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PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN A SIGNED COPY OF OZZY’S SCREAM + HIS ENTIRE DISCOGRAPHY!

 Thursday, July 1st, 2010 at 5:20pm by

Last week’s prize was a helluva doozy — we offered up one each of the Lamb of God Hourglass vinyl box, CD set, and Pure American Metal flag to two lucky winners — and, no surprise, we got a helluva lot of entries. The winners:

  • Kevin: “New American Apparel Gospel.”
  • Liz: “Mike D’Antonio’s first band, Overcastrated.”

Congrats, guys, ’cause those are some really killer packages. For those of you who didn’t win, you can still buy the Lamb of God Hourglass collections here.

This week we’ve got a damn fine prize too: one lucky winner will receive an autographed copy of Ozzy’s latest album Scream as well as CD copies of his entire solo discography. Yowza! Alls ya gotta do is make us laugh with a caption to the below photo. Remember to include a real email address with your comment if you’re logged in through FB Connect. Big ups to Fearless Records for providing us with an endless treasure trove of truly hysterical, laugh-out-loud-worthy photos.

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  • Heywood

    Two inches of love.

    • miller

      Wanna know where people go to snag an interracial relationship, say, Just for future reference? “interracial Central”? “San Carlos” ? or “San Francisco”?*** AfroKissing C /om *** is the real place that is packed with them. ;)

      • Sacajawea

        Afro kissing? Can a spam message win? Because I think this should.

      • MetalRod

        hahah wow… ‘miller’ needs to be banned from metalsucks. forever.

    • MetalRod

      after winning this contest…

  • meat mincing machine

    Here’s the ceiling panel where we hide our collection of goatse pictures from mom.

  • Sacajawea

    The promotional picture for “Two boys, one cup”.

  • Deven

    What happens in the warehouse, stays in the warehouse.

  • Grymmbear

    Bone-White-Thugz-N-Harmony

    oniofthe100@yahoo.com

  • NickV

    After years together, Meg finally replaced Jack.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Lance-Zeran/100000142665110 Lance Zeran

      Hahah, this gets my vote.

  • vasteburai

    After movies, McLovin started a white stripes cover band.

    • hater_guy

      LOL i too thought that kid looked a lot like Mclovin. so you already beat me to it i guess

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Cody-Graves/100000804200114 Cody Graves

    Looks like Eminem is jumping on the crunk-core bandwagon.
    metalhead1109@yahoo.com

  • Loni

    A spoof of the hit show “PrisonBreak” features these two young men who try to break into a prison in an attempt to get hot action from the inmates. The series will be called “PrisonRape”.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mike-Long/100000144612811 Mike Long

    Dude, your pits smell like peace, man.

    msl128@comcast.net

  • Heywood

    “This is his second armpit infection.”

  • Haws

    The Russian Sailor and Tim Lincecum official band photo.

    • Politude

      I LOL’d

  • Sacajawea

    The man on the right illustrates how many testicles there are in the room.

  • kaffebaggel

    Ok, it’s now officially a hurricane! It’s blowing from two directions at once!

  • MetalRod

    The Blue Light Basement Butt-Rubbers

  • Czar

    2 dicks please

  • Loni

    Why did my caption disappear? I guess I will type it again…

    In the spoof of the hit television show “PrisonBreak”, these two young men actually attempt to break into a prison in order to get some hot action from the inmates. The series will be called “PrisonRape”.

    • Loni

      And now the caption appeared again… nice.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anthony-P-Stine/1314021455 Anthony P Stine
  • >_>

    Ok it’s official, scene and emo are now sexual fetishes…those sick, sick freaks.

  • izzo

    yup….fucked him twice

  • Mr. Parker

    Before Bob got fat and before Jay found weed…

  • Spanky

    Finally!! Zoolander-core!

  • http://www.twistedcritic.wordpress.com Chris

    “Girls, are these the young men who stole your clothes and haircuts?”
    “Yes”
    “Thank you Number 1, you may put your hands down.”

  • Anthony

    Being gay has never been easier.

  • Ming

    “It’s V for Vince, She calls herself Axl…”

  • BruisedMetal

    “Spinal Tap 2 ~ The Gay Generation’ is in production now due out in theaters summer 2012

  • Sandman

    Level 2 drummer and screamo-core vocalist LFG

  • Tom

    the new fragrance from Hot Topic…”Emoboyz”

  • Yo Diggity

    Fun Fact #1: The cardigan was named after James Brudenell, 7th Earl of Cardigan, a British military commander, following his service in the Crimean War.

    Fun Fact: #2: A douche bag is an individual who has an over-inflated sense of self worth, compounded by a low level of intellegence, behaving ridiculously in front of colleagues with no sense of how moronic he appears. And as of 2010, wearing a cardigan is a symbol of one’s such claim to douche baggery.

    THE MORE YOU KNOW!

  • canea

    Two times the suck.

  • d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n.

    The Tighty White Stripes

  • AaronDeepurple

    “Despite the MetalSucks mansion having a dungeon where unthinkable torture is administered to those who are confused about their belonging in the metal world, Axl and Vince thought posting a picture of cuffed and mutilated (only four fingers and one arm) prisoners for the Caption Contest would be too much for them to bear, so, as a considerate gesture, Axl and Vince decided to post it on a very special day: Don’t Say Anything Bad about Others Day. Suckalos didn’t abide, though.”

  • Jackie Treehorn

    Much like the new wave of thrash metal, new wave of hair metal bands provide a fresh look to resemble girls of the myspace era.

  • Aric R

    “Hey, smell my fingers!”

  • Chief

    Peace sells peace shells down by the peace shore.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Chris-Yanak/1403439494 Chris Yanak

    Smell these fingers…..oh yeah they was up his butt

  • stigmata_97

    Two douchebags not named Bret Michaels and Vince Neil.

  • Brian

    1…..2 homos ahh ahh ahh

    • Count von Count

      way to steal my thunder dickhead

  • Sean Hilliard

    “the hand you can’t see is operating teddys vibrating butt plug”

  • Cormac

    V for….cunts

  • stigmata_97

    “These 2 fingers made this guy SCREAM.” Doo doo dst.

  • Chad Smith

    two legit to quit…dating guys

  • Yevgor

    Indie Navy – Village People: The Second Generation

  • http://www.kingdomofnoise.blogspot.com MetalMatt

    2 bucks and we’ll suck all the cock you want.

  • http://www.kingdomofnoise.blogspot.com MetalMatt

    I got a booger out EACH nostril!

  • Bicro

    ….and they said that pitchfork would never accept us as a speed metal trio.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Marshall-Wible/100000703187364 Marshall Wible

    Trying to play up the emo look, 3OH!3 has stooped to a new level of ridiculous.

    sgt.marshie@gmail.com

  • http://www.kingdomofnoise.blogspot.com MetalMatt

    It takes 2 ta make it outta sight.

  • vagiant

    I’m going to stick this many fingers in this guy’s butt while wearing a Cosby sweater. STATION!!!

  • Ziltoid is a Pussy

    Then I jizzed in my pants.

  • A2James

    Bill and Ted’s Homoerotic Adventure

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ben-Robson/1375985482 Ben Robson

      yusss

  • http://myspace.com/shepherdsgatemusic,myspace.com/burymeinsmokemusic Michael “The Armenian Demon” Fenton

    Two meth pipes please….sorry oil burners.

  • Bilbs

    Maybe if i crawl into this vent i will find better trannys than this one.

  • Ryan

    “Shedcore”

  • stan47islav

    the turnout for the new two piece emocore concert……the band members

  • Drewtastic

    No, you guys are supposed to be shedding tears, not tearing up sheds.

  • http://schenkeltown.blogspot.com SchenkelTown

    The Bisexual Code

  • That Metal Dude

    Because when you think of metal a young Japanese girl and a pedophile in a basement is the first thing to come to mind…….

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jeff-Gross/1569840018 Jeff Gross

    “I’m not doing this picture unless you let me grab the ceiling so my br00tal tat00 is showing. That shit hurt.”

    grossj@vt.edu

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Shaun-Reeves/100000774753955 Shaun Reeves

    After years of searching for an effective antiperspirant proved unsuccessful, Dave was finally forced to tattoo the letters BO under his armpit as a warning to others…
    opethwatershed18@yahoo.com

  • JG

    “Dude, you think your pits smell bad? Smell these!”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Christian-Voltaggio/1409575074 Christian Voltaggio

    2 dicks. Seen em?

    opethian24@aol.com

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Christian-Voltaggio/1409575074 Christian Voltaggio

    Hair Iron Dissonance

    opethian24@aol.com

  • davin d

    yes, takin two in the hole- by big n’ nasty hardcore kids

  • Rachel

    Whoever told these kids that coming out of the basement and the closet were the same thing needs to be shot.

  • metallicbrian666

    “Dude, we finally made it into the boy’s locker room!” “Yeah man, I can’t wait to write about it in my Diary Of Sadness”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jay-Shan/720887071 Jay Shan

    We only accept two dicks in our ass at one time!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jay-Shan/720887071 Jay Shan

    Ozzy Assburn!

  • EvilivE

    “The Decline Of Western Civilization Part 4: The Crabcore Years “

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Brad-Koelzer/17024228 Brad Koelzer

    At least TWO people have to buy our album before I untie him from the ceiling.

  • Mr. Parker

    The Shocker, he got it!

  • MetalStew

    Dino Cazares next dish: Two Steamed Crabcore Band Members

    leftyfinisher@gmail.com

  • One of the Uno Champions

    “This is how many fingers I used during our amateur prostate exam.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Greg-Kennelty/100000324595253 Greg Kennelty

    Varg took on a whole new style after his release from jail…

  • Chainsaw Majini

    It’s Breathe Carolina. I like this band.

    • 10000 Gays

      this

      • Teh Troof

        polesmokers

    • Douchebro

      Breathe Cock-in-my-ass-uh

  • dwayne barton

    the 2010 version of cheech n’ chong

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Reilly-Mulligan/1588285339 Reilly Mulligan

    “My name is 1 ball Paul, and this is my friend, Fondling Fred.”

  • John

    Tim Lincecum stormed out of the dugout and yelled ‘Fuck baseball, I’m gonna go play for the Giant-Sandy Vaginas!”

  • systemsdown

    Gay-lestorm: A different kind of Pirate metal
    cpennock187@hotmail.com

    • http://www.myspace.com/musicisalife123 ChrisThrowdown

      I lol’d pretty fucking hard.

  • http://bloodandthumbsticks.blogspot.com/ The Overmatt

    More ironic than getting run over by an ambulance.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Nathan-Wisdom/507819479 Nathan Wisdom

    [caption] How many times tonight?…..OH YEAH!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Lonnie-D-Mason/100000909514266 Lonnie D. Mason

    “Seriously, I can spread these two fingers THIS FAR APART when he raises his arms above his head! The other three keep me from puncturing his colon!”

  • Satanicbrutality

    The new Marvel Comic action stars “The B.O. Squadron” preparing for apocalyptic carnage.

    “Give it two more minutes and my “Savers” sweater will be ready to take over the X-Men, and then the world! Mua ha ha ha!”

  • Devin Gilmour

    Savage Basement

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ty-Brown/100000329346149 Ty Brown

    The hottest new sub genre….”Peacecore”

  • Ben

    smell my dads emo hole 2 times !

  • Ben

    free prostate check up anyone?

  • John Manfre

    This is how many times we’ve bathed in the last year.

  • Brett

    These girls are hot. I don’t see any point in writing something witty or mean.

  • kris

    Will blow you for beer money…

  • http://www.desdemon.com Lord Metadox

    Sgt. Manlove’s Wild Ride

  • EdSW

    no ‘killer packages’ in this photo…

  • http://www.myspace.com/zombifyingvenom Joey666umbrella

    “…Put your hands down, dude. I got this…. ‘No, its a CARDIGAN, but thanks for asking!’”

    “KILLER BOOTS MAN!” replies the other guy.

  • Bierko

    “Yep, these two fingers were in his ass!”

  • http://www.myspace.com/thestarsthrewdowntheirspears Tim

    “Historians are in agreement that our Alien overlords’ first reaction may not have been war, subjugation, and a careful breeding program had these not been the first two individuals they met. Although 370 years of iron-fisted (tentacled?) rule may not seem like a positive, we can all agree that the alternative, pictured above, is far worse than anything imaginable in our time, and that our little green friends only had our best interests in mind.”

  • http://www.omimetal.wordpress.com The Greys

    I’m too sexy for my mom’s basement.

  • JX

    damon albarn’s milli vanillas

  • AARONIUS

    Two Inch Nails.

  • MickFNS

    Wednesday and Joey declare their next record will be even way more heavier!

  • metallicbrian666

    “I’m looking through a hole in this guy!”

  • MikeH

    I wish the guy holding the building up would just let go

  • MetalMeatHammer

    “Hurry up and take the picture! I can’t keep this emo fad up much longer!”

  • Jeremy Sanchez

    2 guys, no talent.

    jeds-@live.com

  • soup

    the pioneers of basementcore, two finger death probe.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Brandon-Mickman/502613553 Brandon Mickman

    seeing the word scream just reminded me of the Scream show tonight in brooklyn.

  • MetalRam

    The number of people in this room who think cardigans are rock n roll.

  • Kuranes

    “Run, dude, I can’t hold this ceiling up for much longer.”

  • tofuDOOM

    While Jerry throws up a bitchin’ peace sign, Tommy uses his mad scene skills to feel up the entirety of their 15-year-old fanbase.

  • Devin Gilmour

    V is for Virgin

  • Eric Moody

    The Color Fredrick and life partner Josh Should Dies

  • Clayer

    A rare photo of a young Fred Rogers and his band, Beautiful Neighborhood

  • Adam

    I’d enter this one, but I don’t like Ozzy at all.

  • Coop

    Beyond Ashes of Yesterday in a promo for their new album “Desperation: Raising the Roof on Mallcore”

  • Brickwalker

    guess how many fingers i can get in this guys ass.

  • Xaero

    “Dos Dirty Douchebags”

  • The_Dude

    I Had to suck off TWO guys to get in this band

  • Douchebro

    Pedophiles rejoice as basement child molestation becomes new scene fad! Looks like someone wants seconds…

  • Cam W

    wait a second…. theres no kittens down here!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Emmanuel-Quinones/100000463639580 Emmanuel Quinones

    is that breathe carolina? why do i know that? this is depressing

  • revengeofthenords

    Word to our mother… for picking us up and making us sandwiches after the shoot.

  • Raoul Dukenstein

    Peace Sells….. but not in mom’s basement.

  • Dink

    2 Finger Death Punch

  • Argonaut 666

    “Without saying it, guess how many people in this room have never had sexual intercourse……Is this your number?….Another victory for Psychic Cardigan”

  • chris

    The McLovin Spoonfull

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sam-Clark/528182338 Sam Clark

    We fuck down here.

  • D. Bliss

    Inspired by Confide’s ground breaking cover of Such Great Heights, the boys decided to start up a Postal Service tribute band, We Sleep Alone Every Night.

  • http://myspace.com/discordiatech Joe

    shit on these two gods be damned assholes. did i win anything?

  • Moltanic

    I don’t need to think of something clever, these guys are a big enough joke as is.

    Moltanic@Gmail.com

  • elston_gunn

    Sawyer and Kate, from the upcoming French remake of “Lost,” which will be set not on a tropical island but in a sprawling parking garage.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Christian-Voltaggio/1409575074 Christian Voltaggio

    Born of Bro-siris

    (cause of that guys tattoo..you see? heh)

  • elston_gunn

    The second rule of Fight Club is: Please, please, no hitting with a closed fist. That’s ouchy!

  • elston_gunn

    Nirvana tribute band “Tantric Buddha” will be playing the second stage this Monday night at the Yankton County Fair. “We formed the band when, like, I found this sweater in a thrift store, ‘cause it totally looks like the one Kurt [Cobain] wore on their MTV Unplugged performance. It’s awesome,” says frontman Blaine Appleman.

  • elston_gunn

    Fine, bro, two more minutes, then it’s your turn to keep this damn ceiling from collapsing—and I don’t care if your neck’s still kinked.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Logan-Belfy-Petralia/1468991735 Logan Belfy Petralia

    BAND NAME: THE GLORYHOLES

  • elston_gunn

    The music business is tough. For every one band that “makes it big” there are a hundred who end up in alleys trying to solicit johns for a $2 trick.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Richard-Adragna/18902481 Richard Adragna

    The last photo taken of those two before their rite of passage…being raped in prison.

    adragnarichard@gmail.com

  • Argonaut 666

    Tired of the camera blocking your obligatory facebook picture pose in front of the mirror?!?! Now with the new Droid-Invisi by HTC, thats a thing of the past. The new flash detection system alerts the phone during camera reflection and puts it into predator cloaking mode.

    Also added, is the stand-in virtual friend plugin. Lets face it, you’re not gonna win the hearts of girls with daddy issues with a profile full of solo pics. Before uploading to facebook, the phone will automatically insert virtual friends into your pictures – making you the most popular kid in your scene. The Droid-Invisi comes packed with several hue overlays to add that extra ironic-artsy mood to what otherwise would be the dull setting of your parent’s basement.

    Act now and receive 10 dollar gift certificate to Hot Topic

  • Jacob

    “What would you do for a Klondike Bar?”

  • Mutt Weiler

    If we change the set up to bunk beds there will be so much more room in the basement for cool band photos.

  • derp derp derp

    Here is King Ov Hell and Shagrath’s new look.

    • Sacajawea

      They went from “Ov Hell” to “Love Gel”.

  • Sacajawea

    Abercrombie and Fitch was forced to put these two mannequins back in storage after too many customers complained that they were “Too gay for Abercrombie and Fitch.”

  • Dwarfskeet

    Two guys and a truck.

  • Teddy

    “The lesser known, but ever feared, YMCA/gang-sign hybrid.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/TOm-Saunders/660453371 TOm Saunders

    “peace maaannn, when my bandmate lowers his arms, the ceiling will collapse”

    thomas20035@hotmail.com

  • WowWee!

    Wanna guess what my finers smell like?

    Here’s a clue they smell like our music.

    Because they’ve been in my friends butt!

  • WowWee!

    Peace Sells but only idiots are buying.

  • Wildman

    Tegan and Sara grow a pair.

  • Teddy

    Peace sells… but who’s dyeing?

  • Nick

    Both cell mates are the “bitch” in Emo-Prison.

  • alex_z

    emo-wannabe band “cut our hair, please”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Daemon-Pina/100001203173491 Daemon Pina

    “Two dolla we make you holla long time.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Samuel-Wroblewski/1174376685 Samuel Wroblewski

    “and use these fingers to stimulate the G-Spot inside a woman’s vagina… i will demonstrate on my partner here”

  • Mercyful_Kris

    “We’ve done it this many times”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Matthew-Berzley/100000410379285 Matthew Berzley

    guy on the left: oh this is getting so heavy hury up and take the damn picture befor this guy next to me gets smashed. and guy on the right: hey im a badass gangster lady magnet i wonder if my mom will like this picture.

  • http://Myspace.com/mandopadilla Msndo Padilla

    We’re the new Emo. Not our old school Hot Topic roots. We’re new school. We call it Nemo!

  • Christina Gomez

    “We’re to good looking to have one, so we’ll have two….tacos please.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Keith-Holzhauser/1464834098 Keith Holzhauser

    Our hair is 2 cool for metal and we’re 2 cool for Emo

  • matt fucking b

    Evidence that Charles Darwin was wrong.

  • this is me

    the guy on the right knows how many men are NOT in this picture

  • http://www.myspace.com/musicisalife123 ChrisThrowdown

    “How many dicks did you suck today?” “Just two. That’s how many I could find that were smaller than mine.”

    christownthrowdown@yahoo.com

  • Joseph

    Nope, no matter how many chin-ups you do, you’ll never be manly enough to leave this band

  • Fred Durst

    The lost cover of Trent Reznor’s pre-pubescent first demo, “Two Inch Nails”.

  • Eric Loddeke

    You guys are BRUTAL! The picture is so METAL

  • kyle voss

    Yes, Herbal Essence is what keeps our hair this EMO.

  • Jack

    (We Don’t Want) No More Tears

  • Erin Porche

    keith urban and samantha ronson decide to buy into the emo scene and create their 2 man band. yes she had a sex change finally

  • THEINFAMOUSMETALMAIDEN

    “HE SUCKED MY COCK 2 TIMES AFTER I FUCKED HIM IN THE ASS WITH MY MOM’S BIG BLACK DILDO. YOU CAN’T GET ANYMORE METAL THAN THAT!”

  • Elliot Owen

    “Yeah, only two original and funny captions in the Metal Sucks Photo Caption Contest”

  • metallicbrian666

    They may look shy, but they squeal more than Zakk Wylde

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Eric-Ramos/100001138303818 Eric Ramos

    Two arms up.
    Two fingers up.
    Two thumbs DOWN.

    ericrazy2000@yahoo.com

  • A Hop

    “Would you fuck us? WE’D fuck us….”

  • Teddy

    Does this cardigan make me look fat?

  • Calvin

    “Two dicks, please”

  • blovetoast

    “One day I will escape and then the world will know my pain.” Nick Jhonus has been chained up and forced to listen to “The Finale Count Down” over and over for months. He is going to kill us all one of these days… you will see.

    Soon to be a major motion picture staring Mel Gibson as the punisher, The Jhonus brothers as his sex slaves. Based on sort of a true story.