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Contests

FUNNY PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN A COPY OF REVOLVER’S PANTERA ISSUE

 Thursday, January 7th, 2010 at 5:00pm by

In case you missed the memo, Revolver Magazine has switched things up a little bit. They’re now publishing only 6 issue per year instead of 12, but each issue is thicker, better, and comes with extra goodies. The very first issue in the new format has a lengthy look back on Pantera’s classic Vulgar Display of Power, including interviews with all the living band members and others close to the inner circle of the band members. It also comes with a nifty swag package that includes a mock ticket, flyer and tour laminate.

funny_guitar_faceNaturally I’m mentioning this for a reason… we’ve got three copies to give away this week! But first let’s announce the winner from our last funny photo caption contest of 2009, in which one lucky chap wins everything that Ferret Records released all year:

  • Pete: “Even in his youth, Matt Pike refused to wear a shirt to any event, including Christmas Dinner.”

Well played, sir! About those Revolver Pantera issue copies… just come up with a zinger to the below photo and they shall be yours. Remember to use a real email address instead of Facebook Connect so we can contact the winners (you may have to log out of Facebook).

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  • kylemurder

    Lacuna Coil Wedding

  • canea

    After cutting their cake with a samurai sword the bride and groom performed ritual seppuku. All those in attendance agreed that it was for the best.

  • bearbomb

    “I now pronounce you, man and knife.”

    • bearbomb

      Sorry for that.

      • Skanes

        I fucking love gentle comedy, don’t apologize.

  • Sin and Death

    A long-lost photo from the wedding of Kid Rock’s evil twin, Samurai Rock.

  • cosk!

    zombie extra from the movie “Halloween” and mid 40′s party “dj” jim goots (upper left corner), look on as rob zombie’s cousin frank and his lovely bride mittens cut their wedding cake with a samurai sword… man with headphones blasting korn (bottom center) observes dilligently waiting for a peice of the purple hell pastry.

    • cosk!

      *corrected*

      zombie extra from the movie “Halloween” and mid 40’s party “dj” jim goots (upper right corner), look on as rob zombie’s cousin frank and his lovely bride mittens cut their wedding cake with a samurai sword… man with headphones blasting korn (bottom center) observes dilligently waiting for a peice of the purple hell pastry.

  • http://thenumberoftheblog.wordpress.com/ groverXIII

    Kid Rock, keeping the Boy Scout motto of “Be Prepared” close at heart, made sure to be prepared for a ninja attack at his wedding.

  • olif8

    “I am metal, therefore I like unconventional things such as swords, purple wedding dresses, blue wedding cakes and a vortex above my fireplace.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jason-John-Crispen/100000169530540 Jason John Crispen

    i’m calling bullshit on the claim of revolver being bigger. i’ve had a subscription for about 5 years or more and it’s gotten progressively slimmer. and it’s got about 50% more ads now than it did. even the new “supersized” pantera issue is slim and takes about 2 minutes to read.

    my caption: two shit heads cut a cake

  • http://www.last.fm/user/opeth027/ Kyle

    The only time you’ll see Sam Dunn not wearing a metal tee!

  • Hibernum

    That girl is cute, WTF? Proof of the existence of mind control drugs?

  • http://schenkeltown.blogspot.com SchenkelTown

    For just $50, Lars Ulrich and Dani Filth will stand on your wedding cake too!

    • skullsesssion

      Win!

  • http://myspace.com/shepherdsgatemusic,myspace.com/burymeinsmokemusic Michael “The Armenian Demon” Fenton

    “I do, ninja!”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Daniel-Winnett/504952291 Daniel Winnett

    Varg marries Blackberry representative in Chinatown

  • Ben

    These people found true love after a Nightwish look a like contest.

  • scotty p

    make sure not to cut Joe C honey, ’cause im a Bridegroom Baybeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

  • Brian Koz

    Metal : An Inadequate Husband’s Journey

    • FlyingDadBomb

      You winz them internetz!

      • Brian Koz

        Thankeez

    • Sacajawea

      Man, he really does look like that guy. Nicely done.

  • meat mincing machine

    The newlyweds lacked proper cutlery to cut the cake with due to the fact that they registered at the local anime & comic book shop.

  • tyler09

    that dude in the background is like “Wtf?”

  • Sacajawea

    Not realizing that this was actually the cake from his bachelor party, they accidentally killed the midget stripper hiding inside.

    • Chris

      FTW

    • Blashyrkh

      YES.

  • Kye

    I have nothing funny to say about all of this, I just think that’s fucking awesome.

  • MetalJesus

    The only thing more metal than cutting your wedding cake with a katana is cutting your in-laws with said katana.

  • ROMAN

    wedding slashers!

  • http://thatdevilmusic.blogspot.com Rob Liz

    Only a true Hanzo sword could cut through this cake.

  • Sarah

    It’s a nice day for a purple wedding.

  • Jason

    NOT PICTURED: The father of the bride hanging himself in the men’s room.

  • http://www.easttexasunderground.net DaylightReckoning

    For his kids’ wedding, the Nuge spares no expense!

  • foobear

    Decimate the Weak side of the cake.

  • Motoghost

    This news headline has just came in! By the power of Heavy Metal and rum, two fans of the “Pirate Metal” band Swashbuckle have been married. While their wedding was extravagant, there was a mistake. While the groom had request a traditional pirate sword, the wedding planner accidentally bought a traditional Japanese Samurai sword. Seeing as they were heavily intoxicated, the couple didn’t mind at all.

  • GunMetalGrey

    “This is odd,” said the witch as she hid behind the speaker.

  • Carbonthief

    In no other event than a wedding is it more apparent that the cake is indeed a lie.

  • GuanoTO

    We must behead this Kurgan cake! THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!

  • FlyingDadBomb

    The groom decided to use the samurai sword to cut the cake because he wanted to save his machete for hacking his in-laws.

  • akeldama

    We’re level 70 White Trash.

  • Coop

    Shit guys, you shouldn’t make fun of Stevie Ray Vaughan.

  • FurtherIntel

    While the hairless figurines on top of the cake did add a nice touch, it wasn’t quite the effect the newly-wed Devin Townsend was hoping for, as he had just grown back his skullet.

  • pattonface

    It was when they drew the sword to cut the cake, that both sets of parents began to cry, and wish their children could’ve found someone who wasn’t a complete jackass.

  • d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n.

    “It’s imporant to remember that everyone is entitled to happiness, even two alleged pieces of trash such as Kid Rock and Lorena Bobbitt.

    Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.”

  • Tony

    Actual footage taken from the new Nightwish “Made In Hong Kong” DVD

  • quickstop

    “I WANNA BE A NINNNJAAA BAAABY”

  • FlyingDadBomb

    Ooh, I got another one:

    A white-trash wedding with a hint of Oriental.

  • miguel ramsey

    Purple Halloween Costume Dress $50 dollars
    Samurai sword $35 dollars

    Marrying your cousin with the pretty mouth….Priceless.

  • The Ogre

    “He has to whip it out every damn time!”

  • BruisedMetal

    The redneck $20 wedding…and the tradition of cutting the cake with the sword that was used to circumcise all 15 of his brothers before him

  • Failure

    Redneck thought bubble – “Whooeee this here be the best wedding i could ever dreamed up, I gots my samurai wedding cake annihilating sword…mmm i’m gonna get me some a’dat sweet lovin’ from my lady rita..trailor’s gonna be rockin’ and shit n’tarnation we got a lynneeerrdd skinnnnnaaaaaaayyyrd cover band! Yeah BABBY!!”

  • Edika

    We are sooooooooooooooooooooooo uncoventional that we had a wedding, but we wore “rad” clothes and cut the cake with a samurai sword. Yeap, we don’t play by the rules of society! We are rebels!!

  • Uglymicrowave

    katana kake kutting-KKK

  • DevinGilmour

    oh lord, I’m so high right now I’m seeing purple ninja weddings.. good shit

  • CountScottchula

    At the cake cutting ceremony, it dawned on Jenny’s father that there was something seriously wrong with the cake knife….and his new son-in-law.

  • Cincitucky

    Brad Delson (Linkin Park’s guitarist) got a new haircut but still can’t manage to pry those damn headphones off his head, even when he shows up for his best friend’s oriental themed wedding.

  • rd2ruin

    Late 80′s nuptial photo of Alice Cooper and Prince, who only wanted to use a sword to slice this Purple Cake. Purple Cake, Purple Cake.

    • Stiggs

      Damn it, now I’ll be hearing “Purple cake, purple caaaaaaake…” in my head for the next few hours.

      “Order now, and you’ll receive the deleted scenes from Bam Margera’s wedding, now with more Iggy Pop!”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tony-Venditto/1232003405 Tony Venditto

    After killing Bill, the Bride retired…but she did break out the priceless Hanzo sword on special occasions. Like, for instance, her marriage to the Mad Hatter. But, unlike her first wedding, the only thing that died this day, was her self respect.

  • WowWee!

    I can cut this cake to 1000 pieces with the great art of samuri steel. Luckly there was only 7 people at the wedding. (bride, groom, 3 witnesses, camera man, and the minister.) Good thing Al Jourgensen was on his meds.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/David-Hulsey/653830783 David Hulsey

    This is the last time we hire a Japanese catering service.

  • Austin Pittman

    “Baby after this I’m getting a tattoo of Japanese character with your name on it in a place I know I will regret.”

  • Pat

    Odd rituals at a weddiing? Wow LMAO, how funny is that!!

    Clearly the MS crew needs to get out more.

  • Carnage

    The real reason Kristen Randall left Winds Of Plague…she stole the replica samurai sword made from their album Decimate The Weak and proceeded to elope and marry a tr00 metalhead.

  • SYL Townsend

    The Bam Margera wedding theme. Where the wedding cake is made of your own pubes, and everyone gets a bill for the service at the end of the night. The after party consists of doing a lot of drugs and beating your father senseless when he goes the bathroom.

  • EmoPixels

    Br00tal Cake.

  • Garyth Thompson

    Holy Diver meets November Rain.

  • Hammer_Smashed_Hurtt

    And thus Kid Rocks wedding in Podunk Michigan went off without a hitch with little Bob Richie cutting the cake with a Katana sword whispering “Im an American Badass…”

  • Tray Brogdon

    And if you talk to her again it’s off with your head!!!

  • ted leighton

    damn there is a woman for riff raff. (besides his sister)

  • A-bomb

    A true Juggalo would use a meat cleaver.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Roberts/1844300002 Michael Roberts

    Jack Black has dropped the twinkies since 09′, but now He’s about to ruin it all by eating this huge cake at his wedding on his own instead of sharing with his lovely wife Sarah Palin. Congrats to the newly weds!!!!!!

  • ferris

    Forever we will love each other… AND SATAN!

    OR

    Detroit’s Bob Ritchie formalizes ties with Bawitdaba Clan.

  • Ryan Collins

    Rock of Love with Bret Michaels: The Budget Edition.

  • Preston

    I think this is how Jim Belushi would have done it…just hope we don’t end up in Samurai Divorce Court.

  • TimFlames

    November Purple Rain

    • Eric Carlson

      thats great, best one so far!!!

  • Jim

    If they were that rough with the cake, imagine how they were in the bedroom that night….

  • James Fritch

    Just when Kid rock couldn’t become anymore of a redneck, he cuts his wedding cake with a samurai sword.

  • Dwarfskeet

    Takes a real man to help his new wife cut the cake with a Samurai sword.

  • Malcolm Cox

    Sam Dunn’s new sequel to 2005 documentary “Metal: A Headbanger’s Journey” takes the genre to a new level, properly titled “Metal: It Cuts Cake Too”.

  • sway

    an early bam margera with kid rock music video

  • Karlia

    The bride was left questioning what the groom used to cut his steak.

  • deanerhead

    You may now slice the Grimfrost cake…baked in Hell’s infernos, frosted with the blood of Grimace.

  • Cody Lail

    This must be a sign of how bad the couple feels about the Hiroshima bombing.

  • 6infinite6hatred6

    The new album cover for the next Guns ‘N Roses album: ‘Japanese Matrimony’

  • http://TheWanderer Steven Escobedo

    Even King Diamond hates cakes.

    • sacajawea

      I fail to see the correlation between this guy and the King. Perhaps the top hat is what you were getting at?

  • Histomen

    I kanta think of something funny to say.

    =D
    I’m sorry.

  • zatoone

    You’r ninja buddy is one crazy redneck. Just look what he got us as a gift. But honey thats not as bad as the note on it,,” kill her with this”

  • kayn83

    Psssssssssssssh samurai sword.. that’s tame compared to the Osbournes’ wedding.

  • Johnny Ringo

    Exclusive! The first wedding photo from Bret Michels Rock of Love 4, “Till Samurai do us Part”

  • Roadkill

    A young Bruce Dickinson couldn’t find his fencing sword! So he is his new bride resorted to using a katana sword to cut the cake!

  • Facebook User

    She then turned the knife on herself.

  • David Couch

    Fuck! I hope her sister is really a mute.

  • Primateforever

    In the name of Saint Vitus and King Diamond. I knight thee cake.

  • Malcolm W

    No cash for utensils = pitchforks, shovels..and samurai swords. (Seating is limited)

  • Peter

    At least she could talk him out of using the chainsaw …

  • Master Chah

    Scott “Scunty D.” Hedrick at his wedding, order his wife to kill his mini-me so he will have connections down in hell. And soon learn the secrets to making the most blackest metal album ever.

  • kevin clark

    this couple had TOO many black tooth grins.

  • Eric Carlson

    You might be a redneck if; you and your cousin use a samurai sword to cut your wedding cake

  • Jake Pearce

    Maybe they should have left out, “til death do us part”

  • http://www.facebook.com/martin.maxwell1 MARTIN

    MAYBE IF WE HEATED UP THIS SWORD IT WOULD BE EASIER TO CUT THIS HASH CAKE BABE

  • Bryan Brown

    “I vow this will be the last time I play with my sword” he says, as she grabs his shaft for the first time

  • Aaron

    Oh God, hopefully they didn’t forget about the stripper.

  • jon gladstone

    well its about damn time we found a knife!!!

    is it just me or does the cake seem further away?
    shouldnt have drank before my wedding ninja swords and barney dresses, what is going on!!!!

  • Joni McMillan

    “If you think this is big, just wait till our honeymoon!”

  • Ashlyn McMillan

    “If this is what we’re using on our wedding cake, imagine what we’ll be using on our honeymoon.”