I don’t really like “Hei Hei Heinäkuu,” the Mokoma song that is the basis for the below video. Fuck, until just now, I’d never heard of Mokoma, and I have no desire to do any research on them.

But usually, when we see a video by a Finnish metal band, it’s a bunch of dudes dressed like pagans or sorcerors or whatever running around the woods, doing everything in their power to make sure that they never get laid. Whereas “Hei Hei Heinäkuu” is like a hair metal T n’ A video, except with a sense of humor about its homoeroticism. So, still, no one gets laid, but at least that’s part of the charm of the thing, such as it were. And if nothing else… GIRLS IN BIKINIS! WHOO-HOO!

(What can I say? I’m easy to please.)

-AR

I was a huuuuge Bob Ross fan when I was kid. The #1 treat of staying home sick from school was getting to watch The Joy of Painting on PBS daytime TV. I was obsessed with Bob Ross, even tried to paint like him, and his death crushed me like a sack of bricks landing on a happy little tree. He was one hell of a painter with a distinct style. I kept his NY Times obit framed on my wall for many years.

I would hope that if Bob Ross was still alive and able to see the above Photoshop job [posted by Metal Injection] he’d laugh. I think he would, despite the subject matter being at odds with his happy go lucky demeanor. He was cool like that.

After the jump, some vintage BR for ya:

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You ought to know the name Ian Astbury. I shouldn’t have to explain that he’s the frontman for The Cult, but perhaps I must for those of you who think that Avenged Sevenfold are the be-all end-all of hard rock. The Cult–not to be confused with Blue Oyster Cult–have been kicking ass for decades (with a couple hiatuses here and there), producing undisputed rock classics like “She Sells Sanctuary”, “Wild Flower” and “Rain” to name a few. Their 1999 album Beyond Good And Evil is a hugely underrated gem, dark and hard and infectious. (On-again-off-again member Matt Sorum played on the damn thing too!)

And while lineup changes have occurred throughout the years, Astbury’s incredible voice has arguably been the band’s central focus–and for good reason. So recent news that he’s collaborating with Japanese rock auteurs Boris is beyond exciting. Their new project, simply named BXI, have recorded a four-song EP which will come out in September in CD, vinyl, and digital formats on Southern Lord. Fortunately, we don’t have to wait to hear what this will sound like, as Astbury made an unannounced onstage appearance with Boris at the Sydney Opera House in late May. Video footage has made its way online and in the clip above you can check out a medley that combines original track “Magickal Child” with The Doors’ “The End”. It’s creepy and psychedelic and fucking boss.

I’ve heard no indication that Astbury will join Boris for any of their upcoming U.S. tour dates, but that’s no reason not to attend. Those dates–featuring Russian Circles and/or Red Sparrowes–are below.

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Made Out of Babies’ masterpiece, The Ruiner, came out exactly two years ago today, and to be honest, I was hoping there might be a new MOOB album in the not-too-distant future — especially after watching them absolutely annihilate live earlier this year.

Well, the bad news is that there’s news on the MOOB front, vocalist/batshit crazy front lady Julie Christmas will be releasing her first solo album, The Bad Wife, sometime this fall. Our first taste of the album will apparently be a song called “July 31st,” which will appear in a feature film called Wrong Turn at Tahoe. The movie stars Cuba Gooding, Jr. and Harvey Keitel and was directed by the dude who made the barely-watchable P2, so I’m assuming the Christmas track will be the best thing about the flick. Luckily, Ms. Christmas is doing a video for the song, so hopefully none of us will ever have to suffer through Tahoe to hear it.

And that’s not all Julie has been busy with!

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Are you guys hip to Fistula yet? They’re this absolutely fucking filthy death-sludge outfit from Ohio – and they rock. The sick cover art for their latest release, Goat (above), pretty much sums up their sound: you like to get to get fucked-up and indulge in evil, evil shit, well, Fistula are the band for you.

Goat was released earlier this week on Crucial Blast, and we’re giving away a free sample in the form of an mp3 of the track “Ohio Death Toll Rising.” If you like Eyehategod and/or Salome, you will like this. It’s so crushing I lost five pounds just listening to it.

Once you understand how awesome this band is, go to Crucial Blast’s website and buy yourself a copy of Goat. You will not be disappointed.

Fistula, “Ohio Death Toll Rising” – from Goat (Crucial Blast)

… well, if you know anything about Serj Tankian I’ll bet you can closely guess what Serj Tankian thinks of the random lines that separate our countries. But he tells you anyway in his brand new song “Borders Are,” for which the lyric video can be streamed below:

Is it coincidence that the last border to rise is the U.S. / Mexican border? I’m guessing this video was produced by someone at Serj’s label, but I wouldn’t put it past him to make a statement like that.

“Borders Are” comes from Serj’s new album Imperfect Harmonies, available September 7th via Warner Bros. Records. More info is available at Serj’s website. I guess it’s still gonna be a while until SOAD inevitably come back together to make new music, but I dug Serj’s last solo record and will certainly be giving this one a listen.

-VN

Based on the e-mails we’ve been getting, it seems that a surprising amount of readers are pissed that I don’t like Parkway Drive. So now their new album, Deep Blue, is streaming in full, and because I do love our readers at least a little, I’m going to smoke a bowl, and make an attempt to give it a fair listen all the way through in one sitting.  After the jump, get my thoughts, typed out as I listen.

You can also listen along with me by going here. That way we can all enjoy/not enjoy the album together.

Ready? Here we go!

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If I’d known about the Ask Earache blog — in which Earache founder Digby Pearson offers “GET STRAIGHT ANSWERS ON ANY EARACHE-RELATED TOPIC WITHOUT THE BULLSHIT” — I’d surely have been reading it by now (thanks, Ian, for sending in the link). It should go without saying that any president, CEO or even employee of any company has to realize that it’s impossible to give truly straight answers about something you’re so involved with and invested in. It’d be like if I proclaimed myself an authority on straight answers for all things Axl Rosenberg-related, you’d all cry bullshit (and rightly so) since not only is he my business partner and friend but I’ve known the guy since we were 5 years old and I’d defend him to the nines. Still, you could at least expect well thought out and cohesive articles, and I gotta give Dig credit here doing a good job with Ask Earache and at least offering some level of transparency with regards to a record label’s operations.

But you’re reading this article because you wanna know how he defends the gobs of new wave thrash bands he’s signed. Earache, perhaps more than any metal label, has been at the forefront of the thrash revival with bands such as Municipal Waste, Evile, Gama Bomb and Bonded by Blood. So, what are Dig’s thoughts on the movement, the bands, and how re-thrash fits into the ever-evolving pantheon of modern metal?

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Gary Suarez says that the new Norma Jean album, Meridional, “will ruin your life it’s so good,” and while I haven’t heard the album yet, I hope he’s right. I’d love it if the new Norma Jean album were awesome.

Of course, I’d also love it if Cristina Scabbia was sitting naked on my lap right now. We don’t always get what we want.

So. Norma Jean have released “Deathbed Atheist,” a new song from the aforementioned Meridional, and while I think it’s pretty good – and certainly much better than “Leaders and Self Enlisted,” the other already-released new song from the album – it’s not gonna ruin my life. Fuck, it’s not even gonna find its way onto my iPod.

Still, I’m… encouraged? I dunno. Maybe that’s too strong a word. I haven’t written this record off yet, let’s put it that way.

You can download “Deathbed Atheist” right now if you pre-order Meridional, or you can listen to it below. The album comes out July 13.

-AR

You’ve seen the world’s youngest Nile fan… now meet the world’s youngest Gävel fan. Baby gets noticeably less cranky and more willing to eat around the 2:00 minute mark when papa pops on a metal video on YouTube.

Will keep in mind for the inevitable time (but no time soon) when there’s a little Vince Neilstein Jr. running around the Mansion. With any luck he won’t grow up to be like this kid.

-VN

Thanks: Thahirah Taslimsdóttir

Earlier this month, Chimaira announced a July 20 release date for their new DVD, Coming Alive; now that DVD has a trailer. It doesn’t tell us that much, but the footage does look fucking sweet. Plus, it promises a subplot about one of the band members remodeling his condo! So there’s that.

The documentary portion of this thing is apparently three hours long – and that’s WITHOUT all the concert footage and bonus features. Holy shit, that is gonna be one belt-buckle-busting feast for us Chimaira fans.

Complete details of the DVD are after the jump, courtesy The PRP.

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Post like this one make me pine for the glory days of Metal Inquisition, when those glorious “journalists” published detailed investigative reports on fascinating subjects like Joey Belladonna’s house. Needless to say when I saw Lucho’s headline contained the phrase “Small-Amp Metal” I knew instantly what he meant without even having to read the article. If you’ve ever been a band working the local circuit — or you’ve supported your friends in bands working the local circuit — you should also know all too well about small-amp metal.

Sez Lucho, “Please pay close attention to the singer’s amazing vocal abilities. Also notice that at :31 seconds, I think the singer utters the line ‘she has wonderful titties.’” Seeing as this ditty is called “Heathers Racks” (plural? she’s got more than one rack? or are there more than one Heather?) I’d love to know what the rest of the lyrics are, but alas, the singer’s unintelligible vocals aren’t having it. I think I heard “All I wanna see are Heather’s titties” at around 1:50.

Pure gold.

-VN

At this point in time, you should probably know who Watain are. I mean, MetalSucks did debut the stream of their new album, Lawless Darkness, just a couple of weeks ago. Plus, there was Sworn To The Dark, a devilishly delightful slab of Swedish black metal that hit high marks across the proverbial board with metal critics, bloggers, and fans alike in late 2006/early 2007 (depending on which side of the pond you call home). More recently, there was Watain’s “Fuck The World Tour” in late 2008, which delivered on the promise of everything this guy had ever heard about a Watain live show.

It’s been a long four years since the release of Sworn To The Dark, but Watain has always taken their sweet, collective time putting out full-lengths. The good news, though, is that Lawless Darkness is as good as Sworn to the Dark, even as it manages to feel different thanks to slick recording and the surprisingly melodic, menacing approach this “evil” band commands.

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MetalSucks Maniac Dan Wolfson has been a loyal reader for some time, so when he sent me not one, not two, but three e-mails, all titled “URGENT new best band ever. legit. faceless but evil instead of brutal. amazingly creative. please read.”, I read it. Like, two weeks later. Sorry, Dan. This isn’t exactly news to anyone, but, y’know. I’m a dick.

So. Dan was writing to tell us about Rings of Saturn, who are, according to Dan, “the best new metal band I have ever heard.” Dan further advised us: “Listen to the second song and tell me that solo in the beginning didn’t make you spooge your lederhosen.” I don’t know who’s been telling you these lies about me, Dan, but I haven’t worn lederhosen in years.

But Rings of Saturn. Right. They’re definitely a cool band, although I think Dan is overpraising them. I don’t think they’re better than The Faceless, but they’re certainly better than the hordes of other crap people send us. I think maybe they’re leaning a little too close to both bands that are technical for the sake of being technical, and bands that play generic deathcore (a phrase I find myself required to employ entirely too often these days). I guess what I’m saying is, what Rings of Saturn are missing, in my oh so humble opinion, is a great song.

But once they have that? Yeah. They could fucking lay shit to waste, man.

Check out Rings of Saturn for yourself here, then let Dan know what you think in the comments section.

-AR

Since resident film guru and music video dissector Axl Rosenberg is still out of the office, lemme try and break down the new Ozzy video for “Scream” Axl-style.

I’m pretty sure Axl would be excited that this is an actual music video made with a high budget as opposed to the usual band-in-a-warehouse type deal, but I’m also pretty sure that he’d think the animation and CG effects are really cheesy. He’d then compare the animated characters in the video to specific characters from really famous movies I’ve never heard of or seen, and he’d get pretty pissed about it in that snarky, cynical way that only Axl can. There’s no way he’d let such a good opportunity to rag on Ozzy’s age pass by, so I’m gonna go out on a limb and say he’d definitely call attention to the fact that Ozzy looks like he’s about to be blown over by all the wind in that final scene. And I’d hope that he’d note how Gus G. barely gets any face time in this video, and parts of his [awesome] guitar solo are obscured by fucking explosion sounds for chrissakes. And he’d probably throw in some reference to the Ozzy / Zakk Wylde / Gus G. fracas for good measure.

There. How’d I do, Axl?

-VN

Tosin Abasi is undoubtedly one of the few guitarists in modern metal that I’d classify as a musical genius. I mean, there’s lotsa dudes that can play… but not very many dudes who can really play and who have a true, fundamental, natural understanding of the instrument the way Abasi does. Abasi is like that young hitter your team calls up from the minors, the guy who possesses the raw strength to smack a home run over the wall but who also understands and appreciates the nuance of the game, can hit curveballs, and can make adjustments to wily pitcher tactics within an at-bat (hey Ike Davis!). He’s that good.

I’m not sure how I missed the fact that his band Animals as Leaders has released a new single yesterday exclusively on iTunes called “Wave of Babies,” but there ya have it, as reported by SMN News. Since I luurrrrved Animals as Leaders’ self-titled debut album so much that I called it the 12th best album of 2009, this was an instant purchase for me (buy here).

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Okay, Vince did one and then Axl did one and even though nobody asked me for my opinion, I’m doing one. Quit crying about it, you fucking baby. We’re a little less than halfway through the year, and while I know some rather promising releases (Cruel Hand, Madball, Oceano) are yet to come, this is a fun little exercise and gives me a chance to raise awareness for some great records. It pains me to pick a Top 10 so soon, so after much deliberation I ultimately settled on a Top 11. Don’t like it? Cope. My alphabetized “Best of 2010… So Far” list is below the jump.

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Wino – the nom de guerre of Robert Scott Weinrich – has been making heavy music for nearly 35 years. Starting with War Horse, Wino has since been in a string of incredible bands: The Obsessed, St. Vitus, Spirit Caravan, The Hidden Hand, Palace of Skulls and now Shrinebuider. Wino has also released solo material (Punctuated Equilibrium was released last year) and, as everyone who I have ever spoken to about him has said, is an incredibly down-to-earth, friendly and funny guy.

What’s the greatest Taco Riff of all time?

Wait, I think I know what you’re talking about. I’ve got a few that I’d say right away:

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Holy crap. I don’t even really mind some of Eminem’s older stuff, which can be a lot of fun, given the right circumstances (namely forties, weed, and a bunch of white dudes feeling nostalgia for ten years ago). But this if AWFUL. I mean, it’s still better than Limp Bizkit and Linkin Park, mostly ’cause Eminem is a wwwwaaayyyy better rapper than Fred Durst or Mike Shitoda, but that’s like saying it’s better to lose your finger than your entire hand, y’know?

-AR

[via Metal Army]

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery; I say imitation is the worst form of annoying. We’ve now reached the point where new Sumeriancore bands who are content to just copy the genre’s pioneers are popping out like a turd after my first cup of morning coffee. And because Sumeriancore, bedroom recording techniques and Internet dorks go together like flies and shit, it’s a real fly-infested scene in the bathroom of the MS Mansion today. Let’s see what we’ve got.

Two bands I do not like (so stop emailing us about them please, kthx):

• Structures: We’ve been getting tons of emails about these guys for at least the past six months and they’re still unsigned (but not for long ’cause they’ve recently taken on a big gun manager, look out!), which means these Canadians must’ve struck a nerve with the young Sumeriancore followers of the Webernets. They have some cool technical passages, but the problem is they rely way too heavily on deathcore breakdowns and trite Swede metalcore riffing. Their choruses and clean-singing parts seem forced and the melodies are weak. It’s like someone swept up every popular metal trend of the past 10 years and Structured a new band out of them. Kids who don’t know any better are going to love this, which is disappointing… but I guess there are way worse bands out there that kids mindlessly follow.

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