The Osbournes wasn’t just a hit; it was a genuine pop-culture phenomenon. Suddenly my grandmother knew who The Osbournes were. There’s little doubt that it made Ozzy, Sharon and the gang a whole lot richer, too, ’cause suddenly they were all celebrities who could milk their various whatevers for money.

Unfortunately, the family’s follow-up, a variety show called Osbournes: Reloaded was canceled after a single episode aired. Bmouth says that there were an additional five in the can, but, nope, the ratings on the debut were so bad that Fox opted to just cut their losses and not even try to make some of the production costs back.

So, of course, some rocket scientist in Hollywood is gonna give the family – or at least a portion of it – another chance, with a show called Osbourne Family Values. The series will not feature bands from the Family Values tours but, rather, will be about Sharon and Kelly as they “talk to mothers and daughters who are having problems,” according to the post-menopausal Osbourne.

The thing is, there’s really no reason (unfortunately) for me to be cynical about this show’s potential ratings; Sharon and Kelly have both found post-Osbournes success on T.V. – Sharon as a judge on some crappy reality talent shows that aren’t American Idol, Kelly on as a participant on one such show. (Her scripted series Life As We Know It was canceled after a single thirteen-episode season.) So there is evidence that people are still interested in watches Osbournes who aren’t Ozzy. And it’s certainly a topic these two ladies know something about. Plus, based on the ten minutes or so that I was able to stomach, Osbournes: Reloaded was a really effective tool for inducing the runs, and I’ve never seen America’s Got Dancing with the Stars, so maybe quality really does have something to do with it.

Still… I never hear news like this and think, “Gee, I’m gonna watch that.” And you might argue “Hey, Axl, you’re not the target audience for that,” and you’d be right. I am not the target audience for crap.

I’m sure I’ll have more dickhead comments to make once this puppy begins to air.

-AR