«
»
Readers' Choice

A TEN AND A HALF MINUTE SYMPHONIC METAL SONG MADE BY THOSE HORSIE CREATURES FROM THE DARK CRYSTAL

 Friday, March 19th, 2010 at 4:00pm by

Reader Tom Kelly recommended Tokyo’s Versailles to us, and while they’re obviously not actually the heroes from The Dark Crystal, they do seem to be basing their look on this things – if those things dressed less like characters from a fantasy story and more like porcelain Victorian dolls. Seriously, look at these androgynous crack heads:

Of course, I’d be willing to ignore the whole Henry James-character-yet-somehow-even-less-butch look if the music were good, but the music is pretty ridiculous. Actually, it’s pretty “meh” so long as there are no vocals. But then it becomes completely ridiculous.

After the jump, check out a ten a half minute epic karaoke song gone awry. Then stand up in Tom’s defense or call him names in the comments section.

-AR

Tags: ,
  • Aaron R A

    Nothing unbearably awesome, but I totally don’t hate this band. They’re like a less talented Nightwish. But Japanese. And no female vocalist.

  • JeerySmith

    Wait, you’re referring to the Gelflings as horse-like creatures? Before reading the article, I first thought you meant the landstriders that the two main characters Jen and Kira (Gelflings) ride at one point. Yes, I’m completely fucking serious here. I don’t fuck around.

    • bucketochicken

      Word. The Dark Crystal is serious business.

      Love that movie.

      • Wineberg

        It’s been years since I’ve seen that movie but I totally understood all of that lol

        • Wayne

          Awesome. I thought i was the only one who thought the same. “I don’t fuck around” LOL!

  • TallNerdGuy

    I’d say they look more like they fell straight out of one of the Final Fantasy games. They just need some over-sized and disproportionate weaponry and they’d fit right in.

    • TallNerdGuy

      Whoa…sorry for apparently posting a billion times.

    • Deth

      That’s exactly what I thought. This story offends the awesomeness that was Jim Henson.

    • Russell

      that is exactly what i thought. I immediately thought of Final Fantasy…. lol

  • TallNerdGuy

    I’d say they look more like they fell straight out of one of the Final Fantasy games. They just need some over-sized and disproportionate weaponry and they’d fit right in.

  • TallNerdGuy

    I’d say they look more like they fell straight out of one of the Final Fantasy games. They just need some over-sized and disproportionate weaponry and they’d fit right in.

  • TallNerdGuy

    I’d say they look more like they fell straight out of one of the Final Fantasy games. They just need some over-sized and disproportionate weaponry and they’d fit right in.

  • TallNerdGuy

    I’d say they look more like they fell straight out of one of the Final Fantasy games. They just need some over-sized and disproportionate weaponry and they’d fit right in.

    • NoNameNoSlogan

      I agree…It’s definitely Victorian/gothic/anime thing goin on here. Doesn’t make me think The Dark Crystal, but these guys deserve to be made fun of.

  • Tonberry

    I sent this one too, back in January. I love them, but they’re obviously not for everyone. I come bearing recommendations for people who do like it.

    X-Japan (basically the progenitor of visual kei metal bands)
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZq2bga2G-E
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6lKT8REALw
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WzHbHxSEtVQ

    D
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91oOtcZHGqc
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qcPODKqRNY

    Malice Mizer (somewhat responsible for the whole Victorian thing)
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y26HZrGR7O8

    Moi Dix Mois (Malice Mizer’s guitarists’ later band)
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4OPKiVulQU

    Matenrou Opera (I believe that their bassist filled in for Versailles when Versailles’ died recently)
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCCnxHYah-o

  • Dan

    I heard this band aaaages ago. I always quite liked the music but the vocals killed it for me. I don’t have a problem with their appearance either, I’d take that over the american scene look any day, at least they show some artistic creativity with their costumes rather than just looking the same as all the other “individuals”.

    • linh

      this

    • Wineberg

      I disagree. it seems that in any sort of Japanese rock they always cover up their like of performing ability and song writing with extravagant costumes and all that jazz while an “american musician”, as you put it, is more often than not actually able to back up their lack of appearance with their music. Just my two cents, take it or leave it….

      • SomeKid

        I’m with Wineberg. For some reason it seems most Japanese bands have a total lack of substance, replacing creativity with over-the-top costumes etc.

  • Genial Gentile

    Look more like Bowie in Labrynth.

  • Dysenteric

    It took me a second or two to realise I didn’t send this recommendation in, hehe… Then again, my recommendations always go unnoticed. Sod it.

    I bet these guys were rejects from Final Fantasy XIII. Wonder if the game’s any good.

    • Grymmbear

      This song is definitely like a final boss fight in an FF game.

      And if you can bypass the shitty characters, then FF XIII is an okay game.

  • DarkCrystalOVerLord

    Yeah This post needs to be retitled, Final Fantasy Rejects Escape and Write 10 minutes of life stealing crap!!!
    Please remove Dark Crystal from title, you are truly giving these comic-con nuts way too much credit…
    Horns

    • \m/

      agree, FF it is.

  • http://thenumberoftheblog.com DemiGodRaven

    Visual Kei garbage, ruins Japanese metal. Like the front man for Sigh says, Visual Kei isn’t metal, because metal is supposed to be cool (from global metal).

    • HokiePokie

      This. Visual Kei is fucking horrible. I’m totally glad Dir En Grey isn’t that shit anymore, infact I hated them when they were Visual Kei. Now that they’ve ditched that BS, music quality has gone up tremendously, and their skill is finally shown in their music which has always been there since the beginning of the band.

      I don’t care for the Visual kei crap anymore. I’ve known Japanese culture for years now, and these gimmick bands have stopped surprising me since day 2. Oh look, it’s a guy that dresses like a convincing girl, zomg call the interwebs! *rolls eyes* I don’t see why there need to be a post dedicated to a visual kei band, all of them are the same in their gimmicks.

      • Tonberry

        I think that they actually wrote a lot of good songs when they were visual kei, some of which are still fixtures in their set, and basically began their gradual evolution towards their current sound. I kind of think of it like Pantera’s hair metal days(which I actually like, too =X). The thing about visual kei, too is that while the bands mostly look the same, save for a few offshoot fashion styles, the sounds are actually quite diverse, so much so that I find it troubling to think of visual kei as a musical genre. For the most part, it’s not metal, and not trying to be metal.

  • Eye of Newt

    This stuff has been around for a while. I think Malice Mizer was the original cos-play band, and yeah, these guys are straight out of manga, possibly connected to the Rose of Versailles series, although I never read it because it’s a chick manga.

    • Eye of Newt

      Oh yeah, and any band that spends that much time on the visual image forgets to write good music.

    • Tonberry

      I posted a list of relevant videos that included Malice Mizer. The comment is still awaiting moderation, though =(

  • C.

    I was wondering when someone would inflict Visual Kei on you. Hey, it’s better than crunkcore! But so is baby porn.

  • Joshua

    Wow this is pretty fucking bad. The begining was good then they started singing, i was only able to get through 2 mins of it then i had to stop.

  • Hendecahedron

    OK, these guys are Japanese, right?, what the hell did they do to their eyes to appear less Asian? they look like freaky inflatable dolls…

  • hexbasher

    what the fuck is this crap? i dont even have to listen to this shit or read the whole post on it….seriously…..metal…this is a metal website….what with the reporting on a “Meh” Japanese fuck-goof “BAND” and i use band very loosely……

  • McWeen

    I like this band but this is not one of their better songs. The tranny outfits are to attract female fans in Japan oddly enough.

    • Tonberry

      Fat white chicks in the US, too.

  • kmfcm

    This band rules. They are the best visual kei (that Dir en grey band used to dress up like hoes too) band out right now. I heard them some time ago, and was surprised how heavy they can get sometimes. Hopefully they find a new bassist (their bassist died last year) and put out some more stuff.

    • Tonberry

      Have you listened to D ? I’m not too hot on their last couple of singles, but they’re one of my favorites that are out right now.

      • KMFCM

        I’ve heard about them before, but didn’t get to check them out.

        One of the guys in this band was in Aikaryu, who were also pretty good.

        For the record though, when it comes to Visual Kei bands playing metal it’s all about Aliene Ma’riage

  • Ølin of Carl

    Umm… since when do we discuss J-pop on metal blogs???

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Bruna-Cunha/1117452116 Bruna Cunha

    Whatafuck are telling about? Just because Versailles they are different in the way of dressing (like several other bands in the world), they’re not ridiculous! Do you think they are ridiculous? DO IT BETTER, DICKHEAD!

  • Shimbo

    I was COMPLETELY caught off guard by this post. That Versailles would be mentioned here is…quite beyond me. But I’m not gonna rant about visual kei, which isn’t a musical genre to begin with and nor does it strive to be “metal”, or anything but just note how each individual member (except for Kamijo, of course, the singer) is amazing at their instruments.

    Also the one in purple is dead. He died like…last year? Or early this year? Just…randomly putting that out there.

  • pigchop

    Listening to it, I felt I was hearing the soundtrack to a grand stage production. It allowed for some big, lavish visuals. Very cool.

  • Zee

    I feel strong urge to listen Skeksis by Strapping Young Lad for some reason.

  • Alex

    You judge them by metal standards as they aint really metal, then again if you dont like them you dont like them. Regards their attire I’m not to fond of the shorts and boots look but its japan, they have their own styles and could care less what the rest of the world thinks. I quite like their first ep Lyrical Sympathy much more skill involved than just the typical decent intro followed by lady-man crooning that have been the last two albums and just about every other visual kei album.
    If you are super superficial then I would recomend Maximum the hormone guitarist wear tool t shirts. However the pop punk bits will scare off the the Br0tal and and Tr00 among you.

  • Trudy

    How wrote this post is BIG ridiculous!!!! Versailles are big band for million people!!

    • \m/

      What is even more “BIG ridiculous” is that their Myspace mentions “quintet” in a fancy font sized about 800, and that the band is actually composed of 4 members.

      4 is the 5 of the 21st century I guess. Or maybe it’s japanese humour I don’t get.

  • http://myspace.com/msrp Nic Heidt

    This made my ears feel dirty.