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What the fuck??

“BUT DON’T LET ITS SIZE FOOL YOU, AS THERE’S NOTHING AWKWARD OR CLUMSY ABOUT THIS AWESOME SWORD!”

 Friday, April 30th, 2010 at 3:30pm by

On the one hand, this commercial for a company that makes swords doesn’t actually have anything to do with metal; on the other hand, I can’t think of anything much more metal than some fat middle-aged dudes fucking shit up with a sword while generic rock and nu-metal blasts in the background. Enjoy.

-AR

[via C.H.U.D.]

Tags: ,
  • Aaron R A

    That video is fucking disgusting. Glad to see so many animals had to die so these pathetic pieces of shit could dive headfirst into their middle school fantasies.

    • Alex_P

      Fuck off, Peta boy. No one likes you people.

      • Genial Gentile

        Those rolled up straw mats and cowboy boots had it coming!

        • robocop420

          don’t forget the cowboy boots were stuffed full of pig meat. mmmm, cowboy boot pig meat….

      • Aaron R A

        Up until now you seemed like one of few people who left (marginally) intelligent comments on this site. Guess I was mistaken. That aside, it has nothing to do with PETA or anything else. I’m no tree-hugging hippie. Regardless, what’s wrong is wrong, and people that fucking juvenile should only be using sharp objects to castrate themselves. Maybe you could join them?

        • Ben

          Oh, shut up.

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Alexandre-Perrault/545955672 Alexandre Perrault

          I’ve already castrated myself due to my own stupidity. It involved a Coen brothers film, a Chinese prostitute and 5kg of heroin, in gaseous form. It was so worth it.

          • bethany

            lol

          • Alex_P

            Slay ‘em with laughter.

        • major

          this isnt your fucking soapbox, no one gives a fuck about your opinion. shut the fuck up

    • Meathead

      Glad to see the first comment is some churchy “save the animals” bullshit. Explain what purpose a pig serves aside from the breakfast plate? Go back to your fucking petting zoo, pedro.

      Swords are cool, I’m a fucking douchebag, and everything dies!

      • Aaron R A

        And thank you as well for a truly intelligent comment. And, pray tell, what purpose do YOU serve aside from being on a breakfast plate?

        • Alex_P

          Oh, man. If you can’t tell the difference between humans and domestic/edible animals, then you’ve got a serious problem.

          • you

            the serious problem is you preaching to be part of the leading species on this planet, just to protect yourself from accepting the truth that you are a just as edible as every beeing on this planet. it just depends on which greedy psychopath(s) chooses you to be inferior to himself.

          • Alex_P

            Right, which is why I’m worried when someone acts like there’s no difference.

            I am human. Humans are omnivorous. I consume animals. I actually don’t eat mammals, but I don’t act like someone’s a barbarian when they do.

            We aren’t the leading form of life. Bacteria, protists and fungi have us beat to that.

        • metalguy

          oh im sorry Aaron. You’re completely right about animals and people being on the same level of importance and status in this world. I will go commit a PETA jihad in my grocery store now for all the pigs and cows that died so humans could live.
          What purpose do you serve? hmm? Oh right you preach about animal rights, so you are clearly better than everyone here. Lets kill Meathead (ironic name) for food, but you can live because you wuv da wittle animals right?

          • you

            its not all about the animal rights. i can understand the mass of people who are not willed to take their time and brains to get an insight look in the intricacy of modern ethics.
            the major point for me is that the intensive mass animal farming is killing people in poor countries and our planet. the animal farming is accountable for around 50 percent of climate polluting substances. Around 70% percent of the agrarian eatables, like wheat and soj is used for animal farming. Thats pretty inefficient and 9 million people starve to death every year. thats no peta bullshit. These are facts you can read them everywhere. Our society is developed enough not to be oblique to meatproducts as food to survive, maybe the eskimo do or some other natives.

          • Alex_P

            Dude, I’m aware of those problems. That’s part of why I won’t eat mammals (the other part is taste). That doesn’t mean that people who consume meat are evil; it just means that public consciousness needs to be awakened about the problems this causes. I am in fact concerned about unsustainable farming, but bitching at some guys for cooking up ribs and chopping apart some inedible refuse is not going to do any good. Anyone following my posts knows I actually am a left-wing hippie: global warming, human rights, feminism, anti-homophobia, all that jazz. I just consume birds and hate ecoterrorists and people who feel morally superior.

    • Raxim Koron

      It’s a marketing video for a small company that manufacturers swords. Also, those slabs of meat didn’t go to waste. They have a yearly get together with fans and martial artists and the sort, and Q’ed up all the meat to help feed the people in attendance.

      I used to sell their products when I was a manager of a cutlery shop, I still carry a couple of their pocket knives around… this isn’t to say that the owner Lynn Thompson isn’t batshit crazy though…

      • Alex_P

        I am in fact glad it got consumed, for the record.

    • Dale

      Don’t worry, this sword is green house gas free, runs on cool air and water. By my sword, it saves the enviroment!

      • Alex_P

        So much win right here.

        We should just replace all machines that cut anything anywhere with fat, middle aged guys. Increase efficiency, decrease cost, decrease emissions.

        • ken

          It would increase in emissions because all the old men would be farting from over exertion but the other things would happen.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Robert-Livingston/25310975 Robert Livingston

      Can someone explain to me why it’s acceptable and normal for animals to maul one another to death for dinner, but I can’t eat a piece of steak without being the asshole?

      • Alex_P

        Damn straight on this one. It’s not a matter of superiority. We’re just at the top of the food chain.

      • Aaron R A

        To clarify, I never said a word about eating meat. At all.

        • Alex_P

          Right, you just treated people who are chopping up disused animal bits (like I did in my biology class) like they’re monsters. Your moral indignation is not justified, buddy. These “pathetic pieces of shit” have done nothing wrong.

    • Uglymicrowave

      why would anyone ever need this fucking thing? are we going into spartan battle soon and i didn’t get the memo? And what the fuck is with those gay dudes and the “striking a pose” after each cut….and to the PETA kid…those animals were killed so we could eat them then there remainders were given to these dicks to destroy….keep bitching it’s not going to stop corporate America asshole.

      • Aaron R A

        I’m not even going to dignify this with a response. Oh, wait, I just did. Jackass.

  • Genial Gentile

    That pretty much made my Friday…thx

  • robocop420

    this is why the internet was invented.

  • Alex_P

    “A commercial for a company that makes swords doesn’t have anything to do with metal”

    WRONG! Swords made of metal, both literally and figuratively.

  • Who Gives A Damn

    That’s one of the most stupid shit I’ve ever seen invented.

  • Geetarz

    I just bought a knife from that company. A 4″ TI-LITE WITH ZYTEL HANDLE. The video’s are hilarious, and the only way they step out from the rest of the knife world is to fuck shit up in the promotional videos. Everyone product they sell has a video, and all of them are just like this. Stuffing jeans with meat and cutting through them. All sorts of dump shit. Its still cool, and if you’re a real man…. You’ll Appreciate It!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Christian-Voltaggio/1409575074 Christian Voltaggio

    Lol @ how they tell yo the greatsword is good to have in a fight.
    You know what else is great to have in a fight?

    A fuckin gun.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Alexandre-Perrault/545955672 Alexandre Perrault

      Win, so true.

      • bethany

        win x 2.
        hahaahahahahahah

    • yetzer hara

      exactly. if some hog-jawwed ren-fair reject was coming at me with a sword, they would get shot in the face instantaneously. this is the whole reason i have my concealed weapons permit!

      • Alex_P

        Is that a problem in the States? No wonder you guys like your guns.

  • booortz

    he should have slashed some tires while he was out in the parking lot stabbing barrels

  • Kazz

    They still make swords? Why? From this ridiculous video you’d think everybody was walking around with swords like we’re a bunch of samurais and you better have your own sword or risk getting chopped up on the way to the market. Funny, but just so stupid.

    • B. Ewing

      dude , you just never know when ninjas or vikings will attack!

  • booortz

    can one great sword cut through another great sword?

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Alexandre-Perrault/545955672 Alexandre Perrault

      Only if it’s made by Hattori Hanzo.

  • Strapping Young Lad

    ….dad????!?

  • canea

    That balloon never stood a chance. ABSOLUTELY EFFORTLESS!!!

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ian-Wilmot/1177765489 Ian Wilmot

      that part was so fucking br00tal

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ian-Wilmot/1177765489 Ian Wilmot

    what the fuck is the point of this commercial?
    its not like anyone will ever use it in a real fight
    unless its there’s a zombie apocalypse and you need to fight off zombie pigs
    there is no practical use for this

    • Alex_P

      If you’re wondering what the practical use of a 5lb broadsword is, you’re asking the wrong questions.

    • Jonathan

      For fun. Exercise. Martial arts training. For the hell of it. To display on your wall. As a collectors item. To cut up some punk-ass douche who tries to rob you by throwing a brick through the window.

      There are uses. Maybe a sword isn’t as practical as a gun now-a-days, sure. But they’re definitely cooler-looking. And a bit more fun to use than just pulling a trigger.

    • B. Ewing

      wtf is up with the gas stations that sell random shit, including swords????

  • bethany

    HAhahahahahahahahaha.
    lol@ his power stances

  • Spot

    What do you mean IF there’s a zombie apocalypse? Any self respecting metal head KNOWS for a fact that zombies are gonna walk the earth, and i’ll be the one laughing when I’m lopping off the heads of all you qqers with ma badass claymore wearing a dress Shirt tucked into my slacks. Facking brootal

    • Alex_P

      This is the greatest comment board ever.

  • Deth

    The most flexible sword you’ll ever own!

    Look how one second our demonstrator is doing pull-ups with it, bending the blade all to hell; yet in the next scene the sword looks like new again. AMAZING!

    • http://www.last.fm/user/jugglemonkey Jugglemonkey

      You’d be surprised, I’ve got a couple of the knives they make, they can take my weight without deforming no problem and I’m 19 stone.

  • Geetarz

    The metal they use is awesome. My knife flexes right back.

  • brookh

    Nope, that is most definitely clumsy and awkward

  • lulwut

    Is the sword a miracle?

  • Warhammerz

    COLD FUCKING STEEEEEL. I met Lynn Thompson he is a badass and gave me free machetes. No joke.

  • B. Ewing

    MUST BUY SWORD….S

  • Willie James Huff AKA Funky Chicken AKA Alah Ragbar

    When do they come out with the Master Sword and Buster Sword?

  • PUPPYBALLS

    die by the sword

  • Sluga

    I’d buy more pig meat if it was cut in front of me with a great sword.

    • Double D

      HAHAHAHA! I gotta say, I agree.

  • http://www.flamingtusk.com Zosimus

    For dudes who make swords, they all have some pretty lousy cutting technique. That one guy in the black shirt gets close to something decent occasionally. But shit, that great sword is a great way to get so off balance after you miss your giant baseball-bat-like fucked up cut that anyone even a little bit faster than you will have your dang head.

    Thus endeth my iaido-nerd ranting.

  • Heavy Metal

    No Ronnie James Dio “Holy Diver” references yet? All he does in that video is walk around with a sword. Its probably a short sword, but his stature makes it look like a great sword. The environment is even similar to the demo video.

  • http://reaper-x.deviantart.com/ Reaper-X

    Looks like they all went to the Mark Gormley School of Power Stance.

    • Metal Fuckin’ Dave

      Holy fuck I forgot about Mark Gormley! But I never will ever again.

      • Alex_P

        He is the greatest person ever.

  • NATy Tripz

    This guy should be on Deadliest Warrior.