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HEAR A 30 SECOND COCK-TEASE OF A NEW OPETH SONG THEN GO BEAT OFF IN THE CORNER

 Wednesday, February 24th, 2010 at 3:30pm by

god of war blood & metalOMG did you hear there’s a 30 preview of a new Opeth song on Amazon??? Holy @*$&!!!!!

To me nothing could be more useless than hearing 30 seconds of a song that isn’t out yet, but people always send us these Amazon pre-order pages anyway. I bet these are the same people who shell out Benjamin after Benjamin for lap dances in strip clubs. What’s the fucking point? It is, quite literally, a cock-tease. I’d rather watch porn in the safety of my own home where I can at least beat off instead of having to walk around with a raging hard on and a constant barrage of tits in my face. What a waste of money.

Anyway, Suckalo Dan Wolfson thinks you all might like to hear 30 seconds of the new Opeth song “The Throat of Winter,” which comes from the God of War: Blood & Metal video game soundtrack (out march 2nd on Roadrunner). It sounds like it’s got acoustic guitars, and it sounds like Mikael Akerfeldt is singing on it… and that’s about all we can tell. I mean new Opeth music is always an exciting proposition, but come on.

For those keeping track, the new Trivium song “Shattering the Skies Above” from the God & War soundtrack is floating around the Interwebs (currently here).

-VN

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  • permafrost

    I think I can resist pounding my cock until I get home.

    Wait.

    No I can’t.

  • DustintheWind

    Of all bands to hear only 30 seconds of a song too, Opeth? Thats probably only like, 1/16 of the song

    • svc181

      haha, i think you mean at most 1/12

  • Jesus

    its even more of a cocktease when THE SONG WONT FUCKING PLAY

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anthony-Showalter/100000592087843 Anthony Showalter

    Not enough to satisfy my need for Opeth. They transcend everything, I personally think they’re one of the greatest bands ever.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jeremy-Sanchez/512283152 Jeremy Sanchez

    Sounds way too prog. I tell ya, Opeth has to go back to their Blackwater Park/Deliverance sound. Now they just sound like Porcupine Tree with growls.

    • Watty

      Seen both bands live (recently), and I can honestly say that they don’t sound alike. They have similar compositional styles, but Mike and Steven are distinctly different entities musically and both awesome in their own rights.

      That being said…I wasn’t all that impressed by this (so far)…and I love me some Opeth.

    • zhitnik

      I agree…I had a feeling that right when martin lopez left the band due to his illness or whatever the hell, that Opeth would continue even more heartily down the road of cleans/acoustic grandpas guitars. Oh well, I can always spin the masterpiece that is Deliverance ’till the end of time.

  • Dysenteric

    I’m still struggling to see the point of this EP. To me it seems like just another promotional tool for both game and Roadrunner, not to mention that some bands on it do not play music that fits the God of War theme, like Taking Dawn.

    Is there more to this that what I’m seeing?

    • Satch Armstrong

      I think you answered your own question, now go clean up after yourself

      • Dysenteric

        I asked because a few friends of mine really loved the Trivium song, while I was just left questioning what the point of the song was. Plus, Dream Theater are the only band on the compilation who may produce a relevant song.

        Well, whatever, it’s not like I care. I don’t feel the special edition is worth the money. There’s a slim chance I’ll get the orchestral soundtrack, after beating the game in a single rental’s worth the time (if I ever play it), but that’s it.

  • Hibernum

    Ok kid I’ll splain youse the facts of life. After givivng some tips you pick out the one you want for the private lap dance. She grinds your crotch until you cum. Or if she’s really nice she’ll jerk you off manually.

    Personally I’d rather just stay at home. Who wants to walk around all night with drawers full of jizz? To each his own!

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mathew-James-Saunders/1153389571 Mathew James Saunders

      lol…gross, the shit will be all crusty and you’ll have to pry your underpants from your sack n gooch

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Dan-Wolfson/557092638 Dan Wolfson

    WHO IS DAN WOLFSON

    • http://hookinmouth.net Hookinmouth.net

      Who fuckin cares?

  • Kuranes

    Okay, that was unsatisfying. I see on iTunes this will also not be available as a single song download, but I guess the rest of the soundtrack is decent enough.

  • http://thatdevilmusic.blogspot.com Rob Liz

    I heard Opeth’s 30 second trailer on Amazon and I ……jizzed in my pants.

  • Hobie

    Three words.
    I…
    love….
    Opeth…

  • DidgeryDo

    Nice. Something to look forward to.

    Off topic, but has anybody else tried the God of War demo? The most brutal video game ever. I tore
    off Helio’s head and watched the skin of his neck stretch and tear in little places. Freakin HD mayhem.

    • DidgeryDo

      EDIT: God of War 3.

      I know people know what I mean but somebody was bound to get technical on me.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mathew-James-Saunders/1153389571 Mathew James Saunders

        YES! I rented District 9 on blu-ray and it came with the exclusive E3 demo for free! It was a happy night indeed. Except when it was over, sooooo pissed off (mainly because I was still high)

        • DidgeryDo

          LOL I was blazed too. Usually I play a demo once but I must have torn
          Helio’s head off at least fifteen times haha. That game is going to be a
          wild ride for sure.

  • SourDeez

    Someone make Gary Suarez review these 30 seconds and tell us why each second sucks.

    • CYN1C

      +1

      (Seriously MS, just include a rating system for comments already.)

  • http://www.1man1jar.com Dvmetallica

    wow, that was gay

  • Dani

    That isnt Opeth….

    • Dani

      Hmm maybe it is…