TEAR IT DOWN NOW: GOD FORBID’S DOC COYLE BREAKS DOWN THE BREAKDOWN
Thursday, January 21st, 2010 at 5:00pm by Doc Coyle
We’ve all been there. Tensions are high in some packed, sweaty venue, sparked by feverish excitement and the potential for violence. These people paid good money to enjoy some type of cathartic release. The frontman for whatever hard-nu-death-crab-metal-core outfit is brazen and demanding. Can you believe this shit? You PAID to be entertained, and this guy is telling YOU what to do! The speech goes something like this: “I want everybody in this room moving! Front to back, side to side, NO ONE STANDS STILL! When this part kicks in, I want total [Insert destructive word here like "chaos," "mayhem," or "bedlam" if you're witty]. If the person next to you isn’t moving, MAKE THEM MOVE!” Than, if the action is not adequate, this screamer/pep rally organizer calls YOU some variation of “pussy” or “faggot” or really anything to make you feel like a soft, womanly bitch of a man in order to get in that pit and kick another grown man in the face, all in the spirit of making this band look like they are awesome. But then something happens, as if the air is sucked out of the room at the moment of impact – when those glorious staccato chugs kick in, the crowd is almost always powerless to its charms regardless of the obvious lack of substance. Like junk food and reality TV, we have a love affair with breakdowns.




Taking all this list-making business to new levels of silliness is The Gauntlet, who have posted a list of… the 



Deep into a storied career that took him from Cannibal Corpse to Six Feet Under to Torture Killer and back again, everybody knows what to expect out of a new effort from the perpetually blazed Chris Barnes and Six Feet Under. If you don’t know what’s in store from this band after fifteen years, then you should probably turn in your metalhead degree to Vince and Axl. The dudes’ third edition of the Graveyard Classics collection is one of those strange things that’s both familiar, awesome, and kind of ridiculous. Pure curiousity pointed this writer to a copy of the record, and it’s oddly intriguing – the kind of intriguing that’s caused by getting blasted and hearing a sweet (but in reality, not really that rad) cover band rip their version of a Deep Purple song at the bar down the street.

