So I’m not even sure I know the full story here, but what I do know made me giggle, so it seems addressing.

A lot of you e-mailed me over the past couple of weeks regarding these rumors that fans attending Guns N’ Roses’ recent Canadian tour were forced to remove, or at least turn inside-out, any Slash shirts they might have been wearing. That struck me as a fairly ridiculous story (We really believe that venue security was keeping an eye out for Slash shirts? Was no one wearing a coat or hoodie or whatever when they entered the venue?), and sure enough, it was debunked within a day or two of hitting the net. End of story. Right?

Wrong, I guess. ‘Cause in pretty classic Axl Rose fashion, the Gingered One has hit the message boards of GN’R fan site Mygnrforum.com to speak out against one (un)lucky fan who insists that the story is true. Here’s Axl’s latest rant:

What the fuck do you know? That’s right! You don’t know jack fucking shit you fucking ignorant, know it all, fucking deluded, misguided, self important, self righteous, pious, small minded, clueless, loud mouthed, arrogant cunt. No one needs your opinions n’ having to deal with your constant abuse of privileges or the miniscule amount of power you’ve had here you wield like an angry, lesbian, wannabe, high school parking lot rent-a-cop always mouthing off like you’re some kind of authority which you’re far from. I have to say it saddens me you continue to babble your horseshit to unsuspecting fans n’ any names n’ numbers you have are of people like you who try n’ hurt others to promote themselves at their expense. That’s the only real thing you got bitch. It’s like Revolver’s [Another user on the forum - Ed.] if not edited, cloudy recollection of events as I’ve never asked for anyone’s shirt bein’ thrown out of anywhere let alone say I did but hey he won a contest so he must be credible, whatever, no good deed goes unpunished. I don’t work for you or have to do a goddamn thing you think ever. Your opinions of anything whatsoever don’t count or mean jack shit to me or anyone in this camp. You’re garbage, plain and simple. You’re not a fan or a voice of reason… you’re a sick n’ diseased mind spilling it’s bile over the internet. Well now you can drink up the rewards of the crap that’s been spillin’ out of your pie hole forever here n’ enjoy the fermented, feted n’ vulgar response you’ve been cultivating n’ aching for… for so long . Find another board this one doesn’t need you. Oh n’ feel free to jump in all you wanna be web warriors, ho defenders n’ bitch boi’s, you ain’t needed either. For the rest of you… Surprise gigs comin’!!

So right off the bat there’s something funny about Axl saying “Your opinions of anything whatsoever don’t count or mean jack shit to me” when he’s in the middle of writing a vitriolic paragraph that proves that this person’s opinions do mean something to him (’cause if they really didn’t, he wouldn’t bother, right?).

Also funny: pretty much everything else about this tirade. “Ho defenders n’ bitch boi’s?” The “power you wield like an angry lesbian?” What the fuck does that even mean? I’ve known some angry lesbians in my time, and I’ve never thought, “Gee, she sure was wielding a lot of power.” Angry lesbians are like angry anybody else: they’re just pissed.

And why end this rant with the promise of forthcoming surprise gigs? Did this really strike Axl as the best forum in which to make that announcement?

Axl might just be getting crazier with every passing year, but I gotta say… at least it’s entertaining!

-AR