“But seriously, why don’t people respect me for my musical ability???”

Kristen Randall’s biggest contribution to music is a leaked photo of her boobs, and when she left Winds of Plague last year, the world responded with a resounding “whatever” as the band proved that one cute chick keyboardist is as enticing to male suburban virgins as another.

So, following the same line of completely 110% sound logic that dictates that men should not be interested in breasts, Randall is taking the next logical step in her career and launching a solo project.

I am constantly baffled and amused when something like this happens. We’ve seen this story play out a million times before; we know how it will end as sure we know how any given Hollywood movie will end. There’s no suspense or surprise to be had here. Randall’s solo career will be as successful as a plane landing performed by Stevie Wonder. Period. End of story.

But whatever. The one track currently available on Randall’s MySpace page suggests that this won’t even be a metal band but, rather, a recording of a piano recital. Which doesn’t mean we won’t ever cover/make fun of her again; it just means that there might not be any death metal vox this time out.

-AR

“But Axl,” you say, “you musn’t be cynical! This time it could be different!” Yeah, it could be. But there’s a lot of things that could happen that never will.