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...And Fuck You Too

FUCK THE BIG FOUR: THE HOLY TRINITY OF EXTREME MUSIC WILL BLESS US WITH NEW ALBUMS THIS YEAR

 Friday, July 9th, 2010 at 10:00am by

There’s still no official release date for Gold Cobra, the most heavily anticipated recording in the history of music and sure to be the highest selling release of all time — or, at least, since Chinese Democracy. (I’ve heard that executives throughout the industry feel confident that Cobra will single-handedly revive CD sales. “There’s nothing out there right now with this kind of scope,” an unpaid intern who just started in the Interscope mailroom, and thinks he has a really bright future with the label, told me.) And while the anticipation is killing me, at least I know when I can run to Walmart and get my hands on the new Linkin Park album: the band has announced a September 14 release date for their latest offering, A Thousand Suns. It was produced by Rick Rubin, the man who made Metallica totally cool and relevant again.

The only questions, really, are a) Just how AWESOME is this thing gonna be?, and b) How will I ever find time to actually listen to it, given that next week FINALLY sees the release of Korn III —  a record which will completely change the way you experience music? Sure, we’ll still be two months away from the release of Suns, but I don’t think I’ll be sick of Korn III in just two months. (Thank GOD it looks like there’s no new Pig Destroyer album coming out this year after all — I don’t see how I could ever possibly fit it into my rotation.) This is an album with a lot of layers, and it’s really gonna take multiple listens just to try and get through it all. (Unless, of course, you’re a super-awesome blogger like me, and you were lucky enough to get to attend the listening party for the record.) Oh, why aren’t there more hours in the day?!?

But, really, it’s ungrateful for me to complain about this embarrassment of riches. I mean, we’re getting new albums from Korn, Limp Bizkit, and Linkin Park — all in one year! What ever did we do to be so lucky?

-AR

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  • Kram

    Oh Boy, oh boy, oh boy! Hey everybody, I’m 13 again!

    • blogx

      you never left.

      • kvlt of personality

        lol’d

  • http://myspace.com/whitearmsofathena Josh

    Ya’ll wanna single say fuck that I just might break yo fuckin face tonight Im one step closer to the edge and im about to break

  • Sacajawea

    We are truly blessed. My top 10 list now has it’s top 3 firmly in place.

  • Fufkin

    What’s with Linkin Park and the Maiden reference for the last album title and this one too? Yeah, what’s with that Chester?

    • Vakarm

      Obvious maiden reference is obvious

  • OldandTired

    Not exactly 1994, or anything.

    Pantera – Far Beyond Driven
    Machne Head – Burn My Eyes
    Prong – Cleansing
    Testament – Low
    Kyuss – Welcome to Sky Valley
    Corrosion of Conformity – Deliverance

    Fuck. There’s more, but I’m tired of typing.
    You get the point.

    • Coop

      Not trying to be a dick, but Korn’s first album also came out that year, haha.

      • Howie

        It doesn’t matter how many terrible CDs might have come out in 94, Coop, Superunknown and Welcome to Sky Valley came out, and those 2 albums outweigh all the bad music ever made.

    • Binkles

      Ya 94 was good times. How bout crue album with john corabi… best crue album ever.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ian-Pravata/622147016 Ian Pravata

    Meanwhile, Faith No More, Rage Against the Machine, and Refused haven’t done a thing.
    It’s a cruel world.

  • Jirky

    Now if only Crazy Town would release a new album…

    • sumguy42

      Dude, you’re forgetting Whetus and Smash Mouth.

      • M.

        what about Trick Turner or 3rd Strike?

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jonathan-Labadie/100000294085373 Jonathan Labadie

          AND Chumbawumba

        • http://www.myspace.com/severed Tonberry

          and Primer 55 and Downset and Slaves on Dope. Also, Dope.

    • Poopenshaft

      omg need a new SR-71 album too!!

      • http://heavystreet.com/ Sat

        Dont forget about Nonpoint, Spine Shank, and Taproot. The real unholly trinity.

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Zack-Bolien/57701100 Zack Bolien

          I feel like we should include Godsmack in on this.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mark-Lee/1565314465 Mark Lee

      Papa Roach too.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Timothy-Scott/1196691346 Timothy Scott

    Chesters trying to be hard, with his work shirt on matching his ‘bros’ in the band. The ‘rapper’ looking hard with red hair and the guitarist shaved his afro in favor of the ‘boy toy’ from prison look. Good for them…Peeing standing up, how does it work??

    • Glorious Johnson

      dood his arms are literally ON FIRE brah

      • vagoo

        you forgot about the other two guys:

        somewhat aisan dude, and tall guy

  • Agony

    Wait, what? There’s NOT a Pig Destroyer album coming out this year? (Yes, that’s what I took from this)

    • BC

      sad face

  • qq

    I, for one, am at least curious to hear what Gold Cobra will bring. I honestly and un-ironically love 3$B and Significant Other. Starfish wasn’t great, but had some really good tracks, and the last two just flat out sucked. Like ‘em or not, their instrumentation is actually really good (especially with Borland and John Otto), and when Fred loses the macho bravado, he isn’t half bad.

    In fact, I’m curious to hear the new LP too, their first two were decent pop records. I already know Korn III will suck, but Issues was a good album.

    • builtforsin

      I think you browsed to the wrong website.

      Queer.

      • qq

        Wha… How did you know?

        • vagoo

          ok, I’ll give you that the first couple LB albums were “interesting” from a Wes Borland-weirdness point of view… but gawd damn it’s just some shitty overall music.

          And I can’t support any part of calling Linkin Park decent. Pop records? Mayhaps…. decent? Oh dear…..

    • http://members.gnar.int.ru/~weev/ familyghost

      you like men

      • metallicbrian666

        WHOoOOooOoOOoOOoOoOoO WEEEEEEEEEEEE

  • AARONIUS

    Yeah, it’s definately a sad state of affairs for people who love well though out and well played metal.

    However, I was watching highlights from last years Download Festival the other day and I noticed something interesting.

    The highlights they chose to show were from Faith no More (yay! there performance was every bit as cool as I thought it would be- c’mon new album guys please) Slipknot, Korn, and Limp Bizkit, and Stained.

    Now I know we all like to trash those crazy nu metal bands on the chat boards, but during Korn’s, Bizkit’s, and Slipknot’s sets everyone in the audience was singing along……….yeah EVERYONE.

    As much as we talk trash about those bands I don’t think they’re as despised as we might think. (unfortunately)

    • DemonicLemming

      Outside of the little “my mvsic is so br00t@lz kvlt!” metal scene, bands like those are generally loved, because they’re just hard enough for the average person to think, “Man, this is some heavy shit!” without being too evil and scary.

      Having seen Disturbed at Ozzfest a couple years back, another factor is the stage-work and energy some of the bands reviled on this site bring to a show that eat-babies-and-napalm-old-people death metal bands couldn’t even attempt to wish they had. That goes a long way in helping people enjoy a band live that they normally wouldn’t listen to on the radio.

      • Kilgore Trout

        Completely agree!!

        These bands are the California Roll of the Sushi world.

        • orbital

          lol!! well done!

        • Genial Gentile

          Between the comment and your screen name, you are my new favorite.

  • wha?

    Is today another positive day?

  • Ian

    good to see the MS sarcasm machine is back up and running

    • Altered Bestiality

      I’m waiting to hear about the next concert that will make them “cum quarts”

  • Genaro

    CRAAAAAWLIIIIIIN’ IN MAAAAAAH SKIIIIIIIN
    THIIIIIS ORAAAAAANGEEE IT WIIIIL NOT PEEEEEEEEL!

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Norman-McCann/100000207310621 Norman McCann

      massive win!!

  • Jon

    Last Linkin Park album title: Minutes to Midnight
    This: A Thousand Suns

    I’m expecting the next one to be Back in Time or some other Iron Maiden ripoff.

    • Anthony

      Do Maiden fans even like “Brighter than a Thousand Suns” though?

  • Frampler

    What, no new Pig Destroyer? But you fuckers told me there would be!

    RIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • dread

    No new Pig Destroyer?
    If you’re going to be offended by this, please don’t watch.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Heinrich-Arnold/634489571 Heinrich Arnold

    Meanwhile, Abigail Williams is planning the release of their new album, meteola.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andrs-Q-bi-Cubilln/1263407618 Andrés Q-bi Cubillán

    OMG this like… the 90′s part 2!

  • http://deleted Ken

    Wow! Three turds you can’t shine!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jonathan-Labadie/100000294085373 Jonathan Labadie

    Did dude really die his hair red again?
    *facepalm*
    What tha fuck?

    • Anthony

      That’s an old photo.

      • Sackattack

        yeah super old

  • Kazz

    I’ll give LP some credit. Even though their sound got copied to death and played out really fast, and their lyrics were often cliched (especially on their first album), they were pretty much doing their own thing at first. They had a kind of original idea at the start and executed it ably. They realized they couldn’t do that forever and tried to go in a new direction on their 3rd album, which was boring as fuck, but at least they tried to grow up. I might even be semi-curious to hear the new one. They just about abandoned the rapping altogether on their last cd, we’ll see where they go from there.

  • Mitch K

    MAYBE TRAPT AND ADEMA WILL PUT NEW CDS OUT THIS YEAR TOO!!! :O

  • metallicbrian666

    It’s a damn shame we don’t have the privilege of new Nickelback and Creed albums this year

  • http://www.facebook.com/akarshan.hojo axemanhojo

    1986……will never forget that year…

    Metallica – Master of Puppets
    Megadeth – Peace Sells…But Whose Buying
    Slayer- Reign in Blood
    Kreator – Pleasure to Kill
    Sepultura – Morbid Visions

    And i was born that year… :P….lucky me!

    Holy F’kin shyt……was that an year or what?

    • Pastor of Muppets

      How will you never forget that year when it’s the year you were born in? I don’t know about you, but I don’t remember the first year (or at least the first 3-4 for that matter) that I was alive.

  • William Grimmkvlt

    Great, more “DADDY DIDN’T LOVE MEEEEE!!!!!” lyrics. I don’t have time to listen to some white boy’s middle-school problems. “Ya’ll don’t know what it’s like/To be male, middle-class, and white”.

  • Kye

    Can’t wait for the new Linkin Park record.

    That isn’t sarcasm.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ben-Robson/1375985482 Ben Robson

    the new linkin park really isn’t bad. mostly it’s just mediocre, but they’ve actually managed a few really good songs since they started working with Rubin and dropped the “hardcore emo kid” swagger. The Little Things Give You Away is awesome, as is New Divide.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ann-Allen/1565948936 Ann Allen

    Every Linkin Park song goes something like this…

    Intro with sampled drums and weird keyboard.
    Toned down instrumental version of what will be a big chorus
    Quiet verse, bitching how life is shit, no one understands, except “you” but not sure whether you actually do anymore.
    Bridge slowly builds, sonically and topically, angst grows
    Anthem chorus, which always ends with a lyric that should be profound, but just sounds whiney and ghey.
    Repeat
    Bridge, where singer discusses possibiltiy of a way out of his disastrous life, either through suicide, killing someone else, or walking away forever, from “you”
    Big Chorus again
    Song quietens down and reveals decision, though cryptically and ironically without revealing what the decision actually is and then it starts all over again on the next track of any Linkin Park album.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ben-Robson/1375985482 Ben Robson

      not The Litltle Things Give You Away. look it up on youtube; i think you’d be pleasantly surprised

    • Paulina

      12871274819

  • John

    First two Linkin Park albums rule.

  • SidV101

    Hey I remember liking Linkin Park.
    Those were dark times, before my discovery of what’s known as “good” music.

    At least they worked as something of a gateway for me (LP -> NIN -> Metallica -> Slayer -> Carcass -> current taste)

    • FongChung

      Linkin Park was a gateway for you to find out about Carcass? You know how I know you are gay. You think Linkin Park serves as a basis for you to get into extreme metal. Get the fuck out of here. What are you? 20?

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ben-Robson/1375985482 Ben Robson

        what the hell is your problem? lots of people who were young and fans when Linkin Park were getting popular started getting into heavier/more interesting metal music as the years went on. linkin park were the first band with heavy guitar riffs that i ever listened to, so yeah, i’d call them a gateway band.

        who the shit were you listening to when you were younger? was Emperor the first band you ever heard? i doubt it.

        also why would 20 be an embarrassing age?

  • Sackattack

    if u roll over the LP picture it says the greatest band of all time. lol

    also since i was a fan of this band when i was 13 and that was about the time they came out i can definitely tell everyone here thats an old picture of them….thats how they looked circa hybrid theory

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Chuck-Wagner/506137459 Chuck Wagner

    The fact that Linkin Park, Limp Bizkit, Kornhole exist proves, beyond all reasonable doubt, that God hates us all.