FUNNY PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN A COPY OF OBSCURA’S RETRIBUTION REISSUE!

Thursday, March 4th, 2010 at 5:43pm by

funny slipknot kidsThe winners of last week’s funny photo caption contest each have a set of hardcore seven-inches on their way in the mail: one each from Gluttons and Seraphim. I sincerely hope you all actually have turntables. The winning entries:

  • Wayn: “Jack Black is back in School Of Rock 2: Short Bus.”
  • Tortiss: “Guys…this is not what I meant by “double-bass”….”
  • Stiggs: “Probably the worst cover of Spinal Tap’s “Big Bottoms” ever.”
  • permafrost: “…At Guitar Center, our staff of experienced salespeople are always ready to serve you!”
  • mallows: “You’ve heard of Trad Metal? Well get ready for ‘Tard Metal – coming to a dyslexia centre near you.”

This week two lucky winners will receive a copy of Retribution, Obscura’s recently reissued first album (which is streaming in full at www.obscuraretribution.info). Each winner will also receive a download card for Obscura’s face-melting latest release Cosmogenesis. Just come up with a funny caption to the below photo [sent in by loving MS fan Chris H.] and make sure you comment with a real email address instead of Facebook Connect (or include your email address in your comment).

log shit

Tags: ,
  • EdSW

    tranny-core

  • DevinGilmour

    pfff! cockshitter!

  • MarsBar

    So THAT”S why Mustaine has such a high singing voice!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Roy-Fry/530649722 Roy Fry

    Sadly, this is the hottest groupie Lamb of God can get nowadays.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kyle-Bosc/530875934 Kyle Bosc

    this is what dave mustaine would’ve looked like if he stayed in metallica.

  • Me

    ROCK N’ ROLLs of fat!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Rodney-Wilder/42003558 Rodney Wilder

    “Now you’ve got something to squint for…”

    email: roquedog504@hotmail.com

    • Me

      haha, good one.

    • Dr. Rockso

      Win.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Stephen-Ogloff/584422925 Stephen Ogloff

    Mommy, wow! I’m a brutal kid now!

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Stephen-Ogloff/584422925 Stephen Ogloff

      Oh shit… lycrof@hotmail.com

  • Bicro

    Jesus may have wept, but Willie Adler just turned off the computer in disgust.

  • FlyingDadBomb

    DERRRRR! I GO POOPY!!!!

  • EmbarassingShit

    BIG BOY MADE A DOODIE!

  • http://www.last.fm/user/opeth027/ Kyle

    Rock out with your cock… oh… never mind!

    • anttichrist

      Damn. Beat me to it. Well done.

  • Geetarz

    This is terrible, but it puts a new meaning to the album “Wrath”

  • The Badseed

    Varg Vikernes first shit as a free man!

    • squid

      Winner

    • waldo

      win for sure

    • Double D

      Oh shit. This had to have been the comment they were looking for.

  • TimFlames

    Even some of the crueler parents started singing along . . . “Mustaine has a mangina! Mustaine has a mangina!”

  • Me

    New Toilet Gospel: As The Phalluses Burn I cheer the Wrath of my Excrement

  • stigmata_97

    Look ma, no hands!

  • Anthony

    Randy’s constipation troubles were the inspiration behind the lyrics to “Walk with me in Hell”

  • Deathsane

    Look Mommy no dick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • FlyingDadBomb

      Oh come on, this one has to win!

  • twistedfreak

    Wrath is in the fucking can! we’re done!!

    • mallows

      awesome!

  • http://www.heavyblogisheavy.com/ Alkahest

    Lamb of God is the shit.

    • Ryan B.

      Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

  • Yo Diggity

    Good thing you tuck it in…your chance getting laid…SET TO FAIL!

  • PengIn

    I don’t really have a comment, I just hate you guys for posting that.

  • Josh

    Can’t wait to see Lamb of God at Mayhem Festival, right after I drop this load. METAL!!!!

  • Agent Mumbles

    Sadly, a retard screaming while pooping still sounds better than Lamb of God.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Devon-Czekaj/550092101 Devon Czekaj

    His penis is still bigger than Lars’s.

  • wyzt

    This is always the first guy in the pit to take off his shirt and sweat all over everyone. Every fuckun time.

  • Wildman

    The Rednecks thought toilet training their new child was set to fail. After all, he wasn’t all there, considering his dad had dead seed. But, in the absence of the sacred, they were taught the subtle arts of pooping by the terrifying Frank Pollard. Finally, at the 11th Hour, as the palaces burned to Ashes of the Wake, the hourglass ran out of sand, and he blackened the cursed bowl. He rose for the first time ( but you know again he will rise), and flushed, allowing the toilet to perform a Reclamation of his turd, and turning Everything in the bowl to Nothing. This event became known as The Passing.

    • I’m not racst, but I hate Oceano

      ha

      • gojirasaurus

        And this is the art of Ruining a toilet.

  • wyzt

    Look guys! He shaves! I guess we will never answer the BURNING question of whether the curtains match the drapes.

  • Paul

    Yes! My pubes are finally as bushy as Randy Blythe’s back!

  • EdSW

    shitstain-on-the-ass-of-the-universe-part-109

    • http://verbalgymnastics.wordpress.com oratorfit

      +1 on this one

  • Wayn

    A new look for Lady GaGa, who is currently recording a metal version of “Goodbye Horses.”

  • Grymmbear

    “Whoever appeals to the law against his fellow man is either a fool or a coward. Whoever cannot take care of himself without that law while on the can is both. For a shitting man shall say to his assailant, ‘If I Live, I will kill you. If I cheer while I shit, You are forgiven.’ Such is the Rule… of Toilet Honor.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jeremy-Sanchez/512283152 Jeremy Sanchez

    The real meaning behind the Lamb of God track: O.D.H.G.A.B.F.E

    “Our Devotees Have Ginger Attributes, But Fail Exteriorly”

    jeds-@live.com

  • SouthFL Infidel

    “Would you fuck me? I’d fuck me. I’d fuck me hard”

    You youngsters can Google that if you need to.

    • http://nmcjls@yahoo.com Joe

      Damn you SouthFL, you beat me to it.

      • SouthFL Infidel

        I couldn’t belive I got there first either.

    • Master Chah

      Fuckin’ love that movie.

    • Austin Millbarge

      Was she a great big fat person?

  • yetzer hara

    “tuck n’ gunt”

  • yetzer hara

    “buffalo bill looks in the mirror and reaffirms, ‘i’d fuck me. i’d fuck me hard.’”

  • Fasshole

    To quote one Mr. Anselmo “You ain’t got the balls, son!!”

  • WookieBastage

    The new interpretation of LoG.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Karina-Valentine/1321121229 Karina Valentine

    lol He has a Vagina :p

  • Jewers

    The Blood Junkie rejoices as he realizes his stool no longer contains the Blood of the Scribe.
    espjewers@aol.com

    • Jewers

      edit: Look mom, no more Blood of the Scribe!

  • Ryd1ZZ

    Shits gay, son!

  • http://myspace.com/shepherdsgatemusic,myspace.com/burymeinsmokemusic Michael “The Armenian Demon” Fenton

    Children of Bottom.

  • Benito

    How did Courtney Love get in the hottest chicks in metal spread?

  • bioniczero

    Sadly, Lamb Of God were so bad that even their fans got the shits listening to them.

  • joey diphard

    Corey Taylor taking the pulse of the maggots.

  • Molti

    Cover for the Killadelphia inspired film: “The Blair Shit Project 2: Bathroom Reader of Shadows.”

  • pigchop

    Steven Adler after appearing on one too many celebrity make over reality shows.

  • Dimebag6sic6

    Hows that for a “hardcore seven-inches” for ya Vince?? dimebag6sic6@gmail.com

  • Greg

    Remember that song “In The Absence Of The Sacred”? THIS is what happens.

  • http://www.last.fm/user/wrath_of_vishnu Dillon

    Asses of the Wake

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mathew-James-Saunders/1153389571 Mathew James Saunders

    He’s gotta rock way harder than that to shake off a pestering dingle berry

  • Chief

    Subtle Farts of Murder & Pursuasion

  • Coop

    Well at least we didn’t have to see THIS guy’s dick.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andrew-Sterner/1335958279 Andrew Sterner

      THANK YOU! beat me to saying it, but good job man!

  • alliaphagist

    A promo still from the upcoming “Silence of the Lamb of God” movie features a variation on the classic transsexual dance scene

    • Wayn

      WINNER!

    • Jesse

      Nice.

  • xcin

    The guy’s clearly pig squealing in delight.

  • Sacajawea

    If he had taken that stool softner maybe his hardcore would’ve came out a little softer.

    I don’t even get it.

  • Sadist Ways

    Yippee!!! Those Kegel exercises are paying off!!!

  • http://www.last.fm/user/Jugglemonkey Jugglemonkey

    ‘Hardcore 7 inches’? That prize sounds like dildos.

    I’m not entering this, I’m just bored.

  • jaredg

    Look Ma, no hands!

    jaredg999@hotmail.com

  • Ian

    God dammit, I said this was for private use only!

  • Zac

    Laugh all you want. This man has discovered a toilet that delivers oral sex while you shit.

  • http://myspace.com/shepherdsgatemusic,myspace.com/burymeinsmokemusic Michael “The Armenian Demon” Fenton

    Reign in poo!

  • Sacajawea

    The act of tucking your own penis under your butt far enough to poop on the tip of it will from this day forward be known as the “Fondue Fountain”.

  • TVTiZtiK

    Jesus! Willie, put your fucking pants back on

  • harris

    Lamb of Blob! Lamb of Blob!

  • Seb

    Emulating the rhythm of mid-shit farts to come up with breakdown patterns for the new Attack Attack! album.

  • http://www.twitter.com/threaper13 Chris

    Who cares if i’ve got a small penis, AIDS or diarreah… I JUST MET RANDY BLYTHE! YAY!

  • Sacajawea

    Fiber One has decided to target the metal demographic in recent months. All Sony records metal cds will come with a free fiber bar in order to make the new material a little easier to digest.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Christian-Voltaggio/1409575074 Christian Voltaggio

      excellence

  • Achilles

    Chad Kroeger trying to be cool. So thats why Nickelback sucks so bad!

  • SourDeez

    Hooray, it smells better than Sacrament in here!

  • spencer

    Lamb of god is FAABYOULUSSS

  • ivan

    Walk With Me In Smell

  • andy morales

    your so set to faill

  • Seth

    He’s taking a sacrament

  • The Mighty Fucking Quinn

    Hey! Where’d you guys find this picture of me?

  • elterible

    I guess this proves that Lamb of God fans actually all are guys that have pussies.

  • http://reaper-x.deviantart.com/ Reaper-X

    Droppin’ a LoG.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Chris-Pantozzi/1255231400 Chris Pantozzi

      Best one. Brilliant.

    • tim

      Absolute win.

      • Poopenshaft

        damn, that’s really good.

        • Sacajawea

          That was my very first thought when seeing the picture, but then I read the one many comments above this one that read “The new interpretation of LoG” by Wookiebastage and realized I was too late. So is this one.

  • http://reaper-x.deviantart.com/ Reaper-X

    The son of lars ulrich, proud of his achievements as a big boy.

    They’re about the same size.

  • Fish

    A young Dave Mustaine finally found his boy parts.

  • Sean

    Whatever comes out is still better than Sacrament.

  • Butters

    I don’t see what’s wrong with this photo.

  • Timbodini

    Lamb of OMG!

  • Bill

    Memo leak – The photo used with Deicide’s music when torturing prisoners.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Christian-Voltaggio/1409575074 Christian Voltaggio

    Listen…

    I dont have shit for a caption .

    I just really, really want that Obscura shit.

    Cause last week’s “set of hardcore seven-inches” sounded a little homoerotic.

    And cause i fucking love Obscura.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/CM-Rob/688615160 CM Rob

    shitcore at its best.. crabs got nothing these…

  • Hey punch that crust for me

    During a writing session for Orchid, a young Mikael Akerfeldt takes a tuck and shit.

  • cm rob

    SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT!!!!! or shit..

  • morningrise

    I made a doo-doo

  • Dr. Phibes

    Steven Adler celebrates another succesful stint on Celebrity Rehab.

  • systemsdown

    Due out this fall: Asses Of The Wake

  • Sin and Death

    RICHMOND –”Hoo-ray! I’m gay!” These were the final words of Matt Stevenson, 22, shown in this photo just moments before he died.

    While the official cause of death is yet to be revealed, preliminary reports indicate that he overdosed on a potent combination of moonshine, LSD, opium, and psilocybin. This acute intoxication triggered a series of events in which he metamorphosed into a hermaphrodite, flushed himself down the toilet, transcended space and time, which in turn caused him to subsequently be eaten alive by creatures from an alternate dimension.

    In lieu of flowers, the family of the deceased requests that Lamb of God suffer the same fate as Mr. Stevenson, a death befitting of Virginia rednecks.

    Randy Blythe could not be reached for comment.

  • IanTheCrusher

    “UNO!”

  • OneLastMartini

    Droppin’ a “LOG”

  • Dwarfskeet

    As someone famous once stated:
    “I like pooping! Is that normal?” – Anonymous

  • MetalJesus

    This man is a god among men. He doesn’t have ‘love’ handles, he has LoG handles.

  • bloodtasteslikeshit

    fuck yeah… im gonna shit out another redneckcore cd. throw some breakdowns with some angry pissy i haven’t fucked a cow in 3 days vox and the american public is ready to go. fucking moshcore shit. break some faces you fuckers i’m just in it for the money i don’t gi ve a fuck about your future in the pussy securing business… which is the business of every competent male.

  • large jockstrap

    and this guy thinks motley crue are shit.

  • large jockstrap

    and this guy thinks motley crue is shit.

  • Che Guitarra

    I just gave birth to an abomination that will surely be hated by God! Yay!

  • ballsack

    The lamb of god fanbase after “Guitar hero: Lamb of god”

  • Sophus

    Looks like the poor bastard lost his dick in the Wall of Death.

  • Franz Hoffman

    Pooin’

    The knowledge that wreaking the flavor of another
    Means to beat off one’s self
    This is the resolution
    The end of my penis
    The death of an erection
    I’ve tucked my balls away
    Ductape speeds the path to the streams of feces that run so few and narrow
    Brooks that babble the sounds of mud butt, the sounds of mud butt
    Poo will one day rise
    To force out the bones of the chicken
    This is the art of pooin’
    This is the resolution
    The end of my penis
    The death of an erection
    I’ve tucked my balls away (x2)
    Go! (at which point this picture was taken)
    I will show you all that I have mastered
    Fear. Pain. Goat Balls. Power.
    This is the art of pooin’.(x3)

    fhoffman6@gmail.com

  • WowWee!

    He will be disappointed when he finds out the Pain Olympics isn’t a catagory for this years Olympics.

  • http://Tommy vulgardisplay21

    Hangar 18….I’ve Shown Too Much…….

  • BobT

    BATHROOM! IMPRISONING ME!
    ALL THAT I FEEL, CONSTIPATION!
    IF I DO NOT SHIT, I THINK I MIGHT CRY
    HERE IT COMES NOW, DAMN MY POO SMELLS REAL BAAAAAAAAADDD

  • canea

    I made a Lamb of God thiiiiiis big!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jamal-Mohmed/663730590 Jamal Mohmed

    this one’s easy!
    11th Hour

  • Deven

    words can be broken, so can bone…rs

    • Timbodini

      ha

  • Alex_P

    This dude’s still making better music than his favourite band.

  • http://www.gravatar.com/avatar/46e389eb8b79606050d3d447431ff6ac?s=80 Nate

    It puts the lotion lotion on the skin or it doesn’t get the booze tonight…

  • Tony B

    Look, I Laid A Shit to Rest!!!

  • Shred

    He Laid his dick to Rest under his fupa

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ryan-Sean-Heron/9391234 Ryan Sean Heron

    Mark Morton’s Mom taking a shit

  • BruisedMetal

    “It puts the lotion on its skin and then places it in the basket!!!”

  • DD

    He is probably playing a metal cover of Goodbye Horses.

  • Chad E. Death

    Working on material for the new Metallica record !

    (BURN)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kyle-Timothy-Palmer/582086079 Kyle Timothy Palmer

    SEE WHO GIVES A SHIT! …I MEAN FUCK!

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kyle-Timothy-Palmer/582086079 Kyle Timothy Palmer
  • Garrett

    Hey Blythe, will you fuck me? I’d fuck me. I’d fuck me hard. I’d fuck me so hard……

  • ten thousand mexicans on a spaceship

    Gives a whole new meaning to “porcelaincore”.

  • spot

    God was made in HIS image

  • http://mosesposes.com moses valenzuela

    Dave Mustaine yelling “Metal Up Your Ass”

  • Adam

    Pauly Shore’s career in a nutshell.

  • C.

    Most people were horrified upon catching Kroeger’s Disease from a toilet seat, but Silver Side Up was Jimmy’s favorite album.

  • confused

    Is that what a Mangina looks like?

  • Vebjørn Halseth

    Just your average Lamb of God listening party…

  • feegore

    Lamb of God rocked his fucking balls off

  • zero

    dinos girlfriend

  • ITTOA666

    Someone finally managed to shit out their own dick.

  • Glorious Johnson

    after being kicked out of metallica and growing a vagina, mustaine new it was time to find jesus

  • Lordassenfroth

    what better way to promote lamb of god than taking a huge shit.

  • Genial Gentile

    Machine working on the forthcoming LOG.

  • Adam

    “I’m a big boy now!”

  • Beastmaster

    Lamb Of FUPA.

  • metalcupcakes

    THIS is the art of ruin.

  • You Don’t Know Me

    THIS JUST IN: Sources are saying that man-ginas are metal now.

  • principlebian

    Look Ma! I just took a new Disturbed album!

  • Luke

    Geeze, Mark Morton has really let himself go during his absense from the band.

  • Nick

    proof that Lamb of god is for the dickless, and the retarded

  • Kuranes

    It worked! The Laxative of God really worked!

  • Biff Tannen

    You just proved my long held theory that anyone who likes lamb of god does not have a penis.

  • LukeD

    …and new by mattel, the Lamb of God Groupie Ken Doll. Comes with coke mirror and penicillin

  • MikeH

    “Im old greg….do you like my Mangina?”

    or

    “Well……would you fuck me..i’d fuck me”

  • Frosty706

    ahh, recording the next big thing in death-core has started

  • Jesse

    The latest rejection of the Broken Tees model audition.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tim-Shanks/1273561133 Tim Shanks

    “…and on his 4th try.. he finally made it without missing”

  • AntMoneyNJ

    [[Q Lazzarus's "Goodbye Horses" playing in the background]]

    Would you fuck me? … I’d fuck me… I’d fuck me hard, I’d fuck me so hard.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Par/1311163597 Michael Paré

    After many failed attempts, Courtney Love is potty trained

    metaldrums84@yahoo.com

  • Poopenshaft

    Living proof that listening to LoG can help you perfect a fruit basket.

  • 6infinite6hatred6

    I proudly present the worst man in music… Varg Mustaine.

  • 6infinite6hatred6

    (Entry 2) So Varg Vikernes had more time to shave his pussy than he did to make a better album than Belus?

  • Gorgathaum

    there’s actually a dildo in the toilet and he’s just really happy about it

  • http://thenumberoftheblog.com ECDEU

    Why did Axl choose metal blogging? So he could do this everyday.

  • MetalMeatHammer

    LOG’s Log.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Scott-Rives/654814275 Scott Rives

    J.R. Hayes celebrates his first successful manscaping session.

  • Brandon Moore

    I went potty!!!

  • Mike Weisel

    Proof that Carrot Top doesn’t have the required props to reproduce even before the ‘roids

  • ERiK

    That is fucking disgusting.

  • columbo

    1985 called.
    It said “Great scott! It works! The machine actually works!!”
    But enough about this completely unrelated phone call. Dude, what happened to your penis?

  • ryan d.

    It appears Dr. Drew has done fairly well with sobering up Steven Adler on VH1′s Celebrity Rehab.
    Or has he…

  • Lucifer Sam

    Worst remake of Silence of the Lambs EVER!!!!

  • Martin

    The real reason metal fans are frowned upon

  • LOSETOREFUSE

    Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world. HAVE MERCY ON US.

  • Bookofblackearthfan

    Guy: Mommy, i finally did, all by myself.

    Mom:oh, that’s great, now get back on the floor.

    Guy: but its so sore ma

    Mom:JUST DO IT!

  • ZackP

    I finally inverted my penis!!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Max-Waldt/1371330194 Max Waldt

    YAY I can wipe my own ass now!

  • Gabee

    Flushing down a LoG ov Orbital Elements into Infinite Rotation! Hooray!

    (Who cares about LoG when we’re talking ’bout Obscura’s albums here? ;P )

  • fridge

    Party at Dave Mustaines House!!!!!!

  • Shaman

    He was later admitted to hospital with acute (m)angina

  • DERP

    NO COCK ROCK

  • Anthony Hoffman

    Metallica’s alternate album cover art – FUPA Metal Up Your Ass! – was also rejected by most retailers before Kill ‘Em All was settled on by the band.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Brandon-Forde/666126214 Brandon Forde

    It is funny because Chris Adler gets to see what his fans look like.

  • Martin

    If you’re in a metal band for the sex….,well, this is what you get.

  • Zack

    ALL ABOARD!

  • http://Twitter.com/savorginod91 Damien Savorgino

    Rule number 3 beware of bathrooms