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FUNNY PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN A JEAN JACKET, T-SHIRT AND MORE FROM WHITE WIZZARD!

 Thursday, March 11th, 2010 at 4:30pm by

log shitLast week’s photo was pretty gross so naturally the captions you all submitted were equally as disgusting. Congrats to Rodney Wilder and Caption Contest veteran Sacajawea for each bringing home the prize of an Obscura Retribution reissue CD and download card for Cosmogenesis. Their winning captions:

  • Rodney Wilder: “Now you’ve got something to squint for…”
  • Sacajawea: “Fiber One has decided to target the metal demographic in recent months. All Sony records metal cds will come with a free fiber bar in order to make the new material a little easier to digest.”

This week we’ve got an awesome prize pack from trad-metal revivalists White Wizzard, whose debut full-length Over the Top just came out on Tuesday! Two lucky winners will get the following: 1) a stylish jean-jacket adorned with a White Wizzard back patch (!), 2) a White Wizzard t-shirt, 3) A CD copy of Over the Top, 4) a White Wizzard poster. Crikey, that’s a lot of swag! Two runners-up will each also win a t-shirt. Now, we’ve only got the jackets and shirts in sizes L and XL, so please enter which size you’d prefer in your comment along with your email address. Thanks to Hayden Nease for the photo. Ready, set, go!

gore party

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  • Matt

    No fucking joke, I know that mother fucker!

  • Lordassenfroth

    only true metalheads wear moo-moos

  • kevkevbangbang123

    gwars first gig!

  • Spanky

    What’s more black metal than this? I mean it has everything! Shitty face paint, nasty female, a fire place (to set those churches on fire), oh….and a black metal carpet hanging on the wall!

  • Figh on Hire

    Watain’s first gig in Jennifer Tilly’s basement

    • BTK666

      I’d bone the shit out of Tilly, anyone else seen ‘Bound’?

  • Name Not Applicable

    Turisas before they dropped the third “s” from their name.

    • Name Not Applicable

      Oh, and L.

  • Exploiting Paranoia

    Hanson goes black metal.

  • FlyingDadBomb

    Oh look, the photos just came in from our trip to your great uncle’s remote cabin. Looks like we made a legacy of our own there on that night.

    • FlyingDadBomb

      Oh yeah, XL.

  • BruisedMetal

    Their new album “Far Beyond White Trash” will be in dumpsters everywhere this Fall!

    • BruisedMetal

      XL

  • http://www.heavyblogisheavy.com/ Alkahest

    It’s a shame that the name “My Dying Bride” was already taken. They had to settle for “Bullet For My Valentine”.

    • http://www.heavyblogisheavy.com/ Alkahest

      Oh, and L.

  • Deven

    Only the most brutal party with a checkers board on the shelf.

  • EdSW

    Bullet for My Valentines new artwork takes to the mic.

  • wroth

    There’s just never enough time to change clothes between our LARP campaign & band practice.

  • Name Not Applicable

    “Go away mom, we’re practicing!”

  • d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n.

    Demon Cunter

    • d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n.

      (XL, by the way)

  • RenegadeDave

    “What? You can still be metal and enjoy a handsome arrangement of bric-a-brac on your mantle.”

  • http://metallattorney.blogspot.com Metallattorney

    Turisas mistakenly believes the “B” in BDSM stands for Battle.

    • Oden

      winner

  • Chet Stedman

    Sunn 0)))’s decision to cover Strawberry Alarm Clock’s “Incense and Peppermints” was so kvlt.

    L

    • 6infinite6hatred6

      Wow. I don’t know if I can compete with this.

  • Jonathan

    Oh, look, Scrubs is on.

    • mallows

      hahaha. win!

  • open face surgery

    “… and I ran, I ran so far away. I just ran, I ran all night and day.”

  • Seanicus

    I would guess that this isn’t where Wicked Wisdom saw their careers heading.

  • Brian Koz

    Well…this explains why Varg wants to help the people of Haiti…

    • Brian Koz

      large

  • sacajawea

    Since recent nights have been so cloudy, the werewolf pack decided to invite a stripper to their recent gathering in hopes of finally seeing a full moon.

  • sacajawea

    XL

  • http://www.myspace.com/zombibambi Royer

    Yep this is my Side project band and we definitely suck and are proud, If it helps the context any it was a halloween party. Our name is Zombi Bambi. I got some serious ones http://www.myspace.com/painafterdeathnc (Divine Heresy, Ex-Nile) and http://www.myspace.com/scapegoat…so come make fun of us too! haha

  • HolyShitBalls

    As they came down from the chimney they tried to rock her socks off but could only get um to rip.

    XL

  • permafrost

    So that’s what happened to the ex-singer of Nightwish.

  • ImMattMan

    “Puss N’ Boots”: Gnarls Bukowski on shrieks, Paps’Smear Blue Ribbon rocking the DDR and Suggie’sault on the six string coming to a Portland pizza parlor near you.

    • ImMattMan

      L thank u

  • BTK666

    Gossip’s Beth Ditto joined Motograter on one condition. She gets one night alone with that contraption.

  • BTK666

    Gossip’s Beth Ditto joined Motograter for their ‘Living Room Fiasco’ tour on one condition. She gets one night alone with that infernal contraption.

    • BTK666

      XL please

  • hexbasher

    nothing more brutal than showing up to black metal band practice wearing grandma’s nighties’

  • Jim

    The earliest known picture of Cory Taylor practicing with Slipknot in 1997.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Keith-Brown/537636633 Keith Brown

    This band’s cover of Mastodon’s “Blood and Thunder” had some unexpected consequences

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Logan-Mason/1578210005 Logan Mason

    when folk and industrial metal collide in your moms basement.

  • KB

    Unlike Ratt, some things should remain in the cellar.
    L

  • louis

    Before the sacrifice always remember to strike the gong
    XL

  • SP420

    I just wanna fuck dat ass. Fucking hot.

  • The Overmatt

    The Cazares family reunion always features the annual jam session.

  • Scrambles

    Goregrind cover band General Liposuction.

    XL

    • Trux

      WIN !!

  • Crrek Johnson

    Never Before seen outakes from Teen Wolf Three “Bark at Boof’s Moon.
    As you can see, the years have not been kind to Boof.
    XL

  • the czar

    Metal bachelor party, great idea, let down by the guy in the moo-moo.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Adam-Benton/598084866 Adam Benton

    Well this is certainly the swankiest release party Finntroll’s ever thrown!

  • Sacajawea

    They were going to sing “Bark at the Moon”, but when the groupie took her underwear off they decided at the last second to change the lyrics to “Barf at the Poon”.

    • sacajawea

      XLarge

  • Wildman

    Turisas’ budget has greatly dropped in the past few months, clearly.

  • systemsdown

    ICS Vortex’s new band “Asses Ov Morgul” is already shaping up better than his previous band

    L

  • Chainsword

    In an effort to get more metal viewers, ABC is trying new tactics within their already popular shows.
    Burn victims, Brunettes, and Balsac the Jaws of Death, next week on Grey’s Anatomy

  • Martin

    Live screenshot from the all new Rock Band: Dungeons and Dragons edition.

  • Baldish

    and we uncovered cristina scabbia’s childhood photo. L narfboy93@yahoo.com

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/CJ-Crawford/768948209 C.J. Crawford

    Everything went fine until “Elvira” started dancing on tables and fell on the drumset.

  • Nick

    That’s the most metal use of a Snuggie I’ve ever seen. I hope he can get the blood out before attending that next family picnic. XL

  • Sin and Death

    Bring your daughter to the slaughter… Wait, on second thought, fuck that! She’s too ugly and you should have had an abortion…

  • meat mincing machine

    “Fuck you grandma, I don’t have to do what you tell me. Satan’s darkness envelops my soul, just as the plastic does your furniture.”

  • Spencer Watkins

    Bobbi Starr goes to 11

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Nick-Muffins-Hochmuth/681773438 Nick Muffins Hochmuth

    “Ass and titties, ass ass and titties. FOR SATAN!!!!” Gorgoroth’s first major song.

    XL
    nickh101@gmail.com

  • r

    Goreplay !!! Metal’s alternative to foreplay !!!

  • Fernando

    Rocky Horror Picture Show – Metal Edition

    Large

  • :f pete

    “alright we want to thank everyone for coming out to the show. we are axiom of the sinister wicked forest’s wizard ov witches there will be treats supplied by my grandma upstairs afterwards. remember we’ll have to keep it down around nine when her shows come on, and watch the porcelien nic nacs on the shelves- they are family heirlooms. this song is for gram gram! its called fetus depletion of the wicked forest’s wizard ov can!” and deathgrind enues… until! they take a small intermission before their side project, in which the guy in the smock does vocals instead of the kiss fan guy. oh the side project is the same exact thing besides that

  • black_polaris237

    Marta’s pre-bleeding through days

    L btw

  • 6infinite6hatred6

    What Axl and Vince are doing when they’re not picking my captions.

    (Size L)

    (CollidingBlakBus@aol.com)

  • spencer

    gorgoroth, the early years

  • sic13

    Photo of Gorgoroth’s first show- Gaahl turns gay after seeing the only pussy he will get as a black metal musician

    Large

  • Nate

    Oh look, it’s in their early days! Wocka Wocka!

    Large.

  • Nate

    dammit, that’s supposed to read “Oh look, it’s ‘insert random metalsuckians approved band’ in their early days!”. Fuck I’m high.

    • sic13

      And in reoccuring news, MS still suffers from trolls

  • Landoth Coldhell

    BATTLE! MOOMOO! BATTLE MOOMOO! (Turisas)

  • mallows

    A rare glimpse inside Satan’s living room

    • mallows

      oh yeah, forgot: L

  • Bill Wasserman

    The lost photo of GWAR playing my grandma’s 75th birthday party!

  • Locus Eater

    White Zombie reunion tour!

    • Locus Eater

      XL

  • http://vague-news.blogspot.com Clarky Cat

    Turisas Live!
    Your Momma’s Living Room
    Friday 19th
    Goths Allowed
    Free Entry!

    Size L.

    • http://vague-news.blogspot.com Clarky Cat

      hairymanlewis[at]hotmail.com

  • Matthew Gargano

    I thought in the movie Wolfman they both died….

  • Beavers

    The most brutal thing in this picture…the checkerboard

    size L

    • Beavers
      • Beavers

        A reject page from the popular “I Spy” children’s books. Among the questionable aspects of the image is purple didlo on the shelf behind the guitar player, a girl with no bottoms (wonder what she is looking for?)…

        m.beavers86@gmail.com L

        • smok

          Don’t forget basement kitten tucked away on the third shelf.

  • Nick

    A typical Sunday afternoon with the Osmonds…

  • Robotscythe

    Bobbi Star’s first MetalSucks gangbang doesn’t turn out quite as sexy as she had hoped.

    • Robotscythe

      XL

    • Waldo

      WIN!!!!

  • Yo Diggity

    It’s MRS. POTATO DICK! I haven’t seen them since last year’s 10th Annual kickspit Underground Rock Festival! Where is my pitchfork?!?!

  • Will Simmons

    The vastly underrated Turisas parody band To Holegaard and Beyond.

  • Gideon

    This is what happens when more than one folk metal band exists.

    L

    basserman112@gmail.com

    Suck on these fine norwegian apples.

  • Cabbage Hands

    Bobbi Star before she became a porn star and got the shit fucked out of her.
    (tdreher92@hotmail.com)
    (XL)

  • dickhole

    QUICK!!!!! Before mom and dad get home!!! That was the case before her ass blew all over his face!

  • Joe the Destroyer

    the home of Rob Zombie

    • Joe the Destroyer

      not that I’m going to win, but large.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Devon-Czekaj/550092101 Devon Czekaj

    Mesopotamian-core, the next big thing for Sumerian Records.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Devon-Czekaj/550092101 Devon Czekaj
      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Devon-Czekaj/550092101 Devon Czekaj

        Yeah, so I failed at reading…Large

  • Bicro

    Turisas rehearse before the tour.

    …with hookers.

  • cultureofwaste

    “early-era Burzum practice photo – where everyday is Ghouling Day”

    graham.mitchell.drums@gmail.com
    Medium

    i like swag.

  • Jay Allen

    This next song’s called “oddly….placed….checkerboooooooard”

  • FrostMechanic

    I hope that dude knows his ass is showing. Wait a minute…

  • cuntfodder

    myspace.com/zombibambi this band is your future

  • klinger

    “it’s just a jump to the left…”

  • Brian Koz

    Gaahl wasn’t the only black metal homosexual of 2009…

    • Brian Koz

      Here we see Lordi playing the biggest show of their career

      L

      • Brian Koz

        Ugh, sorry, the comment jumped up here…

  • Igottawocket

    Byron Stroud’s OTHER band.
    (I know thats pretty terrible, but the guy in the middle really looks like byron.

  • RealXHorrorshow

    “Hey, we did all the drugs, so as band groupie you’re gonna have to go get us some more…Don’t worry man, it’s cool, my parents are too freaked out to come downstairs while we’re rehearsing. Okay, ONE, TWO, THREE, GO!”

    Size: L

  • MetalBagpipes

    “Their costume and stage dressing budget crippled by the economic downturn, Gwar found themselves playing for a dwindling audience, and prayed that the demand for a gigantic semen cannon would one day return.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ben-Connett/639975787 Ben Connett

    mash up’s taken one step further to the live stage
    given this was the early years and marilyn manson hadn’t got the cross dressing down yet, and fellow boobs turisas had nothing else to do because it wasn’t yet cool to be in a viking metal band in the later 90s

    Upon returning from a night on the tiles, manson’s parents sent them all to bed with no supper…
    thus, metal hero’s were born

  • Arti D

    Gwar’s meager stage budget in early days was most evident in their shrine devoted to TJ Maxx clearance items and lack of fireplace tools. (XL)

  • Anthony

    Lady Ga Ga’s parties have gotten wilder and wilder as her fame gets bigger. (XL)

  • WowWee!

    Bark at the Coon

    XL

  • xd00noodle1

    Gathering of the Suckalos.

    L

  • Igora

    Where am I, and why is the Devil in a moo-moo?!

  • http://www.myspace.com/scapegoat Royer The Destroyer

    Here is a ton more…any of the pictures from this night could easily have made it haha Have fun

    http://www.facebook.com/#!/album.php?aid=2026973&id=1174892130

    http://www.facebook.com/#!/album.php?aid=2026934&id=1174892130

  • izzo

    girl: “i knew i shouldnt have had that last shot of jack……wait, why does my asshole hurt so much?

    XL please

  • Brian Koz

    WE ARE…..CRYPTIC CORONER

    • Brian Koz

      I would greatly appreciate you fine fellows at Metal Sucks giving me a Large.

  • Sacajawea

    Whore-core.

    XL

  • 6infinite6hatred6

    Carnivalé ist krieg.

    (CollidingBlakBus@aol.com)

    Size L

  • Le anuse

    I think Zombi Bambies music has STDs

  • TheButtsackoftheSick

    In the blood pit there were even naked punk kids…they were so drunk it was basicly a sacrifice…..what’s going on? That’s what band love is all about right there. Blood And Fucking Blood And Fucking Blood And Fucking AND BIG BOOTY BITCHES

    • TheButtsackoftheSick

      M

  • http://www.myspace.com/PainAfterdeathnc Psycroptic666

    White Wizzards after party

    • http://www.myspace.com/PainAfterdeathnc Psycroptic666

      s

  • Sacajawea

    The guy on the right won the caption contest, but didn’t READ THE FUCKING RULES about the sizes only being LARGE and XL, so now he trips on his own shirt in the middle of gigs because he thinks he’s wearing a small

    XL

    • loni

      i think you won again

  • kickoutthejamsman

    And the party for Metal Sucks bloggers went pretty much as expected.

    L, WHITE WIZZARD!

  • Colin

    Tho they may have gained a little weight and havent toured In a while The Murderdolls continue to practice and do so in full stage make up

    (size L)

  • Gerardo

    After a Cannibal Corpse show, The Incredible Hulk heads back to the Wolfman’s house for hookers and coke.

  • Gerardo

    And my size is L

  • Gerardo

    And my size is L

  • Gerardo

    Also
    my size is L

  • Gerardo

    Also
    my size is L

  • Gerardo

    Also
    my size is L

  • http://www.myspace.com/scapegoat fuckaru

    The band that is dirtier than that girls ass

  • kickoutthejamsman