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Haterade

THE GRAMMYS: OUR NON-REPORT

 Monday, February 1st, 2010 at 10:45am by

I didn’t watch the Grammys last night, and judging by Metal Injection’s report on the event, it doesn’t sound like I missed anything. For one thing, the award Best Metal Performance wasn’t even televised, because, well, metal heads know better than to watch this stupid show and the t.v. people want ratings, not goodwill. (Judas Priest won, in case you care; AC/DC won Best Hard Rock Performance.)

Worse, though, was a butchering of the legendary solo from “November Rain” by Slash (real name: Saul Hudson), Jaime Foxx (real name: Eric Marlon Bishop), T-Pain (real name: Faheem Rasheed Najm) and Doug E. Fresh (real name: Douglas E. Davis). Not just because the song needs hip-hop shenanigans like I need nut cancer; not just because some thought they had better put Slash’s name in big letters on the screen behind him when he came on stage, in case anyone was confused by the top hat, Les Paul, curly hair, and people yelling “SLASH!”; but really because Slash only sounds marginally better than Dj Ashba.

The funniest part? If Axl Rose is to be believed, getting Slash to even agree to record “November Rain” was like pulling teeth. I can’t wait to see what kind of shit I’ll do someday in the name of making my mortgage payments.

-AR

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  • http://thenumberoftheblog.wordpress.com/ groverXIII

    I remember back in the days where being a singer took at least a marginal amount of talent. Now you just crank up the auto-tune and it doesn’t matter if you can’t sing at all.

    • Shitnuckle

      Shit man,the Grammys as well as almost all awards shows seem like they are more worried about what the fuck the people are wearing as opposed to whether or not they have any talent.

      • http://thenumberoftheblog.wordpress.com/ groverXIII

        That was almost as bad as listening to Nickelback’s entire album. Fortunately, it was a great deal shorter.

        (Fortunately, Nickelback didn’t win a Grammy for their piece of shit album. At least the Grammy voters didn’t go that far.)

        • Shitnuckle

          Did anyone notice after Nickelback released Dark Horse,they just kinda fell off the face of the earth and nobody gives a fuck bout them anymore…..HAHA

          • http://thenumberoftheblog.wordpress.com/ groverXIII

            They haven’t fallen off the earth. Throughout my listening adventure I discovered something far more sinister.

            That, and I still hear them every time I turn on my goddamn radio (usually in those moments between starting my car and hitting ‘Play’ on the CD player).

          • Discipleofthewatch

            Unfortunately, they didn’t fall off the face of the earth, because I still get subjected to their music in the shipping department on the radio occasionally. I usually make up some excuse to leave the room for a few minutes and then come back later if I need to do something in there and Nickleback’s on.

        • Alex_P

          Keep up this feature.

          Oh, and I might have to kill you if your problem persists. Just sayin’.

          • http://thenumberoftheblog.wordpress.com/ groverXIII

            I might have to kill myself if it persists.

  • Shitnuckle

    The good ole US of A really needs a decent legit metal awards show.I realize that i have a better chance of finding Jimmy Hoffa getting raped by Bigfoot in the woods somewhere,but hey,a guy can dream cant he???

    • http://thenumberoftheblog.wordpress.com/ groverXIII

      The closest we’re going to get is another Revolver Golden Gods show or whatever the fuck they called it. That was about as good as it gets, and that was still a joke.

      • thehatemachine

        That really pissed me off about the Revolver awards. Metal has never gotten the credit it deserves and all revolver did was to cheese it up and not take it seriously.

    • http://pandasdestroy.com Greg

      No, we don’t need a metal awards show.

  • Doug

    Guess it just wouldn’t be metal if Mastodon, Converge, Baroness, Cobalt, or Immortal got facetime and little golden statues. This BS reminds us how relatively underground even the top bands are, but that’s how it is and will always be.

  • http://myspace.com/inbetweenjobs SKLives

    This performance was equal to being in a room with 30 people shitting and throwing up at the same time. (While drowning)

    • http://vague-news.blogspot.com Clarky Cat

      I’d have watched that.

      • Shitnuckle

        30 Dudes 1 Cup???

  • myke

    i’d rather hear dave mustaine talk then watch this oh wait i wouldn’t do either of them.

  • bearbomb

    I’m actually glad metal gets no recognition on the Grammys. To mix metal in with today’s “popular” garbage would suggest that they have something in common. Let metal be a haven from ear cancer like Taylor Swift and whatever new nobody American Idol shits out. What a shit show.

  • Dwarfskeet

    Wow… His guitar sounded like complete shit. And it was hard to even hear it from all twenty “singers/rappers” (whatever they are) with their constant “Yeah, oooh, ho, woah, yeah!” I’d still rather listen to Slash’s shit tone in this than listen to all of them.

    By the way, I like Slash a great deal. And I definitely enjoyed his book. You guys should check it out.

  • Buffalo Sucks

    I could barely even hear the solo over all the incoherent screaming/”singing”/ape-like noises coming from the other non-talented assholes sharing the stage with Slash. I’m glad this is all I watched from the grammy’s because it doesn’t look like much to watch.

  • http://stuffyouwillhate.com shawnyouwillhate

    did nobody notice Jamie Foxx CRAB-CORE-ING all over the fucking place!!!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jason-John-Crispen/100000169530540 Jason John Crispen

    jesus christ, he’s so fucking out of tune. way to butcher one of his easiest solos.

  • Kuranes

    I’m going to pretend that I didn’t just watch that.

  • http://www.last.fm/user/opeth027/ Kyle

    That was goddamn-fuckin’-awful-painful to hear. My how the mighty (Slash) have fallen… *sigh*

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/CJ-Altman/1189620030 C.J. Altman

    Way to completely alienate your entire fanbase, Slash.

    • http://www.myspace.com/somethinglikesweet CJ

      Oh, and by the way, fuck Facebook login.

  • Poopenshaft

    So fucking painful and depressing to watch. *pops a Xanax* All better!

  • KilledByDeath

    He played ok but was way down in the mix and those autotuned vocals kinda pushed the guitar sound away :/

  • Chromaticjustice

    Was that really the November Rain solo. or was it just a solo that had a small resemblance to it. It barely sounded like it to me. I think everyone is too quick to jump and talk shit about Slash. Where in the F— did it say he was playing the November Rain solo I don’t believe it for one bit that was the November Rain solo. I think everyone is f—ed and delusional.