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The Webernets

INTERNET BEWARE: ZILTOID IS NOW A BLOGGER

 Friday, February 26th, 2010 at 3:30pm by

For those who may’ve missed the constant plugs in our comments section over the past few weeks, everyone’s favorite hater-for-the-sake-of-hating Ziltoid is now lending his scribbling skills to the MS Maniac GroverXIII-helmed metal blog The Number of the Blog.

Let me repeat that: Ziltoid is blogging. Get your haterade out, Suckalos and Suckalettes.

Apparently the day we let Ziltoid run MetalSucks was just the tip of the iceberg as far as learning about ridiculous bands he thinks are cool such as \\\Maytag. Since it’s a slow news day today, I decided to mosey on over to Number of the Blog to see what old Zilty is up to. The very first Ziltoid-penned post I stumbled upon is about how the Pokemon video games are metal.

Let me repeat that: Ziltoid thinks Pokemon is metal. Pokemon is the tr00est of the tr00, the kvltest of the kvlt, the ultimate standard of metal superiority (because Zilty only listens to the very best music) to which we should all aspire.

Lap it up, kids.

-VN

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  • Double D

    Fucking twat.

    • triple d

      ahaha you take him seriously

  • Timmayy

    whattt pokemon is not even close to metal. if by metal youre refering to those kids that sit in my college cafe all day and play magic while listening to avenged sevenfold, i hope ziltoid dies a slow, painful death at the hands of gay men dressed in butterfly costumes. but im willing to admit that when i was 10 years old, pokemon gameboy games were THE shit…but nothing compared to my first album at that time, sevendusts sefltitled \m/

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Chris-Pantozzi/1255231400 Chris Pantozzi

      Wat

    • Ziltoid

      Sevendust?

      Haha, even the least metal of pokemon can take a shit on that.

      • Timmayy

        i was young as fuck lol in a year or two 7D led to …and justice for all, then the war within, and its been a fucking wrap since that. metal out.

        • Ziltoid

          Sevendust led to a shitty thrash album, which led to a shitty metalcore album? Do you listen to Static-X or something now?

          • http://thenumberoftheblog.wordpress.com/ groverXIII

            Hey now… just because you don’t like And Justice For All does not make it a shitty album. It’s a classic album, if not necessarily thrash. And I will end you if you say otherwise. I will shank your ass like you were in prison, fool!

          • Ziltoid

            Blackened is the only good song on there, and it’s one of the few Metallica songs I can tolerate. Everything else is lifeless, balls-less, bass-less, plodding garbage. I can just use Defense Curl, raising my defense so that my ass will not only be saved, but the power of my Rollout will also be doubled! Enemy grover stands no chance!

          • http://thenumberoftheblog.wordpress.com/ groverXIII

            *SHANK SHANK SHANK*

            Or if you would prefer, I can put this into terms that you may be more comfortable:

            ‘groverXIII uses SHANK!

            It’s Super Effective!’

          • Hammer_Smashed_Hurtt

            *HAROOOOOOOOOOOKEN* !!!!*shoots arms out straight, palms outward*

            …take that motherfucker….

          • http://thenumberoftheblog.wordpress.com/ groverXIII

            FIREBALL? OH SHI-

          • http://thenumberoftheblog.wordpress.com demigodraven

            only one way to counter hadoooken.

            YOGA FLAME!

    • Jason

      let me get something straight are you bashing on avenged or not Timmayy?

  • Ben

    I still play Red and Gold to this day. Pokemon games are completely metal. Enslaving beasts to perform tasks at your whim is awesome. Moving from town to town every day without a place to sleep at night sure sounds metal to me.

    • Meekal

      YES.
      Just because kids dig it doesn’t mean it isn’t secretly metal as fuck.

    • http://www.myspace.com/whiskeyrambleproject x101whiskey_ramble101x

      what you are describing, sir, is homo erotica… just short of ending your comment with two circles and a snap.

  • DidgeryDo

    This is explains A LOT.

  • Trux

    Hey GroverXIII… can I write for your blog too ??…. I love metal just as much as the next guy and i like a lot of power and prog metal that i am sure, not everbody even knows.

    However, I gotta tell you that i am not very fluent in english, but what the heck… you gave Zilty a job, so I just guess that i may have a shot of an opportunity too !!

    • http://thenumberoftheblog.wordpress.com/ groverXIII

      See the info section on the site… it’s got an email address where you can contact me.

      I’m an accessible guy.

      • familyghost

        you should let the ghost with the most bring the metal to your blog!!bring the pwnership!!the win!!let a real man contribute some toaster to that toaster!!shake n bake son!!shake n fucking bake!!get some punk!!we_get_it_here!!chakunnnnnnnn!!i’m over 7!!WH00o00o0o0o0 WHeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

        • http://thenumberoftheblog.wordpress.com/ groverXIII

          o_O

          I should note… contributors need to show a decent grasp of basic grammar skills.

          • RockOutWithMy…YouKnow

            Honestly, I think giving this weirdo one post would be pretty damn interesting. Let him pick a topic and then incoherently ramble on for 500 words. I’d read that, then probaby end up hurting myself, but I would give it a read.

          • http://thenumberoftheblog.wordpress.com/ groverXIII

            Hahahaha… yeah, I don’t know if I want to put anyone through that.

      • Trux

        I probably will…. thanks grover.

  • Dysenteric

    I used to be a big fan of the Pokémon games (I LOVED Silver), but this just sours my memories somewhat. Bleh.

    No offence, Zilt, but I don’t think I’ll be following this blog.

    • Dysenteric

      Especially after seeing an endorsement for Mutiny Within.

      And the vocalist for that FFX “Otherworld” song was some guy called Bill Muir. FYI.

      • http://thenumberoftheblog.wordpress.com/ groverXIII

        Hey, I like Mutiny Within. If that opinion is enough to prevent you from reading the site, then that’s up to you.

        • Discipleofthewatch

          I like Mutiny Within also. I don’t know why disagreeing with something would cause you not to read a blog.

          And Ziltoid posting on there is not new news.

        • Dysenteric

          No no no, I didn’t mean it like that. It was that weird Pokémon article that put me off. I just don’t fancy reading the blog when I would have the memory of that article niggling on my mind all the time I read it. That sort of thing tends to stick with me.

          • http://thenumberoftheblog.wordpress.com/ groverXIII

            Fair enough. It was a weird article, but I still think it’s pretty funny. I appreciate the feedback.

  • Tonberry
  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Nick-Carosello/1360764011 Nick Carosello

    Pokémon are in no way shape or form metal,but Voltron on the other hand….

    Everyone go check out the new Marc Rizzo solo CD.It’s awesome.

    • http://thenumberoftheblog.wordpress.com/ groverXIII

      Speaking of the new Marc Rizzo album, I have been meaning to listen to that. Looks like that’ll be next in my album queue.

  • http://schenkeltown.blogspot.com SchenkelTown

    my blog gets the fuckin shaft

    schenkeltown.blogspot.com

  • Skanes

    Nostalgiaaaaaaaaa

    • Some Random Dude

      fosho

  • Douchebag

    I enjoyed that Klingon rap video. For the rest, looks like a parody on metalsucks.gov with ‘writers’ full of pretentious metal hipsters.

    • http://thenumberoftheblog.wordpress.com/ groverXIII

      We are the most pretentious of metal hipsters. You’ve figured us out!

  • John

    Won’t read

  • Shinaain

    Thanks for reminding me I’ve been meaning to check out Grovy’s deal over there. I must say that the tip-off on Cormorant has gotten Zilty a free pass with me – he can do pretty much whatever the Hell he wants. (Well, sort of. Not all of his recommendations go over as smashingly well with me as Cormorant did. *pause for reflection* Okay, so Cormorant was the ONLY one of his recommendations that went over smashingly well with me. *shrugs* Oh, well…)

    And if Pokeman gets to be metal, then so does Rick Springfield. Dibs. Called it.

  • Jewers

    Pokemon was goddamn awesome.

    My gym battles never lasted long enough to appreciate the full score. <—1337

  • DidgeryDo

    If console video games were metal Pokemeon would be…..I dunno….Linkin Park or something. There are
    so many better choices. Diablo 2, Demon’s Souls, Final Fantasy 6, Baldurs Gate….It’s nice to see Zilt’s crap taste is not exclusive to metal.

  • DidgeryDo

    In fact Demon’s Souls might just be the most video game I ever played period.

  • Caspar Colderson

    Don’t worry Ziltoid, everything above this is just the MS way of showing love.

  • http://thenumberoftheblog.wordpress.com deseee

    Of all the awesome fucking posts on our blog that’s the one you link too???? smh…

  • Andrew Koenig

    I got pwnD!

  • http://thenumberoftheblog.wordpress.com/ groverXIII

    A disclaimer… this post was all Ziltoid. I don’t care much for Pokemon, but if that’s what he wants to write about I’m fine with it, as I am for all of our contributors so long as they’re not posting about, y’know, kiddie pr0n or anything. We generally post about more metal subjects.

    And for those of you who read the site (or who might consider it), we’ve got some pretty big changes to the site in store. You’ll know more before too long, although things may be a bit more sporadic until then..

    • Ziltoid

      Also, I definitely have to second this. I write what about what I want to write about. Don’t let my Pokemon-loving self distract from everyone else’s work, especially grover, who has done a damn good job of running the place from day one.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tom-Campagna/40702766 Tom Campagna

        indeed i love the stuff that we have goin on over at TNOTB

    • http://thenumberoftheblog.wordpress.com/ groverXIII

      Also, I forgot to address the subtle dig about the constant plugs… I do apologize for that, as it’s more than a bit shameless and gratuitous. Just trying to build some kind of a consistent base of readers, which is not always easy to do. I promise to lay off that in the future.

      • Ziltoid

        Yeah, I contributed to that a bit as well.

        No more plugs from me.

  • Ziltoid

    Haha, this is wonderful! Pokemon is indeed quite metal, although the most recent games have been pretty damn false.

    However, I do like how MS conveniently ignores the rest of my writing, such as my review of the underrated thrash metal band with prog elements known as Realm, or the first ever black metal song, recorded in 1969 by Jacula.

    But then again, I don’t really expect legitimate journalism from MS.

    Also, I’m going to be publishing my discussion with Dan from Metal Insider about the Scion No Label Needed contest. Let’s just say it isn’t nearly as legitimate as they want you to believe.

    • familyghost

      what about your conversation with the ghost sonny boy!!too much metal for ya!!WHo0o00o00o WHeeeeeeeeeeee we_get_it_beer!!

    • Hammer_Smashed_Hurtt

      Thats ok we dont expect it from you either.

      • familyghost

        I just post a fake conversation between me and ziltoid. hahaahaha. it would bring the “lulz”. I’d have to make it blatantly biased as possible.

      • familyghost

        *should just

  • Hibernum

    Pokemon is an analog for dogfighting.

    • Ziltoid

      Ash Ketchum = Michael Vick.

      • Alex_P

        You just raped my childhood. Thanks, Ziltoid.

  • familyghost

    I should have my own blog!!lost of WHo0o00o0 WHeeeeeeee’s and Mmmmmmmmmmm Hmmmmmmmmmmm’s!!and slayerrrrrrrrrrrrr!!crank that shit on my house boat!!wife better be making my sandwich!!gotta go!!my car needs to be washed!!MMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

    metal or gtfo ladies!!the ghost got his son!!we keep it real!!no kiddie bullshit!!

    • RockOutWithMy…YouKnow

      Meth? Meth.

      • familyghost

        MEeEeeEeEeeTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhh!!it’s whats for dinner!!widget in the fridet!

      • familyghost

        I should so make my own blog llololololoollooololol

  • cougar party

    Ziltoid, in your own immortal words I must say, “THIS IS NOT METAL!”.

  • hyperkulturemia

    Slow news day.

  • pigchop
  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Bergin-Jr/1300390237 Michael Bergin Jr

    your parents should have aborted you when they had the chance

    • Ziltoid

      Whoa, original. Where’d you think of that one?

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Bergin-Jr/1300390237 Michael Bergin Jr

        didn’t you love that?

        • Ziltoid

          Nah, I prefer originality and creativity. Not something a Pantera fan would say.

          • familyghost

            in your eye grandma

          • Ziltoid

            Fail.

            One liners just don’t work unless they’re very snarky, and nothing here qualifies as snarky.

          • familyghost

            fail. you think pokemon is metal and you’re ziltoid. ;)

  • familyghost

    loloololololololol I type like a fucktard on purpose by the way. WHo0o0o0o0o0o0o WHeeeeeeeeeeeee

    • SonOF

      You are fucking annoying. Please go away, seriously.

      • http://www.myspace.com/whiskeyrambleproject x101whiskey_ramble101x

        just wait for his lighter to stop workin…. you ever see a cow on meth? moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo…. you get the idea

  • AB12

    I don’t see the point of this blog, its basically every newsbit on metalsucks written by someone else. Personally, I think one mainstream metal news blog is enough but good luck anyways.

    • http://thenumberoftheblog.wordpress.com/ groverXIII

      Yeah, I’m still working on coming up with more original content and less music news, but writing it off as every newsbit on MetalSucks written by someone else means you’re not seeing the original stuff we’re coming up with (Shitty Music Saturday, Judging A Book By Its Cover, the reviews).

      Thanks for wishing me luck, I guess.

    • Ziltoid

      Metalsucks has become about as bland and unoriginal as it gets. It’s either a blabbermouth ripoff, an ICP/Fred Durst/(insert 80s glam shit here) joke, an old video, or announcing a shitty tour. TNOTB has some important announcements, like the new Cynic EP, but the original content is much better than that of MS. Shitty Music Saturday is what interested me in the site in the first place.

      • Hammer_Smashed_Hurtt

        Then why art thou still here?

        • familyghost

          yes, why the fuck is he here? I mean…WHo0o0o0o WHeeeeeeeeeeee? no…wait..I was right the first time…

        • Ziltoid

          Haven’t you noticed that I’ve been here less often nowadays? I still feel the need to demonstrate my omniscience to everyone here by smiting their inferior tastes in music, but these boring articles are not making it as fun to do.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mark-Irwin/612231572 Mark Irwin

    Clearly this is sad.

    Sad sad sad.

    …

    Okay, fine. You got me.

    Ruby and Sapphire were my favorite games >_<

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Daniel-Tievsky/697373980 Daniel Tievsky

    This piece is actually really, really good.

    • http://www.myspace.com/whiskeyrambleproject x101whiskey_ramble101x

      helen hunt was actually a sweethear…in “Twister”, yeh, that’s pretty much what you just said.

  • metalguy

    FYI al the hipster kids at my school bring in gameboys and play to counteract the normal people who play iphone apps. just saying

  • Ben

    He can plug all he wants, and you guys can try to drum up views for him by getting people to go heckle. I’ll drop dead before I click on a link to his small minded, pathetic garbage.

    • SPna15

      There’s more than one person contributing. All you people realize that, right?

      • http://thenumberoftheblog.wordpress.com demigodraven

        no, most are too busy in their blinded hate of our blessed almighty

        • Ziltoid

          “Our Blessed Almighty”

          I like the sound of that.

      • Ben

        Yeah? And Hitler wasn’t the only person involved with the Holocaust. Doesn’t mean that it doesn’t reflect on the rest of the bunch for getting involved with the prick. What’s your point?

        This guy’s a pathetic waste of space. He’s so pathetic that he has to resort to the most low brow form of attention grabbing: hate baiting. That last bastion of hope for the untalented. “Well, if you see what a retard I am then I’ll make you pay attention by being even more annoying with my retardedness.” I’ll have no part in it. I don’t give a fat, flying fuck if Hendrix himself gets resurrected to do a weekly article for the site, I’m not going there.

        • http://thenumberoftheblog.com/ groverXIII

          Whoa… not only are we pretentious metal hipsters, but we’re Nazis as well.

          • Ben

            I implied nor stated either of those things.

  • familyghost

    familyghost for hall monitor 2010!

  • I Hate Ziltoid (aka Nacho Cheese Doritos)

    Zilty Zilty Zilty…plain and simple: Pokemon = booger eating. I would never waste a second of my life watching that show (past, present and future). Have fun beating off to your computer porn tonight, again.

  • Jacob

    pokemon is the shit

  • http://thenumberoftheblog.wordpress.com demigodraven

    ooooo, metalsucks linkage, sexy.

  • Rachel

    “Catching them all” is VERY metal!!!

  • Fufkin

    It’s sad to see a teenage wannabe elitist getting a soapbox here but in many ways it’s entirely fitting. I certainly won’t be reading.

    • http://thenumberoftheblog.com/ groverXIII

      The fact that you assume that he’s got a soapbox means you haven’t been reading anyway. Aside from the fact that he’s only posted four times, they’ve all been about stuff that he does like, not rants about stuff that he doesn’t.

      I recruited him because he has a unique, if twisted, view of music, and a good grasp on grammar. I don’t often agree with him on much, but damned if he doesn’t make for some weird, entertaining reading. If that’s enough for you to write off the entire site, then that’s up to you.

      • Ben

        You realize that “getting up on a soapbox” does not necessarily imply that one is ranting about something they don’t like, right? I mean, a writer should realize that. Although the correlation between blogger and writer is rather strained so I guess I can understand.

  • dave

    hey grover, can i write for your blog too? i hate all bands that have over 6 fans, and i love yu-gi-oh

    • http://thenumberoftheblog.com/ groverXIII

      If you can promise to use capital letters, I’ll consider it, although 6 fans means YOU’VE SOLD OUT AND ARE NO LONGER METAL.

  • JRTME

    Yep this is why I frequent this site less and less.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andrew-Sterner/1335958279 Andrew Sterner

    It’s not metal. It’s good, in fact, it’s DAMN good, but to say it’s metal…I LOLed. You should probably check out some JS Bach, or Haydn if you want some newer music, I imagine you’d think they’re metal as well.

    Please take an introductory metal class before posting again man.

  • d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n.

    Wes musts catches thems alls.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Graham-OBrien/831660359 Graham O’Brien

    Actually listen to the music…. IT’s Metal…. Imagine it played on Guitar!!

  • zac

    When I used to play Pokemon, all I did was listen to metal. Every time I put in Dark Tranquillity’s “Character” it always reminds me of Pokemon… so yes to me Pokemon is fucking metal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/William-Morley/618112437 William Morley

    I fucking love that boss theme, I’ve always thought the little intro bit would sound sick if someone sweep picked it on a guitar.

  • Brian \m/(-_-)\m/

    i took in stride the fact that ziltoid is blogging about pokemon and accepted that as normal, because i was bored today. so i actually went to look at his article, and, ziltoid or not, he gets credit for posting this.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvKOqJyrVYE&feature=player_embedded#
    those who had a childhood, enjoy

    • Ben

      I had a childhood, but, luckily, I’m old enough that I had actual good cartoons prior to Pokeshit coming along and dropping a big fat deuce all over Saturday mornings everywhere.

  • Dorge

    Some of those Pokemon tunes could be truly cranked into some really fucked up metal if a beast gota hold of it.

    But some of it is just fucked up.