry, where my grudge against Christmas began. You might easily jump to the conclusion its people, crowds, or just dicks in general. Truth be told, that shit is day in day out, people suck no matter what time of year it is. No the unbearable, unstoppable and utterly unholy sound of Christmas Music is what gets me pissed. And instead of unloading on the whole genre I’m going to focus my hatred on two grave offenders: THE CHRISTMAS SHOES and DEAR MISTER JESUS. These audio abortions need to be stopped. Both represent the up most in blatant “blow your nose with a pancake” sap and cookie cutter “help the little man” rhetoric, who’s only compatriot is probably Glen Beck. Christmas Shoes does what few things have, made cancer seem less depressing than the song trying to spell a sad story about it. The whole song reeks of “Christmas can be a sad time too, so don’t forget that while you spend hundreds of dollars on useless Wii accessories made by Chinese toddlers who were probably worse of then the woman with cancer in the first place.” And if cancer and children pleading with strangers to buy a pair of shoes for a piece of worm food wasn’t bad enough, its has to be about Jesus too. Which leads me to the second of this gruesome twosome, Dear Mister Jesus. This song once again involves poor children, Jesus, and, here’s the twist, instead of a “can’t control shit like that” problem like cancer they address the always flashback inducing concept of Child Abuse. And we’re not talking about the casual red headed step child beatings we all know and love, but rather attacks that were so bad that not only hospital care was required, but a young boy needed to summon the powers of Jesus to heal the victim. And here’s the real kicker, the boy, who’s mustering all his courage to gain the favor of a zombie, is a victim, too. And the steel toed boot on that kicker is, oh horror of horrors, its his “Mommy (who) hits him too.” And the whole time I thought they were addressing the age old tradition of Daddy’s drunken holiday buggery. Both songs contain terrible vocals brought to you buy Michael Boulton imitators and unich child sopranos. Both make “Do They Know Its Christmas After All” and the Very Special Christmas project seem like a cure for AIDS. Both make me want to hate Christmas.
I hate Christmas because I gotta let Santa cum down my chiminey.
I hate Christmas because I was born on Christmas. Everytime I tell someone that I was born on Christmas they would say “that sucks” So after hearing that for so long I think Christmas sucks.
I hate the holidays because I’m forced to eat fruitcake. Enough said.
I hate fucking Metalsucks because you lazy American douchebags won’t bring that prize to me in the U.K!
I hate the Holidays because every year people do the same shit they did the year before. People eat the same thing on every Xmas, forget how to drive in the snow, buy the same old shit for presents (How many times am I going to get a Lifesavers Storybook in my stocking?), and have the same fucking contest they did last year.
Oops.
Because this is the time of year when everyone in my family (both mine AND the in-laws) decide to have some sort of meltdown and crisis. Every fucking year. And every year I sit beneath the Christmes tree with a gun, pondering if I should adorn it with festive gray snowflakes of my brain matter.
But, this being my new baby boy’s first holiday season, I’ll forego the Christmas suicide until he’s older so it REALLY screws him up and he can jump on here about why HE hates Christmas.
I hate the holidays because we are expected to go into a massive amount of debt in order to please people that annoy the hell out of us 364 days of the year!
Oh..and I also hate the holidays because I am so broke from Xmas shopping that I can’t afford a new CD!
I hate the holidays because Santa never gets me what I want: Santa, just get me a Pepsi! Please, all I want is a Pepsi!” And he wouldn’t give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and he wouldn’t give it to me! Just a Pepsi!
Suicidal Tendencies, Oh, Crikey, just give the man his Pepsi!
I hate the holidays because:
1. I hate “family fun time”.
2. I hate getting presents almost as much as I hate giving them.
3. I lost $60 to my girlfriend’s little brother and dreidel yesterday.
4. Christmas means I can do real, meaningful shopping all fucking month.
5. People were crazy, stupid, and annoying before the holiday season – it might as well now be the Apocalypse.
6. If I have to set up one more Christmas tree for my grandparents I’m going to murder someone
7. Christmas music. Nothing more to be said.
8. The fact that people need to say “The Holidays” even though they mean Christmas, since Chanukah isn’t a high holiday for Jewish people, and most people don’t know anything about other religious holidays.
9. The fact that people think Chanukah is a big deal for Jews.
(I’m not Jewish, for the record)
10. Santa, and people dressed as Santa.
11. I’m not spending any fucking money for gifts on anyone except for me (and my girlfriend, since she’d rip my nuts off if I didn’t get her something).
12. Traveling anywhere for any reason around “the holidays” becomes impossible.
13. Too. Many. Fucking. Lights.
14. I hate the holidays because I hate the holidays, and people know that, and give me shit about it. If one more person calls me a scrooge, I’m going to use blunt force to castrate them, and play tug o’ war with their intestines.
15. “25 Days of Christmas” and the new, “25 Days of Christmas” leading up to the “25 Days of Christmas” shit on television
16. Making this list about how much I hate the holidays reminds me of all the things I hate about the holidays, increasing my hatred for the holidays.
17. Shit being closed when I want to go to it.
Fuck the holidays, and fuck you for reminding me of all the reasons why I hate the holidays.
i hate the holidays cause im stuck in fuckin iraq listening to pantera with no fuckin whiskey.
It is not the commercialism, endless visiting, pushy religious people, cold weather or caroling that bothers me. It is being the poorest person in my family. During gift exchange time, I have to cringe as they open some cheap-ass, home-made thing my wife and I cobbled together – all the while knowing that there is some rocking gift that they bought for us. They have to pretend like they are not disappointed when they open our gifts and we have to pretend we are not ashamed when we open theirs. I would like to do away with the whole gift part of the holidays and focus on being together.
I hate Christmas because way back when i was a kid I was driving home with my parents and my little brother from visiting my grandfather in the loony bin. I remember we saw this guy in a Santa suit on the side of the road so my parents stopped to ask him if he wanted some help. Santa pulled out a gun and shot my pops dead. I got out of the car and tried to hide. I looked back only to see Santa try to rape my mom. (She had a nice rack). She tried to get away so Santa slit her throat.
Now all I do is wonder around Christmas time in a Santa suit and punish all the naughty people who don’t deserve presents. I’ll say “Naughty!” and then chop them up with an axe or impale them on deer antlers that might be mounted on a wall or hang them by Christmas lights or cut them up with box cutters.
Punishment is necessary, punishment is good!
Happy holidays all you naughty fuckers!
I hate Christmas for a variety of reasons: the music, the shopping, having to pretend to like my extended family even though they don’t give a damn about me(nor I about them). Sure, those are all good reasons. But I really hate when my cool hip Aunt decides to buy me music. A few years ago, she got me an Insane Clown Posse CD, because ya know, with the clowns “It seemed like the type of evil music I would dig.”
A year after that, she wanted my CD player to get the knuckle shuffle from Five Finger Death Punch.
Last year found me unwrapping a crap sandwich that consisted of Nickelback and Hawthorne Heights. Wow, two bands not even in the same neighborhood of crappy music world.
Creed just put out an album this year. So did Brokencyde. Suffice it to say, I’m scared.
The holidays suck because if anyone in my family attempts to buy me a cd i end up with the devil wears prada or attack attack! cause the douchenozzle from best buy suggested they were “heavy”.
My wife refuses to buy any music on my Amazon wish list because it is “too evil” and my daughter knows I know more about metal than her and her friends, so I get gift cards!!
i hate the holidays cause your mom takes the day off.
i also hate the holidays cause where the fuck are my Mastodon shoes?
Because for the last 10 years I have work at a big box retailer in the electronics department and it’s not just before Christmas that makes me want to go on a kiddie killing spree it’s the day after when all the little bastards come in with their gift cards that have more money on them than my last pay check, whineing let me see this game and that game and is this one any fun, why does my mom have to be here so I can buy Grand Theft Auto all this while the line of anger little piss ants gets longer and longer waiting for help and my hangover from having to listen to all my succesful cousins tell me how much they made in the last year, or the older teeny girls with the why do only have silver Nanos left, I want pink! Or the last 2 Christmases why don’t you have any Wiis, I know your hidding one in the back for your self. All day all I will hear in mind is Time To Kill Is Now, Time To Kill Is Now.
1. Dealing with guitar students a fucking recital where most of them still don’t know how to play Mary Had a Little fucking Lamb playing Christmas in front of their fucked up looking parents who either are too proud of their kid to admit their a piece of shit who can’t play, or yells at me because their kid isn’t “learning” jack shit.
2. My brother dated one of my ex’s and just being around them sometimes is fucking awkward. Please tell me there’s someone else that this has happened to.
3. The weather, at least where I live, is constantly on it’s period so it could be 60’s one day and then 30’s the next, fucking shit up.
Fuck the Holidays.
Once we were a proud people. Grim? Aye, we were grim – and frostbitten too, but proud nevertheless. In our hallowed longhouse deep in the ancient, snow-capp’d valley of Ikeaföorniture we would drink and carouse, and listen to the singing skalds Isahn and Abbath roar their heathen paeans to Valhalla and Blashyrkh. And in the springtime when the frost receded we would set sail, with the wind at our backs and tents in out pants, for the green isles of the south, to plunder and burn their monasteries, pleasure their women and eat their men!
We’d strike shore bright and early. And we’d charge through the mud! And then! Oh, the blood! Oh, the blood! Blood! Blood! Blood! That’s one thing we loved: the blood! Blood! Blood! Blood! Then our band, young and old, would sit down to a feast. And we’d feast! We would feast! We would feast, feast, feast, feast! We’d feast on blood pudding and besotted roast priest (which was something that Odin didn’t mind in the least).
But then… But then they came quietly among us, and for a time we rebuffed them! Olaf the First built a Christian church, and for his transgression he was killed in the Battle of Svold – consumed by the frozen sea. A generation later, Olaf the Second cast off his pagan heritage; before we knew it, stave churches were being built faster than we could burn them. The old faith was suppressed, appropriated. We were driven to the frozen mountains of the north to lick our wounds and make records with bad production values.
And so. Every Christmas is a painful reminder of our failures, a remembrance of our lost heritage [pauses to wipe a tear off of smeared corpse paint]. And what’s worse, this year even the Metal God himself has recorded a… a… a Christmas Album (available at Amazon for $13.99, free Super Saver Shipping on orders over $25).
And that’s why I hate the holidays.
tents in *our* pants
Because the wife and I agreed not to get each other anything (just bought house and broke as fuck) and come xmas morning I am sure the pity party will start be on in full swing.Cause I ain’t getting her shit!!!Love Ya Honey
The Airing of Grievances
“I got a lot of problems with you people!”
because ][ STILL CANT GO INTO THE WOODS AND BLAST SQUIRRELS AWAY/p.s. traffic/p.s.s.christymas music
I hate the holidays because I have to spend time with people that love me. You should check out my black metal band…my mom lets us practice in her sewing room!
I hate the holidays because I fell off the goddamn ladder putting up stupid Christmas lights and broke my wrist. Now i’m pissed off because of all the usual holiday bullshit and I can’t relieve the tension with a decent wank. My left hand just isn’t coordinated enough to do a proper job of it. FUCK!
I just got divorced and I am going to have the best christmas in 11 years because for once I don’t have to spend xmas at my fucking in-laws house. I hand my little girl off to my ex at noon on xmas and then will be firing up the vaporizer and relaxing all day.
I hate christmas because I want one of four healthy sized boxes of cds.
I hate the holidays because one time when I was little (but not that little), I sat on Santa’s lap in a mall and oh it was terrible. I know what’s going on, Santa.
because
- everything’s fucking closed.
- the city get’s fucking desolate and there’s no one to get a fucking beer with.
- humanity is showcased as being fucking stupid enough to be brainwashed to hand their fucking hard earned cash over for presents, a good amount of which probably get thrown out.
- wrapping paper is fucking wasteful.
- parents are fucking retarded to tell their children that their presents came from some fat old stranger.
- xmas music is the fucking opposite of metal.
I hate going out to buy shit for other people, only to just buy shit for myself because I am incredibly selfish.
I hate Christmas because i’m a spoiled little bitch and I didn’t get the iPod touch, 2010 Camaro, PS3, Alienware Laptop, EVH Replica guitar, 70″ LCD TV, and all the other stereotypical bullshit that materialistic assholes think they need.
I don’t hate the holidays. I’ve transcended that, as I transcended being anti-christian. Being anti-christian is like saying “I hate the Packers. I’m a Vikings fan.”
I don’t like football.
I hate the holidays because the fat bastard never gets my order correct. He still falls his drunk ass down the chimney, smokes a bowl in my living room and doesn’t share, then gets the munchies and eats all my cookies but can’t get my box full of CD’s to me. Metalsucks.net, help this fat fucker out and show him how to deliver my box full of CD’s!
You know why I fucking hate Christmas? Everybody’s fucking happy. I’d like to extend my hatred to people in general, actually. I hate Americans because they won’t ship shit to Canada. How many natural resources (weed, good whiskey, Canadian bitches) have we exported to your country? Fuck it, I hate Canadians too because most of them portray the fucking polite and “nice” image. Also known as “a fucking pussy”. Bend over a little farther Stephen Harper, Christmas time is coming and Obama Bin Laden needs some lovin’. There’s your fucking Christmas carol! Fuck my mother, if you haven’t already.
This year I’ve got each one of my children a unique, personal way for them to commit early suicide so they don’t have to suffer through next Christmas! It will be my gratitude for being obligated to a religion by the overpowering media machine and a society that doesn’t know how to take things in context. Holiday = another chance to fuck yourself!
I hate this fucking site because I waste too much fucking time reading pointless garbage, and subscribing to the social media frenzy.
I hate the holidays because it always ends the same. Hold back nannies hair while she throws up in the toilet, listen to my aunt cry about her failed relationships, and pick up my dad from the county jail. Oh yeah, and I get the same pamphlet from my great grandmother called “Get ROCKED by God” which explains why christian metal/rock is the best in the most propagandistic way…
…Because while pagans may have worshiped trees in the past, which is where Chirstmas Trees originate from, I refuse to worship a jolly fat man in a red suit.
Because we read sorry ass whiners dribble on for more than two sentences about how much the holidays suck. Boo fucking Hoo.
I hate the Holidays becaue I have to listen to Christians bitch about people saying “Happy Holidays”. Because I have to listen to non-christians bitch about how their holiday doesn’t get enough recognition. Because I have to listen to people tell me that they’re depressed because they have fucking “Seasonal Affective Disorder”.
Because I just want to enjoy my time off and have fun with friends and family without having to put up with fucking WHINERS.
the holidays suck because i work at a god damned walmart and every fucking person within 50 fucking miles comes in to shop every fucking day. I get all kinds of horrid wastes of life in that god forsaken store. My favorite are the 500 pound whale people who drive the electric courtesy carts about 2 god damned feet into the fucking mcdonalds so they can another 100 pounds do that weird lump that grows below their waistline. Another thing those fuckers do is complaine that their carts are wet, and want to know if their any dry ones. Of course their arn’t dry ones! They’ve been out in the fucking snow all day and walmart os too god damn cheap to fix the fucking heaters. One day I’m gonna snap and stab some old fucker in the face…
Another thing I hate about the holidays is I have to put up with my stupid drunken family all night saying stupid shit and getting into fights. FUCK
That second part sounds kinda fun.
I hate the holidays because they make everyone else happy
Holidays = Bank Account Sucka.
You want to know why I hate the holidays? Well, fine, I’ll tell you why. It’s because of Jesus. What did that poor fucker ever do for anyone? Jesus didn’t do shit. Miracle-like crap happens all over the place, just deal with it. It isn’t a reason to go praising some dead Jew, then use that as justification to kill all the other Jews. Goddamn it. If Jesus were around today, some crazy motherfucker calling himself the son of God, our lovely hedonistic culture (dominated by Christians, of course) would throw that poor bastard’s ass in an insane asylum. I’m sorry, did the definition of insanity change while I was taking a shit? No, I thought not. I’m sure Jesus was a cool dude, up to a point. He would probably be down to smoke a joint with the boys, because what kind of person goes to war after smoking some really good weed? But of course the Christians had to fuck it all up. Jesus was your regular, everyday insane street preacher who just happened to be good at parlor tricks and convincing others to lie for him. Kind of like a politician. Not like I blame the guy for wanting a little love from the public. But then his little sycophant followers had to come in and mess with everything. Damn it. And now you want to give presents to little kids to commemorate some guy in whose name some of the greatest atrocities in the world have been committed? Wow. Really mature, Christians, really fucking mature.
I never used to hate the holidays. Then the holiday cheer started to infiltrate metal bands, i.e. Twisted Sister & Halford. How can Rob Halford sing about Nostradamus 1 minute, then about getting into the Christmas spirit the next? Just terrible.
OK Here we go,for starters all these fucking organizations calling and begging for money.I’m like fucking get it from some one who cares dick face.I’m broke and on unemployment.Then it’s got to be the traffic.The people out there driving cutting you off giving you the finger.That alwayes puts me in the spirit.And last but not least your own family ripping you apart with jokes and whatever because they think there doing better then you.They might be better then me,but I’ve seen VENOM MOTORHEAD SLAYER SATYRICON KREATOR IMMORTAL OPETH BEHEMOTH PAGE AND PLANT KING DIAMOND,AND 100s OF MORE SHOWS OVER THE YEARS THAT KICKED MY ASS WHILE YOU WERE WORKING LIKE A DOG. TO BE BETTER THEN ME.So there asshole, choke on that.I’ve seen all the best tours over the years.I’m a metal junkie. Thats what I am and what I live for.I sure would love to bang my head for the new year with a box of cds from you guys.Marry fucking Chrismas!
I hate the holidays because every year some kid steals my bell and my bucket of cash that i’ve spent 8 hours in front of Wal-Mart collecting. or at least that’s what i have to tell my boss. in actuality, i spent it on $1 menu lunch and dinner and a bottle of Grey Goose to keep me warm when i get home.
I love the holidays, it reminds me why I am single and have no kids.
Because holiday food gives me bad diarrhea, which leads to me getting shit on my hands every time I use the bathroom.
Because I have to go on a family vacation to Tuscon and as Steve Coogan said “Because no matter where you go, it’s always better than Tucson”
BUT IM GOING THERE!
and that is why the holidays suck
Because I was raised a Jehovah’s Witness, so while all the other kids were scarfing down cupcakes and singing about rudolf, I was banished to the libary like some kind of pariah, while I explained for the millionth time, that I’m not Jewish – for some reason if you don’t celebrate Christmas everyone seems to assume you’re a Jew – then went home to a home without the holidays and pretended that it was just hunky-fucking-dory with me that ll the other children got present and I got fucking squat, but it’s all good because Jesus will make it up to us in the new system (which is a whole other line of fucking bullshit.)
Also, the fact that they start setting up for Christmas shortly after Halloween drives me up a fucking wall.
And, lest I forget, I live in the frozen north, and far from being nostalgic a white Chirstmas just means more goddamn snow to shovel.
I hate the holiday season because I have to endure everyone bitching about how much they “hate this time of year”, all the while doing the very things that they bitch most about. If you don’t like the game, don’t play.
I hate the holidays because every fucking year, you cocksuckers make me write out a sentence on why I hate the holidays.
Traffic
because bands take off when they should be ROCKIN
I hate the holidays because a host of sorts gives away shit to others listing reasons why they hate the holidays, thus further shining light on the holidays.
I hate Christmas because I’m more poor than crust punk and people STILL expect me to give them presents.
Maybe if I got that box, I could give them some of those albums and they would shut the fuck up for one Christmas.
I hate the holidays because every Mormon family (I live in Utah) has a manger scene in their front yard. Blah, blah. Fuck Jesus.
I hate the holidays because the “authentic viking feast” quickly induces vomiting or diarrhea. You can’t cook grandma. Give it up already.
The holidays suck because my family has to buy me the most asinine gifts possible. I have never shopped at Hollister, never will I shop at Hollister. I can’t even stand to walk by the store in the mall without gagging.
“Oh, you can take it back.”
“Thanks, but I think I’ll just burn it.”
I also hate the holidays because I have to get up even earlier for school to scrape off my ice cube of a car.
b/c Judas Priest made a Christmas CD
I hate X mas b/c it’s improper to call it Christmas. People have become so politically correct that it just pisses me off! I’m sick of having to change things to please the minority. Soon we won’t celebrate Easter b/c it’s a Christian holiday or Thanksgiving, b/c it involves us killing the native Americans. Some times I’m sad to be from such a screwed up country.
Happy fucking holidays!
Chris
I hate it because I date a gal with divorced parents. Apparently the dad cheated years ago and they got divorced due to his infidelity. She has three sisters, so the progeny count totals four, all of whom are incredibly resentful towards their pops.
Every Xmas, like clockwork, we visit each of her parents separately. Her mom’s place is first, which is unfortunate because she is living in relative poverty compared to their father and this gets the girls all fired up. Moving on to her dad’s after everyone is drunk and depressed from the visit with their mother, I am almost always lulled into the post holiday dinner coma and go to relax on the plush couch in the old man’s media room. And, like clockwork, the silence is inevitably shattered by what I call a giant “fuck you fight”, in which everyone verbally attacks each other. I am usually the target of everyone’s ire merely because my parents are still together. I guess I should just be happy that no physical violence is involved (usually). Those CD’s would go a long way towards enabling my ability to enjoy a peaceful holiday.
My answer still stands from last year. I actually love the holidays. Particularly x-mas. Nothing but nothing brings out the absolute most vile degradation of a person’s soul than clammering to get the newest “must have” electronics or toys in the grip of “Blaaack Friiiday” hysteria. This year at one of our local Walmarts I actually witnessed first hand the depths of callousness. An older female employee was readying the big cardboard boxes to be opened for the Black Friday event, with a box cutter in hand mind you. A younger female customer approached and was notified the boxes were off limits until the allotted time. Well this very driven merc of a consumer decides her x-mas shopping list is the utmost important single thing in her life and rips into this box causing the employee to severely lacerate herself in the scuffle. In the aftermath there were no appologies muttered, no sudden rush of guilt or remorse. The customer actually pushed the senior citizen out of the way so she could continue on her way pilliaging every unopened box in sight! Gotta love what consumer driven shit-heads will do when backed into a corner.
Santa – the biggest, most flamboyant pedophile out there. Children sit on his lap and whisper what they want from him into his ear. Then he comes into their houses in the middle of the night and he gives it to them.
I hate Christmas because the homeless men that I refuse to give money to dress up and ring a bell in front of all of the stores I need to shop at claiming to be a “charity”. Salvation Army? More like “Will Guilt Trip For Booze.” To make matters worse, I have to attempt to distinguish these frauds from the motherfucker who breaks into my house every year and eats my fucking cookies (because Satan knows I buy and wrap all of the presents.)
But most of all, I hate Christmas because it is the day before the 3/4 Misfits ‘95 reunion in New Jersey opening for Danzig, and I am stuck in Illinois while the air is crammed with greedy pricks wanting gifts from their relatives.
FUCK CHRISTMAS. Better yet, FUCK RELIGION. And since the blacks wanted in on the holiday craze, FUCK KWANZAA.
I hate the holidays because my family is deyond disfunctional. It’s like walking into the first life of agony cd. Some are about to lose the house and live on the street poor, Nobody seems to like each other. Each year somebody else has either died or is on the way out. So I have to basically face death every year, not to mention the relatives that are so old that all they talk about is how they WANT to die. Kinda kills any chance at casual conversation when grandma goes “do you know what it feels like to want to die?” and to top it off I get to see the relative to molested me when I was a kid and play “nice” and like it never happened. yeah good times. Thanks for letting me share. i’m gonna go drink some draino
I know why Christmas makes me so sad, and why I hate it. My hate is rooted in something about the weather. I park my car outside, and every morning I go out to it, I notice the little patterns that form from the frosty ice crystals. And you know what? It looks like illegible band logos!! Every year I see those little illegible band logos all over my car (I swear if you look at your own cars you will see them). The joke between my metal friends is that Celtic Frost is all over my car (har-de-har har). But one reason I hate Christmas is that I see those little band logos and it makes me wish my CD collection were bigger. I can’t ask most of my family to buy me a death metal CD for Christmas, because they hate my music. Metalsucks, give me illegible band logos that are seen not only on my car, but more abundantly in my CD collection thanks to winning that box of CD’s!
PS I saw Whitechapel on my car this morning xD
People get way to pissed off and stressed out because they don’t know what to get people and they don’t want OTHER people getting pissed off at them for not getting them anything when really all it means is that certain people just don’t know other people well enough and we should all just realize that and save money and time in line by just not getting them anything but a nice BJ for opposite sexed friendships and a good squeeze on the cheeks for same sexed friendships. If BJ’s aren’t appropriate, a simple Merry Christmas is perfectly fine. No need to complicate it. Oh and Christmas music, unless metalized, is absolutely fucking horrible. I hate how Christmas decorations are up before Thanksgiving. The absolute worst thing, though, is receiving a present along that needs to be qualified thusly: “This is a Merry Birthday present.” I could probably go on for years about how much I hate the holidays but I figure the longer this gets, the faster you’re attention span gets redirected to the 500 or so other replies that are shorter and sweeter than this one.
Metal Christmas.
\m/(>.<)\m/
because more dumbasses will get Hot Topic cards and buy Slayer shirts to look cool at a Killswitch Show…
Because I am a Jew, living in Houston, Texas. I love the holidays and doing all the cheesy Jewish things like lighting the Menorah and eating gelt, and I have mad Jew pride.
But let me tell you about southern Jews: they are scary. I used to go to this temple, with all these super wealthy big haired, pink lipstick wearing, $2000 dollar suit wearing, diamond covered Jews. And I like to roll into temple wearing whatever the hell I feel like wearing, you know because going to services is about who you are not what you wear, and I’ve been told so many nasty things it makes me embarrassed. And they are all so sick rich, and they just all buy more diamonds. C’est la vie I suppose. But seriously, people complain about hardcore southern Christians? They just don’t know about southern Jews.
So that’s why I hate the holidays because some Jews just don’t understand. Plus being a Jew on Christmas can get seriously boring. And you don’t want to go outside and drive because everyone is driving like a manic. You have to stockpile groceries and stuff days before, like if you run out of toilet paper or food or something, you’re fucked because nothing is open except one Starbucks and a Vietnamese food place.
I hate the holidays because every Christmas, August Burns Red deems it necessary to cover a fucking Christmas song. Enough already guys. Really. Enough.
I also hate the holidays because it doesn’t even fucking get cold in Louisiana. I wear shorts all year. Maybe if it cooled off to a little less than 80 degrees, I wouldn’t be so pissed off. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and I wore shorts outside all day, for fuck’s sake.
And also, apparently, according to Wal Mart, the Christmas season starts in September. What in the fuck?
I hate christmas because I have to get people stuff. This year the most expensive thing I gave was a brand new jumpstarter I happened to find in a truck. I could’ve pawned it and bought a half ounce. fuck. And for christmas I’m getting at least 20 cd’s, 19 of which are metal, but 1 is from portugal, the man. fuck.
and the average temprature high for this month was like -5 degrees. fuck this cold shit.
I hate the holidays because of what it shows about the U.S.. We’ve had a lot of people try to do a lot of things this year, whether it be in government, in social issues, or in other aspects of our lives. But nobody agrees on anything. Obama couldn’t get healthcare (or anything, really) done, Petraeus couldn’t figure out Iraq with so many people with so many different ideas, thousands of analysts couldn’t figure out the financial crisis, and millions of Americans couldn’t be convinced to stop fattening their asses.
But when an emaciated masochist and his obese, intrusive, likely Prozac-addled buddy tell us all to travel hundreds of miles to see people we don’t like and spend thousands of dollars on those same people, we all fall in line.
The holidays remind me that the U.S. is doomed to fail.
I hate the holidays because it reminds me that another year has passed, and Ryan Seacrest is still successful
I hate Christmas.
Every fucking where you go yo hear the same 20 fucking Christmas songs.
Also it seems like my mother has a giant PMS from hell every year right about now.
Everyone wants you to spend money on them when you don’t have any.
You can’t fly anywhere because of the damn holiday airline shit.
Everything becomes so damn expensive.
People get pissed cause “Your not in the spirit”
I dont care what they say the day after Thanksgiving is not Christmas therefore we do not need to heard Christmas music!
And then my Grandmother comes out and thinks I am like the devil.
I get kicked out of my house untill the day of Christmas Eve when my mom realizes that she misses me.
I also lost privileges to the thing that I ordered because my moms a Nazi.
Christmas can die forever.
Not to mention its all christian shit.
I hate Christmas because of this: http://www.amazon.com/Brutal-Christmas-CHRISTMAS-GONE-METAL/dp/B00008MND9
Because people care more about what they have not got more then they care about what they have. Family turn to eniemies and everyone tries to out do each other. My brother in law is a jack ass who has runied every xmas since my wife was a baby. So, Axel and Vince thats why I hate holidays,
I hate how a bunch of website have christmas contests.
because its hard to maintain when I’m stoned as fuck and I see the annual Christmas dinner spread.
and i get to explain to my whole family that I still haven’t gone to college.
I hate the holidays as much as the next guy. However, the biggest reason I hate the holidays is that for the past 3 years, from Thanksgiving to past my birthday (in mid January), my mom had to suffer in a fucking hospital while the rest of my family didn’t give a shit.
I don’t want to bitch and whine nor get useless fucking pity…I am thankful my mom is still here (she is a metal head back when metal was JUST coming out & got me into metal.) Three strokes and a blood clot the size of a LEMON didn’t take her down, but people piss me off bitching they didn’t get what they wanted for Christmas.
I say be thankful you have a loved one alive and in good health…I am sitting in a cold ass room while my mom is asleep just after puking up meds and Pepsi, and I am even thankful for that!
I hope all of my fellow metal heads enjoy these times even though they are shit. Keep it real. Keep it strong. Keep it METAL!
Pretty simple : Rob Halford’s new Christmas cd !
I hate the holidays because I hate everything……except pot…..and metal….and boobies…..ah fuck!!!
I hate the holidays for 3 simple reasons:
1.There has yet to be a Between the Buried and Me christmas album.
2.Whatever MetalSucks hates, its only smart to hate as well.
3.Opening up an excessive amount of cheaply wrapped christmas sweaters and housecoats.
I hate the holidays because all of the time spent with family and friends could be better spent masturbating.
Nobody deals weed on christmas, even cunts who don’t celebrate it. Thats what I fuckin hate, sober watching national lampoons xmas for the 400th time, fuckin sux.
Because shit gets fucked up on Christmas:
A list of reasons:
-Don’t like talking to your in-laws or your stupid, self-absorbed “successful” older cousin? Too bad, not only are we going to make you see him… but, we’re going to make you give him shit too!
-Don’t have any money? Oh well, it’s your job to not only find the money, but spend it all on people who are going to take the shit back to the store anyway.
-Hate being nice? Well… good for you, because you’re the only person not being a complete fake on Christmas.
-Christian? Too bad your holiday has been raped by a commercial industry hell-bent on sucking every damn dime out of us and then sticking it to us by fucking up our entire economy. Oh, and Santa is a fake character created by Coke to sell more of their product… which means he’s a corporate “hoe hoe hoe”.
-I also hate seeing people pretend that, somehow, spending all of their money on people they see only once a year makes this time of year special and happier than any other time of year. Little factoid, Christmas has the highest rate of suicide all year. The truth: everyone is miserable on Christmas.
-Love metal? Too bad, you’re stuck with every shitty Christmas song ever written. “All I want for Christmas”, “The 12 Days of Christmas”, “Silent Night”, etc. This is probably the worst part.
-Seeing countdowns to the countdown to the 25 Days of Christmas. Which is, you guessed it, a countdown to Christmas. Anyone who doesn’t think Christmas is over-rated needs only watch ABC Family, like, two months before Christmas to realize the holiday is now a three-moth event.
-Not only all of this, but they kindly placed Christmas right after Thanksgiving, which is right after Halloween. Then, in a week, guess what? New Years. If you thought you were broke after giving away all of that candy to strangers, buying that huge ass turkey that no one is going to eat, or buying that shit for people you don’t like… just wait until you waste your money on alcohol that everyone else is going to drink while you clean your room-mates vomit off your carpet.
If that doesn’t nicely wrap up why this holiday season is a giant clusterfuck, then nothing will.
That actually felt really good.
Wait a minute… where the hell did my post go that this was a reply to? Damn, I was proud of that too.
The mall is still playing Christmas music and hanging their shitty lights. Guess Christmas and New Years are the same holiday now.
1) I’m atheist, and half my family is atheist too
2) When there’s a good contest about hating christmas and a box of metal cd’s, I can’t be elligible
The holidays are supposed to be a time of togetherness, goodwill, etc. But I believe that capitalist societies, and the retail companies and media that run it, turn the holidays into something much darker, and more superficial. Basically, all it does is reinforce the class stratification that is so damaging to society.
Since the holidays seem to be so concentrated on retail value—I mean, they start playing Christmas songs at the mall before Thanksgiving—if someone cannot afford extravagant, material gifts for their friends or loved ones because of their socioeconomic class, they will probably feel worthless; an outsider since they cannot afford what they are being encouraged to buy. They see all their friends with gifts, and it just makes the holidays feel more miserable to them because their environment tells them that Christmas is about gifts.
And for the ones that are lucky enough to afford gifts, they sacrifice the “true meaning” of the holidays in order to try and get a great deal. This year, more than one person has literally been trampled to death in the lines waiting outside of stores during this holiday season; the value of human life can be overlooked if a certain store has some incredible bargain. Some even overlooked the Thanksgiving holiday to waste their time outside of stores. This obsession with material objects, brought upon by the media as well as retail, has absolutely transcended the original intention of the holidays.
As a Jew who does not observe Christmas, I am able to observe this behavior with shock. I’m sure even sociologists would be baffled at the fact that something like the holidays, which are supposed to bring families and the communities together, actually serves to further stratify society by separating socioeconomic class. The media and retailers seem to feed off this, creating this obsession to create a gross amount of sales. Sure, it may help the economy—but at what moral cost?
And this is why I fucking hate the holidays.
It’s the only holiday that doesn’t have the balls to burn candles like Hanukkah or Kwanzaa.
I hate Christmas because all the giving and good will towards men makes me vomit or it could be all this egg nog.
Fuck I got shit on again! GAH
It was a chilly day in mid-late December. My family had shown up to the mall to see “Santa.” of course, at the time I thought there actually was a Santa. I was six years old, after all.
We walked over to the line in front of the mall Santa. I was jumping up and down, literally. My anxiety was killing me.
Finally it was my turn. I literally ran over to Santa and jumped onto his lap. He groaned. The line of parents and children waiting for their turn (the children, anyways) laughed.
“What do you want for Christmas, little boy?” he grumbled.
At that moment I was ready to spew out my list of hopeful presents. But instead I gazed into his eyes. The eyes of a troubled young man. Clearly, this man was not Santa. He was a disgruntled teenager, frustrated with school, his parents, and his girlfriend who was cheating on him with all the football players.
But did I feel any sympathy for this man? No way. He was posing as Santa in front of hundreds, if not thousands of young children who actually believed they were going to get a new Wii. And for what? Some extra pocket cash to give his girlfriend a silver ring, despite the fact when they had sex he would be worrying about the diseases he would be getting and knowing he did not put on as good of a performance as the football team.
“…Santa is going to skip your house this year…”
“You’re a freak.”
My parents gasped.
“Benji!”
I looked at my mom, about to tell her the truth about this “santa.” How were they not aware that this man was not Santa? I was about to talk when I heard a cold hand clamp around my throat.
“You little fucking prick…” And that was when he started to rape me.
To this day, I am unable to speak of the horrors this man did to me. It wasn’t so much the pain as it was the total bewilderment. I knew a lot for a six year old boy, but I was still young and naive. I could not comprehend the eveil in this world.
Two mall cops, hearing the screams of the crowd, rushed over to my side. Santa jumped high up in the air with his two feet in the air, aimed at the cops. But the cops grabbed Santa’s feet and hurled him towards the opposite wall. It was like I was watching a choreograped Asian martial arts movie.
Santa lay at the foot of the wall, bloodied and mutilated. I gasped in shock.
The cops spoke directly to me: “Do you spit or swallow?”
The crowd gasped.
Before I could stammer, “Ummm….I don’t know what that means…” I was once again being raped.
The cops were ferocious. While the teenage santa was inexperienced, these men knew what they were doing. Not that that was a good thing. Far from it.
Eventually, the teenage Santa joined the cops. The cops were not akin to sharing their prize and beat the kid until he was unconcious.
You may be wondering why none of the onlookers in the crowd were doing anything. You see, these cops had their guns out, pointed, with the threat that if anybody moved a muscle they would be shot. Several potential fleers had already been killed. How the cops were managing to keep order while raping me was far beyond me. I tried not to think about it.
Soon, more cops arrived. Several dozen, in fact. And yet, these rapist cops managed to kill off all but two of them.
The remaining two cops placed their bullets into the bad cops on me. I was showered with several liters of blood. My father came running over to me but was all of a sudden shoved by the two savior cops. The two cops shot bullets in the air and screamed, “Everybody on the fucking floor!”
The crowd of onlookers dropped to the floor, with hands on their head.
“Now all of you pathetic humans listen up! None of you will be leaving this mall today!”
The cops put their hands to their own faces and ripped off the skin.
The crowd gasped.
The cops had monsterous, green faces. “We are from the nearby planet of Limp BIzkit!” one alien shouted. “My name is Matt Pike.”
“And my name is Head!” the other alien added.
“Listen up! Our planet is ruin! The evil overlord, Devin Townsend, demands a boy known as Benji Thomas from the planet of Earth for his pleasures. Small has promised us that he will save our planet if we will retrieve the boy.” shouted Pike.
“But why me?” I gasped.
Pike stared at me. “You, my boy, are the secret to life as we know it.”
“B-b-but that doesn’t make any sense!”
“It all will in a matter of time, don’t you worry!” Pike grabbed me around the waist. “We shall leave in a matter of time.”
Anger was fueling up in me. I felt in crawl in my ears, in my nostrils, and my brain. Could anger crawl? I did not know that it could. But I was feeling something, something, something….
“NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”"”"”"”"”"”"
The aliens were thrown over to the opposite wall. They hit it with a crack and they disappeared into thin air.
I looked around in amazement. “Wha….what just happened?”
My breath felt hot.
My mom spoke softly me. “Benji…you just breathed fire.”
The crowd of people soon left the mall, as did my family. We drove home in silence. I didn’t even get any hugs.
When we walked into our house, I spoke to my parents. “Mommy….Daddy….what’s wrong?”
I then looked at our christmas tree. There was a large wrapped box under it.
I looked at my parents, wondering. They smiled.
“B-but it’s not even Christmas yet!”
My parents glanced at each other.
“Dispose of the boy.” My mom said.
“WHAT????!!!!????” I yelled.
Suddenly we heard a crash. We looked at the fireplace and I was shocked to see a man covered in dust. My parents weren’t.
“Jesus, could you not have found a better way to come in? Jesus, you actually fell down the chimney!”
“We were just about to murder our son. Jesus, you came in at just the right time!”
Why were my parents swearing so much? I had never heard my mom take the lord’s name in vain, ever.
And then it hit me. This man who had fallen down our chimney was none other than Jesus Christ.
“Jack, Liz. It’s so nice seeing you.” Jesus said. He looked over at me. “May I?”
If you were thinking that Jesus raped me, think again. He actually gave me the best gift of all. he gave me the gift of love.
——–
So why do I hate Christmas, you ask?
I never got that Megatron figurine.
I hate the holidays because of midgets
I hate the holidays/christmas because:
1: I’m an atheist.
2: I don’t get how people can actually believe that a so-called God existed. Come on Jesus was some crazy maniac…
3: The christmas songs.
4: That it’s not called Anti-chrismas
I’m an athiest too, I support Anti-Christmas as well
I hate that every holiday season the Lifetime Channel airs like 2 straight weeks of holiday chick flicks that my wife just has to watch. I hate seeing Kay’s Jewelery commericials every 30 seconds that brainwash my wife into thinking 1.) Us guys like that romantic shit and 2.) She’s getting diamonds for christmas. I hate that just cause I put on a few xtra lbs during the holidays people think I should be fat AND jolly. I hate two faced relatives that try and tell you how you should and shouldn’t act and then give you a present when they aren’t busy backstabbing you. I think they should take said present and sit on it while they enjoy their Kenny G Christmas albums and retarded country music christmas specials. Christmas is about family my ass!!! And I hate all these religious fruitcakes that try to convince me that christmas isn’t about getting presents. Like hell it’s not!!!
Why do I hate the holidays? Oh I’ll tell you why. Crappy gifts, crappy music, crappy decorations, crappy christmas specials, crappy joy. Crappy everything.
Nobody in my family really knows what I like, so I always get shitty fucking gifts. I’m a death metal fan primarily, and I got chevelle tickets for christmas this year. Whoopdee fuckin doo. The only good gift I got this year was that Charlie Sheen spent christmas in the fucking slammer. Dumbass.
Christmas carols are unbearable sometimes. I rarely listen to radio, but that doesn’t mean I can’t avoid this shit everywhere else. Some classics, yea yea that shits fine, but most christmas carols are really fucking garbage, although I did like that Black Metal Christmas video you guys linked a little while back.
Christmas decorations are obnoxious to no end. I seriously know people who leave shit up all year, and its only relevant for like a fucking week. Some douchebags even started putting up thanksgiving decorations. I swear to god I saw at least 4 blow up turkeys one day just driving down a street in my neighborhood.
I remember one year seeing an episode of some random show on comedy central really early in the morning. I wouldnt have watched it, except that when I saw the info, it listed Ray Liotta as a special guest, and Goodfellas fucking rules. Well he played a character who is in fucking love with christmas. His whole house IS fucking christmas. He wears one of those stupid christmas sweaters and spreads cheer and shit. If you forgot already, let me remind you that this guy played Henry in Goodfellas. Christmas specials ruin the good image of good actors. Also I saw Ray Liotta was in some spongebob thing and now have lost much respect for him. At least Joe Pesci is still cool.
And finally, the stupid “Christmas Spirit.” Douchebags think that they can be a prick all year, and then once christmas starts coming, should start acting all jolly-fucking righteous, and critical of other people acting like they normally do.
Fuck Christmas, go die.
Oh and also, its too fucking cold.
Because shit gets fucked up on Christmas:
A list of reasons:
-Don’t like talking to your in-laws or your stupid, self-absorbed “successful” older cousin? Too bad, not only are we going to make you see him… but, we’re going to make you give him shit too!
-Don’t have any money? Oh well, it’s your job to not only find the money, but spend it all on people who are going to take the shit back to the store anyway.
-Hate being nice? Well… good for you, because you’re the only person not being a complete fake on Christmas.
-Christian? Too bad your holiday has been raped by a commercial industry hell-bent on sucking every damn dime out of us and then sticking it to us by fucking up our entire economy. Oh, and Santa is a fake character created by Coke to sell more of their product… which means he’s a corporate “hoe hoe hoe”.
-I also hate seeing people pretend that, somehow, spending all of their money on people they see only once a year makes this time of year special and happier than any other time of year. Little factoid, Christmas has the highest rate of suicide all year. The truth: everyone is miserable on Christmas.
-Love metal? Too bad, you’re stuck with every shitty Christmas song ever written. “All I want for Christmas”, “The 12 Days of Christmas”, “Silent Night”, etc. This is probably the worst part.
-Seeing countdowns to the countdown to the 25 Days of Christmas. Which is, you guessed it, a countdown to Christmas. Anyone who doesn’t think Christmas is over-rated needs only watch ABC Family, like, two months before Christmas to realize the holiday is now a three-month event.
-Not only all of this, but they kindly placed Christmas right after Thanksgiving, which is right after Halloween. Then, in a week, guess what? New Years. If you thought you were broke after giving away all of that candy to strangers, buying that huge ass turkey that no one is going to eat, or buying that shit for people you don’t like… just wait until you waste your money on alcohol that everyone else is going to drink while you clean your room-mates vomit off your carpet.
If that doesn’t nicely wrap up why this holiday season is a giant clusterfuck, then nothing will.
Sorry for the repost, I had a spelling error in the other and my internet was acting all funny for the other so I’m not sure if you got it.
DradleSucks.
1. I’m an atheist.
2. The Christians stole the holiday from the pagans and have kept many of the pagan traditions yet they refuse to recognize this.
3. Rampant, obnoxious consumerism.
4. Being forced to buy gifts when you have no money.
5. Everyone is retardedly happy, which is especially annoying when you are depressed. No wonder the suicide rate is extremely high during xmas time.
6. Santa Claus. Why lie to kids about where their presents came from when you spent your hard earned money to buy the gifts. And what’s with lying to children anyway about things.
7. Pretending that you are praying or give shit about Jesus around family members.
8. All the stupid xmas commercials.
9. They keep starting xmas things earlier and earlier and now it’s beginning to cut into Halloween, the best holiday.
10. The guy I like doesn’t like xmas. (I’m a girl, not gay.) It might be a shallow reason, but damnit I need to get laid.
You know,I just had a kid so the holidays don’t suck anymore. I get to deiced how that shit ends up. Merry Christmas and Happy New Years.
A bottle of viagra and a little girl…Just what I always wanted.
I hate the holidays because Metalsucks didn’t announce the winner of this contest and that makes me sad….frown face.
i hate christmas music…
lyk wtf
y in hell would u listen to that shit?
people should make metal versions and then maybe ill listen