I’d never heard of Infinite Tales before I saw their new video, “Amoxicillin… Extermination,” on SMN, but consider me smitten. The band’s music is as generic as can be, and my first thought upon hearing the song was “Are these cats somehow unaware that this kind of metalcore is now so last decade?” But then I realized they’re Ukranian.

I’ve never been to the Ukraine so maybe this is just the whiskey talking, but I think it’s one of those places they have in Eastern Europe where they get everything, like, way late. Like when I was in Prague in 2003, and Meantime was still all the rage. I bet in this band’s hometown of Kiev, they’re considered ahead of their time.

Also, look at some of their band photos. I mean, this is just friggin’ adorable:

As you can see, this girl is named “Kiwi,” after the fruit for which her native land is famous. And poor Kiwi is trying SO HARD to look sexy. But that pose is just so incredibly ridiculous, if she were my mail order bride, I’d be so guilt-ridden I’d have to return to sender.

Zolik, dude. Why the hell is there a fake mouse on your shoulder? And why the hell are you giving it the thumbs up???

And what about this incredibly creepy holiday greeting video the band made? Take note that Zolik has to wear a shirt with his name on it so that everyone can remember who he is, but that the band wisely put the name on Zolik’s back, so he wouldn’t know everyone was cheating and would just assume that he was as much a part of the band as Kiwi.

As you can see, not supporting this band is not like not supporting your downy cousin when he’s in the special olympics. Thus, I am now fully prepared to endorse Infinite Tales as my favorite Ukranian band, or at least the best Ukranian band I can think of off the top of my head while relatively buzzed on whiskey.

You can download a bunch of free Infinite Tales mp3s here.

-AR