Can a simple dill pickle garner more Facebook fans than Nickelback? It’ll take 1,380,820 fans to make that happen, but I believe in the power of the Internet and the deliciousness of pickles. Facebook user Coral Cripps created the Facebook fan page “Can this pickle get more fans than Nickleback?” [sic] less than a week ago on Wednesday, February 3rd. The worldwide ire for Nickelback is so strong that as of this writing the group already has 240,095 fans. When I joind the group yesterday it only had around 70,000… the Pickleback is spreading fast!

What I’d really love to see is Nickelback getting involved by mobilizing their fanbase to counter the attack of the pickle. Hey Roadrunner, get on that! It’d be hilarious. Take the joke and run with it, ala Earache/Oceano style!

Pickles 4evr!!!

-VN

Real metalheads only stage their own personal Whackin Festival with black tissues

Given the staggering number of e-mails we’ve received from you guys since The PRP broke the story last night, I’m not really sure if I’m telling any of you anything you don’t already know, but just in case:

MASTODON, BETWEEN THE BURIED AND ME, BARONESS, AND VALIENT THORR ARE ALL TOURING TOGETHER THIS SPRING

Yes, that is glorious news. I’ve never seen Valient Thorr live, but I do enjoy their music, and the other three bands are all great live. So there isn’t really much else to say here beyond, y’know, go to this.

Dates after the jump.

Click to read more…

-KW

My car just got towed and I’m pissed. Really fucking pissed. One side effect of being a pantsless blogger is that sometimes you get a little comfortable and forget to do things like move your car when you’re supposed to (and I swear, I didn’t poke any smot today!). Before I go pay $185 to get my shitty fucking 1988 Honda Accord back, I’ll recap what happened this week on MetalSucks. Fuck the world.

• You say to-MAY-to, I say to-MAH-to… when it comes to band names.
• We debuted a fresh track by Dangers.
• Trivium canned drummer Travis Smith causing you all to argue incessantly about the tr00/false metalness of Trivium. Oceano also lost a member, causing the MetalSucks Mansion to rejoice while Suarez wept in the corner. Meanwhile Periphery’s ex-singer joined a band that sounds just like Periphery and even includes one of their [key] members.
• We spoke with Ihsahn and invited all of you to speak with Dark Tranquillity’s Mikael Stanne.
• Atreyu’s drummer’s wife wants to save rock and roll but apparently doesn’t want to save correct usage of the French language.
• Sammy O’Hagar likee Fear Factory. Axl Rosenberg no likee Fear Factory.
• Eyal is conducting an experiment. Have fun sifting through 385 demos, buddy.
• White Wizzard released the best video ever of the week.

Bye.

-VN

“Biffy Clyro” always sounded like some kind of degenerative vaginal disease to me, but in fact it’s the name of an awesome 3-piece heavy rock band from Scotland. 2007′s Puzzle was something of a masterpiece; I loved the way it sounded and I loved the songs, and I listened to that album a whole lot that year. Axl and I saw them play live shortly after the release of that album and the band absolutely fucking smoked. News of a new Biffy Clyro album isn’t exactly “news” to those in the UK, but Only Revolutions will finally receive a U.S. release on March 9th, exclusively on iTunes.

According to SMNnews.com, Only Revolutions was produced by GGGarth Richardson (Rage Against the Machine, Red Hot Chili Peppers, and BC’s prior album Puzzle) and mixed by Andy Wallace (a bazillion great bands), so you know it’s going to sound great. The album also features the orchestration of multi Grammy-winning composer David Campbell; the orchestrations on Puzzle were part of what made it so special so I’m glad to see they’re keeping that element of their sound intact.

Can any of our UK readers tell us what to expect from Only Revolutions? Is it a worthy successor to Puzzle?

Here’s the video for “That Golden Rule,” the album’s first single. Check out Biffy Clyro on MySpace for more. After the jump, peep a list of Biffy Clyro U.S. tour dates scheduled for March and April.

-VN

Click to read more…

L.A. Guns (the Tracii Guns version) were just the first signing in an apparent change of direction for Steve Vai’s formerly shredtastic Favored Nations label. According to a press release, the new Jibboom imprint of Favored Nations has just wrapped up negotiations with comedian / That Metal Show co-host Jim Florentine. Florentine is perhaps best known for his characters Special Ed and Bobby Fletcher on Comedy Central’s cult-favorite TV show Crank Yankers, so unsurprisingly his first release for the label — Terrorizing Telemarketers Vol. 5 — will be in the vein of Crank Yankers / Jerky Boys style prank call recordings.

I’ve now lived without a TV for over four years so I haven’t seen That Metal Show. Our own Corey Mitchell didn’t like it all, but judging by the comments on that post most of you seemed to dig it. As if you needed an invitation… please share your thought about That Metal Show / Jim Florentine with us in the comments section.

Here’s a clip of one of Florentine’s calls. I’m not sure whether this appeared on Terrorizing Telemarketers Vol. 1-4 or whether it’s new, but it should give you a pretty good idea of what’s in store for Vol. 5.

-VN

Axl wrote about Soreption back in November, but judging by the amount of you who STILL email us about news articles / bands that we’ve already posted, you don’t always pay attention to the things we write. So let me say it this way:

THIS BAND RULES!

As MS reader Dan W. so succinctly put it, “It’s like Bloodbath meets The Faceless, or The Faceless minus aliens.” Soreption’s new album Deterioration of Minds comes out on March 3rd, and you can currently hear parts of two new songs on their MySpace page.

Go listen. DO IT.

-VN

Christmas may be long gone but we’re always in the Antichrist spirit here at the MS Mansion. We’ve finally chosen the winners of our annual Antichrist Christmas Contest in which we unload upon you, our loyal readers, the dozens and dozens of promo CDs and swag we received throughout the previous year.

This year we asked you to tell us why you hate the holidays. The winners are:

Michael “The Armenian Demon” Fenton, DD, Uber-Suckalo groverXIII and Gecko.

We won’t re-post their winning entries here because some of them are pretty long, but you can always go and find them on the contest entry page if you’re curious.

Congrats and enjoy!

There are some bands that certain people will never give the time of day solely because of pre-conceived notions. The Bled are one of those bands. But I’m not going to stop trying to get metalheads to pay attention to them…. because they’re a band you really need to pay attention to.

In January The Bled posted two new songs that I proclaimed the heaviest songs the band had ever written. One of those songs, “Smoke Breaks” (the heavier of the two), is still posted, while “Moutheater” has been replaced by another new song, “Crowbait.” It’s not as heavy (or in my opinion as good) as the other two, especially the fireball that is “Smoke Breaks,” but it’s still a decent song.

Heat Fetish drops March 2nd.

-VN

Thanks: Ian Wilomot

Australia’s Double Dragon have apparently been tearing shit up on their native island: they’ve played support slots for Slayer, Megadeth, Mastodon, Lamb of God, Chimaira, Carcass, Dark Tranquillity, Arch Enemy, In Flames, The Haunted, The Black Dahlia Murder, Kataklysm, and Soilwork. Not too shabby.

Unfortunately, the band don’t have a U.S. or European record deal, which means that their most recent offering, Devastator, hasn’t been available to fans outside of Australia… until now. The band are giving Devastator away for absolutely no cost. You can download the torrent here.

The band is currently in the process of recording a new album, which vocalist Lee Gardiner promises me is “not going to be heavier, or softer, or more or less moody, just new music, from us five cunts.” Sounds good to me!

-AR

An anonymous industry insider close to the Mayhem camp has contacted MetalSucks with the news that the Norwegian black metallers have canceled their tour with Ludicra, Krallice and Tombs. Says the MetalSucks tipster, “I can 100% guarantee that this is true.”

The tour was scheduled to start in New York City on April 7th and wrap up in Los Angeles on April 25th (dates here).

This following last year’s doomed-before-it-even started Blackenedfest Tour. That tour’s original bill featured Mayhem, Marduk, Cephalic Carnage, Cattle Decapitation and Withered. Marduk didn’t make it to the U.S. due to visa issues, and the other three bands dropped off after an all-night argument in Denver. Mayhem finished up the tour alone.

We’ll post more news as this story develops…

Cosmo Lee posted a fun piece the other day about band name pronunciations: “Let’s help each other out. Use English words and syllables to denote pronunciation, with all caps for syllabic stress. For example, Metallica’s bassist is Robert True-HEE-yo. Got it? Good.” Among the band names and metal personalities he explores are Marduk, Dan Swanö, Mikael Åkerfeldt and Peter Tägtgren. The European readers of Invisible Oranges are really helping out.

I’d like to add a couple more to the debate:

Necrophagist

Necro-FAY-jist? Neck-RAH-fuh-jist? Necro-FAH-jist?

Vader

VAY-der or VAH-der?

Are there any bands with awkwardly written (or foreign) names that you’re wondering how to pronounce? Posit your theories in the comments.

-VN

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With Orphaned Land’s new album, The Never Ending Way Of ORwarriOR, coming out Tuesday on Century, now seemed like a good time to take a look at some Israeli metal bands that aren’t as well known. Ready? Here we go…

Click to read more…

Okay so obviously that’s not it, but longtime readers will recall I once vowed to post a picture of Marta every time I have to write something about Bleeding Through because, well, I think she’s hot, and I don’t think Bleeding Through are a very good band.

But the band is going to have a new, self-titled album coming out April 13 on Rise Records, and they’re popular enough that I suspect some of you must care. So if ya do, the actual cover art is after the jump.

And if ya don’t, well, we’ll always have Marta.

Click to read more…

No riff is as tasty as an ’80s metal riff (pick one) and the Shadows Fall tandem of Matt Bachand and Jon Donais are two of the tastiest classic-style riffers in metal today. Put the two together and you’ve got Kobra Kai, an ’80s cover supergroup that also features current and ex-members of Fates Warning, All That Remains and Dark Day Sunday. So it couldn’t've been much of a stretch for Bachand and Donais to take their passion for ’80s metal to the big leagues by covering a song with one of the tastiest riffs ever, “Bark at the Moon;” shit, they probably already knew it.

Apparently the Shads’ cover of the Ozzy classic has been burning up the radio charts of late, but I hadn’t heard it until this live video landed in my inbox. I like how for the most part it’s a straight cover but Bachand and Donais still infuse hints of their distinct Shadows Fallian guitar style into Jake E. Lee’s masterful riffage. And while Brian Fair ain’t the best singer on the block, he sure sounds better than Ozzy “teleprompter” Osbourne these days… and he remembers the lyrics, too. Yes, folks, this is how it’s done. Yes yes, ya’ll.

-VN

Last week we had a Prosthetic Records 10-pack of CDs up for grabs in our funny photo caption contest. The winner, without a doubt, is the following entry for both its appropriateness and topical (aka related to MetalSucks) humor:

• Spanky: “Hey look, an actual Suckalo.”

Nicely played! This week we’re giving away 4 sets of prizes: each winner will get a back patch and a poster featuring the artwork from White Wizzard‘s soon-to-be-released trad-metal gem Over the Top. Yes, that’s right, a friggin’ back patch! And yes, that’s right, White Wizzard, early recipients of my own personal “Most Bad-Ass Metal Video of 2010″ Award (seriously… check out that video… mind-blowingly great). The back patches — pictured here — are part of a limited run of only 100 (though we hear rumors that at some point Earache will issue cut-off jean jackets with these sewn on!). Just come up with a funny caption to the below photo [thanks: Voltron Futura] and one can be yours. Remember to comment using a real email address so we can contact the winners.

Hardcore has a template–musically and lyrically–which is why it’s always so gratifying when artists in that scene take this potentially limiting construct and do something unique with it. Dangers, a Los Angeles-based hardcore act, does just that on Messy, Isn’t It?, their potent and thought-provoking new album. Fronted by the eloquent Al Brown and featuring Graf Orlock’s Justin Smith, the band’s approach to the sound pops, fizzles, and explodes with eccentricity, angularity, and, yes, brutality. But don’t just take my word for it; TAKE A LEAK!

[this download is no longer available]

“Stay At Home Mom” opens the album with a fucking scathing indictment of shoddy parenting and the disaffected children it yields. I’ve posted the lyrics below (along with a few tour dates) so you can scream and rage along with Dangers. Like what you hear? Then why not order the LP/CD combo right now before it sells out?!

Click to read more…

The other day I made my desire for an Ugly Kid Joe reunion known. Two of you, Kuranes and wormdrive66, seemed in favor of such a reunion, while one of you, David was against the idea – and no one else mentioned it in the midst of speculating about who’s gonna be on Ozzfest 2010.

So, fuck it, I’m gonna talk about this band some more.

I think most people remember this band for their hits – duh – “Everything about You” and a cover of Cat Stevens’ “Cat’s in the Cradle.” But the band has some other cool stuff, too, which I actually still enjoy today, even if the deliberate goofiness of the lyrics hasn’t aged so well. Obviously UKJ’s music wasn’t rocket science, but it was really fun – and if they’d never broken-up, maybe Godsmack would be short a drummer and Evanescence short a producer. And I’m convinced that if the band had been around five years earlier, they would have been much bigger than they ended up being… victims of Cobain, I’m afraid.

Anyways, after the jump, five UKJ songs I still enjoy.

Click to read more…

Emmure are currently rocking the fuck headlining the Mosh Lives II tour with Terror and a few Sumeriancore bands. But their hectic schedule didn’t preclude frontman Frankie Palmieri from sitting down with Hardtimes.ca to talk such humdrum interview topics as illegal downloading, independent record labels, advice for new bands, the existence of extraterrestrial life forms, the Illuminati, and Jesusaurus Rex.

WTF?! WHAT”S THE FREQUENCY, KENNETH?!

Click to read more…