I write books and also for MetalSucks so it’s about time I reviewed some metal books. I’ll start with a few rock autobiographies that have been out for awhile. First up is Nikki Sixx of Mötley Crüe and his needle gazing memoir The Heroin Diaries: A Year in the Life of a Shattered Rock Star.
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I, for one, happen to like Airbourne. Much like Doc Coyle, I generally can’t get behind bands who unscrupulously rehash their forebears, but for some reason in the case of Airbourne I find it acceptable. I’m not suggesting anyone raise them up on the “bringing back true rock n’ roll” alter, but at the very least Airbourne deserve a light (light!) pat on the back for capturing and reinvigorating the energy of vintage AC/DC.
But grammarians the band members are not. Phil Freeman of Heavy Metal Superfan points out that it’s all in the punctuation:
See, “No Guts, No Glory,” while trite as all hell, is at least a purposeful title that might conceivably inspire someone to purchase your album (out March 8 on Roadrunner ) and enjoy your brand of fist-pumping, beer-guzzling rawk. But that wasn’t the path you chose. No, you went with…
No Guts. No Glory.
Whoopsie! Oh, the difference one piece of punctuation can make. And yes my grammar is always perfect, damnit.
-VN
Whilst ooh-ing and aah-ing over our fleshly printed new MetalSucks t-shirts just before the holiday, Axl shared with me the self-given names he’s attributed to various musical techniques often employed by metal bands. As the possessor of a touch more formal musical training out of the two of us (and believe me that ain’t saying much), through some spirited air guitar and humming I was able to let him know the technical terms for his own jargon, such as “the speed-up” (guitar triplets) and “the slow down” (when the drummer switches to half-time), among others. But one meme defies official explanation; “elephants marching,” because simply put that shit just sounds like elephants marching and you know it when you hear it.
Which brings us to Kypck (pronounced “Kursk”), a Finnish melo-doomish band with Russian lyrics (?!) of whom MS reader Jake Haras politely reminded us. Elephants marching. Elephants marching passages seem to often (“Stalingrad,” below) but not always (“Chernaya Dyra,” on the band’s MySpace page) seem to occur in meters of 2, and are usually slow. That’s the best I can do, Axl. Thanks, Jake, for reminding me of the amount of ass which this band kicks.
-VN
This winter is shaping up to a great incredible one for U.S. metal tours.The European Summer festivals ain’t got nothin’ on us… ok, well yeah they do, but this winter’s U.S. metal tour slate is still most excellent.
There’s the much ballyhooed Between the Buried and Me / Cynic / The Devin Townsend Project / Scale the Summit North American Orgasm Tour, about which Axl shared his man-juice excitement yesterday. On January 15th death metal Egyptologists Nile kick off their mammoth Those Whom the Gods Detest Tour with Immolation, Krisiun, Abigail Williams and Dreaming Dead. Only five days later Arch Enemy embark on the MetalSucks-sponsored Tyrants of Evil Tour with Exodus, Arsis and Mutiny Within. The Pagan/Folk metal tour du jour this Winter is headlined by Korpiklaani with Tyr, Swashbuckle and White Wizzard in tow (the latter of whom are certainly not pagan or folk). And tomorrow The Metal As Art Tour featuring Hypno5e, Revocation and The Binary Code kicks off in Brooklyn and traverses the country for 31 days. Yowza!
Full lists of dates and venues for all four tours are posted after the jump. There’ve been a few venue changes so make sure you double-check… then feel free to bitch about how none of these tours are coming to your city and proceed to blame us.
After Continental Airlines threatened to ruin my peaceful week in Costa Rica by delaying my first flight 4 hours then stranding me in Houston, I’ve again set foot within the hallowed gates of the MS Mansion. It’s good to be home!
You should’ve seen the looks on the mugs of the White-Face Capuchin monkeys in Manuel Antonio National Park when they saw MetalGF’s METAL SUCKS t-shirt. They nearly flipped! Upon seeing the same, a band of howler monkeys howled up a storm and totally lost their shit, quite literally, as they flung poo directly at us (I’ll be giving MS Mansion Monkey Higgins a stern talking to about keeping his cousins in check next time). We zip-lined across the canyons of the Monteverde “Cloud Forest”, kayaked through the Mangroves outside of Quepos and ate lots and lots and lots of delicious food. It was quite an adventure in an absolutely beautiful country, though our only metal experiences consisted of seeing dudes in Metallica and Iron Maiden t-shirts.
I’ll be posting a photo recap in due time. Until then, here’s Iron Maiden performing “Powerslave” live in San Jose, Costa Rica, taken from the Flight 666 DVD.
-VN
I’d never heard of Infinite Tales before I saw their new video, “Amoxicillin… Extermination,” on SMN, but consider me smitten. The band’s music is as generic as can be, and my first thought upon hearing the song was “Are these cats somehow unaware that this kind of metalcore is now so last decade?” But then I realized they’re Ukranian.
I’ve never been to the Ukraine so maybe this is just the whiskey talking, but I think it’s one of those places they have in Eastern Europe where they get everything, like, way late. Like when I was in Prague in 2003, and Meantime was still all the rage. I bet in this band’s hometown of Kiev, they’re considered ahead of their time.
Also, look at some of their band photos. I mean, this is just friggin’ adorable:
What you are about to read, dear MetalSucks Maniac, is an actual account of events leading up to the recovery of secret, well0-guarded Decibel Magazine texts. It involves a lot of ninja-spy amazingness and even now the authorities are closing in on the MetalSucks West Coast Bureau offices, so let’s skip further formality and get on with the story. I swear it’s all true. Here goes:
Over the course of my usual holiday-season stalking, I was able to um gain entry cough cough to this year’s Decibel holiday party and rodeo event at the Belmopan Sheraton in sunny Belize. Spirits were high among the Decibelerinas following another banner year, which closed with their awesome Top 100 Greatest Metal Albums of the Decade special issue. So I was able to glide unnoticed among the drunken revelers until I espied my quarry: editor-in-chief Albert Mudrian.
Mudrian stood distractedly touching up that morning’s no-polish manicure beside a ice sculpture of nude Jake Bannon. Few live larger than fancy metal journalists who work with actual pages and binding, so it was understandable that the tipsy Mudrian immediately mistook me for his valet and demanded that I resume fanning him with palm fronds. Rushing to my new post, I seductively cooed that the Top 100 issue was the greatest possible holiday gift to devotees of an art form so reluctant to celebrate itself. Mudrian spat angrily: “Dost thou not think that our scribes lavished accolades too unreservedly on those practitioners of the hardcore, metalcore, and stoner metals?” After conceding that I had indeed heard such talk, I quickly demurred, muttering something about the proliferation of opinions being exactly equal to that of stinky assholes.
It was then that, with a guffaw, Mudrian confided that it had once been Decibel‘s intention to publish not merely one hundred, but actually the top 110 metal records of the decade. And that space considerations lead to the excision of albums 101-110. A few hand-fed grapes later, he disclosed to me the location of the list’s unpublished portion. But, alas, as I began to coax from him the albums’ titles, his real manservant returned all disheveled and rubbing a knob on his head where I’d smashed a vase. I bolted. But then I hatched a plan.
First, I satellite-phoned Vince and Axl. “Meet me at Decibel Gardens,” I gasped after briefing them on my discovery. “We have to sneak into the lower depths of the DecibelPlex and hack into the Decibot. It is there that we’ll find out the identity of the other ten greatest metal albums of the decade.”
Hours later, as Axl stood atop a pile of subdued security thugs, Vince calmly hacked into the mainframe and activated the Decibot’s encrypted archives. (You thought those guys are merely a couple of pretty faces? Pfft.) Once the files were successfully beamed to the MetalSucks Mansion servers, the three of us withdrew along the compound’s south plaza and choppered out to safety (pilot: Gary Suarez, natch).
And now, 72 hours later and as federal agents – led by Mudrian’s merciless goon squad – have surrounded the MS West Coast Bureau, I’m unrepentant and secure in the knowledge that the writers of America’s definitive metal periodical did not disrespect or overlook the absolutely no-duh classic metal albums listed after the jump; they simply ran out of space.
And so, we present Decibel Magazine’s 100-110 Greatest Metal Albums of the Decade as stolen from the bowels of Decibel headquarters [with speculative commentary by ADF - Ed.]. Don’t thank us – just donate often to the MetalSucks defense fund. Click to read more…
Gotta be honest: I didn’t know Finland’s Convulse before the nice people at Relapse announced they were reissuing the band’s 1992 full-length, World Without God, with a 1990 demo, the awkwardly titled Resuscitation of Evilness, thrown in for good measure. And this is why I love reissues: remastering and repackaging and all that shit is good for completests, but they’re awesome for exposing certain schmucks – in this case, myself – to some really awesome shit we somehow failed to previously discover.
Not in song titles, not in album titles, not in lyrics, and most certainly not in band names.
Look. These words have had a great run. I don’t begrudge any band their usage up ’til now. I’m not, for example, arguing that Hate Eternal and Hatebreed and Hatesphere should all change their, or that Chimaira should never be allowed to perform “Pure Hatred” again. That would be ludicrous, especially with the amount of respect I have for at least three of the four bands I just named.
But the continued usage of these words makes us seem inarticulate, dull, and dumb – basically everything non-metal fans accuse of us being.
So let’s do this thing. Let’s make a list of words that we hereby declare a moratorium upon. I’ll get the ball rolling, then you guys tell me what I missed, or if you think that there are any that people should still be allowed to use. It’ll be fun!
(And please note, once we kill a word deader than Marilyn Manson’s label support, we mean the plural of that word, too – e.g., once “flame” is on the list, no fair using “flames.”)
Ready? Here we go… in no particular order:
It’s true. Vince was enjoying warmer climates, and I didn’t go for pussy reasons I won’t bore you with. Gary Suarez and Kip went… but since neither of them have filed a report, we can’t live vicariously through him.
We can live vicariously through Brooklyn Vegan, though. They have many awesome photos of the show (see above, for example), and some killer video, too. It makes us sad that we missed it, but happy for our friends who made it.
Oh, who are we kidding? We’re not emotionally capable of feeling happy for others. Fuck everyone who went and had a great time.
Check out some shit here.
-AR
File this one under “Bands I meant to write about in 2009 but didn’t get to.”
So. Italy’s Incoming Cerebral Overdrive. Yes, the name is completely ridiculous. But, then, so is the music.
I was a little baffled by the sheer number of comments that were a little baffled by the inclusion of Converge’s Axe to Fall on so many MS staffers’ year-end lists. I mean, they’re Converge. They’re just one of those bands that everyone knows are inarguably brilliant… right?
Wrong, I guess. There is a contingent of the metal community that just doesn’t dig this continuously praised quartet – and some of them are smart people, too. For example, take our friend Sergeant D. from Metal Inquisition and Stuff You Will Hate. We love the Sarge with all our hearts and respect him like he were our own Mansion-mate – hell, he designed one of our most favoritest t-shirts for us -but look what he wrote about Converge as part of a “Best of ’09 Exchange” with Something Awful!
As one of the only people in the English-speaking world who will admit to enjoying Chinese Democracy, I was excited for nu-GN’R to get out on the road and finally start playing all the new shit.
But between the Dj Ashba incident and now this… Jesus Christ.
You thought that MTV performance sucked?
Skip to 1:58.
Go ahead. Just do it.
Two words:
Fucking. Disgraceful.
Three more words:
WHY THE DANCING LADY?!?
More of Axl Rose making Vince Neil look good after the jump.
I like HIM a whole lot, but I didn’t really dig their new single, “Heartkiller” – although I think Vince may have been into it.
Anyways, now Blabbermouth has posted some pretty decent quality live footage of another new song, “Love, the Hardest Way,” and really, the only thing I dig about it is Mikko Lindström’s guitar solo. Check it out:
HIM’s new album, Screamworks, comes out February 9 on Sire. Hopefully I’ll enjoy it more than I’ve enjoyed these first two songs.
-AR
Just a few more days and the Between the Buried and Me/Cynic/The Devin Townsend Project/Scale the Summit North American Orgasm Tour 2010 begins! And it’s gonna be your first chance to see Heavy Devy live in what seems like for-ever. Well, okay, it’s only been like three years, but, c’mon, it’s Devin Townsend! Three years is too long!
Here’s a pretty fantastic tease: video of The Devin Townsend Project rehearsing for the tour. In addition to the band sounding awesome, the video gives away at least a few songs they’re apparently gonna be breaking out. I can’t wait…
Get Between the Buried and Me/Cynic/The Devin Townsend Project/Scale the Summit dates after the jump.
I know that Cristina Scabbia hates me ever since I admitted that I’d like to see her naked (This is such an admission? Every heterosexual male who’s ever laid on eyes on her has wanted to see her naked!), but I’d like to state for the record once again that I am, in fact, a Cristina Scabbia fan who thinks very much of her singing ability, in addition to the fact that I’d like to see her naked.
To wit: Cristina covered Metallica’s “And Nothing Else Matters” at Christmas Metal Symphony 2009 in Tilburg last month, and I really, really dig her rendition. Here’s a good example of a cover that isn’t totally awful. Her voice sounds great, and her emotional investment in the song seems sincere. In fact, I like this better than that version of “A Tout Le Monde” she did with Dave Mustaine a few years back. And, bonus: I’m not sure who the other dudes in the band are, but she left Male Vocalist from Lacuna Coil at home for a change! Hoo-ray!
-AR
This tip courtesty MetalSucks Maniac Josh Kidd.
A couple of weeks ago, Vince reported that Zero System, the North Carolina band featuring Bloodjinn guitarist Kyle Odell along with fellow North Carolinians Justin Reich and Adam Cody of Glass Casket, would be releasing a new EP this month; now that EP, Meridian, has a January 12 release date and – egads! – is going to be a completely free download!
Vince eloquently noted that “Zero System’s music is similar to that of Bloodjinn, but with a slightly more melodic and dynamic feel,” and based on the five (out of a total of six) Meridian tracks currently streaming on the band’s MySpace, I’m prepared to give Meridian the thumbs up. And, really, what’s the worse thing if you end up not liking it? It’s free. You should at least check it out.
Get details on the download here.
-AR
Susan Graves, metal director for 88.7 WRSU fm in New Jersey, sent us a link to the below video, with the above message included.
Well, Susan Graves, the joke’s on you because I am on drugs and I did watch this, so pppffftttt.
Anyways, this isn’t like Crotchduster brilliant or anything, but it’s fun. Give it a whirl. And I think it’s probably okay if you’re on drugs. It shouldn’t freak you out too bad or nuthin’.
-AR
Holy crap, have we really not done one of these since September? Daaaaaammmmmnnnn. Time really does fly when you’re having fun at the expense of others.
Anyways, this particular stain made from shit is called Abandon All Ships, which makes even less sense than most band names these days. Abandon all ships? Why? Why the fuck would any navy in the world ever give that order? What kind of mass disaster could cause the abandonment of multiple ships? I’ve heard the expression “abandon all stations,” which makes sense – if they ship were going under, you’d want to tell everyone to abandon their stations and get the fuck out while the gettin’ the fuck out was good. But why the fucking fuck would you abandon all ships?
Anyways, Suckalo Matt Poulter saw these dudes open for Protest the Hero recently, and we sympathize with Matt’s plight. On the other hand, he says that PTH played Fortress in its entirety, so at least he got something out of the deal.
-AR
