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WHAT’S THAT YOU WERE SAYING ABOUT PANTERA INADVERTENTLY RUINING METAL?

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I saw this band, Texas Hippo Coaltion Texas Hippie Coalition, on Bring Back Glam. And not to deride the tastes of the lovely Allyson B. Crawford, but wow, does this band ever suck.

Watch the below video, for a song called “Leaving,” and ponder why this disgusting, slutty, but nonetheless probably appealing to the Tigers and Jessies of the world woman would ever let Jabba the Hutt flop around around top of her. Here was my general thought process regarding that conundrum:

  1. Is she a hooker? She definitely seems to either be a stripper or to be harboring fantasies of being a stripper, but if there’s one thing The City of New York has taught me, it’s that strippers and hookers are not always the same thing.
  2. Is he rich? His home and wardrobe do not suggest that this is the case.
  3. Is he really funny? This video is hilarious, but not intentionally so.
  4. So either she hates herself, or he has the best personality ever. He must just have the best personality ever, right?
  5. Would the guy with the best personality ever write the lyric “When she is bathing/She thinks about me/When she’s masturbating/She thinks about me?”
  6. She must really, really hate herself.

If you go to Bring Back Glam, you can also watch a video for a song called “Pissed Off and Mad About It,” which is apparently competing for The Hellyeah “Alcohaulin’ Ass” Stupidest-Song-Title-Ever-Even-By-Dumb-Redneck-Standards Award. The song is just as amusing as “Leaving,” although the video is not.

-AR

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