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What the fuck??

A PRODUCT SO USELESS YOU’D SWEAR GENE SIMMONS WAS BEHIND IT

 Thursday, February 25th, 2010 at 4:15pm by

yngqie humidorGene Simmons is the lowest of the low when it comes to putting his name on a product for a buck. The dude’s attached his likeness to everything from Mr. Potato Head dolls to coffee to toothbrushes, and he even attempted to sell his own kidney stone (no word on how that turned out). Mr. Witz proves the stereotype that Jews are money-grubbing scoundrels true and gives us a bad name (ok, so I’m cheap too… so what) even he does unequivocally like to rock n’ roll all night and party every day.

But nothing tops the sheer absurdity of this Yngwie Malmsteen humidor. Look at the fucking thing! Who would buy that? At least it’s useful though, unlike a fucking KISS Mr. Potato Head. I’m not really the cigar-smoking type except for once in a blue moon, but if someone <ahem> were to send me one of these <ahem> I could think of a certain sticky green substance that’d be perfectly suited for storage in such a case.

-VN

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  • thehatemachine

    You know Yngwie keeps his donuts and coke in that humidor.

  • Vikingfromhell890

    This item would only be useful if you were really protective over your instruments so it kinda makes sense to me that Yngwie would endorse something like this.

    • Dirtman73

      I don’t think any of his guitars will fit in that thing.

      • Vikingfromhell890

        Nvm, I just read what type of humidifier it is. I change my mind then, it is useless lol.

        • Kuranes

          It’s not a humidifier, it’s a humidor.

  • Isaac

    Ah, come on. Plenty of bands have official stash tins.
    And besides, Axl, you seem to have a use for it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mark-Gavin/1396340262 Mark Gavin

    Vince would put his boogers in his humidor?

  • Discipleofthewatch

    Ha! I went to a Yngwie Malmsteen show once; the merch guy gave me free Yngwie Malmsteen panties. And I have seen his signature guitar strings also.

  • Kuranes

    I can’t get past the welcome screen on the TLG Canada website to find out how much this is.

    I was an enormous Yngwie fan back in high school. The first three albums are classic.

  • Heavy Metal

    When you open it does it say, “You’ve released the fucking fury?”

  • Grymmbear

    C’mon, admit it… if it had Andrew W.K. on it instead, you’d buy the damn thing.

  • phil

    This is awesome!

  • JonJ

    Yngwie needs to fire his photoshop artist. That shit looks terrible!

  • brandonmetal

    Worthless!!!!

  • Some Random Dude

    I think some of this green substance should go to the person that sends the humidor. I think an ounce would cover it, plus an eighth for shipping and handling.

    unless it’s not weed, like if you sent me an ounce of bronchitis butter or an ounce of baby shit I’d have to cut your hands off and sew them to my taint. I normally wouldnt care, but I’ve always fantasized about being part jewish and having taint hands, and jewish taint hands are like all my dreams coming to life at once.

    Just send me some weed. I’m crazy.

  • gooksftw

    Its awsome!.. this is what the music bizz have to resort to.. Yngwie humidors.. wtf man!.. but seriously.. its kinda cool!.. but it looks like an yngwie lunchbox.. and who the hell wants a lunchbox.. and an Yngwie lunchbox at that.. he should stick to endorsing guitarproducts instead of this lame shit, or at least make another of his totally arrogant guitar vids “im gonna play a lick *32th note arpeggio in 240 bpm*.. Practice this and youll be a guitar god.. got it? good..”

    stay tuned for Special Limited edition of Dave mustaines ginger-anger in a box!!..

  • pigchop

    “I could think of a certain sticky green substance that’d be perfectly suited for storage in such a case.”

    As it turns out, the product is not so “useless”. So…what’s with the headline?

  • ITTOA666

    How many times are they cover poor Malmsteen in makeup? He’s gonna get cancer.